Okay, so I've seen loads of these rules fics so I thought I'd have a go to. Review please!
Rule 1-
Show up on time-
If you don't Loki goes on and on about how tardiness is not tolerated on Asguard. And this conversation-or rather lecture- can go on for hours. He will follow you around. No kidding. Believe you me it is not an intriguing morning.
Rule 2-
Don't get Steve started on the war-
Another depressing conversation/lecture that goes on forever. Doesn't matter which war either, he's got opinions about them all. And woe betide anyone who tries to leave. I made that mistake… Never again….
Rule 3-
Don't, under any circumstances, let Tony drag you into a game of truth, dare, kiss or swear-
One of the most important rules of them all. It never ends well and of course there's no saying 'no' to Tony, you just have to make a run for it, because 'no' means nothing to Tony. And you can trust me when I say Tony's version of this game is so unfair. Somebody chooses for you. And Tony just had to pick kiss for me didn't he. I wouldn't have minded his choice either, except that there was everybody watching us. Trust me kissing the god of mischief, lies and chaos was kinda awkward with a captivated crowd, all of whom were certain Loki would refuse, even if I was all for it. But you shoulda seen their faces.
Rule 4-
Don't leave dust on Bruce's lab equipment-
He gets all upset for some reason… And when Bruce gets upset Hulk gets mad at the person who made him upset. Even if it was an accident . I was under surveillance for weeks when cleaning the labs. I t's kinda disturbing, having the Hulk watch you cleaning and pointing out bits you've missed.
Rule 5-
Don't leave reindeer ornaments in Loki's room-
I seriously thought I was a gonna when he came in holding one in his fist and turned it into dust with one squeeze of his hand. He growled and everything.
Rule 6-
Don't let them have team building exercises in the kitchen-
They were supposed to be making me dinner and Steve thought it would be a good idea to do it together, as a team. Bruce, Loki and I sat out and took bets on the out-come, Tony did too but joined in 'cause apparently I'm under-appreciated ( which is totally true, but I never thought I'd hear those words from Tony of all people). Bruce thought they'd blow up the kitchen, Loki thought that Steve and Tony (who can surprisingly cook, not that he ever does) would be able to make something almost remotely edible, whilst Natasha and Clint would put out the fire Thor was bound to make. I however, bet that Steve would stand about looking bemused because of all the technology, Thor would eat the ingredients, Natasha would burn attempt number 1, Clint would set attempt 2 on fire and Tony would watch attempts 1 and 2 ( probably laugh) and then take over attempt 3 and actually succeed. Needless to say, I left with that experience with $100 extra in my pocket and a full tummy.
Rule 7-
When asked to babysit Loki whilst the avengers save the world, say no-
We ordered Chinese and I tried to teach Loki how to use chopsticks. A hilarious experience 'cause neither of us can use chopsticks. Then after pissing ourselves laughing we watched Watership Down and used a box of tissues between us. Then we went on to watch a load of Disney movies which are now banned-
-Bambi (another box of tissues was used during this film)
-Tangled (Loki and I couldn't stop the tears when Eugene nearly dies and used ½ a box of tissues)
-Mulan ( Loki was actually a huge fan of the female warrior and supported her the whole way through the movie, though he did want to recruit the Mongolians and Shan-Yu)
-Pocahontas (he wanted to recruit Flit, Percy and Governor Ratcliffe, but he still cried at the end when Pocahontas and John Smith are separated)
-Hercules (Loki hated the whole greek mythology thing, but he was still interested in recruiting Pain and Panic…. -_-)
-Bugs Life (he wanted to recruit the grasshoppers and the ants, he just couldn't seem to grasp the concept that they would kill each other off *sigh*)
-Beauty and the Beast ( Loki was surprisingly against Gaston and all for Belle and the Beast getting together)
-Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (I reckon Loki secretly rooted for Snow White because I caught him smiling joyfully when Snow White and the prince rode off into the sunset, though of course he tried to save face and said he wanted to recruit the evil queen)
- Sleeping Beauty (ditto)
-Cinderella (for some reason the evil stepmother really creeped Loki out… o.O)
There were more but to list them all would be exhausting. We also watched Titanic. We used up 2 boxes of tissues. When the others came back after their week of action and saving the world they threw all the Disney movies away (or rather, tried to, Loki saved them and has them hidden under his bed) and told me never again was I to Lokisit.
Rule 8-
Never play chess with the avengers-
Thor can't grasp the different rules for each piece, Natasha just shoots the opposition down, Clint goes off in a strop, Steve, surprisingly, cheats (who'd have known?), Tony beats everyone except Loki, who, another surprise, doesn't cheat and sometimes lets me win. He doesn't let anybody else win though, not even Pepper.
Rule 9-
Don't ask Tony to sign anything-
It's pointless and stress. Besides, why bother when Loki can just forge his signature? Tony still has figured it out yet.
Rule 10-
Don't convince the avengers that they need a pet-
Loki, Steve, Bruce, Pepper and I are the only ones who look after and none of them clean up after it, so poop patrol is left to me. Besides they argue over what kind of pet to get, let alone names! Bruce and Loki both wanted a cat, though Bruce wanted a tabby and Loki wanted a black one. Tony wanted a german shepherd dog, Clint wanted a guinea pig, Steve wanted a Chihuahua (don't ask, I honestly don't know) Natasha wanted a Shetland pony (apparently it's one of her childhood dreams….), Pepper wanted a hamster and Thor, unfortunately, wanted a micro-pig. I soon put paid to that idea, don't you worry. I knew he only wanted to spit roast it. In the end we gave up on the whole idea of a pet.