Second Place

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Summary:

Following the events of Episode 18 of the Final Act, Kagome went home only to find that her family had left on a trip to some hot springs without her. Feeling depressingly alone and wishing Inuyasha would come to visit, she tries to study for her entrance exams but falls asleep. When she finally wakes up, however, she feels a blanket on her shoulders and turns to see Inuyasha sitting on her bed. This fic follows the events their intimate conversation.

(There's also references to Episode 10 of the Final Act- Flowers Drenched in Sadness- where the Flower Prince feeds on people's sorrows).

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Hope you all enjoy this new take on this part of the series!

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I need her to be safe. Inuyasha thought to himself, wondering if there was any way that he could make Kagome stay in this era, away from the danger posed by Magatsuhi and Naraku. But inside, he knew he couldn't keep her down. She had the same stubborn drive to finish this and defeat Naraku as he did. There was just too much fight left in her.

"Please..." She responded, "I want to stay with you." She bit her lip tentatively, a feeling of incompletion washing over her at the thought of missing the end of this mission.

"If that's what you want, then I promise I'll protect you with my life." Inuyasha reached over and gripped Kagome's hand as they sat criss cross on the floor next to her bed. Kagome had been resting her head against his shoulder, but his grasp on her caused her head to pop up to look at him, his gaze full of golden passion as it enveloped her whole existence. He was leaning in a bit, head dipped down and lips slightly parted.

Is he... Is he going to kiss me? Kagome's eyes widened as she felt her heartbeat quicken, like heavy footsteps beneath her chest. It's what I've wanted for a while... He's who I've wanted for a while. She began to move closer as well, her eyelids suddenly feeling heavy as their lips continued to draw towards each other as though their was some magnetic energy pulling at them. Everything was there. She felt cared for, and she cared for him. She felt his passion, and she was filled with passion. She felt attractive, and she was attracted to him. It was almost perfect, the thrill edging her on.

But she couldn't. She pulled away just as their lips were to brush against each other, fighting every primal instinct she had to feel what a romance like this would have to offer.

I... I can't help but feel like this is wrong. The girl shot up from the floor and walked over to her desk, placing her hands on the surface and dropping her head low.

"I'm sorry, I..." She trailed off, not sure what to say.

Inuyasha felt a sting in his chest like a needle poking at his heart. Did I misread her this bad? I thought she felt the same way... It had felt for the longest like an unspoken truth between them, a silent romance that had built itself up into a sturdy tower that would never fall apart. But, as he looked at Kagome, her back facing him as she leaned over her desk, he suddenly felt both hurt and slightly nauseous, his stomach turning in a way that felt like a punishment for opening his heart to her. He wondered if he had just fooled himself into thinking she wanted him like that. It dawned on him that maybe he had imagined the tension, maybe he had made assumptions about what it meant every time she clung onto him, called to him, leaned on him. Or maybe there was something between them, but it wasn't enough. Maybe her feelings for him weren't strong enough for her to want to go forward. He shut his eyes, letting all the possibilities torment him as he sat in his rejection.

But it was then that he heard her voice echoing in his head, "I'm in love with Inuyasha!" It was what she had yelled out when Kagura and the infant kidnapped her in an attempt to darken her soul. He heard had heard her right before breaking in to rescue her, not that he ever admitted it. But still, it had to mean something, right? She had confessed that she was in love with him for crying out loud.

Doesn't that mean something? Why is she pulling away from me? He thought frantically, Is she shy? Am I going too fast? Keh, what is it?

The half-demon rose to his feet, taking a step towards her cautiously, "Kagome... Did I do something wrong?" He tried his best approach calmly, despite the storm of emotions roaring inside of him. All he wanted in this moment was to have her, hold her, and keep her safe and happy forever.

Kagome took a deep breath, trying to figure out what had halted her body and kept her from him. Suddenly, an image of Kikyo flashed in her mind, followed by the scene of her departure and the tears the hanyou had bore for her as he kissed her goodbye.

Maybe, for so long, I've been left behind, having to watch Inuyasha run to Kikyo, knowing that his heart belonged to her. The girl thought and began remembering every time she watched him run to his first love, After Inuyasha was taken by Kao, the Flower Prince who showed him dreams of Kikyo, he wouldn't tell me if he truly wanted to follow her into the afterlife. And while I respect and understand his feelings for her, I don't want to wonder if he could ever love me like he loves her. Kikyo is supposed to be the woman he loves most in this world.

Knowing that he was waiting behind her for an answer, Kagome slowly turned to face him. She wasn't mad. She didn't feel bitter towards the man before her, who's eyes were full of longing, full of both hope and fear. She managed to smile at him, wishing to quell his anxiety and let him know that he didn't really do anything wrong. She didn't want him to blame himself for loving someone else with such passion. Yet, despite her lips willingly turning upwards, she knew what she had to say would still hurt him.

But she had to be honest with him, "No. You didn't do anything wrong, Inuyasha. But, I just can't do this with you right now. I want to, but I..." She stepped towards him, using every ounce of strength she had not to run into his arms, "... I guess I just feel like you're just picking me because Kikyo is gone. And it's not your fault, but I want to be someone's Kikyo. I want to be someone's first choice."

"Kagome, c'mon, you gotta know that it ain't like that with you." The hanyou defended, "You gotta know how I feel about you." His brows furrowed together anxiously. He had already put his feelings out in the open. There was no point in denying them any longer.

"I know. But Inuyasha, I spent such a long time just trying to accept and be okay with the fact that she took priority in your heart. And I did." Kagome clasped her hands together, her fingers wrestling with each other as she spoke. Her smile had since faded and she mentally cursed their situation. "I can't just flip the switch and suddenly feel like I'm really the girl you'd wanna be with most."

Inuyasha didn't say anything. He wasn't sure he could force any words out. His insides felt as though they were getting tangled up in each other, intestines looping around into bows. And the pressure of his aching heart made his chest feel heavy, making standing up straight now harder than before.

"Kagome... Its not... She's not..." He quickly shook his head, "She's not here anymore. Why are you worried about her?"

Sensing his confusion, Kagime closed the distance between them, placing a hand over his chest, "She may not be here physically, but I know she's in your heart. And yeah, I might be there too, but I'm not like her. She's the one you want the most. You're choosing me because you can't have her."

Kagome glanced down and saw her backpack laying on the floor, the main flap wide open revealing a plethora of textbooks that she hadn't gotten to, yet. She eyed them, thinking of her own life and all the aspirations she continued to put on hold for the sake of defeating Naraku. She hadn't thought about her future in so long, she had forgotten she even had one beyond their final battle. This whole time, she studied and worried about school out of obligation and responsibility, because that was what good girls did at this age. But she forgot to think about what comes after the tests, what the years ahead would bring her and all of the decisions she'd have to make about what she wanted to do with her life. But she couldn't figure out when she stopped thinking about herself at all, and when she resigned herself to a life of obligation and making herself useful.

At what point did I...make myself a resource for everyone else. Getting good grades for my family. Finding shards for Inuyasha. I've been so desperate to be useful for everyone around me, I forgot how to dream for myself. She focused her gaze on one of the book titles that read 'The Human Mind', That's right. Before falling into the well, I'd an interest in neuroscience. I also really liked physics. I was supposed to take advanced classes until my grades started to slip. I met Inuyasha and I realized I also liked helping people. I also liked being with him and the others but... I never thought about having to choose. Because choosing was selfish. I had to appease both worlds.

Kagome looked back at Inuyasha, who seemed paused in thought, a layer of sorrow marring his face like a scar. But I can't keep being afraid to be selfish. There is something in me that wants to let Inuyasha kiss me, let him find happiness in me. And maybe I'd like it, too. But I'd always feel like second pick if I did. And I need to be selfish enough to decide that I deserve better even if it hurts him.

"I don't want you to think that way... Kagome. You're not second in anything. You two were always different." He did his best to reason with her, but she didnt seem to falter at his words, "Kagome. Don't you know that I'll protect you above anything else? Keh, I don't understand."

"Inuyasha, I do trust you. And I plan to see this mission through with you and stay by your side. But..." She bit her lip for a moment, "I'd always be hurting if I went further with you now. You put me on the side all those times you left with her. You can't just decide you want me now because she's no longer here. And I know you don't mean it like that, but that's just how it is."

"What, so it's too late?" The half demon huffed, hating the way it sounded as the words left his lips.

"I don't know, but I do know that I won't put myself in a position where I'm with someone who belongs to another, even if she's gone." The girl shook her head, "It'd hurt too much."

Inuyasha turned and looked at her open window, the wind pushing at the curtains softly, "Should I just go, then?"

"As much as I'd like to say no, it's probably for the best that you do." Kagome closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to watch him leave, "I'll be back in ten days after my exams. And we'll continue on with everyone."

He didn't say anything after that. She just heard his footsteps as he walked to the window, followed by the thud as his feet hit the ground outside. She didn't blame him for not saying anything. What could he say to her? She rejected him and anymore of his pleading not to would have just made things harder for the both of them. She wanted him, she really did. But she had to love herself, and that meant not being used as a last resort to happiness.

I didn't think I'd have the strength to cut ties with whatever it is we had... I don't want to lose him. Kagome's fists clenched at her sides, her teeth grinding against each other as she did her best not to let an overflow of tears fall from her eyes, No. I can't be sentimental. We were never together. We could have been, but we weren't. All I did was reiterate the decision he made all that time ago. It was always clear.

But despite how simple she wanted this to be, she knew it wasn't. She knew she loved him, even if she felt like a last resort for him. Neither of those could be switched off when she wanted. That was the funny thing about human emotion. They could contradict each other, and yet coexist so strongly. It was her job to choose which emotion she could live with. Which unsatisfied desire would hurt less.

"My life, it needs to be about me, now." She whispered to herself, the sound of the front door swinging open echoing through the house. "I won't lose sight of myself again."

She heard her family announcing their arrival from below, their excited voices calling to her. Her lips opened to suck in a deep puff of air, lungs filling. The world was still and peaceful. Decidedly, Kagome turned her door, ready to go downstairs and leave her angst behind.

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I'm not sure if I want this to be a two-shot or a three-shot. We'll see. I just always felt that, while we can speculate how Inuyasha really felt about them both, Kagome's (valid) feelings of inadequacy were never taken seriously, and any way we look at it, it's kinda unfair that she was just supposed to accept that he only pursued her after Kikyo's death. Sure, we can say it was always Kagome and Kikyo was just an obligation, but Inuyasha really never bothered to communicate any of that well. And there's many instances that show that Inuyasha did have real romantic feelings for Kikyo still.

While I love Inuyasha and Kagome together, I feel like their relationship will always be incomplete unless they both get closure from the love triangle. So, this is my take on it!

Let me know what you think!