I don't know how Colin does it. He had the courage to stand up to Mr. Hart the first week of school even though Mr. Hart made everybody somehow want to lower their self-esteem a little lower in less than five minutes and every day we stepped in his class. After he gave our class a very disturbing and unnecessarily image of our writing style that I'm pretty sure made everyone uncomfortable, Mr. Hart gave me a challenge since I was "playing it safe". He said that I had to read something out loud that exposes vulnerability. He though he had me but I one upped him on my unexpectedness for the day. "I can read anything I've written. You want me to do here or in front of the class?" I was feeling confident, until he answered my super cocky question. "Neither, you're going to do it here, at 'Bean there, done that' tonight at 8 PM. Its open mic night, be there or fifty percent of your grade is going to be a zero". He had single handedly knocked all my self-confidence that I had just built up, down a few thousand pegs.

I went to go see my guidance counselor, Valerie, to vent a little. Yeah were on a first name basis ever since my "accident" and she insisted on now calling me 'her girl', I guess as a way of trying to make things less awkward. There were days that she gave some pretty helpful advice, but most days she talked about stuff that was irrelevant, blatantly stupid and unhelpful or highly in appropriate, especially for a faculty member speaking with a student. Honestly, now that I think about it, I have no idea why I kept going back to her for any advice at all. I still went anyway and as soon as I sat down, I went on a verbal rampage. There was no way that Mr. Hart can do that. Ok, maybe I might have volunteered myself and maybe I might have accepted the challenge, but that doesn't give him the right to make something so personal half of my fucking grade. Is he serious right now, who does that?

At lunch, I had told Matty about Mr. Hart and like the great boyfriend he is, he offered to come and show his support. The only thing was I didn't really want his support or anyone that I knew there. "No, you can't come, I don't want anyone to come" and with perfect timing the infamous couple as Jakara come join me and Matty at the table. "What don't you want us to come to that were coming to anyway?" Great, now they know, too. "Nothing" Matty answered the question as if he was being asked in the first place. "Jenna's got a performance tonight that she is trying to shut me out of". "That's not true. I'm shutting all of you out. I'm very nervous and insecure and…"I look over at Matty since the conversation did start with him "we don't need to do everything together" I say this with a faint smile hoping that he just lets it go. "Are you implying that I need to do everything together, because Jake and I have plans tonight, right?" I can tell he just pulled that one out of thin air probably trying to take the edge off the thought of him being kind of feminine sometimes in our relationship. Jake clearly wasn't catching on to Matty's attempted save and was only making it worse by saying right so unconvincingly but I guess Tamara didn't notice and totally fell for the now accumulating lie. "When did you make plans without me, we might have plans tonight" It was clear who wore the pants in their relationship. Tamara had him whipped. "Do we?" Jake answered so fast out of fear of Tamara's possible blow out that he looked like a baby dear caught off guard by headlights. I guess he was the baby dear in all of his relationships. The only time he wasn't was when he was dating Lissa but she was too dumb to even know how to wear the pants in that relationship. "No, but the option was available" "Look, you do you and I'll do me." He tried to make it come out cool as he put his arm around her shoulder but it only backfired in his face. "That's right 'you do you", because you won't be doing me anytime soon with a 'tude like that" "Fine" "Fine" While they were wrapped up in their little love cocoon I decided to clear anything up that got lost in translation between me and Matty. "Fine?" "Fine…"Even though he agreed, he didn't really seem too accepting of my decision, but like always, he tried to play it off "were having a, uh…bro-beque" Jake and Matty high-fived each other at the thought of guys night.

Back at home in my room Tamara came over to hang out a bit since Jake was getting ready for his newly acquired 'bro-beque' with Matty. I felt bad though; I had to leave hanging solo tonight because I didn't even want her at the reading. In my boyfriend's attempt to save his own self from being alone, he had hijacked Jake right from under Tamara, figuratively speaking, without so much as a warning and now I was sending her off, all alone for the night, to find something else to do.

When I arrived at the coffee shop, I felt myself shaking from all the nervousness that was surging through my body right now. Then I realized I had nothing to be nervous about. This wasn't my school and no one here knew me, complete strangers. I mean I kind of figured that Mr. Hart would be here to collect his proof that I actually went through with this whole ordeal, but I shouldn't have a problem. He's read my writing before and all I would have to do is read. I really had nothing to worry about until I heard someone call out my name in the crowd. Half of the room turned around to see who called out my name and when I turned around I saw Valerie walking over to me and then I saw my parent sitting smack dab in the center of the room. What were they doing here? I know I didn't tell them about tonight. Could things possibly get any worse? The introducer called me up to the stage. Oh no, I was first. I slowly walked up to the stage hoping…no, praying that something more catastrophic and important would cause everybody to leave abruptly before they had a chance to her anything I would read. I sat up on the small stool on stage and looked out into the audience. It's now or a zero as fifty percent of my grade. "This is the story of how I lost my virginity" I saw my dad get up and walk out just then. My embarrassment level dropped down one less person and I felt a little relief "My story is called 'Rubbed Raw and Reeling…" "We can see how rubbed raw you are…close your legs" I knew that voice. As I looked out into the audience to see who had interrupted me I saw the face of the bane of my existence, Sadie Saxton and Colin was sitting right next to her in the front. That little relief I had, just ran out the door right behind my dad. I quickly closed my legs and continued on with my story. I thought, things could always be worse and decided to just ride out the misery. I threw in a couple of jokes here and there in my story to easy the blow and the crowd went along with it. This wasn't so bad after all.

Mr. Hart came up behind me with a loud applauded and I really didn't care what he had to say, I went through with the challenge and he couldn't say anything about it. "Well, I guess you're not the coddling type after all, putting your feet did you wonders" "Not so sure about that. So what's your next tactic…beating me?" "Maybe, will that work?" "No" I was only kidding. He laughed at me being caught off guard" "Well thanks for not torturing me" and with that he left the coffee shop but he still left me confused, you never know with that man. "Was that a compliment?" even though I asked the question out loud, I was really directing it more towards Colin than Sadie so I was glad when he answered. "I think that's as good as it gets" "He is such a strange man" "…and you're a whore, but what else is new?" of course Sadie just couldn't resist, she had to open her big mouth. Colin just changed the topic like she didn't just insult me for the hundredth time today. "Do you guys want to get a bite to eat?" "With her…no" then she turned her attention to back me "Thanks for the show and tell, next time don't show so much and if you do get it waxed" then she left. I couldn't believe she just said that with Colin standing right there, but again he must have heard what he chose to hear because he didn't say anything. "What about you, you in?" I looked over his shoulder behind him and saw that my mom was talking to Valerie. They sort of have been friends ever since she found out about my mom writing the letter and went out of her way to imposed herself in my family's business and help my mom 'cope and process' things out. My mom gestured for me to come over there so we could leave but without thinking about it, I rejected. I checked my phone to see if Matty had called or texted and make sure it was ok. I had no idea why I felt like I had to though, like I was going to be in trouble in he ever found out. "Sure…I'm in" I answered. Yeah Matty was my boyfriend but Colin and I are just friends, he had nothing to worry about, right? Even I wasn't convincing myself.