I'm not the jealous type. I mean, literally, I'm not. Maia is my friend. So is Ross. So what if Stormie's constant Instagram posts always show up on my twitter newsfeed? It doesn't really bother me.
But it does. More than I'd like to admit.
This isn't like me.
Ross has talked to me about girls before. I know what type of girls he likes. I've literally tried setting him up with girls before, but it's never worked. Maybe.. Maia is the girl he's been waiting for? The dream girl he always gushes to me about. The girl he can picture a romantic movie ending with - the soulmate we talk to each other about during our time off on set.
So, why does it bother me so much to see his pictures with her? Why does it bother me so much that his mom, that I've always been close with, basically gushes over the two? Why does it bother me if we're just really close friends?
"Hey kid," I heard Vanessa knock as she entered my room. "What are you doing on your fancy new iPad now?"
"I'm just on twitter," I said with a straight face. I didn't really feel like myself at the moment.
"Are you okay?" Vanessa could tell something was bothering me. She's my sister, but even more than that, she's my best friend. So I guess it made sense that she could read me like an open book.
"Vanessa, can I tell you something?" I hesitantly asked.
"You know you can tell me anything." She was serious now, and she knew that what we were about to discuss wasn't a joking matter. "Does it have something to do with what you're looking at?"
I hadn't realized that the screen on my iPad was currently open to one of Ross and Maia's photos that Stormie posted. Maia's arms were wrapped around him as they posed for Stormie's Instagram photo, and I was gripping the iPad as I burnt a hole in the picture with my anger. Why did I feel like this?
"Yeah..." I trailed off, I didn't really know how to respond or talk about how I was feeling.
"So that's Maia, huh?" I turned to look at her now, her expression unreadable and my cheeks red with frustration.
"Yeah. She's a total sweetheart." My response came out a lot more bitter than I had intended, but at the moment, I meant every ounce of venom I had spit out when I said it. "She and Ross seem pretty close. It's great."
"Laura..."
"I don't know why this tab was open," I said as I exited the safari browser on my iPad.
"It's okay," I heard Vanessa whisper as I slammed the iPad down on my bed, and pulled my legs up to hug them. "You like Ross, Laura, it's okay to admit it."
I didn't want to respond, because I knew she was right. My sister, my best friend, she knew me better than anyone. "Even if I did..." I trailed off. "It's pretty clear he doesn't like me."
It was true. "I had invited him to hang out with Calum, Raini, & I the other day to go to Benihana's and visit Kevin and Heath, but he never replied. Whenever I try to text him he NEVER replies."
"Maybe he's busy!" Vanessa sounded like it was so obvious. "He just got back from tour. Maybe he wanted to spend time with his family. You know more than anyone how much family time means."
"He was on tour with his family! It's different." It wasn't like me to be so angry at something so small, but what I was feeling for my co-star wasn't like me at all, either.
"Maybe so. But cut him some slack, maybe he..."
"Maybe he, what? I read on my newsfeed that he went cruising around Hollywood with Maia. I honestly don't think he cares for me that much. Not like he used to, anyway."
"Laura..."
There was an awkward silence, because Vanessa knew it was true. Something had changed between Ross and I since he had gotten back from doing countless promos and had spent so much time with Maia because of his new movie. I couldn't really blame him.
"Maia's beautiful. She's funny, she's sweet.. She's Australian! That alone is awesome," I hated how true my words were. I was so torn and so jealous that I hated how I felt.
"Laura, the chemistry is obvious between you and Ross. You two click, and your characters complete each other, even you've said so yourself," Vanessa defended.
"Our CHARACTERS, Vanessa. Not us."
"Laura, you've told me yourself that characters can be written in a script to be whoever the producer desires, but it is up to the actors to carry it through. Austin and Ally wouldn't be who they are today if you and Ross weren't playing them."
A tear glided down my cheek now, warm with anger and bitter with jealousy. I hated this feeling.
I heard Vanessa sigh as she said, "Maybe..."
She kept trailing off, as if what she was about to say was going to offend me.
"Maybe you should let your walls down."
Another tear landed on my cheek, and I quickly wiped both tears away as I nodded.
"Thanks, Vanessa," I tried to smile as I leaned in for a hug. I didn't want to talk about it any longer.
"You know that if you need me, you know where I live." I laughed at her remark. She smiled at me, scanning my face in all its hurt and heartbreak, then finally closed my door, leaving me to my thoughts.
I found my flip phone on top of my dresser, and scrolled through my contacts. I found his name and paused. Taking a deep breath, I typed:
Hey Ross! :) Raini, Calum & I
I stopped. I deleted a few words and began again:
Hey Ross! :) I've missed you.
I stared at the last sentence for a few moments, my heart racing with all that could be interpreted from it. Nevertheless, I finished my text:
Hey Ross! :) I've missed you. Hope you've been able to relax since tour! Can't wait to see you next
I clicked send and watched as the green arrow on the SMS envelope turned into a green check mark, letting me know that my text, did, in fact, send.
I decided to go to sleep, hoping that my dreams would be much happier than my reality. Maybe I'd wake up to a reply from Ross, even.
I opened my eyes in a worse mood than I had gone to sleep. I sat up for a moment, remembering that I had texted Ross.
I checked my phone:
Inbox: 0 new messages
I scrolled to my sent messages, and stared at the text sent the night before. I was right, it did send.
I scrolled to look at the texts before then:
To: Ross
Sent: 6/7/13 3:12 pm
Hey! :D Want to hang out with Calum, Raini & I today?
He hadn't replied to that either. I scrolled down a bit more, to the last time we had seen each other - or rather, I had seen him.
To: Ross
Sent: 5/19/13 6:42 pm
Guess who's going to your concert tonight?! This girl! :D you're going to do AWESOME
He didn't reply to that either. In fact, I didn't even see him that night because I had to leave right after the concert. At times like these, I wish I had a smart phone so I could at least know whether or not he read it.
Frustrated, I put my phone down and got out of bed. I knew right where I was heading, because now, I had real heart break to write about.
I say down at the piano bench and just played, allowing the melody to just naturally come.
Though I hated how I felt, I loved what this was coming to.
Just because my heart was suffering, didn't mean my music should to.