For years, I just scraped by, making last minute deposits into my account almost every month before the autopay feature would vaporize my hard earned coin and deliver it instantly to my fugly landlord. His name was Ernest Smith, but I called him "Sloth." I think he caught on to my insult about the 57th time I yelled "HEEEY YOUUU GUUUYS!" as he turned the corner at the end of my stack level.
My "apartment" amounted to what was once a tiny camp trailer that used to be pulled behind a small car. I lived there for 8 months when this all started. It was a hole, but the rent was low enough that I could make it work without having to take on roommates.
Getting behind on most of my bills wasn't an option. Electricity was crucial – my fat ass can't peddle fast or long enough to power the 18 hours a day that I spent gunting. I was 16 when Halliday kicked the bucket and the moment I finished reading the Almanac I became completely committed to the search for his hidden Easter Egg. My addiction was real and I couldn't spend time peddling a generator-bike when that time could be spent exploring "strange new worlds" searching for the copper key or researching the old man's favorite movies or tv shows. My time spent watching Ferris Beuller or MacGyver was infinitely more productive than Sweating to the 80's would be. (I was convinced that one of Halliday's gates would require a key, plus a 9 volt battery, a stick of gum and a pair of huge aviator sunglasses – I still think he should have done it… with, like, a clock ticking that would kill your avatar if you didn't open the gate in 30 seconds… oh well.) So electricity… that was a bill I couldn't put off. Nor water, have to live. Food I could do on the cheap, nutritional-paste isn't delicious, but it's got protein, vitamins and minerals... Everything the body needs." Well, it doesn't have "Everything the body needs"… but I digress.
There was one bill that allowed you to go into debt- the communications conglomerate Innovated Online Industries - which is who 90% of North American used to connect to the OASIS. It was also who I purchased my top end haptic chair and high-speed OASIS console from, so my bill to them was actually the largest that I had. They knew that if you got too far behind they could always drop the Indenturement hammer on you. Most months, I was able to take a gig helping a low level wimpezoid gain experience points while I played body guard. I would jump in if some Orc or Xenomorph started to get the best of him, and hit the guy with some healing spell or medical packet. Sometimes, (almost always) I'd knock the creature down close to death so that the newb could finally best the beast and collect the experience points he or she needed. These kinds of jobs usually helped me raise enough credits to pay my IOI connection fees and keep me online, but some months I had to resort to auctions. I'd collected a fair amount of weaponry and items in my inventory.
My avatar, TK421, was currently a 68th level warrior and my climb to 99 was progressing well. Weapons were valuable, you never knew when a certain sword or gun might come in handy, especially if it had hit-bonus powers against specific enemies or other magical properties. I had parted with several cool items throughout the years, but I always wondered if one day an item that I gave up would be used against me, or worse - help the buyer find Halliday's egg!
There were plenty of newbies out there whom I could persuade to buy an item knowing that they would be unlikely to wield it against me or get anywhere near the egg. On my last item auction, I got an idiot name "HotCock007" to way overbid for a sword that he was like 3 levels too low to use. (No danger from that moron.) The profits from that transaction would have paid my IOI bill for 2 months, but obviously that wasn't an issue anymore. When the transaction finally closed, I was in my new role and I decided to follow the idiot on a quest the next day, I even invited a few of my squad-mates to come watch it with me. I will never forget him standing there screaming profanities as he wailed away on some goblin. He was taking massive swings like a lumberjack and I could hear him actually getting winded as his new sword did absolutely no damage to his foe. I finally shot the goblin while we all muted out our voices and laughed hysterically. Yes, I am evil, but I couldn't let the dude die over it. "Someone sold me a broke sword!" he yelled as the group of us teleported away and never looked back.
Where was I? IOI.. Okay so I was able to pay my bill every month until… I died. Now, in my defense, it wasn't my idea or my ship. I was hitching a ride on an old Serenity class cargo freighter when the dumbass captain decided he just had to attack an X-wing that was passing through. Now, look, I like X-Wings as much as the next guy. They are quick, powerful and fun to fly - but honestly, they are a dime a dozen in the OASIS. Stop at a typical space dock and every 3rd or 4th vehicle there was an X-Wing. The ship I was on seemed to be well armed and capable, but the pilot of the X-wing was rad. The dude took out our weapons and engines with Jedi efficiency and, before we knew what was happening, the airlock was blown open. I was completely Star-struck when the famous Parzival stepped through the door. I don't think I'm gay- but at the site of this man, silhouetted against the bright background of his ship's spotlights shining through our hatch, I swooned. Parzival was a freaking legend, having become the first gunter to find the copper key and clear the first gate and right now, he was furious. He laid waste to the entire crew, killing everyone on board like we were insects. I was devastated at my loss, but honestly, I didn't blame the guy.
My problem was, I had to create a new avatar and start over at level 1. I even lost my copy of the copper key, which I had obtained shortly after several thousand of us gathered on Ludus and antimatter charges were used to bring down the Sixer forcefields. I got stuck in the middle of the cave as it packed tight with gunters for about 18 hours before I was able to face the demi-lich. Anyways, I created a new TK421 and spent the next few weeks hoping that I could stumble onto an item to sell or anything to make up the money I owed. I had lost all items worth selling and as a level 1 about the toughest thing I could take on for experience points was an R.O.U.S. on planet Buttercup. It was a waste of time. I just fell further and further behind on my payments until one day, that dreaded knock came at my door and I became an "indentured employee" of IOI. They busted down my door, ripped me from my haptic chair and hauled me away with a ball gag shoved in my face.
After a trip to downtown Phoenix, an invasive and humiliating cleaning and screening process, I was tested for job skills. Unfortunately, I had absolutely zero skills to speak of other than gunting. (they didn't test for my nunchuck skills or bowhunting skills..) This left me in the horrifying position of being drafted into the Oology department and becoming what I hated most in the world. I was a damn Sixer. Bogus. They shoved me on a bus that got more and more packed with indents along the 4 day journey to Columbus.
The bus seats each had a screen for "entertainment"programming. Along with a horrible laugh track sitcom about some indent adapting to his "fast track to success," we were required to watch information specific to our "purpose." I was forced to watch a number of indoctrination videos about how the Sixers were really not bad people. "IOI's Oologists have dedicated their lives to finding Halliday's egg. So much so that they have each decided to join the team they know will win! One single gunter could never find the egg on their own, but by pooling our collective talents, we ensure that the OASIS will have a long and bright future. Each Oologist is guaranteed a $250,000 bonus upon IOI securing the egg and collecting the prize money. Oology is a volunteer position - even Indents are not obligated to hunt for the egg, another job will be assigned should you choose."
"That means they will toss you into the chain gang crews." The middle aged man next to me whispered as he glanced at my screen.
I turned to face him and noticed a large scar on his ear that I now had to pretend to ignore. "Chain gangs? Really?"
"Yup. Isn't my first rodeo. If you've been selected for Oology, you best not turn it down. Punishment for that is worse than anything. I was there for 7 years, and saw a few people turn down Oology and watched them wither away to nothing."
"This is your second time being indentured?"
"I was out for 6 months, and was only one day late on my bill. They make you sign over most of your rights when you get early release, I guess I should have spent a little more time reading before I signed."
Well that sounded lovely. Once we arrived at IOI, we were put through another cleansing process and herded into a large cafeteria. I grabbed a tray and made my way to a line to pick out a drink.
"Stephen Cline!" A deep voice shouted loud enough to quiet the entire room. Every head turned to see a large security officer in the corner of the room near a blue door. I was stunned to hear my real name shouted out in front of all these people. I was still used to maintaining my anonymity.
"Stephen Cline!" The officer shouted again.
Silence.
The officer sighed and removed a tablet from behind his back and made a few quick gestures on the screen. Suddenly, the entire room lit up as screens came to life all the way around us on, what had previously appeared to be, normal walls. It was my mugshot, taken while I was completely nude immediately following my indent cleaning process in Phoenix. The picture was, thankfully, cropped to show me only from the neck up, but was slowly broadening to reveal a few centimeters more every second. The indents around me began to step away as they noticed me, leaving me standing at the center of a quickly expanding circle of men and women trying to make sure that no one would make the mistake of thinking they were with me. The mugshot was now showing me from the bellybutton up and I was only moments away from complete humiliation when I shouted, "STOP! I'm here!"
I approached the guard cautiously, grateful that my acknowledgment had been enough to clear the screen of my picture before anything else was revealed.
"Follow me." The guard turned and exited the blue door, holding it open for me expectantly. I was escorted down a long hallway to an elevator.
The guard silently stepped into the elevator and said, "One Oh Six."
"Excuse me?" I didn't understand.
"Not you."
"Oh."
A tone sounded when we reached the 106th floor. We exited the door and the guard led me right through the heart of the Sux0rs. Habashaw immersion rigs were all formed into pod groups and seemed to be networked together. That was interesting. I slowed to take it all in and received a strong shove from the security guard as he hurried me along.
Finally, we stood in front of a large office door with the name "Sorrento" etched on the glass. I froze. Nolan Sorrento was infamous; he was the head of the sixers and I was completely unprepared to meet with him. What could he possibly want with me?
"Mr. Cline! A pleasure to meet you." Sorrento came around the side of his desk and moved quickly toward me with his hand extended. He was wearing a three piece suit, and had the shiniest shoes I had ever seen. He was well groomed, confident and had a wide welcoming smile.
I instinctively just stuck out my hand. If I had a moment to process it at the time, I probably would have mimed wiping my butt and, in one fluid motion, grabbed his hand. I always think of those kinds of things 30 seconds too late.
"Nolan Sorrento, very pleased to meet you Stephen. Or should I call you TK421? I love that name by the way, 'Why are you not at your post?!' Truly awesome."
"Thanks?" I was reeling. I had expected to be treated like crap, especially by the guy that I had always loathed for his leadership of the Suxors.
"I am sure you're a little confused my man, have a seat and we will get right to it. Would you care for a drink? Coffee? Pop? Crystal Pepsi?"
"Ummm, sure. Coffee, I guess?"
"Cream and Sugar?"
"Sure."
Sorrento nodded to a woman across the room, whom I had not even noticed until now. She busily starting dashing around a little table preparing my drink as Sorrento politely guided me to the comfortable couch and chairs in the corner of the room.
I noticed for the first time some of the decorations on the white walls. Framed posters from some of the best movies of all time. Ferris Bueller, Die Hard, Top Gun, Indiana Jones, Empire Strikes Back... that last one looked like it was autographed!
"Allow me to cut right to it." His voice snapped my head back in his direction. "You are wondering why you are here. Well, we don't get many indents that are as gifted as you are Stephen…sorry, you didn't say, do you prefer Stephen or TK42…"
I cut him off, "Call me Teek."
"Teek? I like it. Okay Teek. You are here because you are a very gifted gunter. Sixty-Eighth level until recently, if I am not mistaken?"
"Yeah, until I was killed a few weeks ago."
"I know, I saw the vidfeed recording just a few minutes ago actually."
"How did you… Oh, it was on my computer."
"Right."
"That's messed up man! You shouldn't be going through my personal files like that!"
"I understand how you must feel, and I apologize for making you uncomfortable. However, I believe you will forgive me when you hear what I have to say."
"Not likely."
"We'll see. Understand Teek that I rarely get alerted to an arriving indent, in fact, you are the first that I have invited directly to my office. We recruit talent like yours Teek, we don't indenture it."
"What the hell are you talking about man? Are you suggesting I become a freaking Sixer?!"
"I want you to hear me out, Teek. If you don't like what I have to offer, you can go right back down where you were and keep going on like this meeting never happened. But I think you'll be impressed. Can you keep an open mind?"
I couldn't imagine what this dude could say that would convince me that I should become a Suxor, but I wasn't exactly thrilled about the prospects of going back downstairs either. I nodded my head and took my cup of coffee from the woman who had just quietly approached us.
"Great! Okay, tell me about how your avatar died."
"Parzival killed me." I took a sip.
"I know."
"Well, what the hell do you want?"
"Teek, I want to hear what it was like. There are things that a vidfeed can't show. What was the emotion? Was he vicious? What did it feel like in the moment? You get it? I want to hear your side of things so that I can better understand my competition."
"Okay." I covered the event in as much detail as I could, what Parzival said and did. Exactly what weapons he used, what provoked him, how fast he moved. Sorrento asked questions about every aspect of the attack. We spent about 30 minutes discussing what only took 3 minutes happen.
When he felt he had gotten everything he could about my encounter, he started asking me questions about the Jade Key and why I believed it was related to breakfast cereal. This is where I got really really upset.
Sorrento asked how I had come up with the Cap'n Crunch Bossen Whistle theory. A few weeks before doomed encounter with Parzival, I had finally made a connection between the 1st and 3rd lines of the clue we had each been given upon clearing the first gate.
The Captain conceals the Jade Key,
In a dwelling long neglected.
But you can only blow the whistle
once the trophies are all collected.
I had written down a list of every "Captain" I could think of. I had scoured the almanac for every single reference I could find. Captain Kirk and Picard, obviously, but also Sisko, Archer and Janeway and then every other Star Fleet Captain I could find. I listed Captains America, Planet, Solo, Hook, Kangaroo and Jack Sparrow. The list went on.
But I couldn't figure out what any of them were "Concealing." I was hung up on the green "Earth" ring that was one of the 5 rings required to summon Captain Planet. I spent days researching that simply because it was a "jade" color. But, I still couldn't figure out how Captain Planet would be concealing the earth ring. I hoped this wasn't a Pulp Fiction parallel.
Then, it hit me. While looking at a picture of the Planeteer's rings, it crossed my mind that they looked like a prize from an old cereal box. Whoa, it was Cap'n Crunch! I spent a few minutes frantically searching for instances of Planeteer rings being given as prize toys in boxes of the cereal. When I stopped to read the clue again, the 3rd line jumped out at me. The whistle. I now understood that part of the puzzle. However, the number of "dwelling(s) long neglected" in the OASIS made finding the right box of Cap'n Crunch an impossible task.
This breakthrough had been major and it was my most precious secret. I could not believe that I had unwittingly just handed it to IOI on a silver platter.
"That's bogus dude!" I was enraged. Now they had hacked into my personal journal and notes and had my entire collection of clues I had collected over the years. I felt totally violated. "You stay out of my mission logs man!"
"I am not trying to upset you Teek. I am actually quite impressed. I will be honest, we hadn't worked out that part of the puzzle yet - but now that I have seen what you came up with I am convinced your theory is correct. You are incredibly talented and I would hate to see a talent such as your's wasted in some offline manual labor service. I'd much rather see you spend your time doing what you love - gunting. Although, I am suggesting you have considerably better equipment and an entire team at your disposal. I am offering you a management position Teek. You will run an entire division and you'd report directly to me. We will pay you.. $250,000 per year until the egg is found and a $1.5 Million bonus the moment we secure the egg. Or, you can go back to the basement and stay offline until long after the contest is over. Oh, and one more little bonus, your division will be tasked with a secondary mission to seek out and destroy Parzival."
I sat stunned for a moment. I did want to get back in the game and considering that I was doomed to be indentured for at least 2 years, I didn't see how the contest would still be going. Plus I would be starting with nothing, a level one avatar with no hope of catching up to the leaders on the board. Taking down Parzival wouldn't be a priority to me, but I could tell Sorrento was hoping to entice me with that "little bonus." That meant that if he needed to find ways of enticing me, he must need my help and maybe there was more on the table.
"I want my debt wiped clean too."
"Done. The moment you join the team, you will be an employee and not an indent and your entire debt to IOI will be eliminated as a 'signing bonus'."
"And I want $5 million when we find the egg."
"I like the enthusiasm Teek, not 'if' but 'when!' I can get you 3 million and I can increase your salary to 275,000. What do you say?"
I may be out of the running to personally find the egg, but $3 million would be more than I could ever need. It was a good deal and besides, what choice did I really have?
"I'm in." I said with finality.
"I knew you would be. I will have the contracts drawn up and have you shown to your personal quarters. You will join me and my direct reports for dinner this evening and we will get everything signed at that time. Meanwhile get some rest, your new clothing is already in your room and I will have your personal computer and other confiscated effects delivered there within the hour. " He stood and extended his hand.
A wave of relief and, I had to admit, excitement came over me. "Thank you sir."
"You're quite welcome Teek. I will see you tonight, I am thrilled to begin working with you. Let's find that Jade Key shall we?"
I was led away to my private quarters. This was absolutely the most comfortable place I had ever called "home." A large screen on the far wall was programed to display the window view of my choice. It was currently set to the Phoenix skyline, I suppose, to make me feel "at home." I wouldn't miss that desert hell-hole. I quickly scanned through the other options on the screen's menu and selected Coruscant that would work for now. I then plopped down on the ridiculously comfortable bed and realized just how exhausted I really was. I drifted to sleep almost immediately.
Dinner never happened. A loud alert woke me and I recognized it as the "doorbell" from Star Trek TNG.
"Come" I yelled, pretty much on instinct.
A young Sixer stepped in and asked me to get up and quickly dress in my haptic suit. He kept calling me "Sir."
"What's your name?" I asked while I dressed.
"Bobby Sir. We need to hurry." He was definitely feeling pressure.
"You on my team Bobby?"
"Yessir."
"Good." I was already in my suit. "Lead the way."
We rushed to the Oology floor and a secretary at the door pushed my contract in front of me yelling for me to sign quickly and get to my station. I quickly checked through the document which seemed to be in order and signed it.
The office was in chaos. Sixers were shouting and barking commands many were throwing there visors in frustration as their avatars apparently died.
Bobby walked me to a chair, "Mr. Sorrento says to get in and start fighting. There is a huge battle happening. See you in there!" He pointed me to my visor and chair and dashed away to hop into any empty rig about 10 feet away.
I jumped in the chair and was automatically logged in to the oasis. I materialized standing next to a star fighter on the flight deck of a sixer cruiser. I immediately noticed my new avatar name: "IOI -699423." My avatar was the cookie cutter muscle bound skin that all the sixers used and I took a moment to glance at my inventory. I had a full arsenal at my disposal and was a 99th level warrior. I got chills.
I climbed into the cockpit and fired up my ship. I could hear the shouts of my team members over the com now. My hud indicated my squad's location and I set the auto pilot to get me to them while I tried to figure out what the hell I was flying into. Systems indicated I was currently in low orbit around a planet called Frobozz.
The news feeds had all the info I needed, Art3mis had found the Jade Key. "She" (I use this term loosely because I have always believed Art3mis to actually be a man) had been followed later by Aech and Parzival's score had jumped up only moments ago. I imagined killing Parzival and realized that I actually would enjoy seeing his avatar in my crosshairs.
My ship rocketed towards the planet. I alerted my team that I was 2 minutes out. Over the radio I got an urgent reply. "Hurry! We could use the extra firepower!" Just as I got within visual range a huge humanoid popped into existence standing about 50 meters tall. He was mostly red, with a silver head and markings. There was no mistaking, this was the Japanese superhero Ultraman.
"What the hell is that?" A teammate slowly whispered over the com.
"Engage! Engage!" I shouted. "I am 30 seconds from firing range. Engage!"
The enormous enemy swatted our ships out of the sky and then began to fire a deadly ray that vaporized ever ship it connected with. Our ships were fighting hard, but it seemed that the damage we could inflict was minimal compared to the havoc Ultraman could rein down upon us. Suddenly an avatar emerged from the old White House nearby.
"All teams direct fire to the avatar running behind the enemy!" I shouted into the com.
Our ships began to attack the smaller avatar, but Ultraman stepped in our way. He fired his ray over and over, vaporizing ships and killing dozens of our avatars with each blast. We were hammering him with missiles, lasers and proton torpedoes. I was sure he couldn't sustain much more damage. Then suddenly, it was as if time stood still. Ultraman just froze in place mid-swing as his hand was only a few feet from smashing another of our gunships out of the sky. For a moment our return fire slowed as we all realized the opportunity that unfolded before us. The "logged out" icon appeared above Ultraman's head. This would mean death and we quickly and mercilessly delivered it.
As soon as Ultraman was destroyed, the name "Daito" disappeared from his spot on the leaderboard. My group may not have gotten here in time to eliminate Parzival, but we had been able to kill another member of the original "High Five."
Another gunter ship launched only meters away from Daito's vanishing body - I knew it had to be hisbrother Shoto.
"All weapons target that ship!" I ordered over the comm. "That will be another of our primary targets!"
Shoto took heavy damage from our squad as he blasted into hyperspace, but his shields held.
Before the day's end, I had the Jade Key in my hands. The "dwelling long neglected" was from a game called Zork which I had painstakingly worked through years ago. I have to say the first person version of this game was MUCH more enjoyable than the old text adventure version. The only thing I remembered was typing "kill troll with sword...kill troll with sword." Over and over again.
It was also an incredible feeling to see my avatar name listed in the top 10 on the scoreboard. Though I did deep down wish it read "TK421," right now I didn't have time to dwell on that. We had the urgent task of figuring out what the short cryptic message on the key meant before one of the "High Four" (we took pride in calling them this now) could decipher it.
Continue your quest by taking the test.
We had a "leadership meeting" with Sorrento later that day, where we discussed the uniqueness of the Jade key as well as the battle of Frobozz. I was congratulated for my team's performance in destroying Daito and was credited with ensuring he took enough damage that he logged out rather than face his defeat. There were jokes about his cowardice and Sorrento said he imagined Daito probably looked more like a Sumo than a Samurai, and that he was "probably crying himself to sleep that night in his mommy's apartment because of what squad 7 did Teek. Great Work!"
I was grateful for the attention and the accolades but gave my team the credit. I asked my two Jr. officers to stand and asked that the room recognize them rather than me and this went a long way in earning their trust.
The meeting went on to dive into the escape of Shoto. Every angle was considered. What could we have done to bring him down? After multiple simulations it was decided that another squad, 12 I think, was slow to respond to the calls to block Shoto's escape. They had a Star Destroyer in orbit but were too busy engaging other gunters that had begun arriving in the system and missed blocking Shoto's path by less than 30 seconds. We reevaluated our priority designations and all squads were clear that, when a member of the high four was within range, all other targets were secondary.
I quickly adjusted to "Sixer life." It was surprisingly similar to gunter life. Everything we did revolved around the hunt. There was always music playing in the background from Halliday's favorite bands, and the walls were lined with books by his most loved authors. If it was mentioned in the Almanac, it was in the Oology department somewhere. There was a decent theater where shows and movies were constantly playing.
Every now and then, a movie would attract a large crowd in the evening and IOI would promote it as a "company party," supplying popcorn and other rare treats to keep Oologist morale high. I typically avoided these gatherings as I would rather spend time on a film I chose myself. However, on occasion they'd play one of my favorites, like the night I saw "Bladerunner" on the schedule. I was front and center. When Harrison Ford reached for that silver origami unicorn I, along with a couple of others, shot to my feet and rushed out the door. We couldn't get to our haptic chairs fast enough.
I logged in and immediately opened a chat with Sorrento. He joined me much quicker than I would have expected and I celebrated to be the first to inform him of the revelation!
"I think I know what the silver foil is all about!" I rushed. "We were just watching Bladerunner..." I removed the Jade key from my inventory and separated the silver foil to examine it. "We need to fold this into an origami unicorn..."
The moment I said the "Unicorn" the foil came to life in my hand. Sorrento and I watched in amazement as it folded itself into a perfect unicorn identical to the iconic image from the film. Sorrento clapped his hands like a giddy child. "Well, now we know what "test" we are meant to take!"
A few hours later I stood in a 3 dimensional, first person version of one of my favorite games - "Black Tiger." This was one of the highlights of my gaming life. I was able to quickly adjust to the playing style and soon after I cleared the gate, I was given control of another avatar. I spent the next 9 hours repeatedly overcoming the most difficult portions of the game for one avatar after another. I was impressed with how quickly the "system" developed for beating the game, grunt avatars cleared the first several levels, then past the controls to experts that handled the next 2, and so on. Efficiency and precision.
I was so valuable to the team as a key player in Black Tiger that I completely missed the discovery of the Crystal Key. I was never a fan of Rush, so I didn't cry about it. Another oologist retrieved a copy of it for my avatar while I slept that night.
When I awoke I logged into the Oasis and was met by a live feed of Sorrento's avatar attempting to open the final gate. We worked through much of the day, offering suggestion after suggestion, but the gate simply wouldn't open. We were missing something.
Before long, Parzival's score jumped up the board. He had cleared the second gate. Within hours his score jumped again as he located the Crystal Key. Immediately, it was decided that my team would be tasked 100% with targeting Parzival, while another was assigned to hunt Aech. I didn't understand the reasoning, but Art3mis and Shoto were not assigned as targets.
My team positioned cloaked space probes and mines around Parzival's private Asteroid that he had dubbed "Falco." Our team spent days listening to horrible Australian rap albums looped over and over again in hopes of finding some clue to help us find leverage against our quarry.
Weeks past and not a single sighting of Parzival was even reported. It was as if he had not even logged in to the OASIS, and if he did, he was staying hidden like a coward. I was beginning to take some major heat from Sorrento. He was frustrated with our lack of progress on finding Parzival, but I could tell that most of his anger was around his team's inability to open the Crystal gate.
Then all hell broke loose. Alarms sounded. Security locked down IOI. Our OASIS logins were blocked for 3 hours. Parzival had pulled off the ballsiest move in history, or I guess "Wade" had. The dude had been living here- right under our roof and posing as a customer service rep for weeks! That got Sorrento off of my back pretty quick, but he busted the nose of some manager downstairs when he literally punched him in the face!
Our entire army was instantly routed to Castle Anorak. A 99th level wizard avatar was given the Orb of Osuvox, which placed an impenetrable dome around the castle. All resources were then devoted to solving the mystery of the third gate. The arsenal that filled and surrounded the castle was rad. We had everything from Warrior robots, to missiles, to entire rooms filled with bombs, potions and ammo.
When the battle finally came to us, I was given control of the Black Lion robot that leads and forms the head of the mighty Voltron. We had amassed an impressive collection of the most famous and powerful robots in science fiction history and I could't be more pumped to see the look on gunter's faces when Voltron started destroying them. Unfortunately, once our shield mysteriously fell, (I suspect sabotage) tens of thousands of gunters opened fire on us and before we were able to form Voltron, the five of us were destroyed.
Per the back up plan that we had created, upon my avatar's death I was given control of one of 20 avatars that we had on a gunship, just outside of the sector. We were given strict orders to remain out of the sector and await further instructions.
As we sat there, we plugged into the camera feed that surrounded the castle. The battle was epic, but it was obvious that our team was completely overwhelmed. Shortly after Sorrento's avatar fell in a battle with Parzival (who somehow had obtained the Ultraman capsule) Parzival entered the castle and we watched as he stood at the final gate with Art3mis and Aech. They seemed to be attempting to open the gate at the same time. We watched in horror as they raised their keys and Parzival said, "Three is a magic number." Two additional keyholes appeared and the three of them approached the crystal door together and turned them in unison.
Suddenly there was a bright flash and all of our feeds went dead. We instinctively looked out our viewport in the direction of the planet, but because it was several lightyears away, there was no chance we would see a flash. When the orders finally came down we quickly made our way through a nearby stargate and rushed back to the castle. But there was no castle, just a gate hovering in the air above a crater. The devastation was unreal.
Opening the gate was simple now that we had watched them do it. We entered in groups of three leaving 2 avatars behind to twiddle their thumbs and Sorrento took over for one of our lowest ranking members. We started "Tempest" and though I performed well, it was incredible to see Sorrento's abilities. This dude could game. His mastery of these controls was amazing and I felt like a rookie in comparison.
Once that was complete we jumped into Holy Grail. I had a blast at this one. Once I got the person with the script that kept reading the lines for me to shut up. I was then able to slip into the various characters and only lost points when I would crack up laughing. I was in the middle of arguing and chopping limbs from the Black Knight, when I was unceremoniously expelled from the gate. For a moment, I thought I must have made catastrophic error in the dialogue, but the updated scoreboard told the true story. Parzival had obtain the egg.
A short time later, a Parzival appeared before us. He wore the long black robes of Anorak. There was a long beat of hesitation and then we all instinctively reached for our weapons. And then we all died, instantly, right where we stood.
And that is it. That is how it all happened.
I testify that I had absolutely no knowledge of any attempt on the life of Wade Watts or the murder of Toshiro Yoshiaki. I performed no tasks out side of the IOI office in the real world and did not in any way participate in any criminal activities. This is my official account of the events and I have given this deposition under oath and before witnesses. If any errors exist they are unintentional. I hereby swear that events have been recounted in as much detail and as accurately as memory allows.
Signed,
Stephen Cline
AKA: "TK421" "IOI-699423"