"No."
GLaDOS' head shot up and twisted into a frowning glare. Her hands left her hips and curled into fists. "Why not? I love this dress!"
Craig sat with his shoulders hunched slightly and his legs crossed with hands folded neatly on his lap. These dressing room chairs were terribly uncomfortable, and he couldn't help but shift in his seat every five minutes to relieve the pressure on his now aching tailbone. "Do you really want to know why?"
"Yes! This was my favorite of the entire set!" GLaDOS seethed. She had picked out ten or so dresses, all black and similar but still very different, and she demanded Craig give his opinion on each one. She normally wasn't so picky about what she wore, but this dress was special; it was for her and Chell's six month anniversary dinner this weekend.
Craig sighed and pushed his glasses up slightly. "It..." he paused, trying to think of a better way to phrase it. "It doesn't compliment your figure."
"It makes me look fat?"
"..more or less."
GLaDOS made a very loud frustrated noise and stormed back into the dressing room, slamming the door behind her. "I am never bringing you shopping with me again, Fact Core. You fail to find the good in anything."
Craig scoffed. "You asked my opinion and I gave it."
GLaDOS threw the dress over the top of the dressing room door and took another dress off one of the hangers. Craig heard her growl, meaning she was having trouble getting one of the straps off of a hook on the hanger, and he chuckled lightly.
"What are you laughing about out there?"
"Oh, nothing," he waved into the air, dismissing her accusations, even if she couldn't see him. "What is Chell going to wear?"
The movements ceased for a second, then started back up. "Something I picked out for her," came the firm reply.
Craig raised his eyebrows. It's not that GLaDOS had no fashion sense, but he honestly could not imagine her taking the time to find a dress she liked enough for Chell to wear. He pictured an orange evening gown of some sort; she always loved Chell in orange. "What is it?"
"A very, very nice suit."
Craig outright laughed this time, slapping the arm of the chair.
"What? What's so funny?"
He couldn't help the cheeky tone that leaked into his voice. "I didn't know you were that kind of lesbian, GLaDOS."
She pounded her fist against the door twice with an angry growl. "Fact Core, laugh at me again, and I will throw you into the incinerator," she said with every bit of seriousness she could muster.
"There aren't any incinerators anymore."
"I will find one."
He scoffed. "If you can find an incinerator, you can throw me into it."
GLaDOS huffed, and Craig saw her slip her narrow feet into the dress and pull it up. She fumbled with the lock on the door and pushed it open with one hand. Two thin straps dangled off of her shoulders and she pressed the dress that threatened to slip off of to her chest firmly; she turned around so her back faced Craig and she gestured to the zipper.
Craig lifted himself up out of his chair and pulled the zipper up, smoothing out the fabric slightly, before helping her pull the straps up over her shoulders. GLaDOS stepped in front of the full length mirror that stood off to the side, admiring herself; she complained constantly about this human body, but even she had to admit, it was quite attractive. For a human, anyway.
She turned to Craig and narrowed her golden brown eyes. "You had better say something nice about it, because this is the last one and I'm sick of trying these on."
He settled back into his seat and steepled his fingers, carefully evaluating this final dress. He eventually nodded. "Yes, actually, I believe this is the dress you've been searching for."
GLaDOS' eyes widened. "Honestly?"
He nodded again, with a bit more fervor. "It doesn't make your legs look so short and you don't look so pear-shaped-"
Her head whipped away from the mirror and she nearly growled, "Thank you, Fact Core. I appreciate your opinion."
Craig ignored her. "Although your shoulders look a little bonier-"
"Thank. You. Craig." GLaDOS hissed through her gritted teeth.
He opened his mouth to continue, then closed it, figuring he had made his point. He watched her straighten the dress by tugging at its hem, turn a full circle, and run her hands down her clothed sides. She seemed satisfied with it, he supposed.
"Alright, we found a dress," GLaDOS stepped back into the dressing room and firmly shut the door behind her. "Let me change out of this and we can go to Victoria's Secret."
...Victoria's-?
Craig's eyes narrowed and his features twisted in confusion. "Why are we going to a lingerie shop?"
The door opened just enough so GLaDOS could peek her face out. "I need to find a pair of matching stockings." And with that, the door slammed shut again.
Craig groaned and sunk even lower into his seat. It was going to be a long day of sitting in uncomfortable chairs, watching his former superior parade around a dressing room in stockings and a somewhat revealing dress.
Damn, if only he was attracted to women.