i dare you to let me be... your one and only
It was drizzling outside, but Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Gibby, and Mrs. Benson were inside in Carly's apartment.
"I'm... gay... I like girls," Carly announced softly, her bottom lip trembling. She didn't want her friends to push her away. What if they couldn't accept her? "I have a girlfriend."
Spencer's jaw slightly dropped.
Freddie stared in shock.
Gibby's eyebrows raised slowly.
Mrs. Benson was surprised on the inside, but stared blankly ahead on the outside.
And Sam. Sam didn't take it well at all. She stood up from the couch in rage, her breathing becoming heavier as if she were about to cry.
"Sam..." Carly whispered, terrified.
Before Carly could say anything else, Sam bolted out of the apartment slamming the door shut. The tears Carly was holding in started sliding down her face. She looked at everyone in the room and she felt they were all judging her, like she would never be the same Carly that obsessed over boys all the time.
She ran up to her room in tears. She cried herself to sleep that night and Spencer kept telling her that Sam would come around and she was just in shock and that there was nothing wrong with the fact that Carly liked females.
Carly didn't believe him. He even said he'd be honored to meet her girlfriend. Carly told him to leave her alone. He agreed knowing she needed space to clear her head and calm down.
The next day was Monday and Spencer asked Carly if she wanted to stay home from school to just take a day to collect herself. She refused. Dang her oath to get perfect attendance. Plus, if the school found out about her being a lesbian, she didn't want to stay home and act ashamed of it. She wanted to walk in school with her head held high to show her classmates that she's strong.
But what if she ran into Sam? Their lockers are right near each others. Carly wanted to ask Sam something anyway. She just needed some closure and only Sam could give it to her.
So she walked into Ridgeway, only receiving a few odd looks from some people she'd been going to school with for a while. She marched up to her locker and stopped short when she noticed Sam. She was putting some books in her locker, so Carly decided to go and do the same.
After a minute of awkward silence, because Sam obviously knew Carly was there, Carly shut her locker and faced her best friend in the whole world. She was determined.
"Just let me ask you one thing," Carly demanded. "Are you still my friend?"
Sam shut her locker and turned to Carly. She shrugged, "Of course I am. That was a stupid question, don't ya think?"
"Well I was hurt... when you ran out after I confessed my biggest secret. Why'd you do that to me? It made me feel like you didn't accept me anymore, like just because I like girls we couldn't be friends anymore," Carly said, feeling her eyes moisten.
"That wasn't it at all. I was... I was shocked-"
"Yeah, everyone was. But they didn't get up and run out on me."
Sam frowned. "I didn't run out because you said you're a lesbian. I ran out because you said you have a girlfriend."
Carly was taken aback by that. "What?"
"Nothing. I just... nothing" Sam slammed her locker and walk away quickly.
Later that evening, Carly and Freddie were hanging out in the iCarly studio. It was completely silent while he stood at his tech cart editing the sequel to Moonlight Twiblood that would be airing on the next iCarly. Carly was sitting in a bean bag doing some homework.
Suddenly Freddie spoke. "How long have you... y'know, liked girls?"
She looked up at him in surprise and she felt her whole body grow sweaty with dread. She really didn't want to talk about it anymore, but it had to be done. "A long time."
"Even when I was creepily infatuated with you years and years ago?"
"No, not that long," she shook her head, putting her homework aside and standing up.
Freddie stared at her and finally shrugged his shoulders and said, "I really don't care if you like girls or boys or both. You're still the same Carly to me."
She felt like she was about to cry. His words were heartwarming, so she walked up to him and pulled him in a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
When they finished hugging, Freddie broke into a smile. "I wanna meet your girlfriend. Does she go to our school?"
Carly grinned. "No, she goes to Seattle Prep downtown." (a/n: that school doesn't exist in real life, just in my imagination.)
"Oh, then how'd you guys meet?"
"At the Groovy Smoothie. Three months ago. She's really sweet. Her name is Kelsey." Carly started blushing slightly. She couldn't help it when she talked about her girlfriend. "We've been dating for like two months now. And I hated keeping it a secret, that I was dating a girl. Honestly, I didn't realize I liked girls when I met her. But she told me straight up that she was a lesbian and one night she ended up kissing me and it felt... good, better than when I kiss guys."
Freddie found himself smiling brightly. "I'm really happy for you."
"Thanks," she chuckled quietly.
"How's Sam coping with the news? Do you know? I didn't see her at school at all," Freddie gulped.
"Well she was there. She told me..." Carly hesitated to continue. She fiddled her thumbs awkwardly. "She told me she didn't leave because I liked girls, but because I had a girlfriend."
Freddie's eyebrows raised quickly. "What?"
"Yeah, I don't get it either." Carly crossed her arms and bit her bottom lip.
"You should invite Sam over so we can plan the Messin' With Lewbert we said we'd do for the next show."
"Sure. I don't know if she'll show up, though."
"It's worth a shot," Freddie said quietly, rubbing Carly's back when she started frowning deep in thought.
Sam said she was still friends with Carly, but she just wasn't acting like it. Keeping secrets? They promised not to keep secrets. That hurt Carly... a lot. She cared about Sam.
Carly and Freddie waited an hour for a text from Sam to say if she was coming or not.
"What, now she's not even responding to my texts?" Carly asked, irritated.
Freddie sighed. "Carly, calm down, okay? Maybe she fell asleep or something-"
Suddenly Carly's cell phone started vibrating. She grabbed it in a split second and then groaned. "It's not Sam. It's Kelsey." She read the text speedily. "She wants to see a movie tomorrow."
"Sounds like someone's going on a date with their girlfriend tomorrow." He grinned. "What movie are you gonna see?"
Carly didn't answer him. She stared at her phone, not texting back, not blinking, it barely looked like she was breathing.
Freddie grew concerned. "Carly? What's the matter?"
She gulped. "Look at this text slowly."
He grabbed the phone and read the text aloud. "Hey Emma wanna see a movie tomorrow? Love you. xoxo." He looked up at Carly blankly. "Who's Emma?"
"Who's Emma? Who's Emma? Emma is not me. Emma is someone else! Emma is another girl who Kelsey loves! Emma is another girl who Kelsey wants to see a movie with tomorrow night! Not me. She loves Emma, not me!" Carly was shouting angrily, tears starting to trail down her cheeks.
Freddie was in shock. He's never seen Carly like this. She broke down crying and he wrapped an arm around her. "Hey, hey. Shhh."
"I'm such a screw up. I came out of the friggin' closet only to find out my girlfriend is cheating on me!" She cried into Freddie's shoulder and he didn't say anything until she calmed down a bit.
"Maybe you should talk to Kelsey."
"And what's that gonna do?"
"It's gonna make her feel like a fool for sending the wrong text to the wrong girlfriend and also for having more than one girlfriend, and if you do it when you're totally calmed down you could possibly turn it into a big deal making her feel like an even bigger fool. Karma," he said softly.
She nodded. "I'm gonna text her and ask her to meet me at Groovy Smoothie."
"Do you want back up?"
"No. I wanna make her feel like an ass alone, but thanks." There was a moment of silence. "It's amazing how everything can be fine one minute and the next you're heart feels like it was ripped out and stopped on."
"You wanted to talk to me about something?" Kelsey asked Carly happily. Kelsey had long brown hair, like Carly's, but longer. She was tanner too. They were sitting across from each other at the Groovy Smoothie, and Carly was anything but happy.
"My name isn't Emma," Carly stated, getting right to the point.
"Um, what do you mean... I-"
"I mean, you sent me a text message that I'm pretty sure you meant to send to Emma, whoever that is." Carly pulled out her phone and showed her the text. "Explain this, please? And don't lie to me."
Kelsey was in complete shock. Her face had turned red and she'd started feeling nauseous. "Um... I-I just... I didn't. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I never wanted this to happen." Tears started forming in her eyes.
Carly took a deep breath to stop her tears from even forming, though she wanted to just curl up on her bed and cry. "Kelsey... we're over. And before you even ask, no. We can't try and stay friends." She stood up and walked out of the Groovy Smoothie, wiping a tear that had fallen the second she turned away from Kelsey.
The sky was starting to turn a burgundy, orange color. Carly looked up at it and decided to go to Sam's house. She had to talk to her, because she didn't have a girlfriend anymore so hopefully Sam could start telling the truth.
As Carly approached the front door, she held her breath. And finally let it out when she knocked. A moment later, Pam Puckett opened the door.
"What?" Pam asked Carly rudely. "I'm in the middle of watching a stupid television show and eating a big bucket of chicken wings."
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I just came over to see Sam. Is she here?"
"Yeah, she's in her room. Go on up there."
Carly smiled politely. "Thank you." And she walked swiftly to Sam's room to find the door closed. Should she knock or just barge in? It didn't take her long to quietly start knocking on the door.
"Go away!" Carly heard from inside. Then she heard a soft sniffle, which made her grow concerned. Sam was... crying?
"Sam, I'm not going away. I need to talk to you." Silence. "Please." Silence. "You're my best friend and I need you right now. Best friends are supposed to be there for each other. So please open the door... please."
There was a suspenseful silence as Carly waited for the door to open. And it never did. So she took the liberty Sam uses at her apartment to just open the door fearlessly.
She shut it roughly and saw Sam cuddled up under her covers. She looked miserable. At least they could be miserable together. Carly sat at the end of the bed.
"Sam, what's wrong?" she whispered.
"Everything," Sam answered quietly.
"Define everything."
"Shouldn't you be off with your little perfect lesbian girlfriend?"
"No," Carly said softly. "No, because I dumped her."
Sam sat up quickly. "Why?"
Carly shrugged. "She cheated on me." It hurt to say. It hurt a lot. This is the second time she's been cheated on. She can't trust guys, she can't trust girls. Goodness.
Sam patted Carly's back and frowned. "Sorry, kid."
"Thanks. So can you explain why you're so upset now?"
"Um, I'd rather not. You should probably go home now, anyway. It's getting late."
"Sam," Carly started, "please tell me the truth. You said you ran out of the room because I told everyone I had a girlfriend. But why? Is it because I kept it a secret for a while or?"
Sam stayed silent. She hated this. She never wanted to be in this position right now.
"Sam, answer me please."
"No."
"No?"
"That wasn't the reason I was upset. And I don't know if you can tell, but I'm still not over it."
Carly sighed. "Over what? Sam, you're my best friend. You have to give me some answers or-"
Her statement was cut short when she felt lips pressed against hers. It happened so quickly she could barely react. She opened her eyes wide. Sam was kissing her! Holy crap! Sam's hands stroked Carly's cheeks gently. It was probably the most gentle Sam's ever touched anything before. She deepened it and then slowly pulled away, partly in shock from what she'd just done.
"I'm not over you," Sam whispered.
Carly's heart was beating fast and hard. She felt like she might faint from how sudden this all was. "What?"
"I like you. I've... had a crush on you for a while now. I couldn't help it. You're beautiful. You're perfect."
"What?" she repeated in the same manner.
"Carly, can you say something besides 'what'? I'm kind of freaking out right now because I just kissed you and you're not doing anything about it."
"Yeah..." She stood up sluggishly. "Um... I have to go help Spencer with dinner," she stammered, turning away from Sam.
Sam's eyes widened and she stood up quickly facing Carly's back. "You're leaving? I just... I don't know if you remember what just happened a minute ago, but I just told you how I feel about you, Carly. I gave you answers, now you have to give me some."
"I'm just... shocked." Carly faced Sam promptly. "I don't know what to... how to think right now. I can barely comprehend what just happened."
"Well, you're using big words. I guess you can still think pretty well," Sam smiled, trying to lighten the mood. She felt sick to her stomach. She felt rejected. How would she and Carly ever go back to being friends?
Carly giggled. "I guess so. I'm sorry, I just feel... confused. I just broke up with someone because they cheated on me and then I visit you and you kiss me. That's some pretty quizzical stuff."
"I can only imagine." There was a moment of silence. "Um, do you wish I hadn't kissed you?"
Carly broke into a grin. "Nope. Not to make this situation any weirder, but I love you more than a sister sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yeah. I mean, I've never actually considered us before."
"Well, what do you think about us now?"
"I think it could work."
Sam flashed a small smile and walked closer to Carly. They stared at each other for a few moments awkwardly, until Carly made the first move. She leaned forward and kissed Sam with all her might, wrapping her arms around Sam lovingly. Sam's arms moved up to Carly's shoulders. They stood there kissing until they needed air.
"Wait, what?" Freddie practically shouted.
Sam grabbed Carly's hand and squeezed it, flashing her a smile. They were standing in front of Freddie, Spencer, Gibby, and Mrs. Benson again. Deja vu.
"Sam and I are going out now," Carly said again.
Spencer looked like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what. And Gibby just stood up and said, "I kind of saw it coming," and walked out. Mrs. Benson smiled, probably thinking to herself that she didn't have to worry about Freddie dating Sam or Carly ever again.
Freddie stood up in rage. "Sam, what... since when are you... Since when do you like females?"
"Since when do you talk to me like that?"
"Sorry, but I'm kind of in shock right now!"
Sam sighed. "You'll get over it, okay?"
"No! Sam, I was going to ask you to prom!"
Sam's was taken aback. "Whoa... You were?"
"Yes! Remember that whole night in the elevator and the 'I love you' 'I love you too' exchange?" His face was turning red with rage.
"Oh, yeah. But that was a long time ago. You can find another girl to fall in love with again. I know I did," she smirked devilishly. Carly laughed.
Freddie took a few deep breaths. "Okay, okay. I'm just gonna go to my room and calm myself and try to move on..." He walked out and Mrs. Benson walked out after him.
Spencer stood up stiffly and faced his sister and his sister's girlfriend. "Uh, I kinda wanna hear the whole story as to how you two started... dating, y'know, to help me process this."
"Sit down then," Sam replied. He did as told.
"It's quite an interesting story, Spencer. I'm not sure you'll like some of the things you hear, but you'll learn to accept it hopefully," Carly said, sitting beside him. Sam sat on the other side of him.
"Well," Spencer said curiously, "what do you mean?"
"Kissing. Girly lesbian kissing," Sam answered.
"Oh... Start the story and get it over with, please," he begged. "This day is just so weird."
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