It became a monster in my head. The assumptions that Victor was sick, the reasons to why his hair was supposedly thinning. It grew and became something I just had to do something with.

This isn't going to be easy. For me, for you or for Victor and Yuuri. But I hope we can take this journey together, and maybe cry together at the end.

He could watch him for hours. Watch and marvel over how he told stories with his body. Watch as every muscle played a part in painting all those moments, all those pictures. He never grew tired of it. Or of him.

The season was slowly coming to a close. Just Worlds left for them now, two weeks away. Victor had a good feeling. Even though Yuuri still hadn't managed to secure a gold medal in one of the bigger championships, his form was peaking. He was stronger, more together, more focused. The past year had done marvellous things for his self-esteem, and Victor felt confident that it would be Yuuri's turn. He was bringing it home.

As Yuuri skated past him, doing a backward crossover, he realised that he'd never felt so happy and content with his life. Like an anno Yuuri and a before Yuuri existed. Before meeting him, his life had been lonely. Lonely, but full of other things that really didn't matter in the long run. And now, it was the opposite. His life was full, full to the brim, with things that were important. Things that mattered. Things he wanted to experience every day, in countless ways.

"Looking good! I want more tonus, though. Posture! No, not like that. Come!"

Yuuri was quick to skate over to him. They were braiding their fingers together as quickly as they could when they met.

"Yuuri, think more like this," Victor illustrated the feel he wanted. "See? If you lean your head back as you come out of it, like you're longingly looking for something way up there, it looks better. You need to open up your chest a little more." He touched his arms, positioned him in the pose he saw in his mind. "Like so. Okay? And before the jump, you like, melt and become loose."

"You're really nitpicking now, you know?" Yuuri smiled at him and reached for his water bottle.

"It's the small things that make all the difference in the end. I'm your coach, I know these things." He winked at him, cheekily.

Yuuri kissed his hand. His lips were cool and wet after the sip of water.

"Are we done, you think? We could stay all day for all I care, but it would indeed be nitpicking." Victor couldn't really shake the feeling of being a bit tired, so he hoped that Yuuri would oblige.

"Sure. Shall we pick up things for dinner on the way home?"

"Are you cooking?"

"I might."

"Then, it's an aboslute yes!" Victor leaned in and held on to Yuuri's upper arms.

"No, not here." He flushed, as on cue.

"Tsk-tsk. Go change, I'll meet you at the entrance."

"Shall we shop here?" Yuuri pointed as they were approaching an Azbuka supermarket.

"Mhm, sounds great. What are we having tonight?" He kissed the back of Yuuri's neck swiftly as they walked through the doors.

"Anything you want specifically? And before you do, don't say me this time!"

"Point taken," Victor laughed. "Let's look around some?"

They walked down some aisles, trying to find inspiration for their dinner-to-be. They were slowly narrowing down their options.

"So," Yuuri said, "chicken or soup?"

"You're the one who had practise today. Are you hungry?"

"Very. Chicken it is then?"

"Great. The one with mozzarella and oranges?"

"Oh, I totally forgot about that one! Can you go and find the chicken and I'll go get the other things?"

They separated. Went to complete their own private missions. Victor quickly found the chicken fillets, and went to look for Yuuri. He grabbed a roll of aluminum foil, not sure if they had any at home. As far as he remembered, the chicken was supposed to be wrapped in the foil, together with the mozzarella and some slices of orange, and baked in the oven.

They met again, halfway.

"Mission accomplished?"

Yuuri nodded and presented the shopping basket so Victor could put the chicken in.

As they walked towards the checkout, Victor with his arm around Yuuri's shoulder, Yuuri spoke.

"Are you feeling better now, Victor? They still haven't called?"

Truth be told, he was feeling tired. It was as if the cold he had a couple of weeks ago just wouldn't give in. It annoyed him greatly. So much that he'd seen a doctor the week before, one that Yakov knew personally. He had been involved with several Russian skaters before, and had excellent credentials. The doctor had ordered blood tests and even x-rayed Victor's chest just to rule out a possible pneumonia. Victor was still waiting for the results. He wanted to be done with it, get whatever medication he was prescribed so that he could get his energy back as soon as possible.

"Still nothing, no."

Yuuri paused for a second. He looked up at him, with concern. "But how are you feeling?"

"I'm just a bit tired, Yuuri. That's all." He ruffled his hair a bit. "Probably some infection or the like. Nothing to worry about." But I love that you do.

As they came home, Victor went out with Makkachin and Yuuri headed straight for the shower.

He relished the feeling of hot water against his muscles. He suddenly felt a little sting inside. The best thing for aching muscles was, without doubt, a hot spring. He suddenly longed for parents and sister. In Hasetsu. Once we're done with Worlds, maybe we can go there?

Yuuri hadn't been to Japan for quite some time. He made a quick head count. It was approximately a year and a half ago, before he had moved to St. Petersburg. He called his parents every once in a while, but it wasn't really the same as seeing them. He decided that he would ask Victor about it at dinner.

He dried himself and got dressed. It was time to make something to eat.

Victor could tell that there was something on Yuuri's mind. When he was thinking about something, his whole persona changed. He became fidgety, nervous.

"What's wrong?"

"Eh? No, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking, when we're done with Worlds, do you think we... do you think we could go to Japan? Together?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course we can go! I would love to see your family again."

Yuuri blushed slightly. "Oh, good. It's just... I would like to see them since it's been such a long time. And... uh... after Worlds, if I win, I... uh..."

Victor reached for Yuuri's hand. As soon as it made contact with his, he put it to his lips.

"Of course. You want to do it there? You've thought about it?"

"Well, we can't do it there officially, but... I would love to include my family in some way. We could have a dinner out or something, you know?"

"We can do a dry run," Victor exclaimed. "Like a dress rehearsal? Get a feel of it before it happens for real?" And you're still thinking that you have to win gold before it happens? How I love you. You couldn't be more wrong.

Yuuri responded with a beaming smile. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me! Of course we'll go there. Especially for that."

Victor stood up and walked over to Yuuri. Placed himself on his lap, straddling him. He put his hands in his hair, brushing it back slightly as he kissed him. The taste of oranges lingered in his mouth.

"Thank you," Victor breathed. "For dinner." Yuuri's hands rested on his hips. "I'll clear the table," he continued, "and maybe you could get the dog out of the bed? I think it's going to be occupied very soon."

They decided that Victor would take care of the dishes first. Or, rather, it was Yuuri's decision.

It wasn't too bad of a deal, really. Yuuri kept him company, mostly by hugging him from behind as he stood by the sink. Teasing him on occation, by saying that he'd missed a spot. By touching him in places that weren't involved with the actual deed of washing dishes.

"You have to stop, I can't concentrate," Victor cooed. Not meaning a single word he just said. As Yuuri grew bolder, now stroking the inside of his thigh, Victor had to turn around. He needed to face him and his mouth. Strange how they just had food and drinks, but he still felt a hunger.

The glass shattered against the floor as Victor dropped it.

"Shit!"

"No! No, no, no, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Victor!"

"Don't say you're sorry," Victor said as he trailed Yuuri's lips with his own. "I enjoyed myself."

Yuuri's cheeks grew slightly red. "I'll help you, watch out for the shards. I'll get the hoover if you can collect the bigger ones."

They looked at each other, hugged once more and smiled with the hopes of continuing what they started.

The mood never waned. As soon as the glass was disposed of, they were quick to find each other again. Resuming the touching from before. Fighting with their clothes to gain access to naked skin. Wanting to celebrate, to taste and to experience a closeness that was theirs and theirs alone.

The ambition to reach the mutual goal pushed them onwards. Onwards until they succeeded, together.

Victor woke up with a jerk. His phone was ringing, but not in the bedroom. He hurriedly jumped out of bed and headed towards the sound. When he found the phone, in the kitchen next to the dishrack, he didn't recognise the number. He decided to answer anyway.

"This is Victor."

"Hello Victor, it's Dr. Kudryavtsev. Did I wake you?"

"Hello, doctor. Yes, you could say that."

"I'm sorry. I'm calling to tell you that we have the results of your bloodwork and x-rays now and I would like to meet with you to discuss them. Can you come to the clinic, you think?"

"Come in? Sure, but why?"

"It's standard procedure."

"Um, okay." Victor sifted his hand through his hair. It felt messy. "At what time?"

"Maybe in an hour, if it's possible for you?"

"In two hours, would that be okay?"

"Absolutely. See you in two hours."

"Yes, thank you. Bye."

"Bye, Victor."

Victor hung up. Not knowing that in two hours time, his life would change forever.

"Victor?" Dr. Kudryavtsev extended his hand. "Nice to see you again. Come, follow me."

They walked in silence. Victor following the physician like a shadow. After a short walk through the hallway, the doctor stopped and opened the door to his office.

"I took the liberty of inviting a colleague, Victor. He's going to talk to you too."

Strange. His voice sounds strained. Not like before.

Victor entered, saw another man dressed in a long white coat. They shook hands as he presented himself as Dr. Popyrin. The two doctors sat down and Victor did the same after taking off his coat and folded it over the armrest.

"So," Kudryavtsev said, "we've been looking over your test results. Luckily, no infection or pneumonia. However, I..."

Victor's heart started to beat harder inside of him. He didn't like the hesitation in the physician's voice, nor how he compulsively wanted to look at a sheet of paper instead of keeping eye contact.

Kudryavtsev cleared his throat. "However, I must inform you that we've found something else. Which is good. We caught it early and it must be treated as soon as possible."

"I'm sorry," Victor said with a slight hesitation, "but what do you mean?"

Kudryavtsev finally looked him in the eye. His light blue eyes were vibrating, and he was swallowing again and again.

"It's never pleasant, having talks like this," the doctor sighed, "but I'm so sorry to tell you that we've found an anomaly in your left lung, Victor. We're pretty sure it's cancer."