I don't sleep so well at night, waking up and shivering from the remnants of my dreams, broken fragments of past memories: the morning of my Trial, the physical exam, the written, the interview, the faces of the other kids while we waited for our results. I remember two admins dragging me to another truck with a bunch of other kids in it. We were taken to a facility to be cut up and left to die in a basement of corpses. Only I didn't. I survived. But the Republic doesn't know that.
I stare at the thin ceiling over my head. I lay on the hard wooden floor, arms folded behind my hand, legs stretched out. Across the room from me is Tess, the little orphan girl I found while I was out looking for lunch. She stuck around. Now she's here. She's got her uses- her innocent look sometimes score us free leftovers. Most times she's good at chatting up vendors, distracting them so they wouldn't even feel it when I pick their pocket. Our teamwork's been improving since she stayed with me. Feeding two people isn't that hard and it's nice to have company sometimes. Especially since I can't go back to my family.
My family. That's the only reason why I came back to Lake. The building we're staying in is right outside the neighborhood I used to live in, the broken window facing the direction of my family's house. I can watch them from a distance and they wouldn't even know I'm in the area. I roll to my side and pull myself up, glancing out to see what they're up to.
A candle shines brightly in the windowsill. I know it's John, waiting for me to come home from my Trial. He'd been doing that for the last three years. He used to sit by the front door and wait but the cold air drives him back inside and now he does it from his room with a candle lit. I can almost imagine what goes on inside- John, sitting on his bed, eyes pointed to the door. Eden, curled beside him to try to get as warm as he can by sleeping close to him. Mom, quietly looking at John and contemplating whether or not to tell him to go to bed. She'd know he wouldn't listen. She'd go to bed herself and wish I'd walk in through the door.
I want to. I want to, so badly, but I can't. If the Republic knows I'm still alive, they'd come after me and my family and do whatever it was they did to stop the secret from leaking. It was goddy stupid, how they'd flaunt their strength and riches by doing stuff like terrorizing impoverished neighborhoods like Lake. That's what the rich do, though. They hide behind their fake smiles and medals and honor.
Tess stirs out of the corner of my eye. She lifts her head and blinks at me. She's a little nearsighted but she sees me clearly at this distance. She yawns. "Morning."
"Morning." She never calls me by name. She just calls me whatever is convenient- hey, you, hey you, anything that'd catch my attention. I never told her it because I don't know whether or not I should let her know my real name. Daniel. Daniel Altan Wing. I don't feel like a Daniel. I don't know what I am anymore.
Tess starts shivering from the cold. Winters in Lake are always harsh and the thin walls of these buildings are nothing compared to the thick ones in the wealthier sectors. I sit down beside her and let her take comfort in some of my body heat. We stay like that for a while, huddled together, until I say we should get some breakfast. She agrees and we stand up. I let her wear my jacket.
Not a lot of people venture out of their homes during winter so the streets and alleyways are empty, quiet. It also means the vendors are less likely to stand in the cold and freeze their toes off so there isn't many of them to steal from. Food scraps left overnight are cold and hard to eat. Getting something hot is pretty tough to accomplish but we do what we can.
We don't find much for breakfast so we walk around to try to find someone to steal from. I used to like winter because it was actually nice, back when I had a house and family but now, it reminds me of a lot of painful memories. Then there was my leg to complain about- it always got stiff when the weather took a turn for worse and it made it hard for me to get around fast. Tess usually knows when I needed to stop and usually did when I didn't want to. I'm not weak. I can handle it.
In the end, we couldn't salvage much and had to resort to some of our food rations. We eat in the evening and Tess starts dozing afterwards. I turn to my own private stash of items I managed to loot over the months and gather them up, hiding them in a moth-eaten jacket I found at the bottom of a trash bin. They were all items for my family- thin wool gloves for Mom, some broken pens and electrical wires for Eden- he was always making something with the junk lying around on the street so hopefully he could use these for his work- and for John, I found him a scarf that was torn in half but sewn together in exchange for five Notes. Tess asked me if I was going to wear it and I said no. She never asked me again. I take a bundle of Notes from our stash and use the scarf to wrap around them. Then I fold them into the jacket and tie the sleeves together.
I shake Tess awake. "Tess. Tess, wake up." She snaps awake, blinking blearily at me. "Listen, I need you to do something for me."
"What…?" she yawns, blinking again when I shove the bundle of gifts in her arms. She looks at it. "What's this for?"
"I need you to drop them off at a house. Here, look." I stand and limp to the window. She crawls after me and squints to see which house I was pointing at. "That house. Drop it off at the door and run. Run to the end of the block and turn the corner. Then come back here. Okay?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Just do it. For me." Please, I want to add, but don't. I mean, yeah, sending a girl into the cold after walking around in it all day was cruel but this is important. Really important.
She's silent for a moment longer and then nods. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, cousin." I gently nudge her in the right direction. She disappears outside and I lose track of her for a second because of how dark it is. Then I find her.
She's soundless, running over the frozen ground with the bundle in her arms. She stops in front of my family's house, double-checking it was it, and then steps forward to drop off the bundle at the door. She pauses again, and knocks on it. Then she runs off, running faster than I could at the moment. I forget all about her when the door opens and my mom steps out. I feel my breath catching in my throat.
My mom looks thin, thinner than I last saw her, which was only last month. She swings her head around and looks down, noticing the bundle. She kneels down and unties it. I see her face lighting up in delight and she turns to call my brothers out. I catch a glimpse of Eden but it's brief and John shoves him back inside so he wouldn't get cold. I feel my heart lurching at the sight of my brother. It's been so long since I saw anything remotely close to happiness on their faces. Mom sweeps up the bundle and closes the door. After a while, it looks like nothing happened at all.
Tess comes back to me breathless and shivering. She pulls my jacket closer around her and I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. "Thank you," I murmur. "Thank you."
"Who were they?" she asks quietly. I don't let go of her.
"My family."
"Why can't you go back to them? Did they throw you out?"
"No." My voice falters for a moment. I clear my throat. "They didn't. It's…complicated. Some stuff happened and I had to go away. I can't go back there. Not yet. Anyway, thanks, cousin. For doing that."
She hugs me back. "No problem."
Minutes later, she starts dozing again. I look out the window and see the candle in my family's window. John is still waiting for me. I'm waiting too, waiting for the right time to go to him and let him know I'm still alive. But that time isn't now. Not yet.
For now, this will do.
Author's Note: This is my first time attempting fanfic and I hope I did Day justice in his point of view. I was inspired for this by Cha-Ching by Imagine Dragons so you might find some lines of the song in the story. Thanks for reading and let me know how what you think!
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend. Everything belongs to Marie Lu and her brilliance.