One Last Embrace, my Angel
Luxuriating in his koibito's soft feathery touch, Shinji stretched, and pressed himself closer to the warm flesh of the man he adored next to him, inhaling the deep, musky scent. He nuzzled Kaworu's neck, and felt inexplicably content as he felt his lover's hands settle in his short ruffle of dark brown hair, softly stroking the silky locks with infinite tenderness and affection.
"K-Kaworu...?"
"Hai, aijin?"
A smile faintly brushed over Shinji's delicate lips, and shone outward in his eyes more than in the slight quirk of his mouth, "What do you want to do tomorrow?"
This statement made Kaworu's arms, chest, and back sting and pulse with incredible pain. The searing pain was unbearable, yet he pretended it was not there. Twisting the grimace he wore on his face into a smile, he looked down at Shinji's calmly expectant face, and pressed his lips against his. He watched as the one he cared about began to smile softly again.
"Be with you, Shinji."
"Mmmm..."
****
Shinji lay alone in the wide hospital bed, tears running down his face in silent tracks. Time and again, his friends and coworkers had tried to speak to him, to reach out and touch his shoulder, but he had always brushed them away. His face had crumpled as soon as the rescue team had gone out onto the battlefield to bring him out of the Evangelion. The cockpit was opened, and they all looked upon him with amazement as they saw his widened eyes, looking forward with terror, and his trembling body. He looked over at them, the look on his face not changing until what seemed like hours later to him, and then his eyes shut tight, and his mouth drew together. Tears began to fall. The crew reached over and helped him out of the cockpit. Once out, his tears stopped, and he broke free of their grasp, hurling himself to forward to attack the very machine that had saved his life so many times. But it had killed his Kaworu, and he would never look upon it without hatred and contempt again. Pounding his fists into it, he had gained incredible fury for a few moments, but soonafter stopped. Clutching his chest, the throbbing pain in his heart too unbearable for him to stay upright, he sank to his knees and wept. The rest stood transfixed, in utter confusion as they watched the frail boy before them, curled into a tight ball, sobbing quietly at first, then louder and louder as the minutes ticked by.
Captain Katsuragi had come rushing out. It had taken far more time to get Eva 01's pilot inside than it should have. She came out, a worried yet angry look on her face. She saw the crowd of people distanced in a ring around the fragile boy in the center.
"Oi! What the hell is going on? You should have been-" she stopped short as she heard sobs coming from Shinji. She knelt down beside him and touched him gently, "Hey, you have to come inside now. We have to treat your wounds...."
He whirled around, but still spoke in soft whispers despite the look of anger and disbelief, "I won't get my wounds treated until I see Kaworu...." He waited for some reaction other than the awkward, pitying stares that he got from the crew, "Let me see him!"
Misato knelt down, her features drawn together with worry as she forced his eyes to meet with hers. The trembling boy stood fixed to the spot, unable to move under her firm yet caring gaze that already told him the words he dreaded hearing before she spoke them aloud.
"Shinji, he died out there."
"No..." he said shakily, "He-he couldn't have died...."
"He did...."
Shinji sat for a moment, whimpering louder and louder by the moment. He slowly got to his feet, still making soft cries of pain. He was nearly into the NERV facility when he tried to run. The crew blocked his path and held back his arms as he struggled to break free.
"He's still out there! He's waiting for me, I know he is! Let me see him! Don't stop me from seing him!"
"Listen to me Shinji!" Misato firmly grasped his shoulders and looked into his eyes, "Kaworu is gone! He's gone!"
Shinji stood stiff for a moment, his features twisting until finally it all escaped him in a loud scream that eventually faded to a howl, then a moan. The crew once again picked him up, and he went limp in a dead faint.
****
As he awoke, he stirred slightly, feeling around next to him, wondering where Kaworu-kun had gone off to so early in the morning. And then he remembered. Kaworu had died, out in the battlefield, and he had killed him. Surprisingly, he was too numb to weep, for all he felt was emptiness. All meaning in his life had been drained, all that was left was the shattered pieces of his bubble of tranquility that Kaworu had created, that had been brutally smashed when he left. And the pieces that were left were so filled with lost happiness that could never be experienced again, that they cut through Shinji's heart like slivers of glass.
"Shinji-kun.....?" Misato stood above him, looking down at him worriedly, "Are you going to be all right?"
"I don't know," he whispered, staring blankly at the ceiling, his eyes never flitting to the probing gaze directed at him.
"Would you like to rest some more?" she asked, now more concerned than before. She adjusted her posture so that her face was closer to his, and this forced him to look into her gentle expression.
"It doesn't matter to me," he said piteously, a look of defeat passing over his countenance, a sign to Misato that his emotions were flooding back into the fragile boy in front of her. His eyes looked dull at first glance, but upon staring into them for several quiet minute, she saw an incredible pain that ran deeper than the shadows radiating out of them. It was the pain of a small child, frightened, and left alone then finally finding a home wherein he felt welcome, and having it all taken away, now left alone again, with nowhere, and no one, to turn to. It was the pain of one who had been rejected far too many times, and then torn away from the one thing that could have pulled him out of the sea of pain that was slowly drowning him. Now he was jerked back into the waters, farther in, and with less hope than before. Misato left the room silently, leaving the door open a crack.
Shinji slowly raised himself out of the hospital bed, and stared at the blank wall. The seconds pounded in his ears as he stared forward, trying to concentrate on anything but Kaworu. His shoulders slumped, and memories of smiling red eyes came flying at him. He remembered the day that Kaworu had given him a shoulder massage after a long day, to relieve the stress that had gathered in his shoulders. He leaned backwards, imagining that Kaworu's hands were on his shoulders again. He fell back on to the bed, hid head softly landing on something very warm, and he felt hands on his face, that were incredibly soft and gentle. Large blinking red eyes that seemed to shimmer with kindness were staring down at him, and Shinji's mouth hung open as he stared up at Kaworu's smiling face. Shinji scrambled up, his mouth still hanging in shock, and his eyes wider than they had ever been. Suddenly, he leapt up into the air, and flew into Kaworu's arms, holding him with no intention of ever letting go. Kaworu ran his hands across the dark haired boy's back, easing out the tension as he had done many days before. Feeling his relax in his arms, Kaworu gently laid the boy out on the bed, tenderly stroking the side of his face with a slender finger. Shinji, quite relieved that his koibito had come back to him, fell asleep still clinging to Kaworu's arm. Sadly, he let go of the sleeping boy that he so dearly longed to hold again, and left, but not without leaving a small message for Shinji that he would find on the table next to him when he woke, and a kiss. A kiss destined to be their last for a very long time.
Luxuriating in his koibito's soft feathery touch, Shinji stretched, and pressed himself closer to the warm flesh of the man he adored next to him, inhaling the deep, musky scent. He nuzzled Kaworu's neck, and felt inexplicably content as he felt his lover's hands settle in his short ruffle of dark brown hair, softly stroking the silky locks with infinite tenderness and affection.
"K-Kaworu...?"
"Hai, aijin?"
A smile faintly brushed over Shinji's delicate lips, and shone outward in his eyes more than in the slight quirk of his mouth, "What do you want to do tomorrow?"
This statement made Kaworu's arms, chest, and back sting and pulse with incredible pain. The searing pain was unbearable, yet he pretended it was not there. Twisting the grimace he wore on his face into a smile, he looked down at Shinji's calmly expectant face, and pressed his lips against his. He watched as the one he cared about began to smile softly again.
"Be with you, Shinji."
"Mmmm..."
****
Shinji lay alone in the wide hospital bed, tears running down his face in silent tracks. Time and again, his friends and coworkers had tried to speak to him, to reach out and touch his shoulder, but he had always brushed them away. His face had crumpled as soon as the rescue team had gone out onto the battlefield to bring him out of the Evangelion. The cockpit was opened, and they all looked upon him with amazement as they saw his widened eyes, looking forward with terror, and his trembling body. He looked over at them, the look on his face not changing until what seemed like hours later to him, and then his eyes shut tight, and his mouth drew together. Tears began to fall. The crew reached over and helped him out of the cockpit. Once out, his tears stopped, and he broke free of their grasp, hurling himself to forward to attack the very machine that had saved his life so many times. But it had killed his Kaworu, and he would never look upon it without hatred and contempt again. Pounding his fists into it, he had gained incredible fury for a few moments, but soonafter stopped. Clutching his chest, the throbbing pain in his heart too unbearable for him to stay upright, he sank to his knees and wept. The rest stood transfixed, in utter confusion as they watched the frail boy before them, curled into a tight ball, sobbing quietly at first, then louder and louder as the minutes ticked by.
Captain Katsuragi had come rushing out. It had taken far more time to get Eva 01's pilot inside than it should have. She came out, a worried yet angry look on her face. She saw the crowd of people distanced in a ring around the fragile boy in the center.
"Oi! What the hell is going on? You should have been-" she stopped short as she heard sobs coming from Shinji. She knelt down beside him and touched him gently, "Hey, you have to come inside now. We have to treat your wounds...."
He whirled around, but still spoke in soft whispers despite the look of anger and disbelief, "I won't get my wounds treated until I see Kaworu...." He waited for some reaction other than the awkward, pitying stares that he got from the crew, "Let me see him!"
Misato knelt down, her features drawn together with worry as she forced his eyes to meet with hers. The trembling boy stood fixed to the spot, unable to move under her firm yet caring gaze that already told him the words he dreaded hearing before she spoke them aloud.
"Shinji, he died out there."
"No..." he said shakily, "He-he couldn't have died...."
"He did...."
Shinji sat for a moment, whimpering louder and louder by the moment. He slowly got to his feet, still making soft cries of pain. He was nearly into the NERV facility when he tried to run. The crew blocked his path and held back his arms as he struggled to break free.
"He's still out there! He's waiting for me, I know he is! Let me see him! Don't stop me from seing him!"
"Listen to me Shinji!" Misato firmly grasped his shoulders and looked into his eyes, "Kaworu is gone! He's gone!"
Shinji stood stiff for a moment, his features twisting until finally it all escaped him in a loud scream that eventually faded to a howl, then a moan. The crew once again picked him up, and he went limp in a dead faint.
****
As he awoke, he stirred slightly, feeling around next to him, wondering where Kaworu-kun had gone off to so early in the morning. And then he remembered. Kaworu had died, out in the battlefield, and he had killed him. Surprisingly, he was too numb to weep, for all he felt was emptiness. All meaning in his life had been drained, all that was left was the shattered pieces of his bubble of tranquility that Kaworu had created, that had been brutally smashed when he left. And the pieces that were left were so filled with lost happiness that could never be experienced again, that they cut through Shinji's heart like slivers of glass.
"Shinji-kun.....?" Misato stood above him, looking down at him worriedly, "Are you going to be all right?"
"I don't know," he whispered, staring blankly at the ceiling, his eyes never flitting to the probing gaze directed at him.
"Would you like to rest some more?" she asked, now more concerned than before. She adjusted her posture so that her face was closer to his, and this forced him to look into her gentle expression.
"It doesn't matter to me," he said piteously, a look of defeat passing over his countenance, a sign to Misato that his emotions were flooding back into the fragile boy in front of her. His eyes looked dull at first glance, but upon staring into them for several quiet minute, she saw an incredible pain that ran deeper than the shadows radiating out of them. It was the pain of a small child, frightened, and left alone then finally finding a home wherein he felt welcome, and having it all taken away, now left alone again, with nowhere, and no one, to turn to. It was the pain of one who had been rejected far too many times, and then torn away from the one thing that could have pulled him out of the sea of pain that was slowly drowning him. Now he was jerked back into the waters, farther in, and with less hope than before. Misato left the room silently, leaving the door open a crack.
Shinji slowly raised himself out of the hospital bed, and stared at the blank wall. The seconds pounded in his ears as he stared forward, trying to concentrate on anything but Kaworu. His shoulders slumped, and memories of smiling red eyes came flying at him. He remembered the day that Kaworu had given him a shoulder massage after a long day, to relieve the stress that had gathered in his shoulders. He leaned backwards, imagining that Kaworu's hands were on his shoulders again. He fell back on to the bed, hid head softly landing on something very warm, and he felt hands on his face, that were incredibly soft and gentle. Large blinking red eyes that seemed to shimmer with kindness were staring down at him, and Shinji's mouth hung open as he stared up at Kaworu's smiling face. Shinji scrambled up, his mouth still hanging in shock, and his eyes wider than they had ever been. Suddenly, he leapt up into the air, and flew into Kaworu's arms, holding him with no intention of ever letting go. Kaworu ran his hands across the dark haired boy's back, easing out the tension as he had done many days before. Feeling his relax in his arms, Kaworu gently laid the boy out on the bed, tenderly stroking the side of his face with a slender finger. Shinji, quite relieved that his koibito had come back to him, fell asleep still clinging to Kaworu's arm. Sadly, he let go of the sleeping boy that he so dearly longed to hold again, and left, but not without leaving a small message for Shinji that he would find on the table next to him when he woke, and a kiss. A kiss destined to be their last for a very long time.