Somewhere in Egypt…
In the hide out of Marik's Evil Council of Doom Steve Umbris was singing his favorite song. "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracked corn and I don't carrrrrrrr."
"Will you shut the f$k up!" Bakura screamed. "I hate that bloody song!"
"Man don't be ruining my flow." Umbris told him.
"How many god damn times do I have to tell you?" Bakura yelled. "I don't give a damn about your bloody flow!"
"Now Bakura you have to admit it is a catchy tune." Pegasus said. "Jimmy crack…"
Bakura turned towards Pegasus and gave him a death glance. "Pegasus if you start singing that song I will conjure up every ounce of evil power in the Millennium Ring and make your life a living hell!"
"Well it wouldn't be the first time." Pegasus said. "When you removed the Millennium Eye from my socket I felt simply un-fabulous for two months."
"Just be grateful the anime didn't follow the manga version of our encounter." Bakura told him.
"Wait a second." Pegasus said. "What happened in the manga?"
But before another word could be said Marik walked into the room. "Welcome back gentlemen. I now call this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order. Now on to new business, the destruction of Yugi Muto and the Pharaoh."
"You call that new business?" Bakura asked.
"What does that mean?" Marik asked.
"Oh nothing. Just the fact that we've been having all these council meetings trying to destroy Yugi and the Pharaoh and nothings gotten done." Bakura said. "Let's face it the most productive meeting we had was the one where Melvin took control of your body and killed the Moon Steve's and Weevil with a chainsaw and then proceeded to kill Yugi with the same chainsaw spilling his guts all over the rug. And to top it all off that was just I dream I had."
"Bakura's right." Zorc said. "The most we've done was spam Yugi's YouTube profile."
"Which brings us back to why we are here." Marik said. "I have come to realize that all of our attempts at beating Yugi have failed except for spamming his YouTube profile. Which is why I say that we forget about the other plans and go back to the basics."
"Don't tell me we're going to go back to challenging him to card games?" Bakura asked.
"No you fool." Marik said. "We are going to use cyber bulling!"
"Are you serious Marik?" asked Dan Green.
"Very serious Dan Green." Marik replied. "With the plan I have we shall destroy not only the Pharaoh but his reputation and his fan base."
"Wow." Rex said. "That sounds awesome."
"Yeah he he." Weevil said. "But uh how you going to do that?"
"It is quite simple." Marik said. "We are going to post videos of the Pharaoh on websites like Facebook and MySpace and YouTube."
"How the bloody hell is that going to help?" Bakura asked.
"Using highly expensive and sophisticated video and audio editing software we shall make it seem like the Pharaoh is using the catch phrases from the worst of all the Yugioh shows." Marik said.
"You mean Yugioh GX?" Bakura asked. Marik shook his head no. "Yugioh 5DS then."
"You know something Bakura?" Marik asked. "Everyone is always saying that Yugioh 5DS wasn't that good. Personally I think it was amazing."
"You actually liked Yugioh 5DS?" Bakura asked.
"Well what's not to like? It has some pretty cool cards and not to mention all those kick ass motorcycles. And the story arcs are pretty incredible." Marik said. "And Yusei is an awesome protagonist. The only other protagonist that's as tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious as Yusei is the Pharaoh. Not to mention the fact that he has a frigging bad ass tattoo and a midriff almost as excellent as mine."
"When the bloody hell did you see Yusei's midriff?" Bakura asked.
"Well it was during that one episode where they undressed him and were shocking the hell out of him." Marik said. "I only got a chance to see it once but I could tell that Yusei had a midriff as glorious as my own."
"Well if you're not going to use Yugioh 5DS or GX quotes then that can only leave.." Bakura's face turned to one of shock. "Marik you can't be serious?"
"I am one-hundred percent serious Fluffy." Marik answered. "We are going to post videos of the Pharaoh saying the catch phrases from Yugioh Zexal." Everyone in the tomb gasped.
"Marik that is truly evil!" Dan Green said.
"What quotes are you going to use Marik?" Pegasus asked.
"We're going to put things like 'Get set to get decked' and 'I'm feeling the flow.'" Marik said.
"He said flow." Rex said.
"I don't get." Weevil said.
"Marik those are the gayest catch phrases in Yugioh since Jaden's 'Get your game on.'" Bakura said.
"Hey that's a good idea Bakura!" Marik said. "Let's use Jaden's catch phrase too."
"But how will that destroy the Pharaoh's reputation and fan base?" Zorc asked.
"Don't you get it? If the fans see these videos they'll think that the Pharaoh supports Yugioh Zexal." Marik said. "All his fans will leave him thinking he's about as gay as Zexal."
"Marik you truly are going to hell." Teddy said.
"Thank you Teddy." Marik replied. "Now everyone to the computer chamber!"
"I think I'll go to the Council of Doom library and see what exactly happened to me in the manga." Pegasus said.
"Pegasus are you sure you want to do that?" Bakura asked.
"I must know the truth Bakura." Pegasus said.
"Okay but don't say I didn't warn you." Bakura said. As everyone walked to the computer chamber Dan Green looked at Bakura and saw Bakura wearing a look of confusion.
"What's the matter Bakura?" Dan Green asked.
"Oh I'm just trying to figure out how this plan is going to come around and bite Marik in the ass like all the other plans." Bakura said.
"I heard that!" Marik yelled.
Bakura looked over at Dan Green and said "I didn't exactly whisper it did I?"
Deep beneath the ocean's surface…
Inside the break room Alister, Raphael, and Valon were sitting around a small table having lunch.
"I'll tell you mates there's nothing better than old fashion homemade wallaby stew." Valon said. Just then Dartz walked in and saw his henchmen having their lunch.
"Greetings all might and powerful Dartz." Alister said.
"What are you duschbags doin' man?" Dartz asked.
"We're having lunch boss." Raphael said.
"Why are you in here eating man? It is time for our evil council meetin' man." Dartz said.
"Crickey is it that time already?" Valon asked looking at his watch.
"Yeah man." Dartz replied.
"Well we've already made our lunches so do you think we could have the meeting in here Master Dartz?" Alister asked.
"I suppose we could man." Dartz said. Dartz walked over to the table and sat down. "Now then we must think of a pwan to defeat Marwik and Yuguy Mutoe once and for all man." Everyone just looked at each other trying to think of something.
"Doesn't anybody have an idea?" Dartz asked.
"Not that I can think of boss." Raphael said.
"What if we replaced Yugi's hair conditioner with a sort of hair dye?" Alister asked. "So that when he uses it his hair turns some ridiculous color like pink or neon."
"Man that is the oldest trick in the book man." Dartz said. "I should know man. I'm like 10,000 years old man."
"Sorry Master Dartz." Alister said.
Dartz turned to Valon and Raphael. "Do either of you two have an idea?" Raphael shook his head no.
"I've got nothing too Master Dartz." Valon said and then returning to his stew.
"What is that you're eating man?" Dartz asked.
"It's my homemade wallaby stew." Valon said. "Here let me get you a bowl." Valon went over to the pot and poured a bowl of stew for Dartz. "Here you go Master Dartz." As Valon walked towards Dartz with the hot stew he tripped over Alister's coat and spilled the stew onto Dartz's crotch. Dartz jumped up screaming "My dck's burning! My dck's burning!" Alister stood up to help but Dartz knocked into him causing a book of some kind to fall out of Alister's coat.
"I got you boss." Raphael said. Raphael then dumped an entire pitcher of water on to Dartz's crotch. Dartz calmed down and looked at his crotch.
"Man first my dck was burning up and now it looks like I pissed myself." Dartz said. Dartz saw the book on the floor and picked it up. "What's this man?" Dartz opened the book and then his eyes widened. "Man this is a book filled with Yaoi art man." Valon and Raphael came around the table and looked over Dartz's shoulder.
"Well throw another shrimp on the barby and shot the nuts off a kangaroo it's Yaoi art about us." Valon said.
Raphael looked closely at one of the pictures. "Is it just me or does this picture look like me getting it on with Master Dartz?" When the three of them looked at it closely all three villains raised their heads from the book with widened eyes and Dartz slammed it shut.
"That stuff will haunt my dweams tonight man." Dartz said. "Who's book is this anyway?" Dartz checked inside the cover of the book. "This book of Yaoi belongs to Awister." Dartz, Valon, and Raphael looked at Alister who had been trying to look innocent.
"Okay fine I'll admit it!" Alister said. "I am a Yaoi artist! And some of my pictures are of us doing strange and erotic things to each other!"
"But why?" Valon asked.
"Well you are the only guys I hang out with on a regular basis." Alister said. "And you're all really buff and masculine."
"No I meant why Yaoi." Valon said. "Why not just become a fanfic writer?"
"Oh. Well I'm not very good at writing fanfics. And I am better at drawing then anything." Alister said.
"Man where do you get the inspiration for this stuff?" Dartz asked.
"Well most of it are dreams that I've had about you guys over the years." Alister replied.
"And to think we sleep just one room down from him." Valon said.
"He sounds about as obsessed about this stuff as Marik Ishtar." Raphael said. Just them Dartz got an idea.
"I just got an idea man." Dartz said. "Awister I think there might be away for you to use your Yaoi skills to defeat Marwik."
"Really? You think my Yaoi's could bring about Mariks defeat?" Alister asked.
"Yeah it could man." Dartz said.
"Then I am at your disposal sir." Alister said. He then grabbed his book, opened to a blank page, grabbed a pen out from a coat pocket and said "Now what would you like me to draw Master Dartz?"
Meanwhile back in Egypt…
The entire council was in the computer chamber. The Moon Steve's were hard at work on the computers.
"Now then using our superior moon software rather than your primitive earth ones we were able to manipulate the Pharaohs voice so that it would sound like he himself are saying these catch phrases." Steve Luna said.
"Excellent!" Marik shouted. "Now then I command you to post those videos onto the varies websites!"
"As you wish Master Marik." Luna said.
"You know I have a feeling that this plan might actually work." Dan Green said.
"I wouldn't hold your breath." Bakura said.
"Master Marik the videos have been posted." Luna said.
"And the comments are coming in like hungry hippos man." Umbris said.
"Yes it has begun!" Marik shouted. "The fans are seeing the Pharaoh saying all these gay catch phrases and now they'll stop supporting him. His life will be cast into a sea of self-pity and loneliness! Ahaaaaaaaaaaa! We've won at last!"
"Master Marik that is not completely true." Luna said.
"What the EFF do you mean it's not true?" Marik asked. The entire council walked over to the computer screen to see the comments. "What the EFF is this sht? These people are supposed to be hating the Pharaoh right now not saying that he's awesome and quoting the quotes! How did this happen!"
"It seems you didn't take a certain key factor into your plan Marik." Bakura said.
"And what would that key factor be Bakura?" Marik asked.
"It simple. The Pharaohs voice. It's all deep and sexy so no matter what he says it will sound cool." Bakura asked. "He could say something absolutely ridiculous like 'I like boobies with jam' and with his voice it will sound cool and important."
"Curses I forgot about that!" Marik screamed. "Curse you Pharaohs voice!"
"He said bobbies." Rex said as he and Weevil laughed.
"There is one more thing you should know Master Marik." Luna said. "After checking the official Yugioh website it would seem that because of our videos the fan base and ratings for Yugioh GX and Yugioh Zexal have increased."
"Well done Marik. Thanks to you the Pharaoh has made Yugioh GX and Yugioh Zexal very popular." Bakura said.
"Alright you don't have to rub it in Fluffy." Marik said.
"Hey guys there's some kind of fan art posted on Facebook." Umbris said.
"This is no time to be checking out fan art Umbris." Marik said.
"Well I'm checking it out any way." Umbris said. He clicked on the link and the picture popped up and when it did Umbris took one look at it and then clamped his hands over his eyes stood up and ran away yelling "My eyes! My eyes! Their burning!"
"What the devil was that all about?" Bakura asked.
"I'm not sure but it must have to do with that picture he found." Marik said.
"But what is it a picture of?" Zorc asked. The council leaned in to look at the picture.
"My god it's a Yaoi pic of naked Marik having sex with a naked Yuma!" Bakura shouted.
"Who the hell would make something so horrifying?" Marik asked. He checked the comments and read aloud "Yaoi art created by Alister and posted by Dartz!"
"It seems Dartz is trying to make it seem like you're a pedophile on top of being gay Marik." Bakura pointed out.
"How many times do I have to tell you people?" Marik asked. "I am not gay!"
"Hey look people are commenting on the picture." Zorc said.
"Well then let's see what they have to say." Bakura said sitting down to the computer. "It seems like the furry Joey Wheeler has left a comment."
"What'd he say?" Dan Green asked.
"He says 'Geez Marik I always knew you were queer but this is ridiculous. You're like twice Yuma's age.'" Bakura read. Marik pushed Bakura aside and started to type his own comment. As he did he said it aloud.
"I am not gay or a pedophile! I only like women! Full grown sexy women!" Marik yelled at the computer. Then more comments came in that read 'Right.' and then Tristan left a message reading 'I don't believe you.'
"No! Because of this well-drawn picture my reputation as the most evil and straight villain in all of Yugioh is ruined!" Marik shouted. "Cures you Dartz!" Marik slumped down on the desk and started crying. Just then Pegasus came in to the computer chamber furious.
"They kill me off in the manga?" Pegasus yelled. "How could they kill me off? I created duel monsters! Without me how could the card game advance!"
"I told you you wouldn't like the truth Pegasus." Bakura said. Pegasus then noticed Marik sitting at the computer desk crying his eyes out.
"What in the name of all that's camp happen in here?" Pegasus walked over to Marik. "Marik what happened?"
Marik sat up and pointed to the computer. "This is what happened!"
Pegasus looked at the computer screen and saw the picture. "I say isn't that Yuma from Zexal?" Marik nodded yes. "Hm." Pegasus said. "I wonder if he would like to see my funny bunny."
-After Marik stopped crying they took Umbris to the hospital to get his eyes treated. Pegasus did ask Yuma if he wanted to see his funny bunny. To his disappointment Yuma declined.