White Rabbit

Written by: Rain (PolarisRain)

Rated: M

Genre: Romance x Drama

Warnings: Yaoi, citrus, language.

Pairings: Honda x Otogi, Kaiba x Honda

Notes: The long awaited sequel to Ramune! I know, a bunch of you have been looking forward to it for quite some time now. I've even taken the time to email many of my fans about the debut since I'm sure many of you have forgotten about it. Do not fret. I almost did too. However, a promise is a promise, so here it is!

Also, Carrying on with the Japanese treat themed titles, White Rabbit is a creamy rice candy, I believe. I just enjoy using White Rabbit because it comes with that whole Alice, "Down the Rabbit hole", kinda of vibe. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh or the candy, White Rabbit.

Chapter One: Self

It was a Thursday when Honda Hiroto opened his eyes in his studio apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo. His brow knit together, eyes squinting to find solace from the harsh rays of the morning sun. Through the brilliance, he could make out a moving silhouette on the other side of the divider that separated the bed from the rest of the flat.

He covered his face with a heavy hand. A cool sensation hit a small spot of his forehead. Honda didn't have to open his eyes to know what it was. It was the weight of the world, held up by his right ring finger in the form of a silver ring with a band of emeralds. Rolling over, Honda groaned to make it known that he was awake.

The silhouette stopped its motions. A pause in time. Then, a soft voice, "Good morning, Hiroto."

" 'Mornin." mumbled Honda. He removed his hand from his face to see that the silhouette formed into Otogi Ryuuji at his bedside. There was a steaming mug wrapped in both of his hands and a small smile tugging at his lips. Honda sat up and accepted the mug, "You're up late." he noted. The clock was displaying ten after eleven.

Otogi shrugged, "We don't get to spend many mornings together. I usually leave early in the morning to catch the train back to Domino. Sometimes, it's nice to sleep in." he smirked, "You make the cutest faces when you sleep."

"Meh." was the only retort Honda could muster. He sipped the coffee that Otogi had made him. Tea wasn't commonly had in the apartment. No. Tea was for children. Adults run on coffee. Honda took another swallow of coffee and watched Otogi pull out an outfit to wear. He hadn't seen Otogi when the sun was up in quite some time. He wasn't sure if it the coffee burning his insides or if it was guilt. Otogi has to wake before the crack of dawn to get to his game shop in Domino on time for work. He doesn't act as if he minds it, but deep down, Honda knows that Otogi resents him.

I'm so selfish.

It's been nearly a year since Honda had asked Otogi to pack his things and run away with him. That same day had started with Honda waking in a bed that belonged to the game making millionaire, Seto Kaiba. The man that had stolen Honda's heart and has not given it back.

Honda didn't want it back. Having a heart meant having feeling again. He was perfectly content with his life of numbed out emotions. He had a new job, a new home, and a new life. He didn't have to fret about obligations or expectations. He certainly didn't need anyone. Anybody except Otogi. Without him, Honda wouldn't be alive. Otogi, for the time being, was his heart.

"Are you going to get out of bed sometime today, Hiroto?" asked Otogi as he stripped from his pajamas, "Just because we're not working today doesn't mean we can be lazy!"

"Says who?" Honda asked, putting his mug down on a bedside table. He reached over and grabbed the other man by the hips. With a grunt, he pulled him back into the bed, "Since when do we have to be productive members of society? It's a Saturday!"

Otogi giggled and defended himself with a pillow to Honda's face. He tugged a piece of his ebony colored hair behind his ear, "It's beautiful outside, Hiroto. Don't you want to go see Tokyo? We've been here for ages and we've never taken the time to see the city. It's the capital for crying out loud!"

"I see Tokyo everyday. I deliver flowers!" Honda poked Otogi's nose lightly, "What's out there besides crowds, dirt, and urban decay?" he looked out the window. Their magnificent view from the second floor was merely an apartment above fruit market. There was a thin strip of blue above it that could be seen out the window. It was nothing like Domino. In Domino, he could see the sky from almost anywhere he was. He never felt so disconnected from the heavens. He was so out of reach, just like him...

Otogi frowned, cupping Honda's face in his hand, "Hiroto. Where did you go?"

Honda blinked and looked down at him. Brilliant green eyes shined in the morning light. A corner of his mouth went up, "Sorry." he said and kissed Otogi's forehead, "If you want to go see Tokyo, we can go see Tokyo."

"Actually..." Otogi bit his lip, "I was thinking we could take more of an overnight trip." he suddenly ended his gaze. His eyes were now darting around all the corners of the room.

"Otogi, we can't afford something like that. Where would we stay?"

"Well, okay. Just hear me out." Otogi pleaded as he put his hands up, "I've been talking to Ryou..."

Domino. Drama. Death. Don't.

"No way." Honda said, climbing out of the bed with twice the speed he had before. He immediately yanked open a drawer of his dresser in search for pants.

A small voice. "Hiroto..."

"I said no!" Honda wheeled around and glared. He broke it only to pull a shirt over his head.

"Please, Honda!" Otogi cried, getting up and approaching the other man, "I think it's time we go back. We need to put this all behind us! You need to get back to school. It's your last year. You have so much potential and you're just wasting it by hiding!"

"Do you think that he didn't have potential?" he didn't dare say his name. It was too painful, "What about me makes me deserve such a privilege to be successful? What did I do?"

"You don't mean that." Otogi said, "Honda, listen to yourself. You're being ridiculous! I'm not asking you to move mountains! Everyone is worried about you. You won't talk to anyone. You don't leave the house unless you have to work. We've lived here for nearly a year and you've made no friends. I have to plead with you to eat. When will it end?"

Honda was chewing the inside of his cheek. A coppery taste hit his tongue and still he kept going. He recalled his last embrace with his mother, promising a safe return before school began. Even before that, he had pinky promised with Mokuba that he would be home soon. The pile of promises that he wasn't keeping was only growing as time goes on.

"I just want you to come home." Otogi says quietly. There was no anger in his voice. Instead he clutched Honda's arm, "Please, Hiroto. This has gone on for far too long." he begins to shake, burying his face in his hands, "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have run off with you..."

Honda knew it. He knew all along that Otogi had never wanted to come. He hated Honda. He regrets ever coming. Honda stomped across the apartment and shoved his feet into his sneakers. He grabbed his keys off the counter and headed for the door. "HIROTO! WAIT!" he heard, but did not heed as he slammed the door to the apartment behind him. He didn't expect Otogi to be there when he returned.

x-x-x

There was nowhere else in the giant capitol to go except the small flower shop that Honda worked at. He weaved through the Tokyo traffic and parked his motorcycle with a screech. The squeal attracted a little attention. Enough for the flower shop's owner to stepped outside. The elder man that went simply by "Sei" gave Honda a puzzled look, "What brings you here on a Saturday, Honda? Shouldn't you be enjoying your day off? You'll get burnt out if you work too hard."

The sound also called for the elder's granddaughter, Midori, to poke her mousy head out from inside, "Oh! H-hello, Honda-san." she came outside fully and bowed low, "What a surprise!" she giggled nervously.

Honda nodded at her, "Hey, Midori." he was not naïve and knew that the girl had a crush on him. He simply pretended not to notice. A cruel choice, but he didn't have the energy for games and certainly didn't care to look for another place of employment. He bowed at Sei, "I'm sorry to trouble you on the one day a week you like to be rid of me." he smirked, "I was out for a ride and was in the area. I thought I'd visit."

Sei smiled, "You are always welcome here, Honda." he looked over his shoulder at his granddaughter, "Midori, prepare something to eat. I think it's near lunch time."

"Yes, Papa." she obediently went back inside to make lunch before Honda could object.

With a kind arm around Honda's shoulders, Sei lead him inside the flower shop toward the back where the stairs to their home resided. As he climbed the steps, Honda's worries of Otogi being at the apartment when he returned disappeared.

Lunch at the flower shop wasn't a normal custom for Honda. In actuality, he rarely ate lunch at all. Midori was an excellent cook. Not to say that Otogi wasn't. It had been such a long time since Honda had had homemade food made by a woman. To him, there were some things that men simply couldn't do as well as as women.

As Honda waved goodbye from his bike, the sinking feeling in his stomach returned. He had distracted his mind for a mere two hours. There was nothing else to numb him any longer. Honda decided it was time to return back. He wasn't gaining much by running away from Otogi.

In reality, what had he gained from running from home? His mother must be worried sick. He hadn't called in months. He was sure that she believed he was dead. What a relieving idea, Honda thought, to leave this agony.

There has been nothing but his own drowning in a pool of despair. Day in and day out, Honda had not grown into the man he dreamed he would. He wasn't a man at all. He was shadow of what he could be. Otogi was right. He had the potential to do better. So, why couldn't he get out of bed some days?

Why does my body hurt when I've been taking it easy all day? Even when I blink, my eyes can't stop burning like they've been open for weeks. There's constant white noise going in my head, a static fuzz I can't shut off like a busted tv and I can't change the channel.

Honda put his feet down on the street as he idles at a stop light. He looked up at the sky. Clouds had formed and the city had turned gray. There was a chill. Winter was trying to sneak up on everyone one last time. Though Honda knew winter had died weeks ago. It was mid spring. It was almost time for a year to completely pass by. Only another few short weeks since that terrible day that he had to wish his best friend goodbye...

Taking one more corner, Honda could see his apartment approaching. He imagined Otogi would still be there, curled up on the couch trying to sort out his thoughts. Honda's guilt was getting the best of him once more. He didn't want to trouble Otogi. Rarely did they fight. This was actually the first time he had ever mentioned going back to Domino with Honda. Honda was sure that he had to have grown some pretty large ones to even begin to conversation and he just shot him down and left him to bleed all over the rough hardwood.

The whole concept terrified him. Even as he parked his bike and removed his helmet, he could feel a tremble take over his body. As he went upstairs and stuck his key into the lock, he still didn't know what his decision would be.

He pushed the door open lightly. Remaining in the doorway, he called out, "...Otogi?"

There was a sniffle from the bed. Honda went to investigate and saw a pile of blankets. He asked again, "Otogi?"

The mound began to shake and Otogi's eyes peered out from under the covers. They reminded Honda of Christmas, the green of his pupils matching with the red that had been caused from crying. Otogi hiccuped, "I didn't think you'd come back." Otogi sat up and removed the blankets to expose that he hadn't gotten dressed or much of anything else since Honda had left.

"I'm sorry." Honda said and he sat beside Otogi and pet his hair, "I didn't mean to take off like that."

Otogi collapsed into Honda's chest, trying his hardest not to start crying once more, "I was so scared!" he clung to Honda's shirt, dampening it with the tears he couldn't hold, "Don't you ever do that to me again! You can't just leave me!"

Honda held Otogi tightly, continuing to hold his head with his hand. He chanted, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." as if the other could not hear him.

"I didn't mean what I said!" Otogi kept ranting, "I mean, I want you to be happy and I don't know what I can do anymore! I- I need help! I'm sorry I'm not enough for you! When I said that I shouldn't have come with you, I meant I shouldn't have let you leave in the first place. I let you run from your problems. What kind of friend leaves their friend to wallow in denial? I'm such a terrible person! I'm so sorry, Honda! I'M SORRY!"

Never did Honda expect what he was hearing. Is that truly how Otogi felt? After all he had done for him? Honda couldn't forget the day he stumbled to Otogi's. He was soaked through the skin from the rain and passed out from starvation. Since then, Otogi has done nothing but watched over him, fed him, and supported every decision he made. How could he feel so useless?

"Otogi..." Honda cooed, pushing Otogi up from his chest to look him in the face. He used his shirt to wipe the tears from his face, "Are you serious? You're the best thing I could have asked for. You've been nothing but loyal. I couldn't never find someone like you." he kissed his forehead, "I'm sorry I make you feel so small. I'm so selfish." he sighed, "I make you leave everything behind to come to Tokyo and for what?" he laughed darkly, "So you could spend the most of your days commuting and then coming home to a loser like me? You're the one with so much potential. I'm sorry I'm making you waste it by being here." he took a deep breath, "I want you to go home."

"I'm not going without you." was Otogi's immediate response, "We're in this together, through and through. I'm not leaving you here." he tried his best smile, "Besides, whose going to cook for you and do your laundry?"

Honda snorted, "I'd manage."

"Sure thing. That's why the only load you did could fit Yugi, it shrunk so much!" Otogi kissed Honda's cheek, "I love you."

Honda returned the kiss and stretched his body out on the bed, "You too." he could never find it in him to say it back. It wasn't because he didn't, because he cared more deeply for Otogi than anyone he knew, but there was something about that phrase that he couldn't get past.

I love you. Honda recalled the heavy breath on his skin, creating a patch of goosebumps where it had touched. That one night he had nearly a year ago. His last night in Domino City.

Otogi had disappeared off to the bathroom to wash up while Honda pulled boxes out of storage. When Otogi reappeared, he paused in the doorway of the bathroom, "... Hiroto?"

"I meant it when I said I wanted you to go home." Honda stated as he begun to throw Otogi's clothes into a box.

"W-wait!" Otogi said, running over to Honda and grabbing the clothes, "I said I wasn't going without you!"

"You're not." Honda said, making sure he locked eyes with Otogi as he said it, "You deserved to be back home and if me going means you going, then I'll go." he sighed, "It's not going to be easy, but..." he smiled warmly, "We've been through this much, right?"

Otogi beamed, "Well then, let me help with this." he took the clothes that were in his arms and tossed them into the box. The two men shared a laugh and a kiss. "I'm so proud of you, Hiroto."

"Thanks." he replied, continuing to pack, "I'm terrified."

"I know. Me too, but I spoke to Ryou. He and his yami offered the guest room until we get settled. I think it's a good idea."

"We can afford our own place when we get there..." Honda stated. There was silence on the other end. Honda turned to see that Otogi was clutching a green button up shirt a little too tightly. He recognized it at once, "...Where did you get that?" It must have been buried in the drawer.

Otogi took a deep breath before folding it nicely and placing it on the bed, "I think moving in with Ryou would be a good idea." he repeated.

Honda put down a pair of jeans and wrapped his arms around Otogi from behind, resting a head on Otogi's shoulder, "Okay."

I'm so selfish.

Honda had always been so caught up in what he's been doing and feeling. He lashes out so irrationally, that he never once considered the distress that Otogi must endure. The constant reminders that the owner of that green shirt is no longer around to wear it. If Honda hurts so much, Otogi must also undergo such terrible pain. Honda constantly forgets. I'm so stupid.

"You don't always have to be so strong, Otogi." he said.

"Yes I do."

Ryou and Yami Bakura have been out of contact with Honda for so long. Yet, Honda can still recall the gentle smile of Ryou, his delicate scent of vanilla with a dash of cinnamon. He remembers sharing a cigarette with Bakura in Anzu's back yard. He wonders if the two ever allowed each other to fall in love.

Honda lets go of Otogi with one last kiss on the shoulder. As he steps away he also ponders how much longer it will take for him to allow himself to fall in love.

x-x-x

A/N: There it is! The long awaited Chapter One to the sequel of Ramune! Please let me know if you're as excited as I am! Also, I welcome criticism and new fans. Thanks and see you at chapter two! xox