The End to Autumn:
"A little too much pressure on your wrist,"
Yi Jeong whispered into the small girl that now sat in his lap's ear. It was late afternoon by now and the orange sunset streamed onto the pair. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and watched her concentrated expression as she worked. He reached out to adjust her hands.
"Yes Daddy," she murmured, allowing Yi Jeong to mold her hands as expertly as he did clay into the right position. He felt a slight tug at his heart, remembering a time not too long ago when he would have told her the exact same thing. It was really hard to not remember your wife, especially when your daughter was her spitting image.
"A little too much pressure on your wrist,"
He had whispered into her shoulder, wrapping his arms tenderly around her waist while trailing light kisses along her neck.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "You're going to make me mess up!" she tried to shake him off to finish her piece though his arms only tightened. Gaeul was nowhere near as good a potter as her husband, but liked to keep up the hobby because it relaxed her, but her husband always made it so hard to concentrate! He kept up with his persistent kisses and she sighed in defeat, leaning into his touch. Yi Jeong ran his hands down her arms, holding them up by her wrists.
"You got your ring all dirty," he smiled against the skin of her neck.
"I'll go wash it off," she smiled examining the hand that underneath the layer of clay she wore her wedding band.
"Or, I could always get you a new one." Yi Jeong rested his head on her shoulder, staring quizzically at the ring. It was way too small in his perspective, he wanted to give her the world, or at least the biggest diamond money could buy, but she refused. She swore up and down that this small pebble was perfect. She spun around in his arms and looked him in the eye.
"No," she smiled, "This is the only one." She said as she smudged clay on his nose.
"Hey!" Yi Jeong exclaimed though he smiled and Gaeul giggled at his expression.
"I love you," she sighed and gave him a light peck on the lips.
"I love you too," he returned the kiss though his was much deeper before he kneeled down in front of her.
"Both of you," whispered before he kissed her swollen belly.
Yi Jeong leaned down to kiss the back of his daughter's hair, smelling that same strawberry shampoo that her mother used, letting it fill his nose. He closed his eyes in remembrance, embracing the moment.
"What should we name her?"
Gaeul had whispered, exhausted after going through hours of labor.
"Hmm," Yi Jeong rested his head in the crook in her neck, both staring in awe at their new daughter. Yi Jeong breathed in the smell of her shampoo through all of the other scents. Sweat, blood, morphine, all masked by the sweet smell of her.
Gaeul brushed the soft hair on her baby's head before turning to her husband expectantly.
"Hm," he thought for a moment, "Since your name means "autumn," how about Chun Hee? It kind of means spring right?"
"I guess so," Gaeul laughed even though she was so tired, "Chun Hee… I like it."
"Chun Hee…" said child turned in her father's lap to look questioningly at him before shrugging and getting back to her work. Yi Jeong sighed, he didn't really mean to say that out loud. He looked to the doorway, where he could still see her leaning, smiling at the two of them in their work area.
"How's it coming along?"
She would ask after staring lovingly at them for a good measure of time, holding a tray of snacks in her hands. Chun Hee was just a baby, squishing play dough in her hands happily in her father's lap. Occasionally she would hold it up closer to his face as if asking for approval.
"I think that if she keeps this up she'll surpass me in no time," he smiled down at their daughter who squealed in delight at the yellow blob she had molded before throwing it on the table. Gaeul walked towards them, setting down the tray on the table before kissing her daughters head once, and then her husband's cheek.
Yi Jeong brushed his fingers over the cheek where he once felt his wife's soft lips, only finding cold skin and a tear that had escaped. He wiped it quickly before Chun Hee could see, he didn't want her to cry either today. He didn't want her to cry ever again. He wanted his family to be happy and whole. He wanted his wife to be alive.
"I'm leaving!"
She had called, waving back to her husband who held their child safely in his arms. Yi Jeong held Chun Hee's hand, waving back to her. Gaeul was returning to work that day. How Yi Jeong wished he would have made her stay just that one time like he had wanted her to. If she had stayed then they could have played together with their child, gone someplace nice all three of them. That night after they had put Chun Hee to sleep they could have made love one last time. But Yi Jeong saw how happy returning to work had made her, and so he bit his tongue.
He should have made her stay. No matter how much she begged, screamed, or cried he should have made her stay. He shouldn't have just sent her off with a "Have a good day,"
"I love you!" she had called so sweetly, one last time.
"I love you…" Yi Jeong whispered, and Chun Hee turned in his lap to look at him before smiling, just like she had done that day.
"I love you too daddy!"
Yi Jeong embraced her, and held her to him. She had forgiven him too easily. After Gaeul… died, there was a time that Yi Jeong couldn't even remember. All that existed was pain, and alcohol. Jan Di had taken Chun Hee to her and Jun Pyo's house after the funeral, leaving Yi Jeong to wallow in his misery.
"Hello?"
"Yi Jeong?" he sounds awful.
"Yes, Geum Jan Di?"
"I just called to see how you're doing…"
"I'm fine."
"That's good…"
"Yes,"
"Um…"
"Was there a reason you called?"
"Chun Hee… She…"
"What? Did something happen to her!"
"No No! Everything is fine. Today she…"
"What?"
"She said her first word…"
"Her first… word…"
"Yes…"
"…"
"Do you want to know what it was?"
"… yes."
"Well Jun Pyo and I were going through some old photo albums with her. And all of the sudden she just points to one and says Mama,"
"Mama…"
"The picture, was of Gaeul…"
Yi Jeong felt his arm go limp by his side and head the phone drop to the floor. Her first word. Mama. Something her mama wouldn't ever get to hear her say. So many things Mama wouldn't be there for. Her entire life for one thing. Growing up, first steps, first day of school, high school. She wouldn't be able to help her with boy problems or see her get married. Grow old with Yi Jeong and see their beautiful grandchildren. But for once, Yi Jeong felt sorry for himself, because he wasn't there either. Daddy wasn't even there. He quickly grabbed his keys to go and pick up his daughter.
"Daddy," she smiled sweetly at her father.
"Yes?"
"Do you think Mommy will like it?" she gestured to the pot she had created. Yi Jeong smiled a sad smile, it was clearly intended to put flowers inside, yellow ones like the kind Yi Jeong picked to put on his late wife's memorial tomorrow morning. It's her birthday tomorrow. She had been right, it will be just a small amount of time before his daughter will surpass him in his pottery skills and it was a good thing because in everything Yi Jeong made it all came out Gaeul. No one wants a depressed looking vase.
"She will love it."
He said as he stood them both right to go and put his daughter's new creation into the kiln. Something to make it as strong as she was. As they both had been. As Yi Jeong hopes to one day become.
Gaeul was his autumn. The end to a summer, a time when people live carefree and reckless. Turning his life into the warm colors of red and orange the leaves turned, a color so like fire, so like their love. But with the end of autumn came Yi Jeong's winter, when Gaeul had left him alone in a dark and cold world. But then, just as the snow melts on a sunny day he saw Chun Hee, his spring, bringing life into his dead world. And so like that they continued to live, not whole, not happy, but in the kiln, getting stronger.
A/N: Ahhhh! I feel so bad for writing this! I think I just had a morbid streak one day and this came out. I know it's kind of confusing with all the flashbacks but I hope that you enjoyed it! I didn't really know what age to put his daughter at, so I just kind of left it up to the reader. I thought about making her really young and then again like a teenager but I thought it'd be best like this. Also there might be a few things that didn't come out right because I was dead tired but I just couldn't stop writing this! Please review and tell me what you thought, it's my first GaEulxYiJeong story and I might try and make a happy one in the future! Oh and for anyone who doesn't know Gaeul means Autumn and Chun Hee apparently is a name that means Spring which was why I had that part at the end. Please let me know how I did!