Disclaimer: We don't own Skins, that would make us rich and I don't know about Harley, but I'm not rich.

Author Note: So, since skins is coming to an end this week and we'll all be feeling the blues hac92 and I decided to get together to write a joint fic. Please review and let us know your thoughts.

Growing Pains

Chapter One: Everyone

'Get to fuck!' Cook shouted. 'I'm not gay you fucking tosser.'

He dodged a car, hopped onto the pavement and wandered down the street past a second group of gay men. He rolled his eyes, groaned at a couple kissing in front of him before he found himself stood beside two girls holding hands.

'Oi, oi! The Cookie Monster has arrived,' he grinned, breaking the girls apart and wrapping an arm around their shoulders. 'Who wants to have a ride on the love train first?'

If there was one thing Cook knew, it was how to please the ladies. So when a hand came down across his face, followed by a second one, he knew he was in for a tough ride.

'Nobody wants a ride on the love train?' he asked, holding his arms up and walking away from the couple towards a group of attractive girls. 'Alright Lesbos, carpet munchers, whatever you wanna be called. Gather round, the Cookie Monster is here to spread good cheer and nothing else. Even got a special health check, just to make sure I'm not gonna cover you all in genital warts and you have my word and me doctor's that Cookie is clean. So who's first at crunching on some cock again?'

Nobody said anything, all he got was a number of disapproving and disgusted looks. He walked closer, looking around at the possibility and the competition. Two girls had their arms around each other, off limits, he decided. His eyes fell upon a tall girl who looked a little feisty.

'What about you blondie? Bet my tongue can make you wiggle just as much as these girlies.'

'Yeah right,' she rolled her eyes, chewed on her lip. It was hot. She so wants me, he decided, not willing to give up.

'Do you like music babe?'

She frowned. 'Yeah?'

'Great, how about you come be my cock DJ!'

'Fuck off you tit, we're fucking gay. Which means we wouldn't touch you. Even if every single woman on this planet died, I'd rather fuck a sheep than shag you.'

'Touché my friend, touché. A pretty little girl like you is wasted on a woman, come and get it before it's gone. Cookie doesn't offer twice. Well he does, but only to the really hot ones and you, blondie, are what I would call H.O.T.'

She blanked him, pressed a button on her phone, talking to the person on the other end. He watched with mild interest as she informed the rest of the girls that she had to go see someone. He didn't catch a name, but he did catch the word 'girlfriend'.

'Gone to get your girlfriend so we can have a threesome?' he asked, following her down the street.

'What part of gay don't you understand?'

'The part where you forget you can't have a good time without a cock and your mouth.'

"Urgh, you're disgusting!"

"I'm fuckable!" he winked at her and she scrunched her nose in response.

"You are anything but that! Piss off, pig!" She shouted and made a beeline to cross the road, but Cook doesn't give up. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Not so fast, blondie! We were just starting to get to know each other. So, how's about it? You, me and a bush with a view?"

"Don't you ever just fuck off? You're not irresistible! I'm gay! Get over it, creep and leave me alone! Jesus," She turned and shook his arm off, dodged passed an oncoming car and made her way for the pavement. He grabbed her arm again and pulled harder, causing them both to topple onto the floor. She growledand slapped him hard across the face. "Look what you've done now, you tit! I've fucking ruined this skirt! Jesus, Lisa's going to be pissed...she only got this for me the other day! Typical bloke always fucking me over."

Cook wasn't listening. "Wahhey! Knew you'd cave! The Cookie Monster's cock is magical."

"The only magical thing about your cock is how small it is," She snapped and he laughed.

"Oh, really? Then how come you're still sitting in my lap, babe?" She had no time to answer because a silver car braked heavily in front of them, a shocked redhead sitting in the front seat, doesn't stay shocked for long though because her head snaps forward as the car behind collides with her. "Fuckin' hell, time to get out of here, blondie, don't wanna be making no statements. So, my place or yours?" She rolled her eyes. He's gripped her shoulder tightly but she knocks it off.

"I'm not fucking you. I'm gay, how many times do I have to say it!? And look what you've just done! You've just made som-" She doesn't get to finish her sentence.

"What the fuck are you doing you stupid, bitch!? Seriously, how hard is it to like, walk, yeah? All you've got to do is stay on the pavement. And Fuck! My car! Shit, it's fucked. Look what you've done!" The redhead from the car shouted at them.

"Me? It wasn't me! It was him! He's the one that pulled me into the road, talk to that, twat. I've got to go!"

The redhead turned towards Cook. "Well, what have you got to fucking say for yourself then?"

"You give me a blowjob and we'll call it even?" He suggested and made a crude gesture towards her. She stared at him bugged eyed, her face become one of disgusted and she sneered at him.

"You're paying for the damages, you know that, right?"

"Not likely, babe," He scoffed. "Blondie, I'll catch you round, yeah? Pretty small place and I'd notice that arse from anyway. I've got a job interview to get to. Oh, and I'll see you around girls," He winked at them both and turned round, swaggering off down the street.

"Fuck sake!" Katie grumbled and got back into the car.

Rubbing her neck, Emily adjusted her seatbelt, waited until Katie had climbed back into the car. Her sister handed her a sheet of paper with a man's contact details on it, she slipped it into the glove compartment.

'What the fuck happened?'

'Some domestic,' Katie groaned. 'The dick pulled her into the road.'

'What's the damage?'

Katie sighed, hadn't wanted to look at the back of the car. It was a mess. She could picture their dad's face when he saw it. 'Bumpers about to fall off, fucking, my new fucking car.'

'It's hardly new,' Emily laughed, moving her neck around to ease the tension. It fucking hurt. She'd woken up in an awkward position, knew that it didn't help matters any.

'You okay?' Katie checked, feeling a little guilty for being the driver. But only a little. It was that couple's fault most of all. Stupid blonde twat and her fucking boyfriend arguing in the street. She wished she could have told them what a fucking mess they'd made of her day. It had started out so well.

'I'll be fine,' Emily sighed. 'The sudden jolt just got my neck.'

It suddenly occurred to Katie that time was getting on and she had a job to get to. 'What time is it?'

'Almost ten.'

'Fuck,' Katie shouted. 'Stupid fucking, this is well bad. Fucking car's a mess, gonna be late for my fucking shift and I still have to drop you off at your fucking halls.'

'Thanks for making it seem like such a chore.'

Katie rolled her eyes. 'You're such a drama queen Emily, just wish I didn't have to drive ten minutes out of my way after a fucking car accident that wasn't even my fault, yeah?'

'Let me out here then,' Emily snapped, tugging on the car door. 'Unlock the fucking door then!'

'You're well moody this morning.'

'Me moody?' Emily rolled her eyes. 'You can be a fucking bitch sometimes. See you at dinner.'

'If you can be bothered to come home,' Katie snapped, tapping her foot impatiently as Emily stood with the door open.

'Go fuck yourself Katie.'

'Sorry babes, Pete's job.'

Emily hated her sister sometimes. She slammed the door on Katie's car and smirked at the damage on it. She turned and started to walk. The University isn't that far from where she was now. Her feet carried her swiftly around the bends and across the roads until finally she arrived at her dorms. They weren't amazing but it was better than living at home with her family. When she finally got to her room she rolled her eyes. "For fuck sake! Every day! Every bloody day!" She grabbed the poster that marred her door and tore it down, glanced quickly at the 'Some people are gay, get over it!' and threw it to the floor. She found her keys and opened the door, pushed it open and stepped inside. "I'm back."

"Cool." Lisa called back. Lisa was Emily's roommate and they didn't exactly get along. Emily didn't know whether it was because she does English and Lisa does science but for some reason their whole relationship is forced. Lisa doesn't ask anything. Like, how was your sister or you day? Emily doesn't ask back, either. It's just the way they are.

"People keep putting stupid signs on the door. Getting on my nerves they are." Emily called out and opened the fridge. She rummaged through until she found some cheese and closed the door, opened the cupboard next to the fridge and pulled out the bread. Sandwich time.

"Not people, Emily, me. Can you stop tearing them off? I've been meaning to ask for a while but I've been busy." Lisa asked walking into the kitchen. She jumped up onto the counter top and settled there.

"What do you mean? You've been putting them there?" Emily asked confused. "Since when have you been a dyke lover?"

"Emily, I am a dyke." Emily eyes widened and she dropped the knife in her hand onto the counter.

"What!? You're a carpet muncher?" Lisa choice to ignore that comment and look Emily in the eye.

"I thought you knew. I swear I said something to you about my new girlfriend. Well, yeah, she's going to be round in a minute, so, basically, can you stop ripping the signs off the door? They're for her. She's very proud of what she is." Lisa said and left, leaving Emily to think over what just happened. Lisa was gay and Emily was homophobic. Emily grabs the knife and cuts her bread harshly, takes a massive bite and sits on the counter top. She fucking hates gay people. Why do they always have to flaunt it in people's faces? Lesbians were the worst. How could you not like cock? It just got up there, and fingers didn't. End of. She can't stay here anymore. Not now she knows that Lisa's gay. It made her sick. She'll move back into Katie's.

The door knocked loudly three times and then Lisa answered it. "Naomi! Come in!" Emily walked out to catch a look at the lesbo. It was the blonde from earlier.

*

"So," The man in front looked over the register in his hand and then squinted at the boy in front of him. "James Cook. Why do you want to work at 'Don't Get Fit, Get Fitch!'?"

"Money, innit?" Cook responded and moved his legs so they were spread open wide, one arm draped over the chair he was sat on.

"Yes, but did you have any specific reason for choosing to work at a gym? You obviously work out because you're in good shape. Your father own a gym?" Cook shook his head. Cook pushed himself up out of the chair and made his way over to the interviewer.

"Gonna be honest with you....errr?"

"Rob. Rob Fitch." Rob held out his hand and Cook shook it.

"Right, Rob, gonna be honest with you mate. I ain't never worked in a gym in my life or been to one; I only do the best work out."

"And what's that? Something we can have here?" Rob Fitch was eager to improve his gym and Cook smirked.

"Sure, you can have it here but I doubt your punters would be happy with it."

"Well, what is it, lad?"

"A shag," Rob Fitch stared at James Cook. Silence and Cook waited, hoping that he hadn't fucked this up because he needed the cash. Rob smirked, then laughed and then banged on the table.

"You know what, kid?"

"What?" Cook smirked happily.

"You remind me of myself when I was your age. All about the women and sex. God, those were good times."

"Still are Rob. Still are. You should join us sometime," Winked at the bloke. "Look, gonna be honest with you again, Rob, you need more girls in this gym, right?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

"I only had to take a bloody look when I came in to see that this place is a meat factory. All those chubby blokes with their balls hanging out the back of their shorts is fucking horrid. So, I, the Cookie Monster, am gonna get you, Rob Fitch, all the female members you need. Just set me up with a job on the front desk and you'll have more cunt in here than you thought was humanly possible."

"Deal!" Rob held out his hand again and Cook took it.

"Thanks very much, Rob. Pleasure doing business with you. When do I start?"

"Today."

"Fucking quality."

*

Katie slammed the door to her car hard and headed for the main entrance. "Stupid fucking twats damaging my car. Blonde bimbo," She muttered as the automatic doors opened and she stepped inside the gym. She was very late for her shift because of those two twats. Rob Fitch was waiting in the entrance area handing out flyers to people passing by.

"Late again, Katie?" Rob tutted and Katie wanted more than anything to roll her eyes, but didn't.

"Yeah, sorry, Dad! Had a bit of an accident this morning," He doesn't listen, though, just smiled at a woman walking by and handed her a flyer. "Don't forget about our spa treatment! Twenty percent off your first five times!" He called after her and Katie shifted on her feet uncomfortably.

"Well, get in there. Yoga class was supposed to start twenty minutes ago."

"Right, Dad," She hated him when he was at the gym. It was all he talked about, he was better when they were at home.

"Make sure you check in at reception. We've got a new desk guy. To help bring in more customers. Get to know him and then get to class. Love you, Katiekins," He pulled her in for a quick hug and kissed her head. She nodded slowly and made her way through the gym until she reached the front desk.

"So, if I sign up for the premium package I get a free massage included, today?" A girl asked pointing at a piece of paper on the front desk. Katie recognised it as a membership plan form and lifted her bag up on the desk next to her.

"That's right, love. Some lucky bloke will come down and get all that built up tension out of that toned back. You'll feel mint afterwards, babe."

"Oh, I don't know. This place looks like it's for blokes."

"You're right, babe, but Don't Get Fit, Get Fitch is looking expand to a wider audience and it wants you to be its first expansion customer. Look, I'm sure if you were looking for a little something extra then maybe we could....have a waggle sometime, if you get what I'm saying, luv?" Katie's faced cringed and her head snapped up towards the new desk guy, oh, for fuck sake! The girl was signing the piece of paper with a smile on her face and the guy from earlier winked at her.

"Alright, babes, fancy meeting you here. Up for a shag now?" Gross.