AN: I got some good feedback on my first version of "Heaven", so I figured I'd try and do a Steve POV of the story. Stango are my bois, I adore them to death. I don't own Ghost Hunters, Taps, Steve, Tango, The lyrics in the writing. (Written by .L.O.S.T.I.N.T.I.M.E., or my lovely Heather), or trust me, I wouldn't be here doing this, I would be off with Tango.

A loud yawn left Steve's lips as he shifted on his bed, rolling onto his back. His hands moved, folding themselves on his chest, his heavy eyes blinking and slowly focusing on the ceiling. It had been a week since he had really slept, and even then, at least two weeks since he had slept through the night. The stress was building up in his body again, and when it did that, things changed in his body, in his mind. His sleep habits got worse, his moods and "what if's" changing. This time, though, it may have cost him more than before. He had been at Tango's place when his fit started, slowly growing quiet. It had just been so much going on in his head that he needed to get away. He was starting to slowly regret it, though, his mind playing over everything that had happened.

Five Weeks Ago

Why had he just sent that text message? God dammit, everything was going to be ruined now! He groaned loudly, tossing his phone into the air for a moment, catching it much like he did with his drum sticks when it fell back down. His mind reeled over and over the words he had typed, not thinking before he had pressed send: "You asked for it, you really did, you know. Here's the thing, man. The person is, uh, you" What had possessed him to actually do it, to tell Tango who had been on his mind constantly, was beyond him. He had done so fucking well with hiding it, and now it was blown. Work was going to suck for a while, and damn sitting in that room for analysis. But the kid had been telling Steve about this crush he had had for a bit, and he wanted to let him know that he wasn't alone, that he was also dealing with unreturned feelings. When the phone buzzed in his hand, he jumped slightly, swallowing as he flipped it open.

"O_O" That's all the text said. He groaned once more, falling back onto the bed, one arm moving to cover his face. Fuck it! He knew that he shouldn't have hit sent. He probably freaked Dave out, and he was his best friend, for gods sake. He would have been fine living with the feelings buried deep down, but no. When it went off again, he almost winced. What would it say this time, 'screw off'? He wasn't sure how he would deal with that, at least not yet. Taking a deep breath, he clicked read, his eyes quickly scanning over the words. "Uh... Read the text you just sent me, as if I sent it. You'll have an answer in there." He felt, more than realized, that his heart rate had picked up. No no no! He had been ready for a denial, for a 'screw off', and for things to go back to normal. But to have his feelings returned? By his best friend, of all people? To say he was confused would be an understatement.

A silent tear fell down his cheeks, but he didn't move to wipe it away. Enough had fallen in the last week that it seemed natural for it to be there. He had never cared if he cried before, it was a natural reaction that everyone had. It was the fact that he was crying over Dave Tango that pissed him off. He shouldn't be here, laying alone in his house, crying over his best friend. No, not his best friend. He loved Tango, much more than he thought he did, he just let the stress get the better of him. All of these 'what if's' came to his mind, and it scared the shit out of him. What if the man he loved died? How would he deal with that? Easily, he wouldn't. Already in his head were about thirty ways he could take his own life if it came down to it. What if Tango found someone else, someone that was better for him? Well then, he'd let him go, but he wouldn't move on. He would never move on, and he knew that. He had given the Jersey-native everything he had, including his heart, and he would never ask for it back. He wanted to feel those arms around him again, to hear the "I love you" murmured into his ear, but he knew he wouldn't. He was alone, and it was killing him slowly.

Rolling onto his side for a moment, he pushed himself up, his feet resting on the floor. He had to do something, to distract his mind from the thoughts of the man he had left behind a week earlier. To stop himself from calling him and begging him to take him back. He had hurt Tango, that was evident on his face when he left. And dammit, seeing that face broke his heart in so many ways, it crushed him to know that he had caused it. He wanted nothing but happiness for the guy, and yet he had let him down worse than ever before. Steve swallowed quietly, reaching into the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out the spiral notebook he kept there for days such at this. The pencil slid from the rings easily, opening to the first blank page he came to. Trying to empty his mind, he started to write, not really paying attention to the strokes the pencil made on the page. "It's nine in the morning, I lie awake, another sleepless night, and it's all your fault, see what you can do? See what you have done? Bags under my eyes, sheets in a tangle, sweat dripping down my face, you've done it again" When he finally looked down, he cursed silently under his breath. He couldn't even get him away while he was writing!

Three Weeks Ago

Things had started out innocently enough. They had been rough-housing in the living room, and it had ended with Tango kissing him. It still sent chills down his spine, even after two weeks, to know that he could kiss the male now. After so long hiding his feelings, being able to act on them made have an almost high feeling. They had stayed like that for a bit, just holding each other on the floor, talking softly, brief soft kisses being exchanged. Who would have thought that the two of them could be like that, so tender and gentle? He sure as hell hadn't, but he wasn't going to complain. It wasn't long until the younger male started to complain that he was hungry, but not for anything that they had in his house. No, he wanted to go out to the diner in Linden for some food. Honestly, how he could he say no? The thought of food alone had him nodding his head. So they had gotten into the car, him a little reluctant since he was in the passenger seat. He loved Tango, but his driving was horrible.

Then things had started to get a little less innocent. It hadn't taken long after sitting down that Dave started to mess around, in ways that were only appropriate for the house. Steve could have kicked his ass for what he was doing, but he wouldn't. It was taking everything in him to bite his tongue, and to not do it back, or to kick his partner between the legs to get him to stop. So instead, he sat there, shaking his head, every now and then throwing out a "stop it". On the car ride back, once again a little apprehensive thanks to Tango's driving, was when things had changed once more. He had staked his claim on the shower, and had surprised himself when he told the guy he could join him. Had he regretted it? No, not at all, he loved him after all. Still, it made his stomach tighten at the way things could turn out. He hadn't been with anyone, let alone a guy. But this was Dave, after all. He trusted him with everything, and this was no different. So when they got to his partner's house, he made his way to the shower, turning it on before the other had even made it inside the house.

In just a few minutes, he felt the presence of someone else in the room with him, and he couldn't help but grin, despite his nerves. He knew Tango wouldn't have been able to say no to his offer, the other was more ready for this than he was. When the body moved into the water stream with him, the warm arms wrapping around his waist, he sighed out softly. Things were perfect in his eyes. He had the man he loved, and everything was great. Pretty soon, he was being touched in ways that made him want to moan out, but he stopped it, biting his tongue. "More." was all he simply said, and he was happy when he felt his partner turn them, pressing him against the wall. His eyes went to Tango slowly over his shoulder, and he nodded, his lips still in a soft smile. This is what he wanted, he assured the male, the only thing he would want until his dying day.

Raising the hand that wasn't wrapped around the pencil, Steve swiped at his eyes and cheeks, swallowing heavily as he did so. The memories that he tried to push away came back to mind, and it made his breathing stop for a moment. God, how could he have been so stupid, and do that to Tango? He loved him so damn much, but he had left, all because of his stupid fears. It was a mistake, a huge one, and his mind wouldn't let him forget it. It kept showing him those first "I love you's", that first kiss they shared, that first time in the shower they had shared. It hurt so much to see, his eyes clenching closed as if that would ward them off. All he wanted to to hug the guy he loved, to tell him he was sorry and that he would never leave again. That he had been stupid, but he knew what he wanted, and that was to be there with him. He could almost feel the arms wrapping around his waist as he spoke, which only caused a quiet sob to escape though his lips. The tired feeling was no longer bothering him, that was being squished by the need for comfort. He needed his Tango, and it hurt so much to admit that. What if he had screwed up for good this time? There was a chance he had lost the male, and that, more than anything, caused the tears to fall harder.

His hand started to move again, his eyes darting down to look at the words that he kept scribbling. "Don't you understand that you're all I need. All I ever wanted. To hold you to my side, to let you be mine. Don't you see what you've done to me" Oh god, how true those were. All he needed to do was to hold him and assure him everything was okay, and to know that he still had the love of the male he had hurt. He hadn't been able to sleep at all in the past week, only dozing here and there, getting maybe an hours worth of sleep during the night. He didn't care, though. Without the other, the sleep meant nothing to him. He would gladly keep himself awake if it meant he could escape the dreams that haunted him. The memories were enough, he didn't need to dream them, to think that things were back to normal, just to wake up and find himself alone again. Holding the notebook to his chest for a moment, he pushed himself from the bed, moving out of the room softly, slowly, his eyes looking around. He had never thought much about his house, it did him well, but he missed the color of the walls at Tango's house. They were a calmer shade, his mind told him softly. His eyes stopped on the picture hanging on the wall, and he felt himself freeze. It was a simple TAPS picture, the one they had taken for Meatloaf, but seeing him. He shook his head, his free hand clenching closed tightly.

What made him reach out, his fist colliding with the wall in ways that shot pain up his arm, he had no clue. He wasn't sure if it was the thoughts of loosing the man he loved, or for the mistake he had made. He wasn't sure if it was angry at the situation, or if he had seen it coming. Maybe they weren't supposed to work out. Maybe they had been playing with fate's tapestry, and had gotten the colors and lines all mixed up. God, wouldn't that be just their luck? To find each other, to find love, when they weren't supposed to. Another swallow, and he turned, his back resting against the wall. Maybe it was supposed to only last a month or so between them. Was that all the happiness he could have his life? It wasn't that he wasn't happy before, but Tango made him feel things he never thought he would, made him experience things he was sure he never would get the chance to see or feel. And dammit, he wanted it back, all of it. His head reached into his pocket, pulling out the phone that he used frequently, clicking away on the screen until he got to the phone book. He scrolled down to the name Dave Tango, and clicked it, all of the information of the man popping up, including the picture. Damn that picture that the other had snapped of them.

Two Weeks Ago

"Steve, will you just get your ass over here please?" He couldn't help but roll his eyes as he heard his partner screaming from the living room. How Tango could be so lazy, he had no idea, and for some stupid reason, he found it cute at times. Now, though, when he had the notebook in his hand, scribbling down more for his story, he just found it annoying. With a shake of his head, though, he sat the book down, pushing himself up from the bed, making his way out the door and down the hall to see Tango sitting on the floor in the living room. It only caused his brow to furrow when he saw his partner in front of his computer.

"What the hell do you need, Dave? I was in the middle of writing, and you aren't helpless; you could have came in there if you needed something." His hands went to his hips as he watched the younger male turn, his eyes almost sparkling with his excitement. "Just come here and sit down a moment, you gotta see this!" That look alone made any agitation he had melt away. He couldn't stay mad when he saw that look, it was like he was a over-happy puppy that was just given a new toy. Moving forward, he put a hand on Tango's shoulder, using it to steady himself as he fell to the floor, sitting beside him. "What am I looking at?" He watched as the male used his pinky finger, pointing to whatever it was on the screen. Steve only had to look at it for a moment, before his lips started to pull up. Though he didn't get time to say anything, he was almost sure he knew what it was that had Tango so excited.

"I know we just went to Lifehouse a few days ago or whatever, but look! Nickelback is coming Philadelphia. That's only, what, an hour drive? Come on, man, we have to go!" Just hearing the excitement in Tango's voice made him smile, and once again, he was helpless to give him whatever he wanted. He knew he was spoiling the male, but he honestly couldn't care less. That's what you did for your soul mate, wasn't it? Besides, Nickelback was one band they could both agree were good. Hell, he had even deemed "I'd Come For You" their song, so getting to see it live would be awesome. Turning his head, he pressed his lips to his partner's cheek, grinning as he did so.

"Order the tickets, Tango. Of course we have to go." The squeal that the other let out was loud, and though he winced away from it, he laughed out, shaking his head as he watched the other tap away on his keyboard for a moment. His eyes watched as the tickets were ordered, grinning when he saw the wide smile on Tango's face. Seeing him that happy.. It was like a drug, he would never get tired of it. Though, as the hand entered the pocket of his jeans, he raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck are you doing, dude?" When he got no answer other than the rolling of those dark brown eyes, he watched as the camera was loaded, and as the lips were pressed to his cheek, he couldn't help but smile just as the little 'click' resounded in front of them.

Steve's red-rimmed eyes stayed looking at the picture. They both looked so happy, and those lips on his skin.. He could easily remember how they felt. He wanted that back, so much that he felt his chest restrict back, closing tightly, making it difficult to breath. He never would have guessed it would have been this hard without Tango. They had gone years as just friends, and never once had he felt this empty. But the had grown close in that month and a half, close enough to where it felt like a piece of himself was missing. And dammit, he wanted it back. He needed it back. He didn't care what the other would say to him right now, he just needed to hear that voice. The voice that he had heard sing him to sleep, that he had heard say those magical words.. With a soft, pained moan, he clicked the little green button, holding the phone up to his ear as he heard the dialing sound. When it clicked alive, no voicemail greeting him, nothing, he froze. As much as he wanted to hear that voice, to know that he was okay, and to explain everything, he was scared. He was scared in so many ways, that it almost made him hang up when he heard the voice finally.

"What do you want, Steve?" The way the voice cracked, how it broke and staggered, made his eyes clench close, the tears once more pulling at his attention. He could almost feel the heartbreak in the other's voice, and it made him want to hurt himself again. The hand that he had hit the wall with closed tightly. "What, not going to talk? Just wanted to make sure that your 'lonely best friend' hadn't went and offed himself because of you? What the hell do you want, Steve?" The voice, growing steadily angrier in his ear, still staggered, and he swallowed lightly. Even hearing the anger in Tango's voice made him relax, because it was that voice that he had been wanting. His chest eased slightly, and though he knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew he had to explain, he had to talk. In truth, he could have sat there for hours listening to that voice, though.

"Tango.." He pulled the phone away from his face for a moment, coughing, wincing as he did so. When was the last time he had a drink of anything? He couldn't remember, which probably wasn't a good sign. Pulling the phone closer again, he sighed out gently, his free hand pulling the notebook onto his lap, the pencil once more moving as he glanced down. "It's ten in the morning, I roll to my side, another sleepless night, still you're at fault, see what you can do to me? See what you have done to me" Yes, he was aware that he had gone silent, but he needed that moment to pull himself together. Everything he wanted to say, that was rattling around his head, made no sense to even himself. How could he say what was needed to be said in a way that the man he loved would understand, if he was even given that chance. "Look, I know what I did was fucked up. But I just.. I need to see you, to explain. Can you drive down here, please?"