DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM
Warning: Offensive and disturbing humor
CHAPTER ONE
"RISE OF THE ICHIGO MILKU"
SAJI'S BED ROOM
7:00 A.M.
Saji Crossroad slowly opened his eyes after hearing the alarm clock. Yawning, the young man sat up and stretched his arms. He then jumped off the bed and pulled the drapes open. It was a beautiful morning and the young man welcomed this refreshing moment with a smile on his face. A moment of peace is something he needed once in a while amidst the usual craziness that's been plaguing his life recently. Just a short moment of blissful reprieve is all he needed to maintain his sanity. A normal and uneventful day is enough for him to continue moving forward. Saji sighed as he began to remember the things that had happened. The craziness that had happened to be exact. Last year's Halloween party was pretty much a bust thanks to A-LAWS and those Titans jerk. Thanksgiving wasn't exactly bad but it could've been better if that weird masked guy hadn't shown up. Though his subordinates did made a magnificent and delectable Thanksgiving dinner. Christmas would have been festive if Lacus Clyne hadn't started World War Three and Valentine's Day was like the ninth level of hell. Indeed, Saji Crossroad's youth was fading away. But somehow, seeing this perfect morning made all his painful memories disappear. It's almost like fate is giving him a fresh start.
"Saji-kun!" Flay Allster came out of the closet. "I want a new blanket. The one you gave me is kinda smelly and it's pink. I hate pink. Pink reminds me of Lacus Clyne and you know how much I hate Lacus Clyne. In fact, starting from now, I forbid you from keeping pink things in your house. No more pink."
"Saji." Kinue crawled out from under the bed. "I finally blackmailed my boss to give me a one week vacation so how about you help me buy some sexy lingerie. Don't worry, you rascal, I'll wear them and pose in front of you. Hell, I'll give you a fashion show you'll never forget."
"My beloved Saji-kun!" Mama Halevy kicked the door open. "I read my horoscope and I learned that today is my lucky day. So how about I divorce my husband and marry you instead? Don't worry, Louise will still be with us and she'll be our daughter. Isn't that great? Louise will have a new papa and that papa is you! Louise-chan will call you papa! I think that's a big upgrade from spineless and gutless boyfriend."
"Oh my one and only soul mate!" Christina Sierra shrieked after crashing through the window. "Last night I had an awesome and romantic dream! You were in it, Saji. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I always dream about you, Saji Crossroad. Anyway, in my dream, you were this handsome Gundam pilot and I was this unstable Cyber Newtype who wants her memories back. You were piloting this RX-78 rehash and I was piloting this big-ass Gundam! Oh we were so lovey-dovey! I mean we had a mental connection and all. I was thinking it might end tragically but I realized Yoshiyuki Tomino isn't directing, so-
"And everything goes downhill from here." Saji thought as he repeatedly bash his head on the wall.
MEANWHILE…
DOWNSTAIRS
Louise, still in her pajamas, is reading the morning paper while sitting on the couch. "What's with all the ruckus upstairs?" She wondered.
"It's…Gundam." Setsuna F. Seiei appeared out of nowhere while snacking on a scone. He's wearing his usual stoic expression. "Upstairs is…Gundam."
"…"
"Louise Halevy, this scone is…"
"Oh let me guess." She smiled sarcastically. "That scone is Gundam."
"No. This scone is delicious."
"…"
"But since it's delicious, then it is…Gundam."
She put down the paper and stood up. "Setsuna, you're weird."
"No. I am…"
"Okay! I get it. You are Gundam."
"No. I am not…weird."
"Oh…"
"But I am also…Gundam."
"Gyaaaaaaah!!!" Louise screamed in frustration and started pulling her hair.
"Louise Halevy…"
"W-W-What!?"
"You don't want me to become…Gundam?"
"No! That's not it, you moron."
"I see." He nodded his head. "You also want to become…Gundam?"
"I…uh…"
"Louise Halevy…"
"Y-Yes?"
"You are…Gundam."
"…"
"I am…Gundam."
"…"
"We are…Gundam."
"I…uh…uh…uh…"
"We are…Gundam." He repeated.
"Uh…Uh…Uwaaaaah!!!" Louise squatted down on the floor and started crying like a baby.
"No…" He knelt down in front of her. "You have failed to become…Gundam. I'm sorry. I'm Gundam and you are not…Gundam. Therefore, we are not…Gundam. But I am…Gundam."
"YOU IDIOT!!!" She smacked Setsuna right on the noggin and sent him flying to the kitchen.
"Louise Halevy…" Setsuna, all bloodied up and stuff, came back. Oh and even if he's hurt, his face is still devoid of expression. "You are-
"I am not Gundam! Do you hear me? I am not Gundam!"
"Yes…"
"Huh?"
"Louise Halevy, you are…tsundere."
"…"
"Tsundere." He repeated.
"Aw ya gotta be shitting me, motherfudger." A bulging vein appeared on her head. "My character is not even voiced by Rie Kugimiya, asshole. It's so obvious I'm not tsundere."
"Sorry." He apologized. "I want to reference…Girls Bravo. Just this once."
"…"
"I am Gundam and you are…tsundere. Tsun and dere. Tsundere."
"YOU IDIOT!!!" And Setsuna was once again sent back to the kitchen thanks to Louise Halevy's powerful and non-tsundere smack attack. "The title of weaboo is reserved to Graham Aker, you twit, so stop calling me tsundere!!!"
Indeed. These are indeed peaceful days even if everybody is suffering from a few loose screws. Even with all their massive shortcomings, these individuals still go by the motions. But unknown to them, this peace is about to be shattered by a new threat. A vile villain is moving within the shadows and is ready to spread the horror that would definitely shake the very foundations of the Gundam world. Shake it so hard that it will never be the same again. Kinda like what SEED Destiny did to the franchise. Boy, Fukuda sure has a lot of redeeming to do after forcing down that steaming pile of crap to our throats. Sure, a lot of folks ate it all up but most fans, especially UC fags like me, succumbed to the horror that is the pseudo-Zeta Gundam of the Cosmic Era. I mean shit got potential but he fudged it all up. Damn you, Fukuda. Damn you! Oh who am I kidding? Bad or good, I'm still gonna eat it all up since its Gundam. Hell, I'll eat anything with the Gundam name on it.
Uh…
Okay, I just realized I went off-track there for a bit. I went all broken record and shit and I'm sure I incited the wrath of a few fans and they're probably going to lynch my pathetic and sorry ass.
Ahem…
Anyway…
HORROR! Unbeknownst to Saji and company, a new horror is slowly creeping into their lives. And in typical Happy Fun Times Meister fashion, such horror began in the inner bowels of…
LOCKON'S BAR
STORE ROOM
"And that's the last of them." Lockon Stratos put the last box of strawberry milk inside the room. Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he gave Allelujah Haptism the thumbs-up. "Boy oh boy, business is gonna be booming after I put these babies on the list. Sure made the right decision to order a shipment."
"Are you sure about this, Lockon-san?" Allelujah asked nervously. "I mean we're gonna start serving strawberry milk? Isn't that a bit…well…I…uh…"
The Irish Gundam Meister patted him on the back. "Relax! Haven't you heard? Strawberry milk is starting to become a bar trend recently and I don't wanna get left behind. No matter how silly and outlandish things will become, Lockon's Bar will be a part of it…as long as we rake in the dough. Remember what they say: everything will go to the daring. Of course, I plan to be daring and I plan to get everything. Business-minded folks like yours truly should be open on things and should take risks if they want to become successful. You get what I'm saying here?"
"I guess…"
"You need to loosen up, Allelujah." Lockon then opened one of the boxes and reached in for a carton of strawberry milk. The Celestial Being logo is printed on the cardboard and for some reason, Bernard Wiseman's photo is on the missing person section that's located on the back of the carton. "Here, have a drink." He offered. "I'm sure you'll feel at ease after you took a sip of this fine money-making elixir."
"Alright." He said and took it. He opened the carton and tasted its contents.
"So how is it?"
"Uh…taste like strawberry."
"Good." He rubbed his hands. "We'll start serving these babies tonight. I'll be sure to inform Saji-kun."
"Right." He nodded and took another sip.
"Well I'll be heading back to the bar and start setting things up. Man, now that Tieria is one with VEDA, this place has become quite peaceful. Oh such bliss, such joy and such happiness. Things would be perfect if I could somehow convince Feldt Grace to work as a waitress."
"What about Marie? She'll make a fine waitress."
"Oh Marie is fine and all but the customers are looking for someone who's less…split personality-ish."
"Uh…"
"Don't worry!" He assured him. "Marie is still gonna work here. I just wanna hire Feldt because I wanna get my hands on her and…uh…err…I mean I believe she's looking for a job."
"Lockon, that's a bit-
"She's looking for a job!"
"Are you-
"A job!"
"Really? I think-
"A job! Goddammit! She's freaking looking for a job! Just shut-up and drink my money-making elixir, Mr. Trans-Am battery of the Ptolemaios."
"You're mean, Lockon." Allelujah's eyes start to tear up. "You've been acting all weird this morning."
"I'm sorry, buddy." He lowered his head. "I guess I went a little overboard there."
"It's okay." He said and finished his strawberry milk. "Hey, you're right. This stuff taste good."
"I told you so." He smiled. "I drank a bunch of that stuff last night and I tell ya, its good shit. Primo stuff that'll have you wanting for more."
"Where did you get it anyway?"
"Uh…"
"Lockon? Hello? I asked where you got this stuff."
"Umm…somewhere."
"It's not illegal, is it?"
"Of course not."
"So where?"
"I told you I got it from…someone and…uh…somewhere…or something."
"The supermarket?"
"Uh…not really."
"Lockon…"
"Alright." He groaned. "I got it from the moon."
"The moon? You mean on Copernicus City? Von Braun City perhaps? Or you probably got it from DOME. Yeah. I'm sure you got it from DOME."
"I didn't got it from DOME."
"Then where on the moon?"
"Well…uh…the thing is…well it's not exactly on the moon. You see…last week somebody offered me a sample and I tasted it. That person came back again and told me if I was interested in selling the milk then I should make a deal with them, which I did. So I went to their office, which is actually an abandoned colony in Lagrange three, signed all the necessary papers and then BOOM. We got a deal."
"You sure this stuff is legit? I mean their office is in an abandoned colony."
"Yeah…it's located within the debris belt to be exact."
"The debris belt!? That place is pretty shady, Lockon."
"It's legit." He grabbed another carton from the box. "Here. Drink another one, Miss drama queen."
"Oh don't mind me if I do." He opened it and hungrily chug it down.
"Okay then, time to do some work." Lockon rushed to the exit.
"Right." Allelujah finished the drink and tossed the empty carton away. "Oh man…I feel kinda weird."
LACUS CLYNE'S EVIL BASE OF EVILNESS THAT'S FULL OF EVIL COORDINATORS WHO DESPERATELY WANT TO BE EVIL ZEON NEWTYPES WHICH IS WHY THEY MADE AN A ABAOA QU RIP-OFF TO PROVE THEIR EVIL DESPERATION TO BECOME EVIL ZEON NEWTYPES OR SIMPLY KNOWN AS…THE PLANTS
APRILIUS ONE
APRILIUS CITY, LACUS CLYNE'S REALLY EVIL FORTRESS OF PURE PINK EVILNESS
THRONE ROOM
"Maggots!" Lacus Clyne opened the doors and marched towards her shiny and pink throne. "I demand breakfast!"
"She demands breakfast!" Kira Yamato, Lacus Clyne's personal bitch, was right behind her. "Oh and what do you want for breakfast, milady?"
"And what do you think I want for breakfast, Kira Yamato?" She asked and sat down on her throne of pinky evilness."
"Uh…" He scratched his head.
"Well? What do you think I want for breakfast, you insignificant piece of excrement?"
"I…uh…well…"
"WELL SPIT OUT, YOU PATHETIC WORM!" She hissed, spraying saliva all over Kira's face.
"B-B-B-B-B-Babies!!! You want babies for breakfast."
"Come again?"
"Babies. You'll eat babies because you're so evil and really evil. Your very evilness has broken my soul and now I am merely an empty vessel. A shadow of my former self. I should have married Flay Allster and we could have started a wonderful family." He started weeping like an idiot. "A little Kira and a little Flay running around the house. Me and that red-haired goddess snuggling on the bed but no!" He sobbed loudly. "No! No! No! I dumped her and chose your sorry pink evil ass. What was I thinking!? God, please give me a time machine so I can rectify my mistakes! A time machine! A time-freaking-machine!!!"
"…"
"So how do you like your babies? Fried or baked?"
"I'll have some pancakes and toast with strawberry jam, you twit."
"Yes mah lordo!" Ha saluted. "Oh and speaking of strawberries, would you like some strawberry milk?"
"Strawberry milk?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "I bought a whole shipment yesterday."
"Now why would you buy a whole shipment of strawberry milk? Are you really thirsty or has your brain finally called it quits."
"Because it's really good. Really, really, really good."
"Uh…huh."
"It's pink." Kira smiled sheepishly.
"THEN BRING ME SOME STRAWBERRY MILK, CRETIN!!!"
THE NEXT DAY
SAJI'S BED ROOM
7:00 A.M.
Saji Crossroad slowly opened his eyes after hearing the alarm clock. Yawning, the young man sat up and stretched his arms. He then jumped off the bed and pulled the drapes open. It was a beautiful morning and…uh...okay, scratch that. The whole freaking city is in flames. Cars overturned. Mobile suits hovering in random directions. People rioting and selling Gundam Wing yaoi doujinshi. It was like hell has finally descended on Earth.
Johnny Ridden's Gelgoog flew past above his apartment. "My Lady Kycillia has rejected me!" The Zeon ace sobbed loudly. "She dumped me so she can date Admiral Revil! I mean that's fudged-up. Oh and once again, somebody mistook me for Char Aznable. I'm the Crimson Lightning not the Red Comet, you assholes! I'll beat your sorry ass once I become a real boy, Char Aznable! Your days are numbered." His mobile suit then crashed into the building next door.
"What in the world is going on!?" Saji gasped.
Suddenly, the door burst open and Louise Halevy came marching in. "Geez! So you're finally awake, Saji-kun." She said and then handed him a brown paper bag. "Here's your lunch. Now hurry up or else we're gonna be late for school."
"Y-You made me lunch?" The young man was baffled. Louise wasn't exactly a denizen of the kitchen or to any part of the house that require chores for that matter.
"I didn't make you some lunch just because I like you or anything." She turned her face away and started blushing. "I mean who would like an idiot like you? You're not cool or anything. I mean the only reason why I take care of you is because you're so hopeless."
"T-T-T-Tsundere!? When did you become a tsundere?" Saji took a step back away from her. "What the hell is going here? Everyone is going crazy! Uh…wait…scratch that. Everyone is going crazy than usual!"
"Iyaaah!" Flay Allster stumbled out of the closet. Her dress is all messed-up and Saji can see her underwear. "I'm such a klutz." She bonked her head and stuck her tongue out. "I can't do anything right." She giggled like an airhead.
"Run away!" He dashed out of the room.
DOWNSTAIRS
"Ara, ara…" Kinue was sitting on the couch and drinking some tea. "What do we have here?" She said after she saw Saji rushing down from the stairs.
"Onee-san!" He called out to her. "Louise and Flay are acting weird. Heck, everyone is acting weird outside. Just what the hell is going? It's like everyone got bitten by the crazy bug."
"Oho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" She stood up, tossed her tea cup away and proceeded to laugh like a queen. "My dear little brother." She said and placed her hands on her hips. "How uncouth of you. Acting all confused and afraid, just like a dirty commoner." She then took out a red cloth and wore it like she's Red Riding Hood. "Now I'm Chacha from Akazukin Chacha! Whip me, Saji! Whip me! Akazukin Onee-chan needs a good whipping! You are S and I am M! No…that's not it. Oho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!" Her eyes started twitching as she laughs. "The truth is Saji: I need a power-up. Like how Mario needs to eat a mushroom to grow but in my case, I need to get whipped! So for the love of anything monkey, whip me!!!"
"Oh God." Trembling, he slowly backed away from her. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration." He started incanting the litany against fear from Frank Herbert's Dune.
"Whip Onee-chan, Saji-kun!" Her mouth started foaming. "Whip Chacha-onee-chan!"
"I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me." He continued.
"Saji-kun!" Mama Halevy appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his hand. "Follow me. Something has happened to the people and we got to do something. We should at least gather everyone who is sane and report it to the authorities."
"Oh thank the heavens! A normal person." But he then realized Mama Halevy is the one acting normal. "Wait…that's not right." He pulled his hand away and ran to the kitchen. "If Mama Halevy is the one acting normal then something is definitely wrong here!"
KITCHEN
The kitchen was a mess. The cupboards are all open, the chairs were overturned, the kitchen knives are sticking on the wall like somebody was playing darts and a box of the new Perfect Grade Gundam Astray Red Frame was on the table. But the most unusual was the empty cartons of strawberry milk that's scattered all over the kitchen floor. Saji's stomach began to turn after the heavy scent of strawberry filled his nostrils. Ever since he was a young lad, Saji Crossroad couldn't stand strawberries. The sourness and the sickly-sweet smell was enough to make him gag and run for the nearest exit. One of the few quirks that made him stand out from everyone, not that he stands out that much anyway.
"Gaaah!" He covered his face with his handkerchief. "Strawberry milk!? Aw cripes! I hate anything strawberry! What's with these cartons of strawberry milk? I don't remember buying some and I'm sure the people inside this house know I hate strawberries. Whatever! I'm out of here." He went out of the house. "Damn it all to hell! I'll take my chances outside and find out what the heck is going here. I just hope it has nothing to do with freaking strawberries!"
OUTSIDE
The first person he saw outside was Setsuna and the young Gundam Meister was downing his fifth carton of strawberry milk. "Setsuna!" He waved at him.
"Saji Crossroad." He greeted and tossed the now-empty milk carton to the nearby trash bin.
"Ugh…"
"Something the matter?"
"You're drinking strawberry milk."
"Uh-huh." He nodded. "It's pretty good. Do you want some? I still have one carton here."
"Uh…no. I'll pass, thank you very much. Anyway, Setsuna, do you have any idea what's going on here? Everyone's gone crazy."
Suddenly, an OZ soldier ran past them and climbed up on the Zaku II that's parked next to Saji's apartment. He forcibly opened the cockpit hatch and knocked out the pilot inside. He then tossed the unconscious body away and raised both of his arms. "I'm the king of the world, bitches!" He screamed. "No longer will I be bound to the Leo also known as the worst cannon fodder ever. I'll jack this Zaku and conquer the motherfudging world. Bwahahahahahahaha! But first, I need to drink my magical elixir." He took out a carton of strawberry milk and gulped it down in one swig. "Delicious!" He wiped his mouth. "As if the Gundam gods themselves empowered me with their infinite strength. Oh and when I say Gundam gods, I meant Yoshiyuki Tomino." He cackled and jumped inside the Zaku. He activated it and crashed the mobile suit through the newly-opened pet shop next door, releasing several animals.
"Are you sure? Everyone seems fine to me." Setsuna said and a parrot landed atop of his head.
"Squaaak!" The bird chirped. "Polly wants a cracker!"
"No." Setsuna frowned. "Polly wants a…Gundam."
"Squaaak! Polly wants a Gundam!"
"Saji Crossroad…"
"W-What is it, Setsuna?" A sweat drop appeared on Saji's head.
"This parrot is a…Gundam."
"I see…"
"I'm a…Gundam."
"Okay! How about we go to Lockon-san's place. I bet he knows what's going on here."
"Yes. We must go to his place at once. I heard he hired Feldt Grace as a waitress in his bar and if she is indeed there, then we must make haste for I must activate the Twin Drive system."
"The what now? The Twin Drive system? Is the 00-Raiser at Lockon's Bar for maintenance or something? Is Ian-san there too."
"Just see for yourself, Saji Crossroad."
LOCKON'S BAR
"Oooooooookay…" Saji couldn't believe his eyes. When they arrived at the bar, they found Lockon lying down on the floor with a big bump bulging out of his head. Feldt Grace, who is wearing a really revealing waitress uniform, is standing next to Lockon's unconscious carcass and is carrying a metal bat. "I think we just witnessed a crime."
"It'll be really interesting if we did." Setsuna said.
"Grace-san, what happened here?" Saji asked the pink-haired girl.
"Lockon just suddenly went crazy." She replied and tossed the bat away. "I took the waitress job and he then suddenly started groping me. Good thing this bat was lying around or else…"
"Holy crap. Even Lockon is acting crazy. Just what the heck is going here? Did you see the people outside? Everyone is acting weird, even Louise and the others back home."
"You got me there." Feldt shrugged her shoulders.
"Anyway, where are Allelujah and Marie? Maybe they have some answers for this mystery."
"Uh…well…"
"Aw fudge." Saji already knew the answer and slapped his forehead in exasperation. "So those two love birds are also acting weird, huh?"
"Uh…yeah." Feldt smiled nervously. "You just missed them. Marie went out so she can enroll to an all-girls school and experience the yuri genre while Allelujah took the Arios Gundam with him and plans to destroy all the catholic all-girls school he can find in order to prevent Marie from experiencing the yuri genre. I think the rest can be left for imagination."
"Dear God…"
"Oh yeah I saw his hit list. Those three schools from Strawberry Panic are his first targets."
"Super." Setsuna gave a thumbs-up.
"Flying lesbian body parts! Flying lesbian body parts!" The parrot, which for some reason is still on Setsuna's head, chirped.
"Uh…" Feldt pointed at the Gundam Meister.
"Don't ask." Saji responded with a dry smile.
"Oh I nearly forgot." Setsuna said and jumped over to the bar. He opened the cupboard below and took out a carton of strawberry milk. He jumped back again, opened the carton and calmly poured some milk all over Feldt.
"What the hell are you doing, Setsuna!?" The Ptolemy bridge bunny asked angrily.
"What God has intended for me to do." He replied and tossed the carton away.
"Uh…you don't believe in God, Setsuna." Saji reminded him and there was a long awkward silence.
"Ahem." The Krugis boy cleared his throat. "Okay scratch that. I meant what Gundam has intended for me to do."
"Setsuna is Gundam!" The parrot chirped.
"Alright." Setsuna took out a pair of scissors and proceeded to cut Feldt's uniform.
"What the hell…" The young Japanese-American was dumbfounded.
"Setsuna, how could you?" The poor girl cried out and is now only wearing her underwear.
"I'm doing this for the fans!" Setsuna faced the readers and gave a thumbs-up. "The pairing that never was! Shipping! Shipping! Shipping!"
"Shipping!" The parrot repeated.
"Now…" He suddenly squeezed Feldt's boobies. "Activating the Twin Drive system!!! Feldt Grace, feel the mighty squeeze of Shipping as I achieve total Innovation."
"Iyaaaaaah!!!" She blushed.
Setsuna's eyes started to glow yellow. "Groping a path for humanity."
"Shipping! Shipping! Shipping!" The parrot continued to chant.
"Saji-kun, don't stand there like a gawking idiot. Do something!" She called out for help.
"I'm coming!" He said and tried to pull Setsuna away from her. He also tried to look away from Feldt because her revealing position kinda aroused him for a bit, hence the long pause and hesitation when Setsuna groped her Twin Drive boobies.
"Saji Crossroad, don't be a fool. Don't interrupt me from achieving Innovation." Setsuna protested as he continued to grope the poor girl. "I'm doing this for the fans! For the people who want a Setsuna and Feldt pairing. I'm doing this for the sake of shipping! She gave me a flower so therefore I'll also take her flower!"
"Oh we're speaking in sexual metaphors now? Gave you a flower and take her flower? What!? That does not make any sense! Happy Fun Times Meisters just reached a new low."
"After this she will marry me and her name will be changed to Gundam. Not Feldt Gundam but only Gundam. She will become Gundam and I am Gundam so therefore we are Gundam. You can be Gundam too, Saji Crossroad. So let's all become Gundam!"
"Okay everyone, it's totally official: Setsuna F. Seiei is also acting crazy like everyone else."
"Kyaaaah! Saji-kun! He's squeezing hard!" Feldt moaned. "Hurry and stop him! Aaah!"
"Don't moan, dammit!" Saji blushed even more.
"I can't help it, Saji-kun. Aaaaah! Iyaaaah! Stop squeezing them. My chest is pretty sensitive! Aaaah!"
"Oh God almighty and fudge monkeys! At this rate, this fanfiction will get banned. Last time I check its asinine parody not lemon! Admiral Muffin, you good for nothing perverted asshole!"
"I'm doing this for the people yo." I said.
"Banned! We're really gonna get banned! Banned, I tell ya! Banned!"
KER-CRASH!!!
Suddenly, several Federation automatons broke inside the bar. The machines surrounded them and pointed their guns at the three. "Oh now what?" Saji gulped. "Why does this always happen to me?"
MEANWHILE…
IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
Unknown to Saji and friends, one of the automatons was recording them with its camera and is sending the live feed to Ribbons Almark. The green-haired boy was sitting on an expensive couch and is caressing a cat like any villain even though he never did such thing in the anime. I mean c'mon, villains should at least have cats with them. I'm not doing a Doctor Evil thing here, I really think villains should have cats. I mean cats are evil. Don't believe the cute thing those evil felines do. Oh no, buddy, don't fall for their cute tricks. Cats are evil and should be…
Uh…
Okay…
I kinda went off-track again…
Anyhoo…
"Oh such pitiful humans." Ribbons chuckled. "You fools have no idea what I unleashed on your world. If this plan succeeds then I will-
"Ribbons!" Hilling Care appeared behind the couch. "Can we order Chinese for dinner?"
"No! I want Italian for dinner!" Revive Revival also appeared behind the couch.
"I don't want Italian! I want Chinese!"
"Hah! I'm sure Ribbons will agree to my request."
"That's not true! Am I right, Ribbons?" She giggled. "You're gonna order Chinese, right?"
"No! We're not having Chinese or Italian!" A bulging vein appeared on his forehead. "We're going to Taco Bell and that's final."
"Eeeeeeeeh!?" Hilling and Revive were both disappointed. "We don't want Mexican food."
"Hey guys!" Hixar Fermi entered the room. "Wanna hang out with me? I brought a loli." He presented Hayana to them. "I'm sure she's gonna be a fun loli."
"Go away, Hixar, we don't like you." Revive glared at him.
"But I'm also like you guys. I'm the white skittle."
"Go away." Hilling hissed. "Go back to Gundam 00F, you poopy head."
"I brought my Xbox 360."
"Welcome aboard, buddy." Ribbons shook his hand.
"Hixar, you're kinda cute today." Hilling hugged him from behind.
"Best friends forever!" Revive also hugged him.
"Group hug!!!" Ribbons joined in.
"Yay! Amuro Ray is hugging me." Hixar cheered.
"Shut-up, you twit."
What is Ribbons Almark's evil plan? What has strawberry milk got to do with it? Will Saji find out and somehow stop this androgynous freak? Will he able to pull Setsuna away from Feldt and prevent this story from becoming a lemon fanfiction? Will Setsuna achieve Innovation even though he already did back in the anime? Will he still grope Feldt in order to create a pairing? Will Feldt's Twin Drive system activate? Find out in the next chapter of Happy Fun Times Meisters: The Strawberry Conspiracy!
STORY NOTES
And so begins this story…
I'm still thinking of a way to end the main HFTM story so it might get delayed for a bit. Okay now for the reference guide.
Girls Bravo is an ecchi manga series that was adapted into an anime back in 2004 and 2005. Chiwa Saito, the seiyu for Louise Halevy, voiced a tsundere character in the anime.
Copernicus City is from Gundam SEED. This is the place where Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala first met. Von Braun city is from Universal City and is the largest city on the moon. This city appeared in Zeta Gundam and in the Stardust Memory OVA. DOME or Depths of Mind Elevating appeared on Gundam X. DOME was the first Newtype in that universe and was genetically dismantled and placed inside a base on the moon. Originally, Toru Furuya, the seiyu of Amuro Ray, was supposed to voice DOME but turned down the offer.
A Abaoa Qu is a space fortress from Mobile Suit Gundam. The final battle between the Earth Federation and Principality of Zeon took place here. The fortress appeared again in Zeta Gundam and was renamed the Gate of Zedan.
Johnny Ridden is a character from Gundam MSV. He's known as the Crimson Lightning and always gets mistaken for Char Aznable. Lady Kycilia and Admiral Revil are from the original series.
Akazukin Chacha is a manga series and was adapted into an anime back in 1994. I enjoyed it even thought it was targeted for kids thanks to its quirky characters. Chacha's seiyu was also pretty good.
The Litany of Fear is from Frank Herbert's Dune. It's a pretty swell book, so do read it. The litany was recited by group called Bene Gesserit.
The Gundam Astray Red Frame is from the Gundam SEED Astray manga side stories. I still think Astray is a whole lot better than the SEED anime. I'll take Lowe Guele over Kira Yamato any day. Recently, a PG Red Frame model kit was made.
I'm sure everyone knows OZ is from Gundam Wing, and so is the Leo mobile suit. And yes, I think the Leo is a crappy unit even though it was designed by Hajime Katoki. It receives the magical plot armor when a main character pilots it though.
Yoshiyuki Tomino is the creator of Gundam. Yes, he's the one who started it all. If you're a Gundam fan and you don't know him then shame on you.
Hixar Fermi and Hayana are from the 00 side stories. Hixar is an Innovade while Hayana is a registered Gundam Meister and the sister of Hanayo.
Well that's pretty much it. I was supposed to write this sooner but I got held by work and had a little touch of depression. A lot of crap is happening lately in my life but I'm getting by. I consider writing fanfictions to be an escape, even thought my stories are a bit iffy and full of mistakes. I'm also grateful to those who read my stories, people like Ominae and Cielo. Oh and do check out Ominae's Code Geass story, Lost Soldiers. It's pretty neat and full of intense action. Well I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please feel free to post some reviews. See ya!