"Masks"
A/N: This is my first "real" fanfiction so please bear with me. English is not my native language so if you find any mistakes you may keep them. I do know where this story will be going so if you'd like for me to continue, I probably will. The poem is "Masks" by Shel Silverstein. (It's also a soon to be tattoo of mine) I do not own Lost Girl because if I would there would be more Valkubus, more Rachel Skarsten, more Valkubanging, and less Doccubusing(? i just made that up, sorry) Anyways, enjoy!
...
"She had blue skin
And so did he
He kept it hid
And so did she
They searched for blue
Their whole life through
Then passed right by
And never knew."
Tamsin knew that she was in big, big trouble. She wasn't supposed to be in this room, at this time. She wasn't supposed to have this drink in her left hand, occupying it, so it wouldn't shake from holding back all of those feelings she had pushed away. Her face was itching, and hurting from keeping on this mask, this straight emotionless face. Organs, god, her organs were doing sommersaults trying to pump the feelings she tried to push away right back into her system. And it worked. She felt her body trembling, buckling underneath her, trying to find a release somewhere, somehow. But she wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't. The risk was too big, the loss too great, the fear too strong. So she did what she always did when she felt her body giving in. Putting her glass on the edge of the pool table she forced her body to turn left, reminding it to follow her demands. In the corner of her eye she saw Dyson raising an eyebrow at her.
"Where are you going partner? We haven't finished this game yet. Scared of losing?" Concentrate. She needed to concentrate in order to give the right answer to this question. Yes, she was afraid. She was afraid to lose this game, this game of hiding love, hiding her true self, feelings, warmth and everything that came with it. She was afraid that she had already lost herself somewhere along the way. Valkyries didn't lose games, ever. No matter what kind of games. But not in one of her many, many life-times did she even cross a bridge that led her to a game this terrible.
Instead of saying this she smiled and, again, forced her body to do as told and turned it into Dysons direction. "You wish. I'm bored, a Valkyrie needs her action. I guess I'll be heading to the next Dark Fae bar in order to recieve some. Sleep tight Wolfman." The wolf just nodded at her reply and waved his goodbye. It was unfair really, why couldn't she just love Dyson? He was a nice dude, he looked about alright, and he was easy. But easy was just too easy. And not a single thing in her life was easy, so why should love be?
Closing the door of the Dal behind her she inhaled deeply. She looked up into the sky and started to count the stars. One, two, three, a few small ones, a few big ones. One brighter than the other, some of them nearly too small to notice, but Tamsin did. She noticed things because she was observant like that. Other people on the other hand, other people were terrible. And she had never met anyone that she could trust, she had never met anyone that she liked, she had never met anyone that she loved. Until Dyson, until Kenzi, until Bo.
Bo. That name cut her open like a hot knife. Not too deep, not deep enough to kill her. But deep enough to feel it. It would heal again and again until she would see her again. It was a disadvantage of being observant. Because being as observant as she was, she noticed every single detail of Bo. How her nasal wings flutter when she dislikes something, how her chin begins to tremble right before she starts crying, her fake laugh, her real laugh... which was a sound she would never forget. How her face lights up when she sees Kenzi, how her faces cringes (in pain even if only slightly) whenever she hurts either Dyson or Lauren. How she has feelings for both of them, but not for her.
Tamsin didn't even realize that she had reached her destination. It was an apartment building not too far from the Dal. Of course she had been lying to Dyson when she said that she would go to the next Dark Fae Bar. She hasn't been in one for months, maybe a year. It just wasn't the same anymore. Nothing has been the same since she met Bo. But she still had to do something to distract herself from the mind occupying Succubus. She knocked on the all too familiar door and waited for someone to open it. A minute passed and a tall blonde figure opened it.
"Tamsin! I didn't know you were coming over tonight?" The other blonde woman beamed at Tamsin. "Yeah well, where else would I go?" Tamsin made her way inside and as soon as the other woman closed the door Tamsin pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her cheek. "I missed you, Babe." It was a light whisper, but Tamsin heard. And her body reacted. Her body wanted to move away, to tell that woman that it was complicated, that she liked her but probably not in a way that she liked her. But Tamsin, again, forced her body to react otherwise. "I missed you, too." And it was exhausting.