"This is, without doubt, the stupidest plan you've come up with yet, Rivaini." Varric announced over their latest pitcher of Hanged Man swill. "Of course I'm in."
"No, it has to work. It's foolproof." Isabela laughed back and knocked her tankard against his.
"You seem to forget we're working with two of the biggest fools out there." The dwarf replied, but he smiled a calculating grin.
"It has a proven 80% success rate. I say 80, it worked - but then he got clingy."
"Yeah, that's success with the poor saps you prey on. I like to give our friends a little more credit. Still, it's worth a shot."
"Worth a shot? It's worth more than that if you put your coin where your mouth is." She leaned over the table and arched a challenging eyebrow at him.
"Alright, I'll buy your pitcher if it works."
"Make it two." She sat back, with a final nod. "We'll settle this tomorrow night."
The bar filled as usual and rather than taking their customary seats in Varric's suite, he and Isabela chose a table down in the main room to wait for their friends to arrive. Only Fenris and Hawke had been told anything was going on that night, though they didn't know that.
Once a few customers were in, Isabela got to work, doing her duty of sweeping around the bar, tantalising all the desperate men, and women, who looked her way. Though this time she had a few words of advice to give them.
"Hey Varric, am I early?" Hawke said as she dropped into the seat opposite his own and looked around, looking for any of their usual group.
"No, just in time. Anders passed on his apologies but there's a woman in labour he's dealing with and Merrill, well, we couldn't get her away from that void-taken mirror." Varric answered her and she replied with a grimace.
"I worry about that thing." She said, then shrugged. "But tonight, all I want to think about is my next drink." She stood up again, gesturing at his glass to ask if he wanted another, then headed to the bar. As she left, Isabela appeared in the seat next to Varric.
"Watch this." She nodded encouragingly towards the bar and, sure enough, within seconds there was a man at her elbow. Varric had overheard this one's pickup lines before and winced for Hawke's sake. He watched as she exchanged a few calm words with him before turning away and firmly fixing her attention back on Corff.
Fenris arrived at almost the same time as Hawke sat back down and the conversation began to flow smoothly.
With their carefully sown seeds of hope taking root within the clientele at the bar, the rest of the evening saw Varric and Isabela focused only on inventive ways to get Hawke to stand up and wander around the tavern alone. Every time she did, there was a new man testing his luck at her side that she had to turn away.
Every time she returned to the table, the duo had a new comment and an eye on Fenris' reaction, goading him into saying something, betraying his simmering jealousy.
"Someone's popular tonight."
"I think Meven's been interested in you for some time."
"Ooh, you didn't let him down easy."
And she had increasingly agitated replies to each of them. "No, I didn't. I don't know what's got into everyone tonight. Did someone put out a missive for Try Your Luck at the Champion Night?"
"Maybe, maybe not but hey, I think you deserve a little fun." Isabela suggested. "Blow off some steam. I could tell you who you'll have the most fun with." She smirked and out of the corner of his eye, Varric caught sight of Fenris' quick scowl.
Finally, some reaction. Perhaps he was close to breaking. At this point Varric was almost starting to feel bad for both of them, if he wasn't having quite so much fun.
As he saw another man with his eye fixed on Hawke, clearly calculating the opportune moment to come over and interrupt them, Varric tried to think of another way to get Hawke to leave their table. What he wasn't expecting was Hawke to follow his own gaze and also catch sight of the other man. He was even more surprised when she stood up without any prompting and moved towards the man. He couldn't see her face but there was an uncharacteristic sway in her hips, exaggerated so the hopeless man on the other end was transfixed.
Varric looked hopefully towards the elf sharing their table. When Isabela turned to face him he saw her eager excitement at the way Fenris' eyes were fixed on Hawke's back. She looked to Varric and wiggled her eyebrows, a look of confidence suggesting that the next pitcher would be out of his own pocket.
A disturbance drew their attention and both conspirators turned as one to witness the Champion of their city climbing on the next table, rapidly dropping a hush over the crowd in the bar. All eyes turned to her and her voice carried clearly across their fuddled, upturned faces.
"My fellow drunkards, I have an announcement. Now, I can't guess what has been put in your ale this evening but there is something I think needs to be cleared up. This is not Hawke free-for-all night. This," She gestured down at herself, and Varric watched with amusement as half the room took a good look, while the other half turned to face anywhere else. "is not going to be won by the next good looker with a smooth comment. For the rest of the evening I am going to sit with my friends, enjoy my drinks and everyone else," Another glance around the room, Varric watched the wave of hastily averted eyes as Hawke somehow took in every one of them, "will keep smart mouths and hands to themselves unless they're looking to have something removed."
This last was emphasised with a dagger swiftly produced from her belt and a not-so-subtle gesture. She stepped off the table and only when she had reached the bar and Corff began pulling her pint did the room pick up its usual level of noise, switching on like a trigger had been sprung.
Varric chuckled under his breath. Perhaps, he mused, they had underestimated Hawke's ability to take care of herself. He reached for his pint, turned to Isabela to take a pointed victory sip, then almost choked when he was suddenly facing the blazing eyes of an irate elf.
"What did you two do?" Fenris demanded with a growl and Varric had to give it to him, he could do menacing very well.
"Oh sweetie, Hawke doesn't need our help. She's just that good looking." Isabela cooed but Fenris was having none of it.
"Whatever game it is you're playing, this puts an end to it."
"What game, Elf? We're as stumped as you are." Varric replied nonchalantly, grinning into the bottom of his tankard at the flash of anger on the elf's face, immediately masked when Hawke joined them again. Hidden maybe, but not forgotten.
"Now that's sorted, who's up for a hand of Grace?" The Champion grinned pleasantly and looked expectantly to Varric for his card deck.
A couple of days later the same group was found walking along the docks. Fenris stood close to Hawke while Varric and Isabela dropped back, loudly discussing Varric's fine quilt of chest hair until the two in front clearly stopped listening.
"So when are you buying, Rivaini?" Varric asked when he saw Hawke was saying something to Fenris.
"Oh no. We're not done."
"You should learn to admit when you've lost."
"He's got a brooding bodyguard in there that will come out. We just need to work at it a little harder."
"Sounds dirty. Considering the source I shouldn't be surprised."
"Double or nothing."
"You know, I almost feel sorry for you." He shook his head but when Isabela offered her hand, Varric grasped it firmly to seal the bet.
Not ten minutes later, a shout on the lower dock drew their attention and a rapid sprint brought them to the fighting. Unsurprisingly Hawke placed herself directly in the middle of the band of thieves, who appeared to be trying to overpower a couple of sailors fresh off their cargo boat.
However as Varric and Isabela followed them down the steps to the jetty, the pirate suddenly tripped and Varric only saw her drop like a stone from his peripheral vision. He stopped when he reached the bottom, not wanting to try and halt on the stairs themselves as it would most likely end with him falling arse over face, much less elegantly than Isabela. Instead he looked over his shoulder to see the woman crouching on the stairs, watching the fight shrewdly from her relaxed position.
"You're playing a dangerous game, Rivaini." He realised she hadn't fallen at all, just fallen back.
"It's for the good of everyone really." She laughed back, jumping up and jogging down to Varric's side. "He's been tight as Bianca's coil ever since he met his sister. Serious need of some bonking therapy. It's making the whole gang nervous."
"I think perhaps you're projecting." Varric rolled his eyes and slid his hand to the smooth curve of Bianca's trigger, taking aim, only to notice that the 'fight' was more of a scuffle, judging by the fact three men were already down and only two were left standing. Even as he watched, Hawke leapt forward and pinned one man against the wall with her blade. The other let out a whimper and turned to run, only to have Varric unerringly sink a bolt into his calf.
The two bloody fighters made quick work of clearing up, making sure that any of the crooks left alive knew that this dock, this town, was protected by both the Captain's Guard and, more importantly, Hawke herself.
"And your help was invaluable of course. Both of you." Hawke turned to Isabela, voice dripping with sarcasm if the cliché had ever been more appropriate. Varric gestured defensively at the poor sod currently trying to drag his bleeding leg into the undertunnels and shrugged.
"Sorry Hawke, the sun was in my eyes. Didn't want to catch one of you by accident." The defence rolled off his tongue without his even thinking about it. Then he caught Isabela grinning smugly at him out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't actually trying to carry out her little ploy, it was just the kind of thing he got sucked in to. Regularly.
"Yeah, sorry Hawke. Guess I'm still a little worn out from last night. You know, there was this Templar at the bar, somehow had no idea who I was and he did this thing-"
"Yes alright. Maybe next time you can decide whether you'll be any help before you come along." Fenris cut across her.
It was safe to say that neither Hawke nor Fenris were amused.
Or falling into each other's passionate embrace.
The next night saw Varric and Isabela once again seated around the table in Varric's suite, along with Merrill and Sebastian. With no sign of either of their newest playthings showing up, Varric proposed a game of diamondback - soon the cards were on the table and suspicious eyes on everybody else's hands.
Isabela was surprisingly the first to fold, stepping back from the table and opening the window to lean out, taking a breath of the distinctive odour of Lowtown.
With a noise of surprise, the pirate suddenly turned back to the room. "Varric, get your fine ass over here."
He looked at her almost indignant expression, then back at his cards. He had a good hand, knowing Rivaini she already knew that, so what was so intriguing she expected him to throw it down? At Isabela's emphatic gesture he gave a heavy sigh, signalling this had better be worth it, and stood up to join her, his curiosity piqued.
And there, on the street below them, when his eyes adjusted to the shadows, was an unmistakeable flash of white hair. It took another moment for Varric to realise there were two people down there, they were so closely pressed together the figures melded into one form. And yet, Varric recognised that outfit, he followed it through streets and caves and tunnels often enough.
The elf was with Hawke.
Before he had time to anticipate her impulsiveness, Isabela pushed the window wide open and hung out across the sill, letting out a shrill wolf whistle.
"Now children, that is what I'm talking about. Though trust me, the next alley over is the real prime location."
Hawke pulled away from Fenris at the noise, looking up at the window and then turning her head away again quickly, pressing her face into the elf's shoulder and looking suspiciously like she was hiding a laugh. Varric was both pleased and put out to see a smirk cross Fenris' upturned face as well. They were enjoying this, and he wasn't used to having missed something.
"We're not- oh Isabela." Hawke's sounded exasperated and amused at their shameless makeout being interrupted. "We're coming up."
As Hawke grabbed Fenris's arm and drew him out of sight towards the other side of the tavern, Isabela turned to look at Merrill and Sebastian, both sat quietly at the table and looking…looking strangely unaffected.
"You knew about this?" She demanded with dawning comprehension.
"Yes, didn't you? It must have been two or three weeks ago when they told us." Merrill said, all innocent, wide eyes that Varric didn't trust one bit.
"Two or three weeks!" Isabela exclaimed and Sebastian helpfully cut in.
"At least."
"Those devious shits." She vented, "You know, I bet they knew all along. We've been trying to get them together and all this time they've been happily going at it behind our backs." She looked to the two bystanders at the table and Varric saw the truth reflected in the chantry boy's barely-there smirk.
"Who else knew?" Varric was compelled to ask.
"Just a couple of people." Sebastian replied. "Aveline was there, I think. Anders told me he knew."
"I think Hawke mentioned it in her last letter to Bethany." Merrill added helpfully and Varric smiled at Rivaini's hmmph of betrayal.
It appeared he and Isabela had quite deliberately been left out of the loop, possibly as payback for their meddling, and he for one couldn't be more delighted in his friends' underhanded activity.
Based on a prompt from Tumblr, that got a little away from me. Hope you enjoyed. It was a first attempt at writing from Varric's POV so i hope his voice sounded alright, let me know what you think