My muse refused to let me continue with my story (I Can Be Your Sunshine) until I'd posted this, so.. blame the muse. :)
This story is based around Jacob and Bella's kiss seen (From the book, not the movie) with a Scottish twist, provided by Robert Burns' poem 'Ae Fond Kiss'. I feel like I still have a little more I could add to/continue with in regards to this story, so let me know what you think & if you want me to continue, please. :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The poem belongs to Robert Burns, the extract from the book belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am simply borrowing them, not making profit from them.
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!
Ae farewell, and then for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears, I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans, I'll wage thee.
"Kiss me, Jacob, kiss me.. and then come back."
He hesitated in the shadows, warring with himself. He half-turned again to the west, his torso twisted away from me while his feet stayed planted where they were.
Still looking away, he took one uncertain step in my direction, and then another. He swung his face around to look at me, his eyes doubtful. I stared back. I had no idea what expression was on my face.
Jacob rocked back on his heels, and then lurched forward, closing the distance between us in three, long strides. I knew he would take advantage of the situation.
I expected it. I held very still - my eyes closed, my fingers curled into fists at my sides - as his hands caught my face and his lips found mine with an eagerness that was not far from violence.
I could feel his anger as his mouth discovered my passive resistance. One hand moved to the nape of my neck, twisting into a fist around the roots of my hair. The other hand grabbed my shoulder, shaking me, and then dragging me to him.
His hand continued down my arm, finding my wrist and pulling my arm up around his neck. I left it there, my hand still tightly balled up, unsure how far I could go in my desperation to keep him alive.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerfu' twinkle lights me,
Dark despair around benights me.
All the while his lips, disconcertingly soft and warm, tried to force a response out of mine.
As soon as he was sure I wouldn't drop my arm, he freed my wrist, his hand feeling its way down to my waist. His burning hand found the skin at the small of my back, and he yanked me forward, bowing my body against his.
His lips gave up on mine for a moment, but I knew he was nowhere close to finished. His mouth followed the line of my jaw, and then explored the length of my neck. He freed my hair, reaching for my other arm to draw it around his neck like the first.
Then both of his arms constricted around my waist, and his lips found my ear.
"You can do better than this, Bella." he whispered huskily "You're over-thinking it."
I shivered as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe.
"That's right," he murmured "For once, just let yourself feel what you feel."
I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy:
Naething could resist my Nancy!
But to see her was to love her,
Love but her, and love for ever.
I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound into the back of my hair and stopped me. His voice turned acidic.
"Are you sure you want me to come back, or did you really want me to die?"
Anger rocked through me like the whiplash after a heavy punch. This was too much - he wasn't fighting fair.
My arms were already around his neck, so I grabbed two fistfuls of hair - ignoring the stabbing pain in my right hand - and fought back, struggling to pull my face from his away from his.
And Jacob misunderstood.
He was too strong to recognize that my hands, trying to yank his hair out by the roots, meant to cause him pain. Instead of anger, he imagined passion.
He thought I was finally responding to him. With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at my waist.
The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self-control; his unexpected, ecstatic response overthrew it entirely. If there had only been triumph, I might have been able to resist him.
Had we never lov'd sae kindly,
Had we never lov'd sae blindly,
Never met - or never parted -
We had ne'er been broken hearted.
But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my body, and I was kissing him back.
Against all reason, my lips were moving against his in strange, confusing ways they'd never moved before - because I didn't have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly wasn't being careful with me.
My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now. He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the colour fit, matched the heat.
The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob. The tiny piece of my brain that retained sanity screamed questions at me.
Why wasn't I stopping this?
Worse than that, why couldn't I find in myself even the desire to want to stop?
What did it mean that I didn't want him to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and it was not tight enough for me?
The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer; I'd been lying to myself. Jacob was right. He'd been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That's why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye - because I was in love with him. Too.
Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace, enjoyment, love and pleasure.
I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough.
I was in love with him, but not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.
I didn't care about more than that - his pain. I more than deserved whatever pain this caused me. I hoped it was bad. I hoped I would really suffer.
In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person.
His pain had always been and would always been my pain - now his joy was my joy. I felt joy, too, and yet his happiness was somehow also pain. Almost tangible - it burned against my skin like acid, a slow torture.
As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob's thoughts, I could see exactly what I was going to give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing.
I could see Charlie and Renee mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him.
For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into a familiar forest.
When they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.
And then, quite distinctly I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part wrenched itself away from the whole.
Jacob's lips were still before mine. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and elation.
"I have to leave." he whispered.
"No."
He smiled, pleased by my response.
"I won't be long," he promised "But one thing first.."
He bent to kiss me again, and there was no reason to resist. What would be the point?
This time was different. His hands were soft on my face and his lips were gentle, unexpectedly hesitant. It was brief, and very, very sweet.
His arms curled around me, and hugged me securely while he whispered in my ear.
"That should have been our first kiss. Better late than never."
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!
Ae farewell, alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears, I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans, I'll wage thee.