Namor in pursuit (or Benback mountain)
Author's note: Shortly before the Phoenix Five were created Ben (the Thing) and Namor fought in Tabula Rasa. The alien entity (known as Good Apex) misinterpreted the fight between Ben and Namor as a mating pre ritual. He inquired of the two if they were going to copulate. The Thing had a shocked expression and Namor looked vaguely unsettled. Illyana showed up at this point and took Namor back to Scott where the soon to be Phoenix five went off to the blue area on the moon in pursuit of Hope.
I've always felt the ending should have been a bit more funny. Here's my take.
Ben and Namor paused in their battle. The resident of Tabula Rasa had just leaped down from a tree to observe them.
Namor issued a curt and rather opinionated warning to Good Apex, "Bygone Savage. It is not safe here".
Good Apex replied "I'll retreat to a safe distance, but I have to be able to watch. I must. Our superior apex science requires it. I would not miss the climax".
Ben was confused, "What's the bug-headed freak going on about".
Namor replied with yet another putdown, "Speak clearly. You are confusing Grimm". Ben of course took offense.
Good Apex concluded, "After this display you copulate, yes? I must record this. It would advance apex science. We have never seen a mating of your species". (Author: I guess he did not get good satellite reception, have access to cable or even the Internet. Superior intellect my ass).
Ben froze aghast at the very idea, his mouth open in shock. Namor gave a sideways look at Ben.
Namor turned to confront Ben, "I am undone, Namor's heart is finally revealed. Ben, I have always loved you. Ever since I first laid eyes upon your rock hard body, your bulging muscles, that tight rear end. Even your stony unibrow haunts my dreams".
Ben began to slowly back away from Namor while waving his hands in denial, "Cut it out Namor. Dat's not funny. I'm no pitch hitter".
Namor advanced upon Ben, "Let me ravish your body as you have ravished my heart".
Ben screamed, turned and fled with Namor in hot pursuit screaming "I wish I know how to quit you"!
Quite bit of grab and pursue later Illyana ported into the area to get Namor, "Namor, we've found Hope. You're needed... um". Illyana had an open mouthed expression of utter shock.
The sight:
Ben Grimm (the Thing) is being chased around the meadow naked as a jay bird. Ben is yelling "No means NO damn it, bugger off you over sexed salmon"! Namor is still in hot pursuit while holding a torn pair of boxers while screaming "Beeeeeeennnnnnn" and waving a blond wig.The alien Good Apex is intently recording the scene with some alien video camera.
Illyana ports over to Good Apex, "What in Hades is going on? Are they drugged"?
Good Apex replies while still feverishly filming, "Not at all. I believe we are just at the culmination of the fornication. Your species still confounds me. I know you have two genders. Which of the two is the stud and which is the bitch"?
At this point Ben was hiding behind a large tree and Namor was trying to entice Ben to give up the chase "Namor shall be gentle. He is learned in the ways of love".
Good Apex was concerned for Illyana. She appeared to be having some sort of fit and was gasping for air "Namor would (ha ah), be the... (gasp) Stud so I (ha ha ha) guess that makes... (gasp) Ben... the big orange (ha ha a) thingie... (OMG) Namor's bitch". With the bitch statement Illyana collapsed on the group in complete laugher.
At this point Namor noticed that Illyana was present. He stopped his passionate pursuit of Ben and casually ambled over to where Illyana was sprawled out on the ground with laughter. Ben took this sudden opportunity to high tail it for the crashed jet, leaving only a "Namor you bastard" left on the air.
"What on earth (ha ha, OMG make it stop. I can't stop laughing) are you... (gasp) up to Namor (ha ha ha). That was so wicked (gasp). So funny (ha ha ha)"? Illyana asked from the ground.
Namor brought up the torn boxers to eye level (Little I love NY hearts were on the boxers) "Teaching Ben Grimm a lesson. Namor tires of his endless dullard wit and decided to show yet again the superiority of Namor in all things". He dropped the boxers with a snort of dismissal.
Illyana slowly go up from the ground, still shaking in mirth, "That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life and I really do mean that".
Namor decided it was time to initiate another seduction attempt, this time with a bit more finesse. "Illyana, after this sorry Hope episode concludes, might Namor interest you in a personal tour of Atlantis? If you find Namor's humor funny you might other parts of Namor equally entertaining".
Illyana finally stopped laughing apart from the occasional chuckle and eyed Namor with a steely look, "Namor, what did I say about you hitting on me"?
"This is not hitting, this is attempted seduction. You are a Queen, a ruler in your own right. Namor was crass before. Now I simply extend a potential offer".
Illyana gave Namor the once over. "Well... Your sense of humor is my kind of fun and you at least have the physique to likely survive. Let's at least go see Atlantes once this is over".
With that Illyana ported them both to the empty Hellfire safe house where Scott, Emma, and her Brother were hiding (after first securing a copy of the recording from Good Apex).
Behind Illyana's back Namor had a kid in the candy store grin. Namor liked his food and his woman hot; with Illyana he may have found the female equivalent of a ghost pepper dish (the legendary red naga chili).
Now if he could just reel her in.