Well, I know I've already got a few other stories I should finish, but I just can't seem to get inspired. So to get my creative juices flowing, I'm doing this: A Disney style parody of the movie Shrek. Yeah, I know, dumb. lol
Anyway, enjoy!
(I own absolutely nothing.)
-BEAST-
"Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess…
But she had an enchantment on her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible, lightening throwing thunder bird. Many brave knights had tried to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed.
She waited in the thunder bird's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love… and love's first kiss….
"Ha, like that's ever going to happen!" Someone laughed as they finished reading the fairy tale, then tore a page from the book. "What a load of…"
Before the speaker could finish his sentence, there was a flushing sound, and he came out of the out-house he had just been in, revealing himself to be a large beast. In fact, Beast was also his name. He was tall, and heavily built, and appeared to be a combination buffalo, lion, and wolf.
Beast shook some toilet paper from his foot paw and turned to look proudly at his little house, located right in the middle of a swamp. Not much, but it was his land, and he was proud of it. Not to mention, he got few visitors, which is exactly how he liked it.
After spending his day in the usual way, Beast was sure to paint a new sign for his property. A frightening self-portrait of himself, with the words "Beware Beast" printed beneath. This would ensure against any unwanted guests. Or, so he thought.
Little did Beast know that at that very moment, an angry mob of villagers nearby had gathered, complete with torches and pitchforks, and had gathered in front of Beast's house just as the sun was setting.
"Think it's in there?" Le Fou, the smallest of the men asked.
Razoul, the largest and the meanest looking, nodded in reply. "Alright." He said. "Let's go get it."
"Hold it!" Clopin, the third villager said, holding Razoul back. "Don't you know what that thing can do to you?"
"Yeah," Another villager named Mortimer Mouse continued. "If it catches you it'll bite your neck and suck out your blood!"
"Actually," Said a deep voice from behind. "That would be a vampire." The villagers turned around fast to see Beast behind them, and he slowly approached them, causing them to back up in fear. "Now beasts, oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!"
"No!" Le Fou gasped.
"They'll shave your liver! Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!" Beast scratched his chin in thought. "Actually, it's quite good on toast."
Razoul, suddenly feeling brave, waved his torch in front of Beast and shouted "Back! Back you monster! I warn you!"
Beast, rather than be scared, simply put the torch out between his thumb and fore-finger, like it was a candle, much to the villagers' surprise.
Then, to further frighten them, Beast let out a terrible "RRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!" causing the villagers to scream like little girls.
After they had finally finished screaming, there was a pause, and Beast whispered "This is the part where you run away…"
Not needing to be told a second time, the villagers quickly ran for their lives, even abandoning their torches and pitchforks.
"And stay out!" Beast called with a laugh. Just then, he noticed a poster on the ground, left by the villagers, and read it. "'Wanted: Fairy Tale Creatures'?" Beast just shook his head, and let the paper fall back to the ground, not really caring much about it.
---
The next day, there was a big gathering in the outskirts of the woods, near Beasts swamp, as many guards were rounding up fairy tale creatures and giving out bounties to whoever turned them in. Several carts and cages had been filled with everything from witches to wizards, and from fairies to dwarves.
Pete, the large, bellied head of the guards, sat at a table handing out the bounties, and a line formed in front of him. "Next!" He shouted, and a fox wearing a suit walked up, holding what looked like a living puppet.
"I have this little wooden puppet," Said Honest John, as he set Pinocchio on the table before Pete.
"I'm not a puppet!" Pinocchio cried. "I'm a real boy!" Just then, his nose grew in length.
"Huh. Five shillings for the possessed toy." Pete said, in a bored tone, and handed John his coins while some guards carried the wooden boy away. "Next!"
Back in the line there was a tall, thin man in Arabian clothes, carrying a cage with a red parrot in it. "Please!" Iago, the parrot pleaded. "Don't turn me in! I promise, no more wise-cracks!"
"Silence!" Jafar said through gritted teeth, shaking the cage. Soon, they reached the table, and Jafar set the cage down.
"What've you got?" Pete asked.
"I have a talking parrot." Jafar replied, proudly.
"Really? Well, that's good for ten shillings… if you can prove it."
"Oh, of course." Jafar replied. "Say something, Iago." Iago remained quiet.
"Well…?"
"Oh, he must be nervous," Jafar explained, forcing a laugh. "I usually can't shut him up." Jafar scowled at the parrot. "Talk you little…!"
Finally fed up with waiting, Pete sighed and shook his head. "I've heard enough. Guards!"
"No, wait!" Jafar protested. "He talks, it's true!" Not knowing what else to do, Jafar moved Iago's beak and said "I can talk, I love to talk! I'm the talkingest damn thing you've ever seen!"
"Get him out of my sight!" Pete growled, and two guards began to lead Jafar away by the arms.
But as he struggled, Jafar kicked Iago's cage, knocking it to the ground where it broke open.
"Yes!" The parrot cheered, as he flew into the sky. "I'm free!"
"He can talk!" Pete gasped.
"That's right, numbskull!" Iago called back. "And I'm flying outta here! Ha-ha!" But Iago was too busy gloating to watch where he was going, and he flew right into a tree, before falling to the ground.
"Get him!" Pete shouted, and he and two other guards ran after the fallen bird. Moving quickly, Iago jumped up and flew away, but he must have hurt his wing, because he wasn't gaining altitude. The guards chased him into the woods, and as he looked back they were almost on him.
Iago once again ran into something and was knocked to the ground, but this time he looked up to see it was the back of a large creature.
As Beast turned around to look down at Iago, the parrot shuddered in fear. But then, both of them turned their attention towards Pete and the guards who ran up. Iago, more scared of them than Beast, quickly hid behind the large creature.
Pete and the other guards gasped at the sight of Beast, but Pete shakily pulled out a scroll from his pocket and said "Y-you there… beast!"
"Yes…?" Beast asked, as he glared at Pete.
"B-by the order of… of Lord Kuzco… I am authorized to place you both under arrest… and take you both… to a designated resettlement… uh, f-facility."
Beast slowly approached Pete and towered over him. "Oh really?" He asked. "You and what army?" Beast motioned for Pete to look behind him, and he saw that his guards had both run away, abandoning their weapons in their fright. Pete looked at Beast once more before dropping the scroll and running away screaming.
Beast laughed to see a job well done and turned to head for home. But what he didn't count on was Iago following him.
"Hey, can I say something?" Iago asked, as he flew alongside Beast. "You, my friend, were really, really something back there!"
"Are you talking to…" Beast turned to face Iago, but the bird wasn't there. "…Me?" He turned forewords again, only to see Iago hovering right in front of him.
"Yeah, I was talking to you." Iago replied. "Did you see those guys back there? One look at you, and they went running like scared rabbits! It was amazing!"
"That's great, really." Beast muttered, as he continued along.
Iago kept following, chattering on and on. "Man, is it good to be free!"
"So why not celebrate your freedom with your own friends?"
Iago hesitated a moment. "I… I don't have any friends, actually." He said, almost sadly. "Hey, I got an idea! I'll stick with you! Think of it, you're a big, tough beast. Together we could take on anybody! And maybe even earn a profit now and then…"
Suddenly, Beast stopped, and Iago stopped to hover before him. Slowly, Beast turned to Iago, and reared back and let out an angry "RAAAAAAHHH!!!"
Iago was pushed back by the force of the roar, but just laughed. "Whoa, now THAT was scary! And if that don't work, your breath sure will! Haven't you ever heard of a tic-tac, or something?"
"Why are you following me?!" Beast demanded.
"I'll tell you why!" Iago replied, then stated singing "Cause I'm all alone... There's no one here…"
"Stop singing!" Beast shouted, grabbing Iago out of the air. "It's no wonder you don't have any friends, is it?"
"Wow, only a true friend would be so brutally honest!"
Beast sighed, and calmed a little. "Listen, little bird, look at me. What am I?"
Iago squinted his eyes and looked up at Beast a moment before saying "…Really tall?"
"No! I'm a beast! You know, 'grab your torch and pitchforks!'? Doesn't that bother you?"
Iago thought for a moment, before shaking his head. "Nah."
Beast seemed surprised at the answer. "Really?" He asked.
"Really, really." Iago replied.
Beast blinked confusedly a moment before he let Iago go and they continued on their way. "You know what?" Iago asked. "I like you. What's your name?"
"Beast." Beast replied.
"Just Beast, huh? Simple. Well Beast, you know what I like about you? You got that I-don't-care-what-anybody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that." Just then, they came within sight of Beast's house. "Eew! Who'd wanna live in a dump like that?"
"That," Beast replied. "Would be my home."
"Oh, and it's lovely!" Iago corrected himself. "I love what you've done with the place!"
The two approached the cottage and Iago noticed the sign Beast had made just yesterday. "I guess you don't entertain much." He said.
"I like my privacy." Beast answered, as he stepped onto his porch.
"Oh, I know what you mean!" Iago said, as he followed. "I hate it when some annoying person gets in your face. And you keep trying and trying to give them a hint, but they just won't leave! And then there's an awkward silence…"
Iago finally stopped talking, and Beast turned back to give him a small glare. An awkward silence settled.
"…Can I stay with you?" Iago finally asked.
"What?" Beast asked.
"Can I stay with you, please?"
"Of course!" Beast replied, sarcastically.
"Really?"
"No!"
Beast was about to enter his house, but Iago flew in front of him. "Please, you gotta let me stay! You don't know what its like to be considered a freak!" Iago looked Beast over and reconsidered this. "Okay, maybe you do… but that's why we gotta stick together! Please let me stay!"
"Alright!" Beast shouted. "But only for one night!"
"Oh thank you!" Iago said, before flying into the house. Beast followed as Iago perched atop a chair. "This'll be great! We can stay up swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I'm making waffles!" Beast sighed in annoyance, and held his head in his hands. "So… where do I sleep?" Iago asked.
"Outside!" Beast shouted, pointing to the door.
Iago's head drooped sadly. "Oh… okay, sure, I guess…" He said, as he flew to the door. "I mean, I don't know you, you don't know me… Outside is okay…" Iago flew out the door, and Beast slammed it shut. Iago perched on the porch, and looked back sadly at the door.