Wasted. So, completely, utterly, wasted. All that power—all that potential—wasted, all wasted, all because he was with the Jedi! Why? Why?
...
Anakin had emotion.
Anakin had anger, and Anakin had rage.
And Anakin knew how to use them.
Most of all, Anakin Skywalker had passion.
But Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi.
Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi, and the Jedi didn't allow such methods of fighting. The Jedi didn't allow emotions. The Jedi discouraged passion. They all but forbid it.
Passion made Anakin stronger. It fuelled him, it gave him strength, it gave him power, it will give him victory.
But he was not free. He could never be free, not here, amongst the Jedi and their stifling rules.
He couldn't understand it. He had always dreamed of being a Jedi. He had known that he would be a Jedi one day, all those years as a slave on Tatooine. He knew he was special, and he knew he would be a Jedi.
Was this what he wanted? A strict Order of people who claim to do good, but would not even let him help his mother? He had promised to come back and free her. He had said he would free all the slaves on Tatooine, and more.
But now he was a Jedi, and the Jedi don't do that; the Jedi aren't allowed to care specifically about anyone, or anything. A Jedi should feel nothing, except compassion for all living beings.
He liked the Jedi, yes. He liked being a Jedi. He knew the Jedi Order were dedicated to keeping peace and justice in the galaxy. He loved helping people.
But he hated it (no, not hate, a Jedi cannot have hate) when he wasn't allowed to help. He wanted to take action. He wanted to do things directly, be in the middle of the action.
But that's not very Jedi-like, is it?
Sometimes, secretly, he questioned whether the Jedi Order was really that great. (Of course they are; what are you thinking?) If they were really trying to make the galaxy a better place…
But wait, where did it say that? When was it said that they were trying to make the galaxy better? They were only keepers of the peace. Peace.
Peace is a lie.
No. Peace is good. There should be peace.
Right?
…
When Anakin Skywalker fought, he fought with passion. It wasn't the Jedi way, and the Masters saw that and there were whispers, of whether he could really become a great Jedi. Everyone knows that to be a great Jedi, one must let go of all emotion.
Anakin could never do that.
…
Sometimes, Anakin just wished he could go off and help the galaxy, just on his own. He was the Chosen One, wasn't he? Why did they always hold him back? Was he not good enough? Was it just because he had too much emotion always swirling within him?
Sometimes, he even felt chained to the Jedi Order.
He was supposed to have been freed back on Tatooine. He was no longer a slave. But he still didn't feel free. He could choose a lot more than he could on Tatooine, but there were still so much that bound him, kept him shackled.
He had to listen to his Master.
He still has a master.
He had to listen to the other Jedi, and the Council. If he disagreed, he was reprimanded. He wasn't allowed to disagree.
He was not free.
…
Sometimes, secretly… he wondered if there was ever true peace. There was always fighting. Was peace nothing but a lie? At those times, it felt like there was only passion.
In the heat of the battle, his passion (even if he wasn't supposed to use it) gave him strength. With such strength, he could feel the power that flowed through him, but he didn't dare touch it, or use it, because a Jedi does not seek power. Ever.
He had not felt real victory amongst the Jedi, not since his last podrace. He remembered what it felt like though. When he was victorious, he felt free, like his chains were finally broken.
Had it been the Force, all along, that gave him that sense of freedom?
But the Jedi shouldn't feel that way over victories, should they? They should feel nothing. He shouldn't feel anything when he defeated opponents in the heat of battle, when he cut them down with his lightsabre, reflected blaster bolts back at them, when he watched them fall and realize he'd won...
…
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
…
Anakin Skywalker had passion. But he could not use it, because he was a Jedi.
Such a waste. He could be so much more… if only he knew the power, the true power…
Of the Dark Side.
A/N: First one-shot fic and second fanfic posted. I got the idea while reading "Jedi Quest: Master of Disguise" by Jude Watson.
BTW, the paragraph in italics is the Sith Code, in case you hadn't recognized it.
Anyways, review please? Is it good, bad, too rambly, all over the place, not make sense?