Disclaimer: Not Mine

"To eight people she had said relentlessly that and the bill for the lighthouse would be fifty pounds. For that reason, knowing what was before them--love and ambition and being wretched alone in dreary places--she had often the feeling, Why must they grow up and lose it all? And then she said to herself, brandishing her sword at life, Nonsense. They will be perfectly happy." Virginia Woolf

She wondered about his eyes. Not their health, not their color, but their composition.

For they were composed of freezing Vulcan nights and the cacophony of yelling voices calling him things he would not repeat to her when he returned from school.

Watching him now, his eyes locked on his harp teacher, his small hands mimicking movements and dancing of their own volition, she wondered about his eyes.

They would never be so happy as now, as when he was almost alone, and warm, with no one reminding him that he was not normal, that he was not accepted, or even wanted.

And has he bid his teacher goodbye, and came to stand next to her, his head barely reaching her hip, she knew that already his reverie was splitting in the middle, a fault line barraging into his soul from memory, from the unwanted emotion it invoked.

She could barely stand the brutality of his repressed sorrow.

When Sarek returned, he entered the house to Amanda and the little Vulcan hybrid that was his son, sitting on the couch, and Amanda's voice quietly reverberating around the room,

"Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

And he looked at the small child, with some amount of disdain, he was really quite regrettable.

He took more of Amanda's time than he had calculated He took what Sarek had wanted most from Amanda, her time, her presence, her energy.

Sarek found himself increasingly exhausted by the mere absence of his wife over the past few years. Yes, his son was most regrettable. And yet, he found that he was also necessary, that he would not longer find peace without him. He must make the effort to be more kind.

Spock saw his father enter as a dragon far too big to slay, and yet, as the child cast his wide eyes upon the man, he found himself wishing to take on the task, to stab him through the heart. His father looked too deploringly at his mother, he was loud without words and far too overbearing. Spock very much wanted his father to die.

"All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot."

Amanda sighed. There was the quiet, there was the still, but where was the calm? The crushing pressure was not from Spock, no, he had taken to looking down, folding his hands and sitting very, very straight. He was abashed.

No, it was not Spock, it was Sarek, who was, as he would often do in his desperation for her presence, imploring her with his very presence.
He was pushing her and asking her and begging her to be with him.

Amanda shut her eyes for a brief second. There was the quiet, there was the still, she must now find the calm. She stood, pressed her fingers to Sarek's, patted her son on the head,

"What a day you must have had, my husband"

Spock sat, very silent, very straight, very alone. He sat like that until he was called for dinner, until his mother's voice reminded him that he was alive, he had a name, and a body, and that there were rules, and that he must not, under any circumstances, feel. He glanced at the page that had been left, nude, in front of him.

"Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't."

quoted rhymes are those of Dr.Seuss from "Oh the places you will go"