My first fanfic... scary stuff! I've tried to keep this as in character AND in the style of the writing as possible. It's set right after The Crossing of Ingo, when Sapphy finally chooses Ingo as her home. I thought the ending of that book was so ambiguous and I wanted some more Sapphire/Faro in the end ;)
Disclaimer: Ingo belongs to Helen Dunmore and Harper Collins not ME!!
I can hear Dad's voice as clearly as if he were still singing. You don't have to wish for anything now, Dad. You're safe.
I am in Ingo.
I am at home.
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Conor is gripping my hand really hard. I think he's crying but I can't look at his face, Conor – my brother – crying. I can feel my pulse in my palm where his fingers press into mine – it's slow now, calm. I'm calm inside, I realize, the wrenching pain of being in the Air fading in my lungs, my body taking in oxygen smoothly. Conor is anything but calm, I can feel it bubbling through him. I can't read his thoughts the way I can with Faro but I sense his emotions. He's angry at me, furious that I'm deserting him the way Dad did to us. But that's different Sapphy, I tell myself, Dad didn't say goodbye.
"Broder," I whisper, "Con, I'm sorry…"
"Shut up, Saph," he says but his voice isn't bitter, it's soft and lonely, lonely before I'm even gone, "I'm not your broder. That's Faro. You're not sorry at all, are you? Are you?"
I can't answer that because it's true. I'm not sorry that I'm leaving. I'm just sorry that Conor isn't coming with me. Even though I know that's how it has to be.
"You're my brother, Con, you are," I plead with him to believe me, "You'll always know that."
"Brother's are in the Air, Broder's are in Ingo," he says wistfully, "And you chose Ingo…chose Faro," he stays silent, just looking at me, right at me until I blink. "Oh Saph, I can't lose you," his voice breaks. Why is it that I'm strong and he's weak? It isn't right. He should be angry at me, properly angry.
"You can't come Con, you can't leave Mum and Rodger and…" I can't say her name, I can't. If I say it she will leap into my thoughts, her beating tail, her soft ears, soft whine, "Sadie…" I don't know why I'm telling him he can't come when he's not offering. It won't make things better.
"I know that Saph! I'm not stupid! I don't belong in Ingo anyway, I never did."
"It's your Earth magic," I tell him, "Like Granny Carne."
"I wish I'd never met her," he says suddenly, looking out across the cove.
"Granny Carne?"
"No! I meant Elvira…"
"But, Con, you and Elvira, I mean…" I don't want to put it into words. The thing I've always resented Elvira for, the thing we're both losing now.
"Elvira is the cause of you leaving me. The reason you ever discovered Ingo at all. And because of that she means nothing to me anymore."
"It's not her fault, Con, I'd have found Ingo anyway, you know that," I can't believe I'm defending Elvira.
"Con," I say so quietly I can't tell whether he can hear me or not, "Con could I show Mum and Rodger? Just once. Just so they know…"
He doesn't react. Perhaps he didn't hear me. I can't say it again. We've always vowed to keep Ingo secret from Mum, we know how much it would scare her. But she's different now I think, now she goes out on the boat with Rodger. I can't read Conor's expression, already there's a gulf between us wider than the distance we're standing, wider than me being in the waves and him being on the sand.
"Do you think Ingo would let them? You don't think they might…" his voice trails off, worried.
"Con," I say slowly, "Ingo's my home. I belong here now. I can invite who I want…"
"Just once…" he murmurs, "but you have to wait here Saph, if I go and get them. You can't go to Faro, go back to Ingo and…and…"
"I won't," I say and lick the taste of salt off one fingertip. It sends a tingle of excitement down my spine. Salt. Ingo. Home. Conor notices this.
"Promise?" I can see how frightened he is.
"Swear and promise." Perhaps it's the last swear and promise we'll ever do. My eyes sting suddenly. Conor takes a long look at me and then he's running, running away from the sea, scrambling up the cove.
I wait. The sea is so tempting but I won't break this promise. Faro is near. I can feel him in my mind. He will help me with what I've got to do.
It feels like hours.
And suddenly they're there.
Mum.
Rodger.
Sadie!
I can't bear it. I will die. There's thousands of knives in my chest. I'm drowning in Air. Conor runs to me.
"Sapphy! Sapphy!"
And then Faro's hand grips mine, pulls me under the water and suddenly I can nearly breathe again. I slide upwards into the air. They come right up to the waves but Sadie won't move, she won't come to me, she stays next to Mum.
"I'll stay here with Sadie," says Mum suddenly. She's hardly looking at me. I know how scared she is. I nod, only slightly. I knew all along the invitation wasn't for her. It's a last penance for all I've done. It has to be Rodger. Then Conor is in the water. Rodger follows, his navy shorts heavy with water. I can't believe I'm doing this. That Ingo is allowing me to.
"Do you remember, Rodger, when you saw me in the sunwater, when you saw me so deep?"
"Sapphire," he breathes and I am so glad Faro is here. He lets go of my wrist and takes Conor's. I grip Rodger's hand, it feels like Dad's did so long ago. It makes my stomach feel bunched up and my eyes squeeze shut.
"Dive," I shout and my voice sounds alien and surreal. We dive. Down, down, into Ingo. Rodger's face is contorted with pain, with the agony of entering Ingo.
"It will be OK," I tell him, "Just forget the Air."
The next few minutes pass painfully slowly and then I feel Rodger's grip on me loosen. His face clears again. We ride a current, catch a glimpse of the sunfish.
"Real diving," I say, "This is what we've got to save. All of it."
He nods, breathless. It's over so fast. The moment has come, we swim to the surface. I hug Conor underwater.
"Is this it?" he says, and looks right into my eyes, and things have changed. Conor is strong again and I am weak, "Is this goodbye?"
I don't need to reply because Faro has taken my hand and I feel a warm thrill run up my arm to my heart. I squeeze his fingers and turn my face to his. Conor sees all this, and he looks sad, sad but accepting.
"Look after her," he says to Faro seriously and I start to feel like none of its true, that everyone is speaking scripts as if they were on TV. I feel tears escape from the corners of my eyes, but they mingle with the sea, as part of the water as I am. Faro is holding onto me now, his arms wrapped around me. My heart is pounding in my chest, partly at the sadness and loss I am feeling as I look into Conor's eyes and partly because I can't believe that I am here, in Ingo. With Faro.
"I will," says Faro and he lets go of me to shake Conor's hand like I taught him so long ago, so formal, so correct. My heart feels like it's being squeezed into a tiny ball but then when I can hardly bear it any longer Faro turns around and kisses me. Just like that.
I shiver and then Conor is swimming away and I'm crying like a baby.