This story picks up where EH: Heroes left off.
Teaspoon stood on the platform waiting for his girl to emerge from the train. It had stopped a few minutes before and amid the flurry of people exiting the train, he had not yet spotted his darling Adelaide.
"You sure she said she was coming in on this train?" Jimmy asked. He had volunteered to come along with Teaspoon. Rachel didn't feel she could take the time away from her students but had sent parcels of food for the ride home to welcome her girl back. Teaspoon at first had balked thinking he needed no one but Jimmy had the time and Faith had plans to take the baby to visit with Jenny for the day.
"It's the only one she could be on," Teaspoon answered.
Both men looked over to see a porter setting a number of bags and a trunk down next to them.
"Looks like her bags made it," Teaspoon noted. "Also looks like she got Cody to take her on a bit of a shopping spree."
"Or they ain't all hers," Jimmy offered nodding ahead of him. "Unless I'm crazy, that's Heather over there. I'll grant you I ain't seen her in years but it don't seem she's changed much."
"What in tarnation is Heather doing here?"
He didn't get the chance to wonder long because Addie was at his side within moments, Stephano in tow.
"Hi Pa," she greeted him, "It's good to see you. Did Mama come?"
"Nope, just me," Jimmy answered. "Disappointed?"
Teaspoon was speechless and Addie knew there'd be a lot of explaining to do so she was grateful that Jimmy was standing there acting so…normal.
"Never," she assured him, "I'm never disappointed to see you! And I know someone who has been nearly obsessed with meeting you."
She made the introductions and soon, Jimmy had Stevie on his hip chuckling at the awed expression on the boy's face. By that time, Heather had made it to them. She held Ophelia's hand and cradled little Ben in her other arm.
"Jimmy," Heather said sounding shocked to see him. "It's been so long."
"You're still as beautiful as ever, Heather."
Teaspoon seemed to recover something of his wits and offered Heather a hug.
"It's good to see you, girl."
The men sat the women and children on a bench while they loaded the buckboard with the bags and trunk and then went back to fetch the rest of their family. Soon everyone was settled and headed back to Rock Creek. Teaspoon drove the buckboard and Jimmy sat in the back and helped corral the little ones.
Addie kept looking at the man who had shown her what a father was supposed to be. She could see only his back to her as he drove. He'd not said a thing about the surprise she had brought with her. He'd not asked and his expression was far too guarded for her to read. She looked back to Heather who looked a little lighter than she had in the time Addie had spent with her. Maybe this was right even though she hadn't gone about it as well as she should have.
"Heather," Jimmy whispered partly cautious of waking the babe in her arms and partly wanting to keep the exchange between them. "It's good to see you. But is everything alright? Glad as I am to see you…I can't help but notice your husband ain't with you."
She looked up at him with tears standing in her shocking green eyes.
"He didn't do anything wrong," she said softly. "I know you always said if he didn't act right to me that you'd set him straight. He didn't do anything wrong. I think I wish he would sometimes."
"You up for talking about it?"
"Not just yet, Jimmy," she said barely holding her tears at bay. "I need some time yet. I think…I think it's over though."
Jimmy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Those two had triumphed over so much, fought so hard for their love. If Cody hadn't done anything wrong then he just didn't see how it could be over for them.
"It don't have to be," he told her. "I thought I lost my Faith too. I thought it was over and she was gone from me forever. But we was meant to be. I can't shake the feeling that you and Cody was meant to be too."
"I used to think that."
Jimmy didn't want to press anymore in front of the children. He smiled at Stevie who still stared at him in slack-jawed awe and squeezed a little tighter Ophelia—Fee they told him to call her—on his lap. Whatever had broken between Heather and Cody had to be repairable. It just did. But now wasn't the time to try to fix it.
Heather gratefully sensed that Jimmy was ready to drop the subject for the time being. She decided it was time to grill him.
"So tell me about Faith."
Jimmy smiled sheepishly at her. But then he told her all about being sick of the life he'd been living.
"That life was never really you…you see that now, don't you?" Heather interrupted and Jimmy nodded.
He went on to tell her of being struck by the honest beauty of the woman on the boardwalk in town and how he had been able to break through her grief and she through his shame. He spoke of how they fell in love. How he had quit his job as marshal to keep from frightening her. He even told her of his first inadvertent marriage proposal. Heather offered a giggle at that. Jimmy noticed Addie look up at the sound and thought maybe Heather hadn't been laughing a great deal lately.
He told her of the telegram that informed them of her husband's return and how he knew it meant he had to leave. Heather reached and patted his hand then. It was almost enough to bring him to tears. He had forgotten how like a sister Heather had always been to him. He had missed her and hadn't even realized how much.
He tempered his words quite a bit when he spoke of Faith's return. The little guy didn't need to hear what some men thought was acceptable to do to women. He also downplayed the ultimate showdown between Faith and Aaron.
"I'm pretty sure she saved my life that day. She says she didn't but I know better."
"Then I already love her," Heather smiled at him. "I can't bear to lose any more of my brothers."
"Anyway, it wasn't long past that we finally got ourselves hitched and she had Emmy that same day. She was laboring all through the wedding and the party. She's stubborn as a mule that one…guess she fits right in."
"I can't wait to meet her. She sounds wonderful…and anyone who could get you to settle down, well, I'm sure I'll love her."
"She'll be right glad to see you and your bunch, that's for sure," he said. "She's heard a lot about all of you."
They rode a while in silence broken only by Addie's voice as she quietly read to Stevie.
"So what is up with these names?" Jimmy asked her. "You did tell your husband he's a fool, right?"
She laughed.
"I thought he was when he suggested but I sort of understand now."
"But…Benvolio?"
"It's from Romeo and Juliet. And we call him Ben so that's not so strange."
"I guess not," Jimmy conceded. "Couldn't expect Cody to be conventional anyway. It just wouldn't suit him."
Heather got sort of a wistful look then and then sighed more than said, "No, I guess not."
"I ain't mad at you, Addie," Teaspoon said a little harsher than he meant to. "I just think you could've added one more line to your wire. Heather and children coming too. It was sort of a shock to see her get off the train."
"I'm so sorry, Pa," she replied. For some reason she needed to call him that more now than she ever had before. She needed him to be her pa, needed to remind herself she had one and maybe even remind him that's what he was to her. "I didn't know what else to do and Heather doesn't know what she's doing and Jimmy told me that you told him 'home is where you go when you don't know what else to do'. I didn't know what else to do. I can't help her. I don't know how. She did everything for me and I can't do anything for her."
"Come here, honey," he said softly opening his arms to her. She fell into him and let him hold her and rub circles on her back just like he did when she was so much littler and scared of all the sudden changes in her life. "You did right and like I told you, I ain't mad. Ain't none of us mad."
"I wanted to say something but I didn't know what or how…I'm not much good at all, am I?"
There was another hand soft on her back.
"Oh you're good for quite a bit my precious Adelaide," Rachel said gently. "In fact we have some news for you. We meant to tell you sooner but things got so hectic when you first arrived what with figuring out where Heather and the children would stay."
"News?" Addie asked picking her tear stained face up from Teaspoon's now damp shirt.
Rachel sat on the other side of Addie nestling her safely between the two adults.
"Big news," Rachel said smiling. Addie saw Rachel lift her eyes to Teaspoon and nod slightly before returning her attention to Addie.
"We're getting married," Rachel said finally. It felt good to give her girl this news but she was suddenly worried that Addie wouldn't find the news as happy as they did.
"Married?" Addie asked in wonder and saw the nods of her adoptive parents. "It's about time! Does this mean Pa gets to come live here and he can stop pretending he doesn't spend all his time here anyway?"
"Adelaide," Rachel gasped in shock. She hadn't been hiding Teaspoon spending the night here from the townsfolk as much as from the impressionable mind of her little girl.
"Honestly, Mama…absolutely everyone knows. You're in love and you make each other happy. I don't know why you waited so long to get married."
Teaspoon chuckled and hugged his Addie tighter to him. He knew she liked to keep people thinking she was still far younger and more innocent than she was but something told him long before that he and Rachel hadn't been fooling the girl.
"Wait," Addie said looking around at them suddenly, "Do I have to change my name again? I mean, you're changing your name to Hunter, aren't you, Mama?"
"I am but you choose your name, sweetie," Rachel answered. "You didn't have to change it before."
"Yes I did. I couldn't live with his name. I just couldn't!"
"You think on it."
"What do you want me to do, Pa?"
Teaspoon thought as he blinked back the tears in his eyes. The very thought that his little girl would want to carry his name, even though she probably wasn't far off from marriage herself when she would change it again…it was a nice thought. But he didn't want her to feel obligated.
"I want you to do what makes you happy," he said at last.
Rachel was so happy to have her baby girl home that she went in to help Addie ready for bed. Stevie and Fee were staying with them for the night and were long in bed. Heather had wanted to stay in the old cottage but had been persuaded to spend the night at Kid and Lou's place. Since no one was entirely sure of the problems and she acted distant, they just didn't trust her alone with a relatively new baby.
As she began to brush Addie's long brown hair, Rachel decided it was the time to ask the questions that needed asking. She had told Teaspoon earlier to let her handle it and she had to as much as she feared the answers.
"Addie, honey, Cody knows that Heather's here, right?"
"Of course he knows. Mama…you don't think I would have brought her here without talking to Billy do you? We talked."
Addie remembered the conversation. All of the children were napping and Addie had convinced Heather to nap too. She knew she needed to talk to Billy. It wasn't that she wanted to and she didn't even know what to say.
Things weren't right somehow between them. They were so far apart even when they were at the dinner table together. Addie thought to the way they had always seemed so connected. Even when Billy was away with the Army, Heather had been fine and if there hadn't been scary news right before Fee was born, Heather wouldn't have despaired then. They were just part of a singular thing. From the time they met, whether anyone else realized it or not, there was no Billy and there was no Heather. There was only Billy and Heather. One could simply not be without the other and miles could not separate them.
But now something was separating them. Billy didn't seem to notice. He worked hard and when he came home, he sat down to supper with his usual appetite and his usual cheery demeanor. He told funny stories from the show and asked Heather about her day but it seemed to escape his notice that all of her answers were one word and most of those words contained only one syllable. That had angered Addie at first. But the more Addie watched them, the more she could see that he did see something amiss and the only way he knew to deal with it was to pretend everything was normal.
Addie had thought all sorts of terrible things starting with one or the other of them having some illicit affair—she had once read a poorly written book that featured such a thing—to Billy being violent or mean to Heather but none of those things seemed to be true.
Addie had talked to Heather about it. Heather had brushed it aside saying that no flame can burn brightly forever. If anything truly angered Addie by the time she walked into Billy's office that day and stood on the other side of his desk from him, it was that Heather had given up. She hadn't given up her marriage but she had given up her happiness. This couldn't be what Billy wanted.
He had looked up at her in question and then a smile had spread across his face.
"Hey there Marmalade," he said hauling out an old and now infrequently used nickname he'd had for her. When she was still little, when he and Heather were still newly married, he would call her that and she would get furious with him and holler that her name was Adelaide and not Marmalade and he would laugh. In time she had come to see the affection in it and that he was only teasing. She simply rolled his eyes and called him silly. Now it was such a piece of home when she heard it that she wanted to just fall into his arms and cry like when she was little and scraped her knee. "You look like you're carrying the world itself on your shoulders. You want to tell me about it?"
"I'm worried for Heather, Billy," she had replied. "I'm worried about both of you. She's not acting herself and you're trying too hard to act like yourself and something about it just isn't right. You see it too, don't you?"
He had nodded and they had talked a little bit and finally Addie said the only thing that made sense to her.
"I think she needs a vacation, maybe."
His head had shot up at that and she thought she had said something wrong but she had to plow ahead.
"I think she's worn out and maybe if she went back…home…or what used to be home…maybe it would be good for her."
Addie had tensed and thought Billy might get angry. She was talking about taking his wife and children halfway across the country after all.
"You might be right," was what he did say. "The next few days—maybe even as long as a week—are going to be real busy for me. I wouldn't even be here at the house that much. I can't keep you here forever and it ain't your job to take over keeping her company. Maybe…maybe it would do her a bit of good to get away from the city and get back to where she feels strong. I ain't sure she's ever felt right here. I'll be along once I get through these next few days. I'll send word when I leave."
That had been all there was to it. Addie could see the sadness in Billy's eyes as he hugged each of them goodbye at the train station. He hugged Heather the longest and there was a glimmer in Heather's eyes then of something familiar, something they used to have, something she thought she'd lost. It was something Addie had worried might have been lost too. The glimmer was gone almost as soon as it appeared but it gave Addie hope even as it seemed to dissolve all the hope Heather might still have had.
Addie turned to face Rachel.
"He even agreed with me. I just didn't know what else to do."
Rachel hugged the girl tight.
"It's alright, you did the right thing."
"Can I get you some more tea, Heather?" Faith asked the willowy woman sitting in her front room. It had been Jimmy's idea for Heather to spend time with them that day and possibly the night that night. Faith had been filled in on all her husband knew of the situation, which wasn't much, and that they were still leery of having Heather be on her own too much. Jimmy was out working and that left Faith to see to Heather, a woman she had never met before.
"Oh no thank you, Faith," Heather replied. "I don't want to be any more of a bother."
"You're really no bother," Faith assured, "Most days it's just me with Emmy until Jimmy comes in for lunch or supper. She's not much of a conversationalist yet."
"She's a beautiful baby though."
"So's little Ben. I know it's silly…and I know he doesn't feel the same way necessarily…I just wish I could've given Jimmy a son."
"I saw him when he kissed her goodbye for the day," Heather said. "He couldn't love her more if she was a boy…or you either. I knew he had it in him to love like that. I worried for him. I really did. He was so lost when he left…he had so much guilt. He probably still does but at least you found him—the real him. When Noah died he shoved Jimmy so far away and left only Wild Bill. Horrible man that one…not a good friend or brother really." She paused and then added, "Thank you."
"You've no idea what he saved me from—I mean I can only assume you know about Aaron. That's not what I'm talking about. I'd just given up, Heather. I got up, did housework, cooked food that I just pushed around my plate and went to bed where I laid awake haunted by all I'd lost. He brought life and hope back to my life…that's why Emmy's middle name is Hope. She was his gift to me and that's what he gave me—hope."
"He's a good man," Heather replied. "He always was."
The women sat in some sort of uncomfortable silence for a while until Faith couldn't handle it anymore. She wasn't shy or retiring by nature and if Heather was with them to see to what was bothering her then Faith felt getting right to the point wasn't so out of line.
"This is going to sound terribly rude but I just know of no other way to ask," she began. "Why did you leave your husband?"
"I didn't!" Heather nearly cried, "Is that what people think? This is just a vacation…I needed to see my family…the parts of it here. I didn't leave him!"
"I'm so sorry, Heather," Faith said nearly crying herself at her mistake. "Jimmy told me you said it was over…I just…I'm sorry. I must've misunderstood."
"I didn't mean…oh, I suppose that's what it sounded like…I only meant," Heather stopped talking abruptly and her efforts to collect her thoughts were evident. Finally she took a breath and began speaking again. "I married him forever. I will never leave him. I could never take his children from him or him from them. He's a wonderful father. I just…I don't think he's in love with me anymore. I'm not entirely sure I am with him either. Maybe this is just what happens when you're together a certain amount of time…maybe we were too young…maybe we weren't as in love as we thought. That's what's over. Things could be worse."
The tears spilled over Heather's lashes and Faith could not help but to reach out and hold the other woman. Whatever was happening, poor Heather needed a friend. Faith was still getting her footing with this already established bunch of people but she knew how to be a friend. She guessed she had always known and if she had forgotten then Jenny's freely given friendship on her arrival had reminded her. Faith felt her own tears falling as well. It was so easy to feel all was lost. Perhaps much even was but perhaps not.
They talked a lot that afternoon as they prepared the meal, played with their babies and even got to some mending that Faith had been putting off. Jimmy came home to see genuine smiles from both women and his precious Emmy grinning a drooling smile at him.
"She been fed?" he asked as Faith placed the girl in his arms.
"Fed, bathed and ready for bed," came the reply.
"Perfect."
He disappeared into their room and Faith caught the confused look on Heather's face.
"He feels he misses so much time with her while he's away from the house," she explained. "He always puts her to bed. I sneak to the doorway sometimes. He tells her stories and rocks her. I think she's usually out long before he puts her in the cradle but he just doesn't want to let go of her."
After a while, Jimmy came out and joined the women. He looked over to Heather.
"You look plum tuckered. If little Ben there is ready to get some sleep, I'd love the chance to get to know my nephew."
Heather looked uncertain but then remembered meeting Jimmy for the first time. She had been hurt and scared and he had sensed all of that. He had stayed back. He had almost treated her like a small child for how he cared for her. His voice had been soft and soothing. Ben was having trouble with all the shifting around and maybe that voice would be good for him. She handed the babe to Jimmy and couldn't help the corners of her mouth turning up at seeing the smile on his face. He'd always been so good with Addie. It shouldn't surprise her that he was such a good father or took such delight in caring for the little ones. Sometimes she guessed she might forget that Wild Bill was nothing but someone's imagination. He certainly had nothing to do with her dear friend Jimmy.
Jimmy settled into the rocking chair in the room that was, for now, the spare room. In time it would become Emmy's room but for now, while Emmy still required the occasional nighttime feeding or changing, she had less use of it. Heather and Ben would stay there this night.
"Hey there, little guy," he said softly, "I hear things have gotten rocky in your little world. I'd tell you not to worry too much but then I ain't got a clue what's up with your folks right now. They're good people and they love each other but sometimes…well, sometimes I can't make heads or tails of either one of 'em. Oh heck, just don't worry. Like Teaspoon might say, things'll work out how they're supposed to with or without our meddling and there ain't a use in getting ourselves worked up over it."
His fingers stroked lightly over the baby's tiny head.
"You are a cute one though. Of course two good looking people like the ones you got for folks and I shouldn't be surprised. Don't tell your pa I said this but he's probably an alright looking fellow. I should just be grateful Emmy don't look nothing like me. She's all her mama and that'll be much better for her in the long run. I usually tell Emmy stories when I put her to bed. Let's see if I can find one for you."
He thought a moment and then smiled as it occurred to him.
"Of course…I should tell you about the disguised princess. Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who had to disguise herself. She didn't live the life of a princess at all. She wore dresses that was so old they was near to falling apart. And she worked hard—harder than most regular folks even. But her mama had told her that she was a princess. This princess didn't always believe this though. Sometimes it seemed that maybe her ma was lying to her."
"Once the villain was defeated, there wasn't nothing else stopping them. Neither the prince or the princess would ever have to wear a disguise again. They was married not long after and like most of these kind of stories, they lived happily ever after. They didn't always know it but they did."
The boy was long asleep by then and Jimmy set him gently into the basket that was serving as a bed for Benvolio that night. Jimmy stifled a chuckle at the child's name. Leave it to Cody. When he looked up, he saw Heather in the doorway with her eyes shining.
"You really think we'll live happily ever after?"
"Yeah I really do."
Heather seemed to thrive being back in Rock Creek. She spent her days with the women watching their children play together and at night went to the cottage where she and Billy had started their life together. It felt strange sometimes to fall asleep without his deep breathing next to her and she began to feel a pang within her, something that said that she did love him. Maybe there was something to that old saying about absence making the heart grow fonder. Maybe they needed to not be together all the time. Maybe that was smothering what they had.
Having others around who wanted to spoil her children or at least could help out was a wonderful thing too. She didn't have many friends near her home with Billy. When they traveled there were some women with the show who were nice to her and she liked them but then they didn't have children in tow so there was only so much they all had in common. Spending a day baking bread at Lou's while Jenny and Faith were over and they all pitched in to care for whichever child wandered up needing something was wonderful. So was having someone near to Stevie's age in little Jamie and even little Mary had hit it off with Fee.
Stevie and Fee were both so worn out at the end of a day that Heather only had Ben to contend with and he was settling down too. She had even been able to work on some embroidery. She hadn't been able to even look at that in longer than she could rightly remember.
Heather was feeling strong again. She had been strong once. When Billy had been shot, she had been strong for him. Even after he woke up, she had been strong and told him what she needed. She had been angry with him for joining the Army. She hadn't won the argument but she had been strong enough to make sure he knew exactly how she felt about things. She had handled being home with Stevie alone just fine and then when she was expecting Fee she was alright until the scare. Just thinking he might not come back at all, that he might already have been dead. It nearly killed her. She knew she had failed herself and the children and even Billy. But she had righted herself when he'd come home. They were good for a while but then he was so absorbed in the show and Ben had come along and she really spent every day with the most grown up conversation being with a four-year-old. He was a sweet boy but his interests were limited and his conversations one sided. By the time Billy was there to talk to her, she didn't even know what to say anymore. She surely didn't want to bore him with her day. Or herself—she was bored enough in living it; she surely didn't want to rehash it.
In fact, since being in Rock Creek, she had even begun to enjoy her children more. Maybe she had needed some space from them as well.
Her life had turned into almost what it was when she had been living with her Uncle Martin. Billy insisted on hiring help to clean the house but she cooked and mended and tended the children to the exclusion of anything else. There was no balance in her life anymore. She watched Jenny and Faith and even Lou. They cooked and cleaned and tended their children as well but then they would get together and work together sometimes. They baked bread together and sewed together and all the while they had company to make the work go faster and help with the kids. Heather began to turn it all over in her head.
Her thoughts hit on something that Faith had said to her.
"If he loves you like everyone tells me about, then he wants you happy," Faith had said. "Jimmy loves me but that doesn't give him the ability to read my mind. If I don't tell him what makes me happy or sad then he'd never know."
Rachel had said something similar before Heather had even married Billy. Heather had lost sight of things but perhaps she hadn't lost as much as she had originally feared.
Of course, when the wire came telling them that Billy was on his way, the panic rose in her. There was still something to fear. Telling him what she needed and talking would only help if he still loved her and she worried more than anything else that he did not. It wasn't a fear she shared because none of them wanted to even entertain the thought that he might've fallen out of love with her. She knew it was possible though.
Cody stared blankly out the train window at the blurred scenery rushing past. He had been stuck preparing for a new tour of the show for the past week. It had been lonely coming home to an empty house. At first he thought that he was missing Heather but then he'd discovered it wasn't her he missed. He had been missing her for long enough that her being gone was really not a change. What he missed was the sound of the children in the house.
It had been a sobering revelation that he didn't miss his Heather. She was his princess. She was his love and he didn't miss her. It made him think and he realized with a great deal of horror how little time they had spent together since some time before Benvolio was born. How had he not noticed how far they had drifted?
His mind flew to his talk with Addie. Had that been a ruse for Heather to leave him? Was it over? Would it matter a great deal? He was sure he still loved her, or the idea of her, or maybe it was the memory of her as she had once been.
Once the arrangements were made for the new tour, he had the time to head for Rock Creek. He sent a wire and set off worrying all the way. He wasn't even sure what to say to her. Apologies seemed hollow and then she was as much at fault. She could have spoken up. She could have yelled for him to pay attention. She could have…and so could he. They had become complacent.
The fear hit him that maybe it wasn't worth fighting for anymore. Maybe she didn't love him anymore. As the week wore on he had begun to long for her and he hoped that meant that he was still in love with her.
As the train neared its destination, Cody became more and more grateful that he had brought his own transportation in the form of his own horse. No one would be waiting for him and he would get the time to himself to think more.
"I'm sorry, Heather," he tested and then shook his head. "It's good to see you, honey."
No, that wasn't right either.
"I've missed you."
That was true but required an explanation he wasn't sure he knew how to offer.
"Pack up the babies. You're my wife and you're coming home."
That for sure wouldn't work. If only he knew what he was walking into. He almost began to wish that he'd had Buck or Teaspoon pick him up. Maybe then he'd know what he was about to face, what he was up against. But he wasn't sure he could handle their judgment of him. He'd been warned by more than one of them through the years that they were not above laying him out if he ever caused her pain.
Soon Rock Creek came into view and Cody's hands began to sweat. He didn't even know what to do or where to go. He didn't know exactly where Heather was right then. Taking a deep breath he headed to Teaspoon's office. The old man was exactly where Cody had expected to find him.
"'Bout time you showed up," Teaspoon said from under his hat where he'd been pretending to sleep. "You missed the wedding and I think your missus is starting to miss you."
"Wedding?"
"Yeah," Teaspoon replied as he stretched and then moved his feet and allowed the chair legs to fall back to the floor. "Finally got around to asking a certain fetching schoolmistress for her lovely hand."
Cody's previous worries fell momentarily away.
"Congratulations! That's sure some good news!"
"I rather thought so too. But I think you got more pressing matters to attend to, now don't you?"
Cody nodded solemnly remembering his real reason for being there.
"Is she alright?" he asked.
"She's doing real good," Teaspoon answered. "Damn fine looking young 'uns you got too. I'm going to miss them when you take 'em back."
Cody looked at Teaspoon questioningly.
"You didn't think she ran out on you, did you? Heather's too good a girl for that."
"Where is she? Can you take me to her?"
"Take yourself, Cody. She's been staying out at the old cottage. Might want to get a move on…I think I heard her say something about apple cobbler. Maybe even that it was your favorite."
Cody looked uncertainly at Teaspoon for a minute before nodding and leaving the office. He had almost hoped that someone would have to take him to her, that there would be a go-between when he first approached her. But he had to do this on his own, had to be a man, had to be the man maybe he hadn't been lately.
Heather busied herself as best she could. Supper required no more fussing and the children were divided between Kid and Lou and Buck and Jenny. That had been Lou's idea and it had sounded good at the time but now Heather wished that they were here for a distraction and even here for when he arrived. She wanted him distracted too.
Sighing she reminded herself that if she wanted to fix this—even find out if anything could be fixed—they had to face each other. And it shouldn't be so hard. He was her husband after all and she his wife. How it had gotten so hard to have a simple talk she wasn't sure but it had. That needed to change. Many things needed to change, she thought, but that was the most important. She knew she needed to change and maybe he did too and things they had let become routine had to change too. Fear gripped her periodically that he might not see the need for change and where that would leave her.
The fear only intensified when she heard the sound of a horse enter the yard. Looking out the kitchen window, she confirmed it was Billy. She was momentarily taken aback by how handsome he was. It had been some time since she had last noted that fact and it only confirmed for her that she still held the love in her heart for him. If only she could be sure he felt the same.
A deep breath helped conjure all the courage she could muster and she walked onto the porch and offered a smile. It wasn't a good smile but it was a smile all the same. She watched him see to his horse and then come nearer to her finally climbing the new steps to the porch. He stood just looking at her and she wasn't sure what to make of the expression he gave her.
"My God," he said finally. "I forgot how beautiful you are."
"I wasn't gone all that long."
"Yeah, you were…but so was I."
Heather turned and led him into the house. Cody felt his heart pound a little harder watching her graceful steps in front of him. He felt as he once did under the apple tree in the schoolyard when he would see her coming to wait for the Lepley children at dismissal.
"Supper should be about ready if you want to just get set down," she said and he noticed she would not meet his eyes. His heart fell. She didn't love him. He'd allowed Teaspoon's words to give him hope where there clearly was none.
Heather bustled about getting food on the table. When he had walked up she had made the mistake of looking into his clear blue eyes. They were so trusting and pure, like Stevie's or Fee's. There was hurt and fear in them and she had put it there and was a monster for it. There was no way she could bear the weight of them now.
"This looks wonderful," Cody said and he was desperate to bring her a smile, to bring her eyes to him. He needed to see if they still contained all they once did. They had once held his very world, his existence, all he was and all he wanted. He needed to know if all that could still be found in their brilliant green depths. But she only nodded and muttered a thank you and kept her eyes from his.
They ate in an uncomfortable silence for a while before Cody thought to ask after the children.
"They're fine, Billy," Heather said. "Everyone fusses so for them. Kid and Lou are looking after Stevie and Fee tonight and Buck and Jenny have Ben."
"So you're happy here?" he asked trying not to sound as wounded as he felt.
"Of course I am," she told him, "I love the family. It's not home in the same way it was before though."
He wanted to ask what that meant. He wanted to take her hand, say something, do something but before he could she was out of her seat and bustling to bring the cobbler to the table.
"I haven't made one of these for you in far too long, I think."
It was wonderful and he told her as much. Cody's head reeled from the confusion and finally he just couldn't take it anymore.
"What are we doing, Heather?"
"I-I don't know what you mean, Billy."
"I mean this," he said sharply gesturing to the whole room. "You make a wonderful meal and my favorite dessert but you won't meet my eyes. You're happy here…is this my farewell? Are you trying to soften the blow? If that's what it is then come out and say it. I need to know if I just lost everything that ever mattered to me."
"How much of a loss would it really be, Billy? You have the show and you have your adoring fans…how much could you really miss me? What would you really lose—the thing in the dress at the parties where you drum up financing?"
She hadn't meant to be so angry or defensive with him. It wasn't all his fault but she'd be damned if everything was going to be laid at her feet.
"Most men in my position wouldn't have you along while the show was touring," he shot back. "If you didn't matter—why would I do that?"
"I never said you were a poor father, Billy," she allowed softly. "I know you like having the children with you. I'm just what takes care of them."
"It ain't just the children I want with me," he snapped. "Don't you see…all the things I do, I do them for you. Heather, you have to know that. It all means nothing if you ain't there. I wouldn't care if it was just me."
"That's a lie," she spat. "You wanted all this before we even met. You told me so yourself. You love being in a show, playing a part, getting the applause. It makes you happy. I want you happy, Billy. I always wanted to see you happy. I just thought there'd still be room for me."
"Of course there's room for you! There's a great big hole that's just been waiting for you to fill and you haven't been there."
"What do I even have to offer you anymore? Even when we're in the same place, you're living a different life from me. You're busy with the show and getting the financing and booking new acts and hobnobbing with famous people. I'm changing diapers and wiping noses. My body's all stretched out and weird and I don't have a single interesting thing to say."
"Is that what it's been all these months? Have you just been preparing me for you leaving? You been so far away from me since…well, since Ben was born. If he didn't look just like me I might think…"
"Don't you dare! Don't even let those words leave your lips! I have stood by you even when I didn't agree with anything you were doing. I hear you talk about the people in the show every night. All those women—in the show, in the stands—I see how they look at you. I can't blame them but I see it and you dare accuse me!"
"Well you don't want me no more…what's a man to think?"
"Me? Me not wanting you? It's you who don't want me. You've barely touched me since you found out I was going to have Ben. You hardly kiss me anymore!"
She was so busy with her rant that she didn't notice him stride toward her with determination. But she fully noticed when he took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers firmly. She opened her mouth to him and he took full advantage. A need to breathe broke them apart and they stood staring at each other as if in a state of shock.
"Hi," he said with a shy and almost embarrassed smile.
Heather bit her lip and looked at him just as shyly.
"Hi."
She dared to raise her eyes to his, to lift her head and cast off the weight that had pushed her down.
Cody looked to her eyes and nearly gasped. It was all there. Everything his fool head or heart had ever dreamed of…all in her perfect eyes.
"Where were you hiding?"
"I wasn't hiding," she whispered. "I was lost."
"I missed you," he said openly. "I missed that fire in your eyes. I missed how playful you can be. I missed the way you used to tell me when I was being self-centered and talking too much about myself."
"I-I didn't know how anymore. You're so strong and so sure and your dreams were coming true and it all just made me feel useless. I used to be the woman who could match you and then I wasn't."
His finger under her chin brought her face back to his.
"Please don't go away again. I ain't been listening enough. I let myself get satisfied with 'fine' when I asked about your day. You got months of stuff to tell me, yell at me for…you brought be back from death, Heather. A woman strong enough to bring a man back from that is strong enough to say what's on her mind."
"Well," she began with uncertainty. "I've been thinking. I don't think I want to travel with the show all the time."
She looked at him fearfully for what he would say but he just looked at her waiting for her to finish.
"I have things I want to do too and I can't commit to anything else if I'm always up and leaving," she took a breath and was obviously picking up steam. "Also, Stevie needs to start school in another year or so. He can't do that on the road. The children need some consistency, Billy. I do too. We'll come sometimes but we can't all the time anymore."
Her jaw was beginning to set firmly and her shoulders were back and squared making her breasts that had increased with nursing a new baby jut out appealingly. She was right; he hadn't touched her near enough.
"What do you want to do?" he asked, "What things…you must have dreams too, Heather."
His mouth was drying and his body was reacting. This was his Heather back. He hadn't seen her in so very long but this was the woman who pulled him back to the world of the living. This was the woman who stood her ground on so many things. This was the woman who made damned sure he knew how she felt about him joining the Army. This was his woman. The only one he'd ever love or want or need.
"I want to vote, Billy," she replied flatly as if it was the only logical thing she could care about. "I want Ophelia to be able to vote someday. Everyone should be able to. It's not right that only white men can have a say and then make laws and policies that affect the rest of us!"
The last word was cut off by his lips on hers. He lifted her into his arms and carried her toward the bedroom. Their marriage had begun in that little room in this small cottage and perhaps it was right it was renewed, rekindled there as well.
"I'm serious, Billy," she said adamantly when his lips released hers.
"I know and I agree with you. Any man worth his salt knows that womenfolk are smarter than us. I want to hear more about this, I do…but right now I want to make love to my wife. We got us some lost time to make up for."
"I think you're right," she giggled pulling him to her, relishing the feel of him in her arms.
"Are you sure you have to go so soon?" Rachel asked balancing Ophelia on her hip as she watched Cody and Heather finish packing the buckboard. She'd had to beg to get them to even stay long enough to have some breakfast.
"I'm afraid so," Cody replied. "I'm heading out with the show again soon and we need to make some arrangements for Heather and the kids while I'm gone."
"You're not going with Billy?" asked Addie.
"Not this time," Heather answered with a glowing smile. Teaspoon, Rachel and Addie had all noticed the light that was between them that day. It hadn't been in either of them before but it was the light they had once had when they were little more than kids. "This time, I have some things I have to do."
"Important things," Cody agreed beaming at her. "Really important things…my Heather is going to change the world—make it better."
"Jimmy's going to be sorry he missed seeing you," Teaspoon remarked.
"I wish I could stay and meet that wife of his too," Cody replied, "I'm interested in seeing what woman decided to put up with that brooding son of a...um…gun."
He chuckled at how close he came to earning himself a good chastising from the women for being so coarse.
"I won't stay away so long this time," he promised. "You just tell him that, okay?"
"Will do, son."
Hugs were exchanged and soon the buckboard was driving away as the family left behind waved and called out their farewells. Cody drove a ways and then stopped and turned to Heather.
"I thought we were in a hurry," she said.
"We are but not such a big hurry that I can't stop to tell you how much I love you."
"I love you too, Billy," she told him locking her eyes onto his pure and perfect blue ones. "I always will."
This one took a lot longer to write and got longer than I had planned but the story needs to be told how it needs to be told so I can't really be blamed. But Heather and Cody are going to be okay...I think their problems aren't all that uncommon. And once again a hearty thank you to Marcus Mumford for wroting a song that rips my heart out and makes me cry like a baby every time I hear it!-J
Lover's Eyes – Mumford and Sons (Marcus Mumford)
Love was kind, for a time
But now just aches and it makes me blind
This mirror holds my eyes too bright
I can't see the others in my life
Were we too young? Our heads too strong?
To bear the weight of these lover's eyes.
'Cause I feel numb, beneath your tongue
Beneath the curse of these lover's eyes.
But do not ask the price I pay,
I must live with my quiet rage,
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead.
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Oh, let me die where I lie
'Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.
There's no drink nor drug I tried
To rid the curse of these lover's eyes
And I feel numb, beneath your tongue
Your strength just makes me feel less strong
But do not ask the price I pay,
I must live with my quiet rage,
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead.
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Oh, let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, help me on my way.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, I'll be on my way.