A/N: So I've been thinking about this for a while. What if Emma got so fed up with herself and it got so intense that she had no choice but to confront the Mayor herself with her feelings? Well, I hope I did it justice. Whatever 'it' is. Heh. Get it?
Regina always thought she would want to be rid of Emma Swan. She always wanted Henry to be only hers, after all, once she had him. She had only ever wanted her own happiness. So why, now, does that seem so horrible? If Emma were to leave, what would she do? Go back to how things were? Did she want to?
Not really, no.
She had gotten so used to bickering and fighting with the infuriating blonde woman that even thinking of a day without staring into her fiery eyes eluded her. She just couldn't get the picture in her head to work. She would try so hard to envision a peaceful life without Emma, with Henry loving her again, but it just seemed impossible. Imagining a day without Emma just seemed… wrong, somehow…
Regina had even gotten accustomed to seeing the Sheriff on relatively neutral terms. They didn't fight so much anymore, not for at least a month save for the usual bickering. It had grown more lighthearted over time, though of course Regina did sometimes let out her inner snappiness. Emma always reciprocated, albeit with less heart than she used to. Originally, Regina figured it was simply because she was tired of going through the same routine even if it seemed they never got tired of one another, but as time crept along it worsened.
Emma no longer stood up to her challenges with fire. She had dark circles under her eyes every day and looked exhausted always. Regina kept herself from asking what it was that was affecting her but she refused to allow Emma to know she was growing… dare she say, worried. Even her hair had seemed to lose its luster lately. She couldn't have been sick; the stubborn woman would most likely argue the germs out of her body. Just as she seemed to make Regina lose her sanity every time she was around. Even hearing the woman's name sent a strange tingling up her spine.
She didn't know what it was. She didn't think she wanted to know. Even if she already really did. But Regina, in true Regina fashion, had chosen to deny such things or inclinations as stress or simply, works of her imagination. It didn't matter how strongly Emma made her feel, no matter what emotion it was each time. It didn't matter that Regina found herself thinking about the damned woman so much she was losing sleep over it. She just didn't want to face what it meant.
It was at this moment that Regina heard a knock on her front door. She glanced at the clock on her desk, for she currently sat in her study, and sighed. It was well past ten o'clock already. That meant only two people could be at her door.
One; Emma herself, for she seemed to think she could just see the Mayor anytime she wanted, or two, Henry. He was sleeping over at said woman's apartment with Mary-Margret given the Sheriff had volunteered to help him with his science project. Regina had had to work all day and the assignment was due the next day so of course she told Miss Swan to take care of him. It wasn't as if the woman was a drifter with no real credibility as a mother or anything. –Oh wait.
Another sigh escaped Regina and she stood from her desk, walking around it to pace herself toward the front door. She only hoped this wasn't going to be some bad news. After all, no matter who was at her door it was bound to be far from positive. No one with good news seemed to visit her at her own house these days.
Opening her front door proved to reveal one Emma Swan on her doorstep. Regina took in her haggard appearance and noted, with some curiosity and more irritation, that she looked worse than 'usual'. The dark circles looked almost like bruises on her face now, and her eyes were set in complete trepidation and even fear. Despite the cold out she wore only her tank top and jeans with those god awful boots Regina pretended she hated. She almost had to do a double-take when she realized Emma Swan herself wasn't wearing her signature red jacket. The one Regina would never admit she actually liked. Just a little bit.
"Regina, can I-", her voice broke, another cause for worry, and Regina noticed she seemed out of breath- almost hyperventilating. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."
She stared at the Sheriff for what felt like ten minutes before finding her voice, "Sheriff Swan, might I remind you it's not only late but Henry is alone in your apartment? Can this not wait until tomorrow?" she said ignoring the fact Mary-Margret was with him as well.
Despite her words, Emma shook her head. There it was again. Ignoring her bite. She just didn't seem like herself anymore. She didn't take the Mayor's bait even when Regina waved it in front of her face with barbeque sauce on top. It was, admittedly, troubling to Regina.
"It's important." It was all Emma offered as explanation before slipping seamlessly past Regina. It was like she was a ghost, just phasing through walls, visible but not really there. It brought a chill to Regina as she closed her front door with a scowl.
"Miss Swan-", she began, but was cut off when she turned to see Emma tugging her Sheriff's badge from her belt. "What are you doing?"
Emma held out the shiny star, looking positively burdened. Regina plucked it from her hand after a moment in pure confusion, dread beginning to form in her gut like a leaden weight. Her gaze turned from the badge back to its owner to regard her questioningly.
"I'm giving it back to you, Regina. I'm stepping down as Sheriff." She said, her voice unnaturally resigned for Emma. Regina stared at her in alarm, feeling her stomach twist at the implications of this.
"Sheriff…"
"I'm not a Sheriff." Emma cut in again, beginning to grow more restless. "I'm not some Savior Henry thinks I am. I'm not a mom. I don't think I'm even a good person."
"Miss Swan-"
"That's all you, Regina. You're better than anyone knows, maybe even you. You're the strongest person I've ever known and you're the only one who has ever made me feel like I might-", her voice broke once more but she swallowed it and continued, even as it seemed to cut into her with each word.
"You're Henry's mom, okay? You took care of him and raised him to be the healthy, smart, strong kid we all know. You did everything on your own on top of running a town and dealing with people like Mr. Gold. So I've come to give that badge back to you and explain just why I'm leaving."
Shock jolted up Regina's spine and her dread grew worse. Leaving? No, she couldn't possibly be thinking-
"I don't think I belong here, Regina. Granted I probably don't belong anywhere but it's come to my attention that I only seem to cause trouble here, to Henry and the town and- and to you. And I know you want me gone so I figure I might as well fold this time."
"Miss Swan…"
"I don't know if you've noticed but I've been losing sleep for a good month now. I've thought about it and tried to deny it but it's no use. No matter what I do I can't- I can't get you out of my head, Regina. You're all I think about, and dream about and I can't function knowing how much you must hate me for barging into your life like I did. I understand, and it's only fair. But I can't stay here and ruin everything like I always do. I can't stay when I know-… When I know I'm-…" her throat closed and Regina stared on in shock, wonderment, horror and even fear.
Of all the things she thought might be affecting Emma she never envisioned this to be one of them. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, for fear she would blink and it would turn out to be a dream. But maybe she should. If Emma was leaving, why then would she say these things? Why did Regina realize she suddenly hated the very idea of her leaving for good? She couldn't stand knowing this was Emma saying… what? Goodbye?
"Emma what are you-"
"Damn it, Regina… It took me confessing to you for you to use my first name?" Emma breathed, looking to be in absolute pain. The agony in her eyes was recognized as something close to heartbreak and Regina gasped, realizing what Emma meant. She already thought Regina didn't return her feelings, whatever they were. She almost wanted to yell at the woman to give her a moment simply so process this. Almost. She had to hear more first. She had to know.
"Confessing?" she whispered, her voice sounding too loudly in her own ears.
Emma's eyes were watery as she nodded, slowly taking Regina's hands in her own to give her time to pull away. She didn't however, and watched on as Emma continued, "Yeah, I'm confessing. I have to explain why it's impossible for me to stay. I… I'm in love with you, Regina." Those heartfelt words brought water to Regina's own eyes as they widened, seeing the sincerity and sadness in Emma's broken gaze. Her heart felt like it was seizing up, squeezing and writhing in her chest finally, finally realizing why Emma never seemed too far away from her. Why she didn't take her bait. Why she saved her life. Why she was leaving…
"Emma." Regina's voice was hoarse at this point, mirroring Emma's own. The blonde woman shook her head though, as her tears spilled over.
"No, I know, it's okay. I just need to tell you straight up or you might lecture me about roots again." a pitiful laugh that sounded more like a sob tore from Emma's throat and her tears persisted. She kept her eye contact though, not even blinking as if afraid Regina would disappear if she did.
"I don't know how I can even say it now. It took me long enough to even think it let alone accept it. But I guess I have. Regina, I love you so much that my heart feels like someone's ripping it from my chest every time I see you because I can't make you happy no matter what I do and it kills me. I never said anything because I was afraid it would drive you away. Not like it could get much worse though, right?" Emma sniffed, looking down with a shaky breath.
Regina felt like she was rooted to the spot, frozen. Her own tears spilled over and her hands began to shake in Emma's unsteady hold, gripping tightly. Her legs felt weak but she ignored the thought she might buckle under Emma's wholehearted confession. An irrational thought that Emma would catch her simply made her eyes sting even more, a shudder running through her body.
She didn't want Emma to leave. She knew that much, at least.
Emma finally looked back into Regina gaze and squeezed her hands gently, "So if this is the last time I see you I figured I might as well come clean. It's selfish, I know, and I'm probably just making things worse but-… I have to tell you. It's too painful to keep it to myself. It's so melodramatic but I can honestly say I feel like I'm dying. It's like the life is just being sucked out of me the longer I don't tell you, the longer I see you knowing I can never have you."
Emma slipped one hand out of her grasp, and Regina felt such a loss at it that a small whimper tore from her throat, unbidden. The woman that was staring at her now, with so much sadness and love mixed together, was making Regina's heart break. Why did it take so long for her to see it?
Emma's hand pressed to her cheek only a second later and her thumb caught the tears falling free from her lashes in the most intimate of ways. It made Regina's heart stutter, remembering that not even Daniel's touch had been so reverent. So tender.
"Emma." Regina whispered, unconsciously leaning into her touch. Her eyes fluttered at the contact and saw Emma's own squeeze shut momentarily. "You don't have to leave." She finally found it in herself to say those words. The ones constantly looping in her head. She didn't want Emma to leave. The startling realization that she would do anything to make her stay was enough to silence Regina once more.
"But I do." Emma's desperate voice was full of pain and heartache, but she kept together if only to finish her verbal onslaught to the woman she once believe to be her enemy. Her hand, holding the Mayor's still, lifted up and pressed Regina's palm against her chest, over her heart where it beat tremulously.
"No you don't." Regina whispered once more, curling her fingers slightly into the woman's tank top. Her scent and touch and voice were all she could focus on. Her eyes the only thing she saw. Regina didn't want this moment to end but then she did.
"Regina, don't you see? If I stay I'll just bring everyone down. I won't be able to be the Sheriff if I tried. I can barely function now as it is. At least if I leave I won't be able to do any more damage. You'll be able to have Henry. He loves you, he really does. And I love you. So I have to leave." She was practically pleading now; she was so terrified of staying close to the Mayor. The only fear worse than that was leaving that house and never seeing her again. Emma felt so torn and helpless she was practically begging Regina to throw her out. At least then she would have no other choice but to leave.
"No, Emma, don't you see?" Regina managed to speak and pressed her free hand to the back of Emma's on her cheek. "You can't leave."
Emma, momentarily struck, was confused by this. But she shook it off and regarded the mayor with pleading confusion, "Regina I don't under-"
She was cut off by Regina's lips pressing against her own. It was desperate, and rushed and so full of raw emotion that Emma felt her chest heave from the force of it.
Regina pressed her body closer, refusing to allow Emma to leave her. The blood rushed in her head making it almost impossible to hear as her fingers clutched at Emma's shirt to tug her impossibly closer. She felt as if she were melting and flying at the same time. She went lightheaded at hearing the desperate moan Emma released, pulling her as close as physically possible.
After what seemed like too short of an eternity they broke when their lungs begged for air, gasping. But they stayed close and pressed their foreheads together, almost breathing each other's air. It was the most terrifyingly intimate moment of both of their lives, and yet they reveled in it. They never wanted it to end; finally realizing Emma really didn't have to leave. Why she couldn't.
"But I didn't think…" Emma's voice died off when Regina pressed another kiss to her lips, having had already missed the contact. Once she pulled back, feeling her heart pounding dangerously fast, the Mayor released a breath.
"Me neither. But Emma…" Regina began, savoring the name on her tongue. "If you think you're leaving me here you're sorely mistaken."
Emma released a relieved, elated breath and tightened her hold on the woman slightly, "Really?"
"Yes." Regina murmured, closing her eyes. "I can't lose you. Not now that I know how you feel. Not now that I know how I feel."
Emma pulled back if only to stare into Regina eyes properly, searching them with no small amount of hope, "How you feel?"
"Emma, I… I can't promise to be good at this. I'm snippy and I have to control everything. I don't know how to do… be what you need, or want… But I swear to try. I don't want you to leave. It wouldn't only break Henry's heart but mine as well. I used to think I hated you but it was just me trying to convince myself I didn't feel anything for you. Because if I let myself feel, I would only get my heart broken and I would be left alone all over again." her tears were coming back now, and she glanced down, struggling with herself to get it out. She knew she only had one chance to convince Emma to stay, and this was it.
"Regina…" Emma whispered softly, pulling her face back up to force her to look into Emma's overflowing gaze, "You're more than I could ever need. You're exactly what I need, and the only one I want. The one that I, now that I think of it, don't deserve. You're too good for me." a mix between a sob and a laugh broke from Regina's mouth and she smiled through her tears, thinking just how wrong Emma was. But that would come later.
"Listen to me, Miss Swan." The title somehow brought a small laugh from Emma and Regina had to smile slightly at that. "You can't leave. I wouldn't be able to take it. So don't you dare pull this again. You take your badge back and promise to me you won't leave me. As hard as it is for me to admit it… I care for you too much to let you go."
Emma smiled as more of her tears spilled over and she leaned forward to press another lasting kiss to Regina's lips. She didn't think she could ever get tired of that feeling. How her heart jumped and beat faster as electricity sparked almost tangibly between them.
Once they broke once more, Emma couldn't help but grin, "I promise, Regina."
That weight lifted from her stomach at those words and Regina felt her entire body melt against Emma's in relief. She hated to feel so vulnerable and she knew it would be a while before she could really show herself to the blonde Sheriff but she was going to try. She had lost love once. She'd be damned if she ever let it go again.
"You'd better, Sheriff. Otherwise I may have had to chain you down." her small quip defused any tension that may have been there and Emma pulled her in for a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around Regina almost protectively. She let herself fall into the hold and her own arms came up to cling to Emma, keeping her there. Regina didn't was it to end, especially now that she knew she knew Emma wasn't about to leave.
"I love you, Regina. I really do." Emma whispered, most likely thinking she hadn't heard it. The notion brought more wetness to Regina's eyes and she held the woman tighter, snuggling into her arms.
"And I love you, Emma." She managed, her voice wavering a little. Emma's response was to hold her tighter, sniffling as her chest shuddered under the emotion. "I really do."
A/N: Did you like? I didn't mean for it to be so long. Originally, the idea was to make it like... seven hundred words. Look where that got me. I hope it wasn't too angsty and all, but I think I like it. Please review and tell me what you think so I can do more of these oneshots, okay? Please? I'm begging you here, I have no shame. Ya gotta review; it makes my day worthwhile, after all.
Anyway, thank you for reading!