Title: Those Who Wait
Rating: PG
Characters: Dave Karofsky
Pairing: One-sided Kurtofsky, mentions of Klaine
Disclaimer: Glee and Doctor Who belong to Fox and BBC, respectively. Grandma Elaine belongs to herself. Paragraphs in italic are quotes from Doctor Who.
Grandpa Murray's wife had been the stuff of legend. The tiny woman, with the comically large glasses that made her look like a bug would have seemed adorable and harmless. Truth is the woman was terrifying. In fact, the only woman who'd come close to being as scary as Grandma Elaine had been Santana Lopez.
His mother's mother, however, had perfected the art of passive-aggression and the good, old fashion method of child rearing that involved one too many whacks to the head with a wooden spoon.
Ever since he can remember, he can liken his father's countenance of an impending visit to or from his mother-in-law as a prisoner walking to the scaffold. He had, as a kid, thrown fits, not to get a toy or a sweet but to avoid visiting his grandmother, and her house who always smelled of old people and cabbage.
His attempts at sneaking any food past her (because, for all her flaws, the woman was an amazing cook) was met with a swift pain on the wrist and a recited "Good things come to those who wait", which was really a warning, lest he find himself missing a hand.
As he'd grown up, that phrase was on permanent rotation through his mind. Wait for the chubbiness to pass, wait for the other kids to stop making fun of him. It never worked and a 13-year old Dave Karofsky got tired of waiting and set to taking what he could.
The chubbiness didn't leave but he'd learned to use his bulk and soon enough there were no comments thrown at him. If any of those guys got smart they'd have a meeting with the Fury. It made him feel good, but most of all, it made him feel powerful, and the phrase falls back in the depths of his mind. That is, until he realizes that there's something deeply wrong with him.
It begins with not feeling a damn thing when Santana Lopez starts wearing mini-skirts that cause his friends to look back. The clincher comes when Tommy Mathers takes his shirt off after practice in the locker room and he feels himself flush and what his friends had been feeling when they stared at girls' legs.
'Good things' become 'normal things', and if he just waits this will pass, and soon he'll never remember a shot of desire at seeing Tommy's chest.
He waits and represses everything. He becomes the best student he can and he waits. And for a while he can kid himself that it was just a fluke.
Then he starts high school, joins the hockey team, and spends freshman year waiting to supplant the football team's reign over the school.
And then he sees Kurt Hummel.
Kurt Hummel is everything that infuriates him. From the high, girly voice, to the weird clothes. He's everywhere, and Dave can't look away when he's there and he can't stop himself from looking for him, when he isn't.
Did I ever tell you about this boy I met there.
He has to urge to do something other than punching him in the teeth and that scares him more than anything.
This isn't fair.
One day he gets home, tired from practice and from staring at Hummel, who was wearing what looked like circulation-cutting jeans. He falls on the couch, grabs the remote and switches channels until hitting BBC America. He has no idea what's going on.
There's a red head chick, a weird guy running around in ragged clothes and a big blue box. There's also this thing that looks like a snake with way to many teeth. He watches the episode until the end, and thinks the big-nosed dude is kind of a wus and that Brits are insane.
He forgets all about it, and for the next few months his life loses control. For some reason, he kisses Hummel (he tries not to dwell too much on how soft the lips against his were) and the other boy looks like someone killed his puppy.
Oh, it's all mouths today, isn't it!
He doesn't know what to do. He knows that sooner or later, Kurt's going to say something and his life will be over and he can't sleep, he's letting the football team down.
Everything happened at once.
In the middle of thoughts far too scary for him to dwell on and not sleeping he says something which he really shouldn't have, and Kurt Hummel slips through his fingers and from his sight.
Any damage is permanent.
A week after Kurt leaving and him looking for someone he knows damn well isn't there, he stumbles on that weird British show he'd forgotten about and decides to watch it. For some reason, he can't stop, and he supposes that makes him a nerd or something but he really doesn't care. He watches out of order, starting with the one he found out was the first of the fifth season and makes his way until the sixth.
If Azimio or any of the guys found out he'd say it was for the hot red head, even if his eyes find themselves stuck on the Doctor and Rory far more often than on Amy. It's not like he cares what they think about, not about this. This is about escaping, this is something that's his alone.
Have you ever run away from something because you were scared, or not ready, or just... just because you could?
He watched it in record time, but he's not ready to be himself. That's why he reacts like a scared animal at the thought of performing in the half-show and why he mocks Hudson's attempt for him to join Glee. He just can't.
He still acts like a jerk in school but as soon as he gets home he goes to his room, throws his back pack on the floor, turns his computer on and for almost 50 minutes all he cares about is Amy, Rory and the Doctor.
Needed a bit of company.
After the show the gleeks put on and he sees Kurt, the realities shift. Amy Pond becomes Kurt Hummel, because they're both extraordinary, and bigger than life and because they slip away from people far too easily.
He's almost reluctant, but Hummel's boyfriend would have to be the Doctor.
Permission?
And Dave would be Rory, the poor shmuck watching from afar as the Doctor takes Amy away. Not that Kurt's anything to him, of course. Amy was Rory's fiancée, they were going to get married. In his case, Kurt hates him and he's entitled to.
He's very slowly accepting that he likes guys, which is around the same time that he gets his hands on the first season, which is not that great, but causes his brain to short-circuit when he sees Jack Harkness kiss the Doctor. On the lips.
I was much better off as a coward.
Then he does one tiny mistake that may have involved looking at a certain part of Evans' anatomy and Lopez suddenly has him by the balls. She makes it clear that she wants to win Prom Queen. He has no idea why and really doesn't care but somehow she thinks having him as her King will help with that.
He makes two apologies, one to the Glee club, choreographed by Santana and one to Kurt that he doesn't really mean. At that point he's just grasping at straws.
Santana drags him off with her and he sees them perform 'Born This Way', him with his arms crossed and his beard with a white T-shirt with 'Lebanese' standing out boldly. At the same time as they're having tea in Narnia, Kurt owns that stage in his 'Likes Boys' shirt.
You're a star.
He finds that he actually likes the Bully Whips. It's about using the power he's always had and used to make others feel like crap, and helping people instead. Walking Kurt to class becomes the best part of his day.
This box needs a guard - I killed the last one.
It becomes too much, though, to see Kurt every day, to maintain an air of civility, to walk him to class, which is such a boyfriend-y thing to do. There's too much hate, too much fear, too much confusion, swirling through his head. Most of all, there's regret. He cracks.
In that moment, Kurt Hummel holds David Karofsky in his hands and could destroy him, make him suffer for everything he's done.
He doesn't and Dave falls a little bit in love. He asks him to wait.
You want to be forgiven.
Don't we all?
He actually has fun at Prom. Santana's not that bad when she's not being a blackmailing bitch. He still can't help himself from sneaking a look at Kurt when they're slow dancing. Kurt looks back, standing next to his boyfriend, and Dave's pretty sure that Santana suspects something big went down. One of the highlights of the evening is Kurt's face when Dave wins Prom King, and even if he doesn't know what he's thinking, he can only hope it's not bad.
I've been looking for a word.
The rest of the night is a nightmare. Figgins reads 'Kurt Hummel' and the other boy runs out of the gym. Dave wants to go after him before he remembers he can't, because people will talk and because the boyfriend's already running.
Time to run again?
When he comes back, he manages the make almost everybody root for him with just six words. There's silence as they walk to the dancefloor and Dave really wants to go through it, but people have a tendency of saying things they really shouldn't. He just can't.
It didn't feel like dancing.
When he gets home, he walks up the stairs and into the bedroom in absolute silence, horrible, scary thoughts running through his mind. He pulls out the chair and sits at his desk, staring at the monitor as he waits for the computer to load. The mouse moves under his hand, the arrow clicking on 'Videos', and then the folder named 'DW' and finally the small rectangle over 'The Big Bang'.
Dave moves the episode forward and rewinds the seconds between 49:50 and 50:17 over ten times before the turns off the computer and crawls into bed, the image of Amy and Rory Pond slow dancing burned behind his eyelids.
Good on you, mate.
He asked him to wait for him, but Kurt's not the only one waiting. All he can do is wait, he's not really sure what for. Bravery, maybe. And if he's lucky, at some point they'll finish waiting one for the other. Until that happens, Grandma Elaine's words of wisdom will pass through his mind.
Texting and scones.
In the end, it's always Rory and Amy.
How can I forget you?