Later
Can be seen as a companion fic to my other story Sorted, but you don't have to read that one to get this one. Based off of the PC movie (haven't read the book yet sorry) when Peter starts to tell Edmund what he means to him during the duel with Miraz, and Edmund tells him to save it for later.
I'm not particularly fond of how this turned out, but oh well. A lot of things always sound better in your head.
They hurried onto the train in a daze. Lucy was still looking behind her expecting to see Narnia, while Edmund rummaged through his bag.
"I left my new torch in Narnia," he exclaimed a smile playing on his lips.
The other three laughed, but Peter laugh halted when he saw Edmund's smile slip into an unreadable expression. He watched as his younger brother slumped over into a seat, leaned his head against the window, and closed his eyes.
Lucy followed Peter's gaze, "Edmund?"
When Edmund didn't react, Peter sat down next to him and gently shook his shoulder. Edmund eyes opened half way, and rested his head on Peter's shoulder. In response, Peter wrapped an arm around Edmund's shoulder, and let Edmund readjust himself.
Lucy and Susan watched this with concerned and confused expressions on their faces, but Peter just shook his head at them, his face mirroring his sisters'.
After awhile it was evident Edmund had fallen asleep, while his siblings chatted quietly next to Peter until the train arrived at Lucy and Susan's stop.
"Do you think we should wake him? He'll be terribly annoyed that he didn't get a chance to say bye," Lucy said.
"No, let him sleep. He needs it," Peter replied firmly.
"Bye, Peter. Write me, and please actually do," Lucy said playfully while pecking him on the cheek. She then leaned over and did the same to Edmund, who grumbled inaudibly in his sleep which caused Lucy to smirk at him.
Lucy stepped back to let Susan say her goodbyes. She ruffled Edmund's already messy hair, before turning to Peter.
Nodding her head towards Edmund she said, "Look after him, now. And make sure he eats; he's lost too much weight."
A year ago Peter would have rolled his eyes at Susan's mother henning but this was not a year ago. He nodded solemnly as a shadow passed over his eyes. He had failed Edmund too many times for the past year; he had failed so many people…
Susan kissed Peter on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "And you, you need to stop beating yourself up. You're forgiven, Peter, please stop tearing yourself apart."
He nodded again, but didn't meet her eyes. She squeezed his shoulder, gave him a pointed look, and walked off the train with Lucy.
Now alone with a sleeping Edmund on his shoulder, Peter was left to his thoughts. His mind wandered idly over the coming school year, and maintaining his high grades for entrance into a good university, but eventually found their way to Edmund.
Peter looked down at Edmund, studying him. He had been beastly for the past year, an adult trapped in a boy's body, expected to act like a child. And not just an adult, a king. He had let that get to his head, and that mixed with a sense of not knowing who he was anymore resulted in disastrous consequences. And Edmund had paid for it.
Lost in his own turmoil he had been oblivious to the fact that Edmund had been struggling. Edmund, who was always so stoic and never let anyone in, always let that drop around Peter. Looking back now, Peter realized that this meant that Edmund trusted him. Peter hadn't realized how much he had betrayed that until Edmund broken down in front of him after Caspian almost released the White Witch again.
The train stopped, interrupting Peter's thoughts. "Come on, Ed. We're here," he said while gently shaking Edmund's shoulder.
Edmund opened his eyes blearily, and slightly lifted his head. "I don't feel well Peter," he said thickly.
Peter reached up, and brushed the dark hair out of his brother's forehead. He sighed. "Ed you're burning up."
Edmund nodded weakly and put his head back on Peter's shoulder. "Come on, we have to get off. We'll miss our stop."
Peter took both of their suitcases and placed a steadying hand on Edmund's shoulder, steering him out of the train station, and into their dorm.
"What about dinner?" Edmund croaked.
"No one will notice we're gone, and if you get hungry I still have the sandwich mum packed me."
Edmund was interrupted mid yawn by a coughing fit. Peter ran over to him and gently patted his back until Edmund's breathing went back to normal. Peter thanked Aslan that they did not have classes until Monday, otherwise Edmund would have to be sent to the infirmary. The nurse would obviously take care of Edmund, but she wouldn't know how to after years of experience like Peter.
"Pete…"
Peter looked into Edmund's face and saw the all too familiar look in his eyes. Quickly, Peter got up, grabbed Edmund by the shoulders, and steered him into the bathroom. Peter brushed the hair out of Edmund's eyes as his stomach heaved into the toilet.
When Edmund was finished Peter guided him back to the bed. "Stay there."
Peter rummaged through his bag and pulled out the bottles of pills. He walked over to Edmund with the glass of water he had taken from the bathroom. "Take this, and then change."
Edmund complied silently, while Peter pushed back the covers to his bead. Edmund crawled in, and Peter tucked him in. This made Edmund blush; Peter hadn't done this since he was six.
A few minutes later Edmund was almost asleep, while Peter unpacked. "Thanks…", came Edmund's sleepy voice.
Peter's head snapped up, "For what?"
"This," Edmund mumbled sleepily.
Peter knew "this" meant taking care of Edmund. He felt a pang of guilt that Edmund felt the need to thank him, and another pang when he realized that he probably hadn't noticed if Edmund was sick before.
"You don't have to thank me. This is what I'm supposed to do," Peter said firmly.
Edmund lifted his head, giving Peter an unreadable look.
8888
By Saturday afternoon Edmund was getting annoyed. He had been secretly loving being taken care of, because he'd spent the last year trying to convince himself he didn't need anybody, especially Peter. But at this rate, Peter wasn't taking care of him, he was coddling him in the worst way. He was practically hovering at Edmund's side like he was going to drop dead any minute from the bug he had caught. Every single movement had Peter asking him if he needed anything. He knew why Peter was doing this, he knew that Peter felt guilty about last year, but this had to stop. It wasn't doing either of them any good.
"Peter I'm fine, I'm just moving my leg, it was starting to fall asleep. You don't need to hover over me like that."
"I'm not hovering!"
"Yes you are! You know what you're doing? You're coddling me! And don't think I can't see through why you are more mother hen than usual!" Edmund cried exasperated.
Peter's face went blank. "Why do you think?" He asked flatly.
Edmund stared. He had been expecting Peter to retort a smart comment back, not such a blunt expression.
He pondered how to answer this question, and decided to be just as blunt. "You feel guilty about how you treated me for the past year. You feel like you screwed up in taking care of me after what happened with the Witch when I told you…" Edmund trailed off as the memory slammed into focus, but he quickly pushed it out. "So now you're trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'll be honest Peter, it's nice that you're taking care of me…but now you're just being plain annoying. I can't even blink without you having a near heart attack."
Peter hadn't missed what the "it's nice that you're taking care of me" meant. He felt another wave of guilt at the realization that Edmund didn't expect Peter to take care of him again, that he was just doing it because he felt guilty.
"Edmund, I'm sorry that-"
"Stop. You already said sorry, did you not? And did I not say I forgive you? I really do Peter."
"But I-"
"Shut up or the next time I have to puke I will make sure I do it on you."
Peter rolled his eyes. Trust Edmund to come up with such a threat. "It won't be anything new, Ed. As I recall you've graced with me with your stomach contents many times."
Edmund smirked. "Yes, but that was an accident. This time it will be on purpose."
Peter rolled his eyes again, and picked up a book off the floor. "You need to let it go, Peter. You need to learn to forgive yourself."
Peter froze, but then felt an irrational wave of anger course through him as he straightened and turned to his bed ridden brother. "Stop trying to act like you know how I'm feeling! You don't know anything! And it's not that simple."
Edmund looked at him coldly. "Oh, no, I've never felt a guilt so unbearable it eats at you every single second. I've never known a guilt that makes you believe you shouldn't be alive. Of course I haven't. I only just practically got my family killed, only sold you to a Witch, only betrayed you. But no biggie, didn't affect me at all because I'm a heartless bastard," he spat.
Edmund watched Peter's face contort into blank shock. He instantly felt bad for being so mean, that wasn't what Peter needed. But it had slipped out, anger had bubbled up. An anger that he had suppressed for a while, even though he knew deep down he truly had forgiven Peter.
When Peter didn't seem to be able to come up with a response Edmund spoke again, this time in a much softer tone. "I get it, Peter. And I know better than anybody that it's not simple. It takes time. It takes worth. And it hurts. But I'm not letting you go down the path I did; I don't want that for you." Edmund's face darkened.
"Ed," Peter said softly, moving to sit at the end of the bed.
"What-what I'm trying to say is that if you want to talk about, I um, I'm here." Edmund finished awkwardly.
Peter nodded. "I don't want to talk about what I've done in Narnia just now. I think I need to talk about something else much more important, but it's related."
Edmund eyed him warily. "Alright, I'm listening."
"Alright. Remember the duel with Miraz?"
Edmund's face darkened again, and he looked away. "How could I not?" He whispered.
"It's later now," Peter said simply, knowing his brother would know what he meant.
"Don't," Edmund said shortly and turned to face the wall.
"I need to," Peter whispered.
Edmund turned around to see tears in Peter's eyes. He stayed silent. Peter took the silence as a sign to continue, and took a shaky breath.
"I hurt you more than you're letting on."
Edmund glanced at Peter, and then looked away. "Yeah, you did," he agreed softly.
"I'm sorry."
"Why? It's not like either of us were in the greatest state of mind."
"Because…because that's justification, and-"
But Edmund cut him off. "'What's done is, is done. There is no need to speak about what is past'" he quoted. Then he pulled the blanket over his head in attempt to end the conversation.
Peter sighed, Edmund always ran from conversations like this. It made him uncomfortable. Pulling the blanket off of his head, the older boy said, "Please just let me finish."
Edmund crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine."
"Thank you," Peter said. "You've always been the better man, you know. You probably don't believe that. You don't believe a lot of the good things anyone says about you. I really wish you did, Edmund. But anyway, you are always there for me even when I've hurt you, and angry with me. You just stand next to me, and do whatever you have to for me when I won't even give you the time of day. That's what I wanted to say during the duel. You will always be better than me."
By the end of Peter's monologue, Edmund's mouth was hanging open. "M-me? Better than…you? Are you bloody insane? You've always been better than me. You're practically perfect."
Peter smiled sadly. "Not really. Or have you forgotten the last few days?"
"I did say practically."
"Yes, you did."
Edmund rolled his eyes. Peter studied him for a minute before he finally asked, "Why is it so hard for you to believe that you're actually an amazing person?"
Edmund looked at the ceiling, and mumbled, "I'm a traitor, Peter. Not good enough."
"Oh Edmund…"
"Why is it so hard for you to accept that no matter how you've been acting that I will always be there? Why can't you just take it for what it is without over analyzing it? I love you. It's what I'm supposed to do," Edmund snapped cutting him off.
It was Peter's turn to stare open mouthed, finally collecting himself. "Because I'm supposed to do that for you, and I didn't. You needed me, and I wasn't there. But you were."
"You're being ridiculous. I-I…don't need anyone."
"No. You're being ridiculous. You're also lying. You need someone. You need me."
Edmund huffed, "And?"
"And there's no need to be so offensive about it. You drop all pretenses around me. You don't have to put them back up because you don't think I'll be there anymore. You're wrong. From now I'm always going to be there, whether you want me or not. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I left you to clean up my messes, but I didn't help with your's. I'm just…sorry."
Edmund didn't say anything, and Peter moved to get off the bed. But before he is off the bed completely, Edmund's feverish hand grabbed his wrist.
"Thanks," he said softly, looking into Peter's eyes.
Peter smiles at him, but the moment is ruined by another coughing fit. Peter sat back down on the bed, and began gently patting Edmund's back. Edmund leaned forward and rested his head on Peter's chest.
"Now stop coddling me. Just take care of me."