Kurt bamfed into his room and let himself fall bonelessly onto his bed. He barried his face into a pillow and willed himself not to cry. If he cried, she won. She was probably lying anyway a corner of his mind insisted.
But part of him knew it was the truth. Actually, even thought he hated to admit it, they sort of looked alike; same sharp features, same color, and he definitely had her eyes, minus the seething hatred and touch of insanity of course.
A tear squeezed itself through his tightly shut eyes. This isn't working. I need a distraction. I need to forget.
He reached for his CD player and, cranking the volume, hit random play. But instead of the light chords of a Beatles song, his ears were net with the slightly discordant duet of two heavily reverbed guitars.
He blinked, momentarily distracted. Vas…Oh ja, Rouge borrowed it during lunch, must be her CD. He continued to listen, hoping that listening to an unfamiliar song would keep his thoughts away from the events of the day.
But as the song began in urnest, the sad melody only brought a sharper edge to the pain and betrayal he had been trying to ignore.
~Think I know the answer,
stumbled on and all the world
fell down~
He had been abandoned, unwanted and unloved because of the way he looked.
He had always held that as the reason for his abandonment. But Mystique was like him, a mutant. Was he hideous enough so the even, with her for a mother, she could not find it in her heart to love him.
If she even knew how to love at all.
~All the sky went solid,
cracked like glass and slowly
tumbled to the ground.~
When he had been especially lonely or depressed, he had used to daydream about what his parents had been like. He used to pretend that some force had taken him away, that his mother was a kind woman who had not wanted to give him up.
But he could no longer have that daydream. It would forever be poisoned by the reality of what his mother truly was.
~They say if you look hard,
you'll find your way back home.~
Kurt put his hands over his ears, trying to block out the words, but he only succeeded in pinning the headphones tighter against his ears, making the painful music that much louder.
~Born without a friend
and bound to die alone.~
As he fought to control his emotions he lost the battle with his tears. Curling up on his side he let them soak into his pillow.
~I'm thinking on your habits,
lying long across the loss
I've found.~
He had tried for as long as he could remember not to believe what others had said about him. He wasn't a demon, he wasn't cursed.
But Mystique, she was evil. She didn't care about anyone and would do anything to get what she wanted.
But if she was evil then shouldn't her child be evil as well?
~And on the plus and minus,
zero chance of ever
turning this around.~
If he looked at it a certain way it didn't even seem that bad. He had answers. He didn't have to wonder anymore.
His mother had never wanted him; she had tried to kill him. He truly was unloved and unwanted, the spawn of a hate filled and evil creature.
He knew that now. There was no way he would ever be able to forget.
~Why doesn't anyone believe
in loneliness.~
None of the others could know what this was like. There was no one he could talk to who would understand. Just like always, he was the outcast. The others were friendly enough but he knew that he frightened them. It did look like it anymore, but he felt as alone at the instatute as he had when he had been on his own. He would always be alone.
~They say if you look hard,
you'll find your way back home
born without a friend
and bound to die alone.~