A/N: I originally set out to write a short, crackalicious one-shot, but I soon realized that Bones!crack is addictive, so there will be more. Therefore, I'm turning this into my little collection of crack!fics - short(ish) standalone stories that are on the humorous, wacky, or sometimes just plain weird side. Basically, anything goes here, and nothing is meant to be taken too seriously ;-)

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During the time when we were all speculating about the promo for the upcoming episode 6x13 (The Daredevil in the Mold), Huronia posited the following scenario: Sweets and Booth get completely wasted and Sweets spends all night touting Daisy's many attributes. Booth, in his drunken stupor, says "hey, she's got long dark hair and she wants to be a forensic anthropologist. close enough" and proposed to Daisy, who promptly accepts, and shatters every window within a block while accepting. This is why Booth looks sad in the promo. He can't believe what he just did.

I just had to do something with that...

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The Hitch in the Hangover

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Booth leans heavily against the bridge railing, cradles his pounding head in his hands and seriously considers jumping. What the hell happened last night, and more importantly, how is he going to get out of it (apart from the jumping option, which begins to look more appealing by the minute)?

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He has no idea how many shots of tequila he's had at this point – he knows tequila always, always means trouble, but tonight, he can't bring himself to care. Sweets mumbles something about not wanting to end up like him, and he tries to act offended, but deep down he knows the kid is right because fuck, his life is a big stinking mess and he's sick of it. So he tells Sweets that he'll buy a ring tomorrow just to shut him up, just so he can go back to watching the room spin in peace, but it's no good, because Sweets prattles on, about how wonderful Daisy is, and how smart and pretty and clever and witty and whatnot, and how she's going to be the world's greatest anthropologist besides Dr. Brennan (the last bit is added hastily after Booth throws him a look, because even drunk Sweets knows not to tempt fate too much), and Booth clutches his shotglass with both hands and thinks, who knows, maybe the kid even has a point, because even if she's not the real deal, she's got long dark hair and she wants to be a forensic anthropologist, and maybe that's close enough.

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He doesn't remember much after that – just that at some point, the door opened and one very pissed off Daisy marched into the bar, gave Sweets a shove that pushed the kid right off his barstool, and reminded him that he'd been supposed to pick her up for their date two hours ago and that she was sick of being stood up and given mixed messages and having engagement rings taken from her even after they'd been through her digestive tract, and the last bit sounded so much like something another forensic anthropologist might say that Booth looked up from his tequila, gave her a smoldering look that turned out only slightly cross-eyed, and asked her, "Hey, Daisy, wanna get married?"

"To this? No thanks, I saw the error of my ways in the nick of time." She gave Sweets' prone form a small, disgusted kick and turned her nose up in such a Brennan gesture that he thought it would stop his heart, but instead it made him open his mouth and say, "Nah, not to him, to me."

That's where his memory of that night ends – the only thing he still recalls after that line is some kind of ear-piercing screech that probably made the windows crack, but apart from that – nothing.

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But now he's standing here with the mother of all hangovers, a text from Sweets on his phone that reads 4Q, another one from Daisy he doesn't even understand because of all the !11!1!ing, and a message from Brennan on his voicemail that tells him in a cheerful tone that she's happy for him, that she'll take Hannah on a trip to some Aztec excavations in Mexico to help her with an anthropological study on the benefits of human sacrifice that she's wanted to do ever since she first met Hannah, and that she'll invite him and Daisy too in case her initial study proves successful.

Booth stares into the dark, rushing water, thinks of 'everything happens eventually' and realizes, in the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum, that he does hate being right all the time.