Unwell

by Jaketteable

On the first day of the year's one and only rainy season, King Damas stops and starts to ponder about his past and how he lost everything.

I'm sitting in silence here on the edge of my king-sized silk bed, staring blankly through a large window placed in front of me. The room is dimly lit and from the highest tower of this handmade castle I can easily see down to the city of stone and wood and to the usually deserted streets where the townsmen are now standing under the pouring rain and both laughing and crying, shouting and praying and overall showing their humble gratitude up to the nightly sky and to the mighty Precursors above, the cold water soaking them to the bone.

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

It is the first day of the year's one and only rainy season here in the middle of this great Wasteland and although it brings us the rare promise of good times for the cattle and the plantations, I just simply find myself not giving a damn. You see, it also happens to be the very first anniversary of that Mar-forsaken day when I lost everything.

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

My home, my wife, my only son... I lost them all. And only because of my terrible mistake of laying my trust on that goddamned bastard of a best friend.

A best friend called Baron Praxis.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be... me

He broke my family, robbed my legacy, claimed my kingdom and no doubt with a rather large sum of money, bribed the people in the highest ranks to stab me in the back and send me and my only true followers to die in this eternal land of dust and wind. He destroyed everything that I once held dear and close to my heart.

I'm talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I've lost my mind

Sometimes I can still hear the love of my life screaming my name with her last dying breath as she is shamefully executed right onto the doorsteps of what used to be our lovely palace back then, and the desperate cries of our little son Mar as he is brutally taken away from the warmth of his mother's arms only seconds before the shot...

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Suddenly my mind snaps out of the display of those horrible memories as I hear the rattling noise of a metal door opening and closing behind me.

Without bothering to take a look, I still know the name and shape of my intruder - to tell you the truth, I have been waiting for the arrival of my own personal spy for the better part of the night. Even with my back turned to him, I can sense the black man shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another, not daring to do nor say anything as the tension in the small space is slowly building.

I've been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

And I am the one to finally break this unbearable silence, asking a question to which I already know the answer.

"Did you find him?"

"I'm sorry, Damas..."

"... I see."

And that is all what there is to it - no more words are needed to tell me that one of my oldest friends and finest warriors has once again failed at the attempt of finding this person I last sent him searching for no less than a month ago - and countless times before that.

I'm not angry at him, though. Perhaps a little dissappointed at the moment, but of course, now that I'm being honest with myself, I never even believed in the possibility of finding the true heir to the thrones of these two cities, of Spargus and Haven.

That would be a dream-come-true and I have given up dreaming a long time ago.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

"They are waiting for you, you know."

"I know that, Sig, don't I?"

"Then what's keeping you?"

God only knows for how many times during this particular night have I glanced down to those rejoicing faces of my citizens, of women and men, children and elder, shining up in delight... And I do it again, though this time with a sigh as heavy as a sin escaping my lips.

I know that these lost souls, the former population of the Big Smoke, are all expecting to see their king again, to hear me speak words of wisdom and to thank our Makers in these few merciful days - to assure them that everything is going to be okay in the end. But how can I fulfill my duties as a respectable leader when a part of my own body and soul is still missing somewhere in the winds of the world?

Suddenly I feel a hand slightly bigger than mine grasping my soulder in a friendly manner.

"I'll find him. I'll find your son. I won't give up until your people will be able to see your smiling face again."

"... Is that a promise?"

"Yes, Damas, it is."

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

I'm just a little unwell

And finally, I step out to meet the people who I know tho share my destiny, with a single tear running down my cheek and my pity and compassion spread out onto my face for everyone to see.