All Is Silence
by
Osiris-Ra
All is silence ... Then the true horror of existence ...
Daniel awakens - his head is throbbing. Several hard blinks don't put the puzzle together. Something's not right. It hasn't been right for a very long time.
It all began when he first laid hands on the StarGate. This had been an epiphany in his life. A smoking gun that was pointed in his direction. It had seemed for the longest he had waited for it to fire - But the gun never fired. It was always indistinct - vague. It was later along the way after he met Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Sha're then he realized that in the vaugness was the answer - his muse. There was something in it especially for him ...
Later at the SGC ...
Daniel wandered along the halls of the SGC, wringing his hands behind his back. He stopped, suddenly aware of what he was doing. He looked at his hands. Why did he do that? He had no particular reason to be worried. He ran through the day's chores in his mind, trying to find something - anything wrong. He'd washed the dishes - taken out the trash - turned off the stove ... yet - somehow - something was missing.
"Daniel?"
Jack's voice broke Daniel out of his box of thought. Jack was staring at him in his puzzled, worried fashion.
"You okay Daniel?"
"Um - yeah, fine. Fine, Jack."
Jack wasn't buying it. Damn him. Why'd he always have to be so suspicious?
"You sure? You look like you could use a break."
"I'm fine Jack."
Daniel spoke rather curtly as he walked off. Jack looked after him. There had been something funny about Daniel lately. He kept .. Forgetting things.
Later in the infirmary ...
Janet was pointing a penlight in Daniel's eye. She flicked it off – Daniel blinked a few times – She stood back and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Can't find anything wrong with you. Good news is, you're not a Goa'uld. (There was a tinge of humor there) Your blood pressure's a bit high but other than that ..."
Daniel looked a bit alarmed, not physically but like something was eating away slowly at him.
"Daniel?" Her voice rang the same puzzled worry as Jacks - only in a doctor-ly way.
"Huh?" Daniel said, looking up suddenly. "Yeah - um ... Thanks Janet." He said, sliding off the table.
"Wait, Daniel, what's wrong? Hmm? You don't seem yourself."
"I'm fine Doc. Really. Thanks."
He started out of the infirmary.
"Would you like to see the on base psychiatrist?"
Daniel stopped – turned and looked at her. Why would she say that?
"Why would you ask that?"
"I know going off world can have a strain on you - mentally as well as physically. I really think you should check him out."
"Why, huh? Why? What - you - you think I'm nuts or something? Huh?
"Daniel, I'm just saying -"
"I'm not crazy!"
Daniel stormed out. Janet was taken aback. Now she was really worried ...
Later in the cafeteria ...
Daniel stood in line in the cafeteria, staring a glob of green stuff – a sign said it was Spinach Pasta – where the heck was the pasta?
Sam come up behind him and spooned some on her tray.
"Hi Daniel. What's up?"
She's too cheerful - he suddenly thought - always so damn cheerful ...
"Fine."He said absent-mindedly.
He moved along in line and took a slice of coconut cream pie..
"You busy today?" She said in her jovial conversational tone." I've been drowning myself in work. Atwo hundred and seventy fivepage documentation on the design of the Alkesh - I know it's not new but I'm just really excited about thinking that we could try at designing another vehicle capable of space travel - a prototype for a transportation vessel this time around - and incorporate Alkesh design into it. It's really fascinating. I mean, it could totally cut the costs of regular transportation nowadays. No more oil spills, no more plane crashes... there is the confidentiality problem of course but that's easy enough to get by, I suppose. It's amazing to think that one day instead of hopping on a plane or greyhound bus we could just step into a ring circle and get literally 'beamed up' to wherever -
"Sam, do you ever shut up?"
Sam's mouth closed slowly. That was surprising - stung a little ...
"I'm sorry?"
Daniel moved on through the line, picking up a Pepsi on his way.
Sam filled up her tray and followed him.
Daniel sat down at an empty table and started picking at his mashed potatoes and macaroni.
Sam slid down in a seat in front of him. Her cheerful face was now crinkled in worried puzzlement at her friend's behavior.
"So um... what, do I annoy you now?"
"No Sam - I'm sorry, okay? I - I don't know what the hell's happening to me, that's all."
"Well, at least let me try to help ... you wanna talk about it?
"Honestly? No."
He cracked open his Pepsi.
"I know what you're going to say," Daniel went on," Daniel, go to the doctor, Daniel, see a shrink, Daniel stop using so much cologne, it's clouding your nasal passages, you can't breath, that's why you're so cranky ..."
Sam stifled a grin. "No, that - that's really not what I was thinking at all."
"Oh," he began snidely, "well what was it, then?"
"Well I - I actually was sort of in a way kind of leaning towards .."
"See the shrink?"
"Kinda."
"Never." He picked at a piece of cornbread. He felt suddenly that inside something was snapping, tearing loose, scraping across his mind like nails on a chalk board ...
(Flash - Three bright lights – Daniel staring at them – terrified – something round whizzes past –)
"Daniel," Sam continued, "we've all been seeing it. You're acting different. You're distant, you act like everyone's a royal pain in the ass. You don't listen - much like you're not listening to me now ... Daniel?"
His eyes were focused on the cornbread. The round piece of cornbread ... a perfectly round anomaly ... round ... round ... round ... Sam's voice bleeding in ...
"Daniel? Daniel? Daniel!"
"Shut up!" He roared as he leapt from his seat and flung his tray across the table.
"Just shut the hell up!"
His wild eyes scanned the room of staring airmen – Sam rising, taking control - noone could take control now - something else was in control.
"Daniel, I want you to calm down." She slowly reached out a hand.
"I'm not gonna hurt you Daniel -"
He smacked her arm away.
"No! Leave me alone! All of you! Leave me alone!" He backed out of the cafeteria and his footsteps were heard running down the hall. Sam ran after him.
Daniel was storming now, like a high tide crashing against the rocks on a dark cloudy day ... he brushed past several airmen who acknowledged him and turned as he didn't. He continued down the long hall – right – left – straight – heading for the elevator. He pressed the button impatiently. The elevator door opened. Teal'c was in it. He came out.
"Daniel Jackson."
Daniel blew past him and slammed a finger on the close button. Sam was running down the hall.
"Teal'c! Stop him!"
Teal'c was just about to ram a thick strong arm through the elevator door but it closed... on Daniel as he glared back at both of them.
Teal'c and Sam looked at each other. What the hell was going on?
Later, in the park ...
Daniel was sitting on a park bench watching two kids playing with a frisbee. The kids kept flinging it between both of them, one to the other. Daniel marveled at the spinning motion ...
(Flash - a bright circular object flew at him in the dark, three extremely bright lights pulsated as –)
Daniel broke out of it. He shook it off - whoa, what was that? Then he remembered that vague feeling ... it was trying to come back - slowly slipping through the cracks. He then turned and realized a woman with medium length red hair and rather unimaginative dark clothing was sitting a few inches away from him on the bench. She was talking on her cell phone in a disturbed voice. All he caught was...
"...don't tell me that, Mulder. Mulder,stop being so damn cryptic and talk to me, what are yousaying ..."
He went back to looking at the two kids with the frisbee.
The woman wrapped up her conversation with a person who seemed to irritate her and hung up her cell phone Shesighed heavily. Daniel couldn't help but look back over at her. She was sort of nice looking, red hair, a tired face that seemed to have seen things she had no choice but to see. Her heavy dark overcoat resembled the type that, say, a government agent would wear. In that case, perhaps he should get as far away as possible from her before someone decides to start shooting. But she looked so ... disturbed, unhappy and confused with the world. She looked, he thought, like she felt a lot like he was feeling right now..
"Bad day?"
He couldn't seem to control the words as they spilled from his mouth. She shot a sudden acknowledging glance at him with intense blue eyes as if she hadn't noticed he had been sitting there.
"...Yeah. You could say that," She said hesitantly.
"Yeah ..."Daniel said quickly. "Me too." he exhaled shortly. "Seems like my whole life been a bad day."
She looked at him again. Who was he and why was he talking to her?
"Uh huh... seems that way sometimes." She went back to scanning the park sidewalk .. She was waiting for someone.
Daniel suddenly leaned forward and clasped his hands conversationally.
"Does it ever seem like sometimes ... there's just something ... missing?"
She looked at him shiftily - Daniel noticed how when her eyes met his, they just kind of stayed there, looking through him, almost.
"Sometimes, I suppose. I guess at times the world can seem almost –"
"Like it's conspiring against you?"
She looked at him suddenly.
"Yeah."
"You know what they call that right?" Daniel smiled.
She half smiled - half winced.
"Well, the popular term is conspiracy theorist."
Daniel laughed. "Yeah. Exactly what I mean. But in my case ... see, I have a somewhat unusual occupation and well, it's not usual for me to feel like this. It's ... I haven't been remembering a lot nowadays. In fact I - I can't seem to remember the whole of last night two days ago. But I dunno ..."
"There is a condition where people suffer from short term memory loss."
Daniel smiled again. "No, I - I don't think it's quite that. It is coming back a little bit ... I don't know if I can explain exactly ... it's like ..."
Something's dawning on you?" She had turned in his direction, put an arm over the bench - she looked interested. "You're realizing something you don't or didn't want to believe?"
Daniel was surprised at how much this stranger thought like him.
"Yeah. You could say that."
They looked at each other for awhile. Her cell phone rang.
"Oops. Gotta get this."
She turned again and picked up her cell. She began talking again in that alert, disturbed tone. Daniel watched her. He thought he caught a glimpse of a gun handle from her slightly pulled back coat - but that could just be in his imagination. After awhile she hung up. She turned to him while she tucked her phone back in her inner coat pocket. It was then that Daniel clearly saw the gun - and her badge.
"Well, I gotta go. It was nice talking with you ..."
"Jackson. Daniel Jackson."
He stuck out his hand for a handshake. She grasped his with a strong grip.
"Dana Scully."
"Nice meeting you too. I hope I didn't unload on you too much."
"No. It's good to get our problems out in the open."
"You're easy to talk to, I guess."
She chuckled shyly and smiled, she walked off.
Daniel looked back to those kids with the frisbee. Them and their parents were packing up to leave the park, heading to a large red van. Daniel rose. He too had to get going.
Later, in a psychiatric office in the SGC ...
Daniel was sitting in front of Dr. Richard Palmer, a greying man with a kindly demeanor and gentle prying voice. Daniel was in a state of hypnosis, his glasses off his face, his head downcast in a controlled trance.
Dr. Palmer leaned forward and began in his gentle voice.
"I want you think of a place where you felt the safest .. The most calm and at peace. You're going to go there whenever you feel scared or uncomfortable on our journey."
Daniel moved his head, his eyes in rapid REM, as he listened. He nodded slightly.
Dr. Palmer continued, " Now, we're going to go back to when your troubles first began... we're going to remember the time you lost and piece the puzzle back together."
(Flash - Daniel, Sam and Jack, at his house, drinking and playing Monopoly. Sam moves her piece to a certain square. Daniel laughs victoriously and takes ahold of his piece – he moves it – Square – by square – by square – by square...)
"I'm at my house. I'm playing a board game ... monopoly. Sam's winning."
(Flash - Daniel takes a long swig of beer.)
"I'm getting drunk. It's kind of a funny night."
"How is it funny?"
"Mmm ... I don't like this game ... I'm going outside..."
(Flash - Outside - the beach - Daniel's walking down it, hands in his pockets - turning around -)
"Jack's out here too ... he's ... Jack's doing something - he's ... digging."
"Why?"
Daniel sighed a little -
"I don't know. Maybe he just likes to dig."
(Flash - Jack walks up the hill, turns – looking at Daniel – walks over the hill and disappears on the other side – Daniel turns back to the beach.)
"What's he doing now?"
"Jack? Oh - he's gone now. Yeah - it's just me. I'm on the beach ... Old Bay ..."
(Flash - a beach - long sprawling beach – night time – gulls cawing overhead – three lights coming at Daniel in the sky – they just keep coming ...)
"What's Old Bay, Daniel?"
"Mmm .. The lighthouse behind my house. It's on the beach ... near a quarry."
"Is there anything important about Old Bay?"
He inhaled deeply in consideration...
"Maybe. I don't know yet."
"Okay then, let's go back to that safe place. That cozy, warm place that we talked about. Are you there?"
Daniel nodded.
"Good. Now we're going to your last most violent memory ... when you felt your world closing in on you, as you said."
(Flash - in the cafeteria, with Sam - The round cornbread ...)
Daniel spoke in a monotone hypnotized voice.
"It's round."
"What's round?"
"It's round ... it's ... "
"Concentrate on my voice, Daniel, what are you seeing?"
(Flash - the round anomaly with the lights - coming at Daniel! He's bracing – a shaft of light coming from the round anomaly encompasses him!)
"I'm seeing ... it's round ... "
Daniel was getting flustered, he winced as he spoke, trying desperately to claw the vagueness out – get to the marrow of his tortured subconscious.
"It's a ... ah ... it's a - it's a ship!"
(Flash - the long shaft of light ... Daniel's in it - trapped, unable to move - frozen! Looking up into the blinding light – totally helpless...)
Dr. Palmer continued softly. "What kind of ship?"
"It's uh ... I'm in a light, uh ... it's bright ...Uh, god ... uh ... round ... lights ... a big light ... like a - a lighthouse!"
(Flash - Daniel's standing on the beach – lighthouse lights swirling in the distance – Old Bay Lighthouse, it's old, vacated, but that light always shines without anyone to turn it on ... or off. Daniel's staring at it – He's back in the shaft of light! Over him ... an intricately designed mother ship.)
"They're going to take me! No! Please, no, stop!"
Beads of sweat drizzled down Daniel's forehead. Dr. Palmer's wise experienced eyes knew it was time to take him out of it.
"Alright Daniel, we're going to go back to that place that made you feel safe. Back to it now ..."
Daniel was struggling ... struggling with his memory, struggling, trying to understand what was going on - what had happened.
(Flash - Onboard now. It's incredibly dark. Can't see anything. Daniel's lying strapped on a table, naked, terrified ... a tall spindly figure stands over him ... Daniels looking on, completely helpless."Thor?")
"Thor?" Daniel repeated aloud.
"Thor? Who's Thor, Daniel? What are you seeing, Daniel?"
"It's uh ... it's a ... a - an alien."
"An alien?"
"It's not a - it's not Thor."
(Flash - The alien moves around the table Daniel is lying on. It doesn't seem to have any particular shape - no particular face ... It leans in close over him ... shape shifts into a cat. Jumps playfully onto his chest – his chest – bloodless letters in some kind of language are carved in it.)
"Kitten ... small kitten .."
"Tell me where you are Daniel."
"It's a bed ... a cot - on the ship ... the asga - the alien is ... it changed."
"Is there anyone else with you?"
"He's saying something."
(Flash - The kitten licks Daniel on the mouth. Daniel's looking around – a ring of the aliens has formed around him. Their eyes glow in the dark.)
Dr. Palmer checked his watch - it was almost lunch.
"Okay, Daniel ... we're going to leave together, okay Daniel? I'm taking you out. Daniel?"
"Evindeo ... Ptah evindeo quos ... Saree lotah evindeo quos ... Nu ani anqueetus ... Furling ... ani .. Nu."
Dr. Palmer frowned. Daniel's eyes opened.
Later at Daniel's home...
Daniel was sitting in his living room. He was contemplating everything that had happened to him the past few days. He was feeling better - impossibly, the shrink had helped. But not just the shrink. It was that woman - Scully. Who was she? Why did she know so much about his condition? He wished he could talk to her again, see her. But she was gone, and he'd probably never see her again. Daniel flicked on his television. It was on a news program. He leaned in, shocked at what he was looking at.
On screen, there was the reporter, a small woman with a raincoat on, microphone seemingly permanently glued to her hand, standing right on Old Bay Beach next to that old lighthouse. She was talking about the lighthouse light, referring to it as a "ghost light,' a light that seemed to turn on by itself with a light bulb that never seemed to run out. Behind her, surrounded by medical and police personnel, half buried in the beach was a body. The camera did a zoom shot and revealed it to be Daniel, half decomposed in obvious hues of blue and gree, lying in the sand. The body was naked and covered up to the torso in sand - but it was him. Daniel turned up the volume.
The newswoman reported in her pretentiously official voice:
".. No one has been able to identify the victim who was found this evening by beach pedestrians. The only clue to who he is and who he might've been is a strange tattoo on his chest - ( a close up of his chest) - in a cuneiform like alphabet. The body will later be transferred to government officials and translators to further the investigation. There is no clue to where this man came from or how he got here."
The camera moved closer to the body, and as it did, Daniel felt that the body, no matter how much it looked like him - was nothing more than some empty husk. The reporter cornered a familiar woman who was talking with a somewhat tall, good-looking, lanky man in a black coat. It was Scully. The reporter pulled her aside.
"Can you give us any information on this body or the cause of death?"
Scully looked confidentially into the camera. She wasn't about to say much. She said in her usual blase tone:
"Uh, as far as we can tell, this man died from drowning. It's quite possible he's been here for about a day, half a day."
"What about the marks on his chest?"
"Possibly scarring from being scraped against the rocks in the tide, we really can't tell you much until an autopsy has been performed."
"I understand you're with the federal government, is there anything at all you can tell us about this man, is he American? Is this all some attempt at illegally traveling to the states from some foreign country?"
"I really couldn't say."
As Scully and the tall man she seemed very close with walked away, Daniel felt suddenly very scared ... very alone.
(To Be Continued ...)