When we first met; Alpha Team with the mission of taking down the ELA, I wasn't sure who you were. I'd heard, of course, about the legendary Chris Redfield, the hero. You've always been well known. I was by your side that whole time, even when we met Ada. When the team fell, I was still there. I've been by your side this whole time.
You disappeared, and I missed you. I hunted for months and months, and then I found you. Drunk in a bar, bad mouthing a waitress. You weren't the legendary Chris Redfield; you were just a poor, upset man. You didn't remember anything, not even me. It hurt, but I managed to convince you to come back to the BSAA. I was by your side.
I thought I would be happy when you remembered, but the look on your face destroyed me. You looked so sad, so broken. But you kept on going, and so I followed, a step behind you the whole time. I was with you when the Iluzja first reared its ugly head, dragging our men off one by one. With each one that disappeared, I saw you breaking down even further. I was by your side when we killed it, but it was too late; you were already gone.
You were a shell; merely a vessel for the rage and anger and desire for revenge that consumed you. I tried my best to snap you out of it, Captain. I threatened to leave, and all you did was tell me to go, and deep down I could tell that you meant it. But I couldn't leave you. I stayed by your side as we hunted Ada.
When we finally found her, I could have sworn you were happy. Until Leon and that woman showed up and let her get away. I tried to stop her, Captain, I really did. You looked so upset when she made her escape. We chased her, but she was long gone. Part of me wondered if you'd ever be okay again, but it didn't really matter. I'd stay by your side no matter what.
My favourite memory might be the night we spend at the playground. You seemed happy, carefree. We took turns going down the slide, you rode the panda. We climbed to the top of the bars and we lay there, staring at the stars. We fell asleep there, and in hindsight, I suppose it's a miracle we weren't butchered in our sleep. We got lucky.
We finally cornered her, and you were ready to shoot. She talked, so damn much. I hate her voice; I hate everything about her. I hate how she was able to hurt you, how she was able to rip you apart without even trying. In the end, it wasn't either of us that killed that miserable bitch. I hated that. I wish it had been you, Captain. You deserved it.
When we went to disable the missile, you trusted me with that job. You have no idea how happy I was, Captain, that you trusted me with such a responsibility. As I did the groundwork, you covered me from the sky, and when that giant monstrosity hatched, you stopped it from killing me. You cared about me, you were by my side as much as I was by yours.
The moment we entered the underwater research facility, I had a bad feeling. But I pushed it far away, to the back of my mind. As long as you were by my side, everything would be okay.
We found Sherry and Jake, and then that thing hatched. Huge, with tentacles and no skin on its head; just a fully exposed skull. With our help, they escaped, and you promised me that we would too. I believed you, of course. You were my Captain, and your word was all I needed.
Running only worked for so long. We were cornered by that monster, with nowhere left to run. Fighting beside you, Captain, I didn't feel afraid. I know I should have but it was buried deep inside me, hidden under my will to keep you alive.
It grabbed me with one of those long, slick appendages. I was certain I felt my bones begin to break under the pressure. It hurt so much, Captain. But you shot it; you saved me. It hurled me across the room, and for the first time pain registered in my brain. Something was impaled in my back, and the pain was blinding.
When it grabbed you, Captain, I panicked. I saw the expression on your face, and I knew how much it hurt. I wasn't thinking properly, my only focus was saving you. That's when I saw it, lying on the ground a few feet away. The strain of the C-Virus I had taken from Ada. Time itself seemed to slow as I ripped myself from the wall, numb to the pain. I hate to admit it, Captain, but I hesitated. I didn't want to become like them, those monsters; but I had to save you.
The pain was almost instantaneous. It felt like my very being was being ripped apart and rearranged. As soon as it dulled I pushed myself from the ground, and followed my instincts. I'll never understand it, Captain, how I managed to channel electricity out of thin air; but maybe it's not worth dwelling on.
It was excruciating, but the pain seemed foreign. Disconnected. It dropped to the ground and stilled. You got up, and turned to look at me. I'll never forget the look on your face, Captain. In that single moment you looked shocked, horrified, scared, disgusted. But that all faded so quickly. The look on your face was almost sympathetic- as if you wanted to apologize to me for what I had done. I was by your side as we ran.
We ran and ran, but it caught up with us again. I think it was my fault- I felt so heavy, it burned to move my legs. All I did was slow you down. You would have escaped if you had just left me. But you didn't; you refused to leave my side. Somewhere in my cold, fragmented heart, I felt warm.
It was finally dead, thanks to you. You pulled me along, and we finally found ourselves in the room of escape pods. When you sat me down, Captain, something occurred to me. I was a monster. There was no return for me; nothing would be able to save me. In that moment I decided that I would not go with you. I lifted my hand, and with all the strength I could muster, I ripped my badge from my arm. Part of me needed to stay with you, Captain. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
You pulled me up, and dragged me to the escape pod. And that's when I pushed you in. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to you, as you begged me to open the door. Even if I knew, I doubt I would have been able to say anything at all. I wish I could have been by your side, Captain; but I couldn't, not this time.
Your screams fell on deaf ears, I'm afraid. Nothing seemed to register in my head anymore. I wanted to cry; I wanted to cry and scream and open the door and come with you. I wanted everything to be okay. I wish I could have stayed by your side. I pressed the button, and you disappeared from my sight, swallowed up by the dark water.
Panic filled me as I saw that beast swim after the pod, gripping it and shaking it. I knew you would die. With the last of my strength, I sent a stream of electricity after it. Everything around me was electrocuted, the water only helping. It hurt so much, Captain, but I was glad. I had saved you; I would die a hero. Tears streamed from my eyes as the facility exploded around me. I was engulfed in an endless sea of torment, the electricity and the explosion only magnifying the pain from my condition.
At that moment everything caught up with me. Not just the endless pain ripping its way through my body- no. You were gone. You'd be at the surface by now, alone. I'm not up there by your side. I'm alone too, slowly sinking to the bottom. All I can taste is blood, and I'm certain that this is it. I never said goodbye I'm so sorry I wish I had. I wish I wasn't dying like this. I'm not a hero I'm a monster, this isn't a valiant death it's a horrific one.
I don't regret it, Captain. I'm still so glad I could save you. It's all I wanted. All I ask is that you think of me from time to time. Please don't forget about me, Chris. After all we've been through plea se don't forg et about m e.