Title: "Of Wisdom Teeth and Obi-Wan"
Author: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
Rating: PG I guess
Summary: humor (I hope), Pre-TPM, Obi is 18 and having his wisdom teeth pulled. Ouch !!!
Disclaimer: George owns Obi and Qui, I own Healer Marz.
Feedback: You know how much I depend on it. And you guys have given me some great ideas.
NOTES: Another Bant_Eerin inspired fic (the first being The Blue Banana), so this is for Bant and all you guys who have already had or who will eventually have your wisdom's pulled. Thanks for all the hugs Bant, but you can let go now.
"Of Wisdom Teeth and Obi-Wan"
(Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn sits next to the medi-ward bed that holds his 18 year old apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi. The young Jedi is prepared for surgery...to have his Wisdom Teeth removed)
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes, Padawan?
Obi: What's the point in all this? I mean why have these teeth if everyone ends up having them pulled ?
Qui: Force only knows my young apprentice. However, not everyone has them taken out. I still have all 4 of my wisdom teeth.
Obi: I hate this...you know how I react to anesthesia...it makes me throw up.
Qui: Yes, but for your sacrifice, you can have as much ice cream as you desire for the first couple days. How can you argue with that?
Obi: That's not the point master. Reeft had his out two years ago, and he's told me the stories.
Qui: Now padawan, Reeft's stories tend to be quite exaggerated at times. I would hardly base anything on the horror stories that I am sure he shared with you. And Obi-Wan, please don't whine. You are much to old for that and I do not believe that it befits a Jedi.
Obi: Exaggeration or not, I still hate this. And I am not whining master...(he paused, before whining again)...Can't it wait a week? The saber sparring tournament starts tomorrow? I've been training for this for a long time now.
Qui: Obi-Wan, you just found out about it 3 days ago and have been training for it since yesterday. Whining about it will get you nowhere.
Obi: It's not whining master. I am simply stating my case...my...objection to this procedure.
Qui: Well it cannot wait. Healer Marz has found two of them to be infected, if they are not pulled, you will face more serious problems, including more of the headaches and jaw pains you have been suffering from.
(Master Healer, Tuka Marz walks in, smiling.)
Marz: Okay Obi-Wan, nap time. Ready?
Obi: No.
Qui: Padawan!
Obi: Yes, I'm ready...I guess. (Qui-Gon gives him the 'look.')
Marz: Okay, you'll feel a tiny prick in your arm, and in a few minutes, you'll be sound asleep.
(Qui-Gon watched as his padawan tensed slightly.)
Qui: Relax Obi-Wan...just let your body relax...I will be here when you wake.
Obi: Okay, master...maybe when...I...can...go...watch...the...spar...ing...tourn....
Marz: And, he's out. Stuff works quick huh? I'll call you in a bit Qui. He'll be fine.
===========
(A few hours later in Recovery, Healer Marz hovers over Kenobi, in an attempt to bring him around.)
Marz: Obi-Wan !!! (snaps fingers) Wake up...come on Kenobi, time to wakey, wakey...wait,
I see the eyes...trying to...open...almost there...no, no...come on, almost...nope, closed again.
Obi !!! Wake up Obi !!! Rise and shine, you'll be going home soon.
(Obi-Wan was semi-aware of what was happening, but had absolutely no control of his head as it kept bobbing around on his just as useless neck. Not to mention that his eyes refused to stay open.)
Marz: I guess I can take a little pity on you, and move you to a more comfortable room. Qui-Gon is waiting to see you.
(Obi-Wan is moved into another room and transferred to a much softer bed. Qui-Gon is waiting in the chair.)
Qui: How is he Marz?
Marz: Wacky would be an appropriate word to use here. He's out of it, but trying to come around and re-join the land of the living. Everything looks good, he did very well. He'll be on antibiotics for a week to control the infection, but he shows nothing out of the ordinary. I am sure he'll have some nausea and vomiting...you know how he reacts to everything.
Qui: Can I stay with him?
Marz: Sure, and if you can bring him around, please do. The sooner he's awake and aware, the quicker he gets out of here. Call me if you need me.
Qui: Thanks.
(Qui-Gon turns his attention to his apprentice.)
Qui: Ooooobi-Waaaaaan !!! Can you hear me padawan?
Obi: mmmphf....
Qui: At least I know you're still alive.
(After a few minutes, Qui-Gon tried again. Claps his hands in front of the boy's face. The eyes were trying to focus.)
Qui: Padawan !! Wake up !!!...time to wake up...come on hamster cheeks!!!
Obi: mmmphf...op...it...
Qui: That was a sentence I believe, albeit one I did not understand...Come on Obi-Wan, open those eyes...keep them open...
(20 minutes later, Obi-Wan had finally come around enough to keep his eyes open, unfortunately, his neck and head still didn't work. He then realized that his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Qui-Gon adjusted the bed so it was sitting partially upright. Obi-Wan made a feeble attempt to sit up, only to be pushed back down by his master.)
Qui: No...lie down padawan, just relax for a bit, this feeling will wear off.
Obi: ...urts...
Qui: Sith, I forgot my interpreter.
Obi: ...aster...urts...
Qui: Ah, of course it hurts padawan, you just had surgery. And you have a mouth full of gauze.
Obi: uh...oodie...
Qui: Right, just lie still, don't try and talk.
(Obi-Wan reached for the mental link he shared with his master, finding it very confusing and painful.)
Obi: ...ant...ooze orf...
Qui: ...ant ooze orf (looking mightily confused)...OH !!! I got it! Can't use force. Not bad Qui, you can do this. Yes, Obi-wan, don't reach for our link, the healers have told me that the drug they used sometimes interferes with a Jedi's force ability. It'll only make your head hurt.
Obi: ...ow...u...ell...e.
Qui: Exactly what I was thinking. My, my, what a lovely drool you have going there my young apprentice. All the way down your chin. No, please, let me get that for you. (Wipes Obi's chin clean.) How's that?
Obi: huh?...ank...u...uh aster?
Qui: Yes, padawan?
Obi: oon...eel..ooh...ood.
(Qui-Gon furrows his brow in confusion. Then saw his apprentice begin grow very pale. He knew what was coming.)
Qui: NO, Padawan !! Wait...I'll get the...Ahh...never mind. (Obi pukes all over Qui-Gon.) That is disgusting
Obi-Wan...you couldn't wait for me to get the proper tools could you?
(Obi-Wan sat back against the pillow, panting and looking pitiful.)
Obi: orry...aster.
Qui: It's okay, it'll clean up. This is just your way of telling me that I stink, isn't it?
(He looks at Obi, changes the gauze pads in his mouth, and finally takes pity on him.)
Qui: Alright padawan, you rest for a bit. Close your eyes. I will go get a clean tunic and shall return shortly.
(On his way out, Jinn runs into Healer Marz who is wandering in to check on young Kenobi.)
Marz: Oh, Jinn, you stink. Have a slight problem with your apprentice?
Qui: You're quite the comedian aren't you Marz? I am going home to change. I'll be back.
Marz: Yeah, you do that...don't come back till you're clean and odorless. I'm trying to run a Medi-Ward here for crying out loud.
===================
(Later that day, Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan home with specific instructions that he was to stay in bed for the remainder of the day.)
Qui: You want a cup of tea Obi-Wan?
Obi: ...uh...
Qui: Okay, maybe not right now.
Obi: ...en..ca...I...ake...a...ause...ou...?
Qui: (Now beginning to understand the garbled speech patterns of his student.) The gauze must stay until the bleeding stops.
Obi: Oh.
(Door chime sounds, Qui-Gon opens it to see Bant standing there. She runs in and sits next to Obi's bed.)
Bant: Hi Obi...oh, Obi you look terrible. You look like a hamster.
Obi: (grunting)...anks...ant.
Bant: Eeewwww, Obi, you've got drool running down your chin...that's nasty...
(Qui-Gon moves in to wipe the drool away, then steps away again.)
Bant: Much better. Anyway Obi, the tournament is going great. Reeft and Garen and I are doing fantastic. I'm sorry you couldn't join us, It is so much fun. Listen Obi, I can't stay (Bant was beginning talk non-stop now.) But I wanted to bring you something...
(Opening the pouch she had brought along, Bant pulled out a strange looking blue object and held it to Obi's face.)
Bant: Here Obi...it's a blue banana...waaaaant suuuuuum???
(Obi attempted to yell.)
Obi: ...ANT..ET...OU...OW !!!
Bant: Obi, where are your manners, you know you shouldn't talk with your mouth full...it's so rude...
(Obi picks up the blue banana, makes a feeble attempt to launch it in Bant's direction as she giggles her way out the door. Qui-Gon approached the bed.)
Qui: Padawan, you keep the strangest company. I must know about this blue banana problem that Bant seems to have. Quite an infatuation.
(Obi rolls his eyes.)
========================
(The Next day, the bleeding had stopped, Obi was up and around, but still told to take it easy. He was sitting at the kitchen table, using his tongue to flick the stitches in the back of his mouth.)
Qui: What are you doing?
Obi: Huh? Oh, these stitches are annoying me. Are you sure they dissolve?
Qui: They do padawan, but not 24 hours after surgery. There is this thing called healing that must take place first.
Obi: How long do I have to eat this mush?
Qui: My soup is not mush padawan. I will admit that it's a little over cooked, but...
Obi: No offense master, but it's disgusting. I'd rather eat a blue banana.
Qui: I can arrange that.
Obi: Please, no.
Qui: Give it another day, and you can start back on regular food, but carefully.
Obi: You promised me all the ice cream I could eat.
Qui: I lied. Ice cream is no good for you. Makes you fat and you've been looking a bit pudgy lately.
Obi: Pudgy? Master, please. I am in peak physical shape. Now, you on the other hand...well...
Qui: Shall I threaten you with extra meditation for the next week?
Obi: NO !! I'll shut up now. Master, why didn't you have your wisdom teeth out when you
were younger?
Qui: I was one of the fortunate souls who was blessed with perfect teeth.
Obi: Right. (Fiddles with the stitches again with his tongue.)
Qui: Stop that !!
Obi: I can't help it. Why can't they just seal the holes with a laser or something. This seems so...primitive.
Qui: Because, my boy that would take all the fun away from us masters who so enjoy watching
our padawans suffer through this right of passage. Listening to them whine.
Obi: Remember master, revenge is sweet.
===================
(2 weeks later, Obi-Wan is back to normal. The stitches had dissolved, but he was stuck with 2 holes in the back of his mouth that were not there before. And of course, he begins playing with them with his tongue.)
Qui: Obi-Wan, what are you fiddling with now?
Obi: Master, there are 2 holes back there, behind my teeth. This is not normal. I need time to adjust.
Qui: Adjust? Padawan, it's a tooth, you are not growing a new leg.
Obi: Four teeth to be precise master. You just wait, your time is coming. I foresee something in your future that will bring me great joy.
Qui: And what would that be my Obi-Wan?
Obi: What, and ruin the surprise and my enjoyment at it's happening? You'll just have to wait and worry. It's out there.
================
(10 days later, Qui-Gon returned from the healers. He had gone to see about a constant throbbing headache that has been bothering him for the past few days.)
Obi; What did the healers say master?
Qui: (He flopped himself onto the couch.) It turns out that I need to...I need...
Obi: Yeah, spit it out. Come on !!!
Qui: Well, it seems that I must have....
Obi: Today, master...
Qui: You see, It, uh,...I...
Obi: WHAT!!!!
Qui: It seems that 2 of my wisdom teeth are infected and must be pulled.
(Obi-Wan lost it and started laughing so hard, he fell off the couch and started rolling around on the floor.)
Qui: I fail to see the humor in this padawan.
Obi: Oh....I ..don't...I guess what...they...say...is true...huh? (He laughs hysterically between breaths.)
Qui: What do they say?
Obi: What goes...around...comes ar...ound. Fair is...HA! ...fair. Ra...revenge...is sweet. I...I...told...you so. Never....HA! Never...laugh at your...at your...pada...wan!!!
Qui: I don't recall ever hearing that last one. That's an invention of that immature mind of yours.
Obi: oh..man...you're right, it is...but it's so true master. He who laughs at his padawan, shall be sought out for...revenge. This is going to be so much fun. Can I take pictures master?
Qui: No, you may not take pictures. But keep this up and you will end up scrubbing toilets with that ridiculous ponytail of yours. Remember whose in charge here my young apprentice. I am the master.
Obi: You resort to pulling rank on me? Master, how cruel is that? You cannot make me clean toilets with my head.
Qui: Ah ah...there will be no whining here padawan. I go in for this procedure tomorrow, and I expect you to be there to nurse maid me. Wipe the drool, help me to hold the cup to take a drink, change the gauze pads, clean up the, shall we say, side effects of the anesthesia...
Obi: That's disgusting.
Qui: Yes, it is. And you will be just be the happiest little apprentice in the temple. Won't you?
(By now, Obi's laughter was long gone, and he sat, looking pitiful once again.)
Obi: I guess so.
Qui: I don't believe that I heard you correctly?
Obi: Yes, master.
Qui: Ah, much better. Now who has the last laugh?
Obi: You're so mean sometimes. You take the fun out of everything.
Qui: Yes, one of the many benefits of being a Jedi Master. I get to take my frustrations and my revenge out on you. So, come along padawan, I have decided to take in several hours of meditation to prepare for my surgery. You shall join me.
(Qui-Gon smiled broadly as the joyful sounds of a padawan's whining followed him to the balcony.)
Qui: Yes, my Obi-Wan, revenge is sweet. Very sweet indeed.