We'd hung out together before, many times, but not alone. A totally platonic non-touching relationship was established, mostly because he never looked interested and I was not particularly experienced in boy-girl interactions of any kind. To me he was always too funny to be real but sometimes I got the sense that he was lonely although surrounded by swarms of friends. His show had just been renewed for a 6th season and mine for a 2nd. Us both being in the entertainment industry had mutual friends, so we all decided to go to Mexico for spring break to celebrate. I'd never understood the concept of spring break. Couldn't people just have a party and get totally wasted in the comfort of their own home. That way they could get wake up hung over to something familiar. Then again they probably didn't have a problem with change. Out of everything I feared most in my life, being burnt alive, being attacked by kanye at an award show, change was right up there. I liked familiarity but this year I was trying some new things because so far my life decisions hadn't really worked out so well. I was now 24 years old, alone and childless. But in my defense I had worked toward this goal that I was so ashamed of. Never having one night stands or any night stand, never drinking too much, never indulging with the infamous white powder and never ever allowing myself to feel the above normal level of compassion, sympathy or happiness.
So there I was, on a beach with Troy, in my newly purchased navy blue bikini covered of course by a long vest that made the trip due to consistent checking that it was present amongst my other 4 vests that would be worn the following 4 days. Both Troy and I were accompanied the previous night to Mexico by Natt and Alex who had already indulged with the local beauties and ditched us to go water skiing with them. So there I was, next to Troy also covered in a tropical shirt and board shorts, sunglasses and flip flops, laying on the beach wondering how can my life that's wanted by millions of twerking adolescence be so boring. Maybe I was just ungrateful, but how could I be. Its not like I was a child star or anything. I went to high school, finished my bachelor's degree, gave up a sure thing like graduate school, moved to New York, and without a blanket from my parents started a life of uncertainty.
On a beach in Mexico, in deep though and Troy next to me, suddenly I'm wondering if he's also thinking and if he's also bored with life or maybe just trying to get the best tan possible with his shirt on. I'm so done for the day, I want to have fun but if someone could just show me how, like maybe they have books for this. I look out and the beach is completely clear. Where are all the spring breakers? Have I been thinking that long and actually been here for 7 days. Normally I'd allow my brain cells to get carried about theories about inception but I grasp any self-control I have left, force my neck upwards, look around and realize that no inception has occurred. We're just at the hotel's private beach hence the lack of partiers. I usually think of myself as a highly intelligent person but if I allow myself to wait 5 minutes then there is usually an explanation awaiting me.
I get up and take 2 steps toward the water, then spin around and head for Troy. I hover over him for a minute and he's got shades on so he doesn't even know I'm blocking his light. I then proceed to take two fingers and push at his shoulder fat in an attempt for swimming company. Pissed off, he takes of his aviator ray bans and looks at me. I'm typically surprised when I disturb him and he doesn't go into a full on rage. He's quite fierce when it comes to expressing his emotions; maybe that's what makes him a TONY award-winning actor.
"What!" he says nonchalantly.
"Get up, you're boring me," I say.
"I didn't know I had that kind of effect on you," he says smugly. Oh, typical Troy. But deep down somewhere far away in Troy land I know there are brain democracy issues.
"Let's go in. We're at the beach and not using it properly," I say. "And take your shirt off."
"I 'll come in but you have to buy me dinner before any clothes are removed," Troy says, now sitting in an upright position, looking up at me. When he just looks at me, I sometimes feel like he's taking in my energy and that's really personal but I then quickly push these thoughts, good or bad, far away.
"Ha, just ask the hundreds of girls that were eyeing you at reception and could you maybe tell them to bring me some tacos," I say.
"I'm not taking my shirt off," he says in a more flat tone. Me not knowing when to read the signs push even harder. "Come on, we're in Mexico and there's no one here except me and you. Come on, let's go in, pleaseeeeeee please please please please," said in my most nagging tone.
Only once has Troy ever said no to me in the brief two years we've known each other and I vividly choose to forget that scenario. Mostly because it was the single most embarrassing moment of my life thus far.
Troy used to be chubby and when I say chubby I mean fat. Like funny kind of fat. Like if you were having a normal conversation with him, he'd be hilarious just because of his size. Yes, that's kind of mean but Troy didn't neglect this. He saw it as an opportunity. So he moved to California, got an agent and then was paid to be fat. At 18 fat was no longer funny and he had to dig deeper now for comedy, so he lost weight and switched TV shows. Being the oh so lovable person he is, he then has won four Tony Award's and one Emmy. So now at 5'7 and 150 pounds, alarming funny and jewishly handsome, he has the insecurities of a 14-year-old girl at homecoming.
"Why must I suffer because your shirt is glued to your back," I say without even thinking about it, then add " You're so self absorbed, why do you let her do this to you," I say, my hands then quickly covering my mouth as some sort of shield for my stupidity. I expect him to storm off. Who would blame him. Here I was bringing up his ex girlfriend of seven months, just because I didn't want to swim alone. It's what he does next those surprises me. He get up in one smooth motion, throws his shirt unto the lounge chair and starts walking toward the beach. I follow his actions, vest dropped to the floor and run behind him.
"Wait up! I'm sorry," I say, " I had no right."
We both enter into the water and the feeling of the waves against my toes is unreal. California beaches are usually amazing with a hint of freezing but this, oh my god this, its warm, clear blue, heaven and calm in a way that makes you feel to become a sailor just because you want to be in waters like this everyday.
I'm behind him and he quickly turns toward the sun on the left. He exhales in a tranquil way that is seen in yoga segments. I just stand there afraid to do anything or move or make him aware of my presence. "Thanks," he says shifting his head to me, "This is amazing and I was going to miss it because..." he stops there.
That's Troy for you. He never gets to personal. He's never the one to complain, he's satisfied and because he's so awesome, he obviously had to have the most demeaning ex in the universe. I'm not exaggerating for dramatic effect, I promise. She'd cheated on him like 3 times in the year they were an 'exclusive" couple and then blamed it on him, saying he was too busy and didn't have time for her. Like really bitch, what are you 16 and hormonal. Adults have conservation, they don't cheat. That wasn't the most shocking part though, after the cheating, lying and verbal abuse, it took six months for them to "mutually" break up.
He was now moving back and forth and had submerged his lower half in the water. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable. I haven't exactly had the most normal upbringing. For the first 20 years of my life I'd suffered with anxiety and that resulted with me never really speaking out loud, never wearing revealing clothes or never even hanging with friends because I would freak out and start hyperventilating. On my 21st birthed, alone and finishing up my biology assignment, I'd come to the conclusion not for my paper due but for my actions, I was a coward. I was no longer going to justify my actions with big medical terms when in fact I was really afraid of what others thought of me and quite frankly a tad too self absorbed to think that I was the only person out there people analyzed or thought about or gossiped about. The following years, I 'd adopted a so what and who cares attitude. If they were going to look at my huge Christmas sweaters being worn in February and snicker, SO WHAT! In class every person I'd sit next to, I'd immediately engage in conversation before my brain got involved and got the better of me.
Still in the water, I ducked and completely soaked my two pigtails, moved around a little and reemerged, ending up in very close proximity to Troy chest hair. Not looking away I made eye contact and avoid any reflex action to swim to shore, I observed the effect of UV light as it approached his retina. I saw little gold flickers and together with the hazel color of his eyes, it looked like a hazel nut truffle. Thinking about truffles was my cue to make some sort of comedic interjection. He didn't look away either and his warm breath against my dampened cheeks wasn't helping the intensity of the situation. I know I was not seeing correctly as his eyes travelled briefly to my lips for about two milliseconds.
"Are you excited for the 6th season? Have you guys started filming? Are you doing any other projects in the mean time?" I asked, which was then followed by his response, " Yes I am, No we haven't and No I'm not."
I just could help myself because I'd been wondering this for the past 3 months "Why'd you stay with her after she cheated on you?" I demanded in a tone I wasn't the most proud of. Troy not being the biggest Selena Gomez fan sang, " The heart wants what it wants." Laughter erupted and it took a few minutes on both our paths to recover.
He then continued, " She was just there you know, and being in an industry like this where you're surrounded by hundreds of people daily you can feel quite alone. I didn't really care that she cheated because when I was with her in those moments at night I'd think, I wonder what it going to be like when I find the woman of my dreams and we have a family. So knowing that I was with her and I was thinking of this, it was okay if she cheated because we were just keeping each others company."
"Oh,' was all I could gather. I really didn't know how to respond. We just sat there in silence for a while, him looking out at the ocean and me looking at him. How could I be so wrong about him? That just shows, looking in on others relationship and self-interpreting can be very misleading. I always thought of him as pathetic but this just showed that he was strong and contented and knew exactly what he was doing, whilst being judged by others. He then splashed me. I was in a daze and awaken to the reality that this was the real Troy and I hadn't quite made up my mind about real Troy.
'So what about you, you're probably quite a handful for the guys," he asked in a more intrigued way. "Don't you have a fella satisfying your every need."
"Oh, you mean like a sex slave, na, I believe in fair work for money," I said " I referee to a pimp."
I got a quite laughter form him and I don't know why I took pride in making him laugh, like I should receive a prize of some sort. "You're not serious with anyone?" he continued, "Because the tabloids seem to think otherwise."
I didn't know what was happening but before I could stop myself I was ranting, maybe because these people were actually allowed to make up stuff, put my name and picture on it, publish it and make huge profits and I wasn't even allowed a cut," I don't know where they get his nonsense from, I've only ever had one boyfriend and he broke up with me last year,' I shouted, " Plus, I don't go to parties mainly because no one invites me and never have I taken nude selfies." At that point I looked away out of shame for shouting at him. I was mad and didn't even know why.
And then he said, " WHAT?! You've only had one boyfriend? You're 24, how is that possible?" I then answered, "I didn't want to be distracted, I wanted to have a good time, no strings attached." He sort of looked at me funny and proceeded, " So were you two together a long time," slightly bowing his head as he said it. "Only 9 months and then he decided that I wasn't taking his life decisions to become a musician seriously and broke up with me," I responded.
"So did you? "he asked.
"Did I what?" I asked.
"Did you have the time of your life like you wanted by not being attached?" he asked.
Now feeling like my face was on fire and I really didn't want to lie about this because there was no need to I said, " To be honest, umm so like, he was the first person i had sex with and then he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I just wanted to get it over with but I didn't want him to think that I was a whore so I accepted," I continued sarcastically, " But that backfired quickly because he dumped me and left at least one sixth of my heart broken, but its all good because now I have money and fames which fixes everything.", ''You think I'm a shitty person?" I asked.
He looked at me quizzically for a while and then said," oh my god, you've only have sex with one guy your entire 24 years of existence, what the FUCK! How are you not in a museum somewhere."
"HA, HA , very funny, Olive's a loser, ha-ha, that's all you heard from what I just said." I fumed and proceeded to swim/stomp away. He quickly grabbed hold of me and pulled me back to face him. This was very abrupt and our chests collided. Our faces now inches apart, he said " I think its very bold of you to have had sex with one person and it takes will power to accomplish such doings." I knew he meant it in a comedic way but I felt kind of mocked and really wanted to get away. I tried to move apart but he kept me in place, "STOPP, let me go!" I begged and he kept laughing and pulling me back." If I knew that you were going to make fun of me, I'd never of told you, so typical, haha loser olive with her 1 boyfriend," I said. "Fine, It's not that," he said in a more solemn tone, " It's just that, like damn, you're just so pretty and funny and fun to be around, and how can you have had only one boyfriend, like what was wrong with all the guys in you class, I'd try every day to get closer to you, and make you mine."
Now he just looked at me. His grip softer on my waist and his expression more vulnerable than I've ever seen it. I couldn't help myself, there standing inches away from him, our bodies merged in water, me in my new navy blue bikini, him in his Hawaiian print board shorts, hands on waist, I just went for it. Not because I felt flattered or because I wanted to mess with him but purely because I felt like it. My legs felt like curving around his back, my hands felt like casing around his pale neck and my lips felt like engulfing his slightly chapped lips into mine. I was full on attacking him and it took him a few seconds to figure out what was happening but soon his body was in motion with mine, not quite in synch but still there in the moment. His hands reached for my butt to straddle him. He held me in place with one hand and was gripping my spine with the other. It was so hot, like Mexico kind of hot, like I was sweating in water for god's sake. Our kisses weren't romantic but more on the steamy and heavy side of things whilt panting was occurring simultaneously. There was an interjection where I heard his slur, "I can't believe this is happening," which was followed by me saying, "Me either." After which I licked his lip an then a groan escaped into my moth from his.
Right then my brain interjected, "What are you doing Olive? Do you want this Olive? Are you taking advantage of him?" then my brain commanded my legs to drop and I was now half way to the shore, at least 30 feet away from Troy. On approaching the shoreline, I gathered my thoughts and the realization of what had just happened allowed panic to wash over me. In the distance to the right of me, I could see Natt and Alex approaching with their reaping of young women and to the back of me, Troy was approaching. I didn't know this feeling, like I wanted to try what we just did again but my brain feel guilty for some reason.
Troy had a smirk expression on his face but it also looked like defeat and triumph. What was happening? Was I now the confused whore that jumped people t sea level?
I really needed to get my shit together.
"Why does Olive looked terrified and you look satisfied Troy," Alex asked. "Because I though I saw a shark, but it turned out to be a catfish after Troy pointed it out, you do know how he can be a smart ass," I stuttered.
"Anywho, Olive, Troy this is Amy and Ashley, they're going to be joining us for dinner tonight," Natt informed. I felt so happy that we had company, and less awkward silence for dinner.
"Great, are you guys here on spring break?" I asked. "Yea, we go to FSU and we're here with our sorority sisters for seven days," one of the leggy blondes answered. As Natt heard sorority sisters, an elated smile escaped unto his perfectly found face. Alex on the other hand was too busy checking out blonde number 2 boobs to care. "So can we meet in an hour for dinner, I'm starving and Amy's going to take us to a beach party near by after," Natt said.
"Cool, see you in an hour," I shouted as I walked away hurriedly making sure not to be followed by troy who was now looking at one of the blondes with that stupid toothy grin.
To be continued...