Welcome fellow HP fans to REVENGE OF THE PMSing WITCHES! Yes, the long awaited sequel is here, and no, it's not a dream! I really hope you're pleased with this. It's based more on the guys than on the girls, but full of the laughs that made you call me crazy the first time! It's kinda short, but I promise that if you liked the insanity of the first one, you'll like this one! But please, if I offend you in the story, please DO NOT take it personally; no offense was intended. If you happen to take offense despite what I have said, feel free to flame, all right? It always gets a chuckle out of me, and God knows I need it right now! Anyway, please enjoy the sequel to PMS!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, and I'm so sick of writing disclaimers it's not funny, so whatever, don't sue me.
Revenge of the PMSing Witches
Rated PG-13, because it's about the same level of comedy as the last one and everyone said it should've been PG-13 instead of PG. So. And, there is heavy cursing, but it's all censored, sort of, so you'll have to use your imaginations.
When we met last…They clambered inside [the boys' bathroom] and shut the door.
"They'll never find us in here…"
Harry whirled around in horror to see two men: Gilderoy Lockhart and Severus Snape, the two… um… special men we love to make fun of - both with very large bags of Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans.
"Oh no," moaned Harry. "They're PMSing too! But that's impossible! It's what my fifth grade teacher said! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
"I always thought there was something wrong about those two," murmured Dumbledore thoughtfully.
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Harry was yelling. "He said so… impossible… estrogen, PMS… impossible…" he muttered to himself.
"I'M SO CONFUSED!" said Ron.
"NO escape!" said Dumbledore.
"IMPOSSIBLE! HE SAID SO! ESTROGEN!"
"I'M SO CONFUSED!"
"NO ESCAPE!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The door slammed open, and Hermione, followed by nearly the entire female student body and staff, stormed in, all holding Every Flavor Beans in some way, shape, or form.
"I want my pink lip gloss back, Lockhart!" she screamed, pointing threateningly at him.
"Me too!" said Professor McGonagall, pointing her wand at Snape.
"Well we won't give them back!" they exclaimed in unison, and Harry was not surprised at the heavy lisp in their voices.
"What!? You dare defy the PMSing witches of Eastwick… er… I mean, Hogwarts!?"
"Yes!" they exclaimed, pouting and swinging their hips to one side.
"Fine! You shall pay the price for defying us!" McGonagall and Hermione shouted in unison. Dumbledore, Harry and Ron all grabbed each other and wept, fearing the wrath of the most powerful PMSing women in the world.
"ETTOGHAY OYBAY URSECAY!" the two women shouted together, and a red flash of light engulfed the whole of Hogwarts, and everything went dark.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Yo, what the f*** was that?" Harry said. However, the moment he said it, he clamped his hand over his mouth.
"Damn bro, you talkin' weird!" Ron replied, covering his mouth as well and staring at himself and at Harry in shock.
"Look at the way you dressed boy! You look freeeeaaaaaakay!" exclaimed Dumbledore, raising his eyes and dropping his jaw in a silent scream.
"What the hell be goin' on he-yah!" Harry cried, the somewhat civilized sentence he had intended to say coming out… well…
"Ghetto! We be Ghetto!" Dumbledore exclaimed, tears spilling from his eyes and down his cheeks.
"What the f*** is 'Ghetto?'" Harry asked, astonished at the filth that was pouring out of his own mouth.
"Dat be an American thang," Ron replied, with sorrow on his face. "And those friggin b****es cursed us wit' it."
"…"
"They made us Ghetto."
"…"
"WE GOTTA KICK THEM WITCHES' A**!"
"HELLZ YEAH!" all the men in the bathroom exclaimed, readying their weapons, which were merely their wands and…
"AHHHH! Damn, check out this gay-a** thing growin' on mah head!" Harry shouted, practically gagging after finally getting a glimpse at his reflection.
"Thass a blowout," Ron explained, pointing at the mass of gelled-up hair piled on Harry's head. "Dat gay curse musta made even your hair Ghetto."
"S***! I don't wanna be Ghetto! I wanna be NORMAL!" the green-eyed young man whined, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Don't worry, bro. We'll fig-yuh this crap out," Dumbledore said comfortingly, patting Harry on the back.
"Yo, don't touch me, fag!" A/N: He doesn't mean a cigarette, people… Harry exclaimed, slapping the headmaster's hand.
"Don't freak, man, I was juss tryin to be nice!" Dumbledore explained, backing away.
"Well, don't do it again, old man, or I'll beat the crap outta you!"
"Oh, you want summa this, dawg?"
"Come on, you friggin geezer! Less go, right now!"
"Shut up, you gay-a**es!" Ron finally shouted, coming in between the two. "We gotta get this s*** done, or we'll be ghetto forever!"
"You're right, Ron. Sorry, bro," Harry apologized, holding out his fist.
"'S aiight," Dumbledore answered, bumping his own fist on top of Harry's, then on bottom, then right in front. "You mah b****."
"Aiight, now anybody here wanna kick some a**?" Ron shouted, throwing his hand into the air.
"Hellz yes!" the other two replied, throwing their fists up as well.
"Less go!"
~*~*~
"That'll take care of them," Hermione said, satisfied, crossing her arms. "Now, let's go watch 'You've Got Mail!" she suggested, drawing a chorus of approval from the other girls.
They all hurried into the Great Hall, where, through the combined efforts of the Head PMSers, Hermione and McGonagall, a projector was magicked into existence, and the movie began playing.
They all watched, cracking up as Kathleen Kelly told the whole word that Joe Fox compared books to price club olive oil, and throwing popcorn at the screen as NY152 stood poor Kathleen up.
They were just getting to the part where Joe was bringing the sick Kathleen daisies, when the doors to the Great Hall opened, and three Ghetto men stepped in.
"You're ruining the best part!" Hermione screeched, the other witches chorusing their own dissent.
"We're here to crash your gay little sleep-over!" Harry shouted back, pointing his wand at Hermione.
"Ha! As if that'll happen!" McGonagall replied, and she and Hermione lifted their hands to the air, muttering invocations, then bringing them down to their chest, thrusting outward.
"STINKY TAMPON SURGE!!" they cried in unison, and thousands of full tampons rushed toward the three boys, exploding on impact.
"That all you got?" Ron asked, smirking and wiping himself off. "Well, you ain't nevah gonna beat us wit that gay s***! Come on, mah b****es!"
His two "b****es" grinned and began waving their hands through their blowouts, electricity sparking at the tips, until all their hairstyles resembled the mushroom clouds that were the side-effect of nuclear explosions. A/N: Ally, think "Charles!"
"NUCLEAR… HAIR… HELL!!!" they screamed at the tops of their lungs. Their hair flew off their heads, and blew up right in the Head PMSers' faces.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" the two cried, trying to ward off the hair explosions. "You're disrupting our flow! Our periods… are going… away! Our powers… are leaving us!!!"
"You'll pay! You'll pay! Just wait until next month! You'll see the Revenge of the PMSing Witches!!!!" they screamed, before everything again went black.
~*~*~
"Wha… what happened?" Harry moaned, rubbing his head.
"I don't know," said Hermione, rubbing her own head as well.
"I had the weirdest dream," Ron announced, shaking his head and shivering. "It was terrible…"
"I think I had the same one," voiced Harry. "But whatever it meant, I think it's over now," he said confidently.
"Thank God," all three chorused.
They didn't notice the strange smell that wafted in the air as Lavender and Parvati made their over to ask what was going on.
~*~*~
So, how'd you like it? Please review!!!!!!!!!!