Epilogue 19 years later: In which the good guys won bigger
Disclaimer : Anything and Everything under the Aegis of Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. No Copyright Intended, No Profit made or desired.
AN: Does anyone actually like the cannon ending? I didn't at so This AU, Crack, Parody, Satire happened.
Harry married Hermione. The kids are James Sirius, Remus Romeo, and Lily Luna Potter. Hermione became a Magical Species rights activist and lead a successful campaign for Minister of Magic the worlds first Muggleborn to do so. Harry Played pro Quidditch for 7 years before becoming the Hogwarts DADA teacher for the next 135 years. Harry would be know during his pro-career as the "Miracle Seeker" who would win England National 3 World cups in a row. The first and only ever "3peat" in Quidditch History.
Luna Lovegood. Would spend the next 15 years roaming the wilderness and often joining Harry and Hermione's martial bed for mind blowing sex. Till meeting a bloke named Rufus Scamander in Sweden. Luna would then go onto a successful career in the Muggle/Magical world in music known as "Lady Gaga". Which she did on a complete whim.
Ron Weasley. Would die a virgin at 42 of a heart attack while taking a shit. He weighed 337 pounds and never moved out of the burrow. Molly would then discover to her horror the Magical worlds largest ever recorded private collection of gay porn in Ron's room.
Lavender Brown. Would become the Magical world's first were-wolf inflicted Super Model for Witch Weekly and operate her own clothing line. Her book "Nothing will Were-me down" spent 73 weeks as Magical Worlds best seller. She later married a Incubus she meet in Rome.
Parvati Patil. Using a investment from Harry would open a Perfume research, development, and production company which operates in both Muggle and Magical worlds. She marries a male Veela and has 4 kids. Her sister Padma "Married her work" as a ICW unspeakable in Charms research.
Dean Thomas. Becomes a Muggle rights activist and Hermione's senior under secretary. On the sly Dean would become a male porn talent in the Muggle world known as "Mandingo".
Seamus Finnegan. Would go work his dream job in Demolition. He married the Hufflepuff Sally Anne-Perks. His son Conrad Finnegan would revolutionize Transfiguration by getting Water-to-Rum to actually work, at least to the student population of Hogwarts.
Nevile Longbottom. Would indeed become Herbology Master of Hogwarts, and Gryffindor Head of House eventually becoming Headmaster at 155 and stay till he's death at 212. He would marry Hanna Abbott and her lover Susan Bones and have 7kids between both wives. Nevile's Chocolate Frog card's image is of him slaying Nagini during the Battle of Hogwarts. His kids names are Franklin, Alice, Helga, Pomona, Amelia, Edgar, and Godric,
Ginny Weasley. Plays for the Hollyhead Harpy's for 22 years playing in 11 world cups and winning 4 across her career. She marries fellow Harpy team mate Demelza Robbins and with Hermione's blessing She and Demelza conceive 3 kids with Harry between them. Harry Arthur, Primrose, and Casandra Weasley-Robbins.
Fred and George Weasley. In typical Fashion for the twins would hold a simultaneous marriage to Katie Bell, Alicia Spinet, and Angelina Johnson. Exclaiming "What pick one?" and The wives would answer any questions about the unique marriage with "Hell I'am were not even sure which husband shagged who and in what order last-night" between the 3 wives no less than 17 kids where brought into the magical world.
The Fare and Just House of Weasley. Would become quite wealthy after the success of WWW, and Ginny's Qudditch career. Rather helpful was Minister. Shacklebolt ceding the LeStrange wealth after Molly claims "Right of Conquest".
Cho Chang. Would discover the secret of the Philosopher's Stone and after making one would move to her ancestral homeland of Korea. Where after a 2 year war is declared Warlord of Korea (Magical) and rather benignly reign for 717 years. She takes a Muggle man as consort.
Sirius Black. After Harry throws the Hallow Triumvirate into the Veil after the Battle of Hogwarts the Dogfather is returned to the living as a boon to Harry. He then marries Veela triplets and has 3 kids with each wife. Sirius uses the vast Black wealth to create a scholarship fund for Muggleborn students.
Remus and Tonks. Remus becomes a professional tutor for magical children between the ages of 3~10. Tonks became Mistress of Transfiguration and Hufflepuff Head of House. After Teddy they have twin daughters. the twins very first accidental magic at 18months turns them into wolf Animagus. This earns the twins there own page in Hogwarts, A History and Magical History of Britain.
Colin Creevey. Becomes a Magical world acclaimed author with his novel "The Insanity of Purity" his biography of his Hogwarts career and the Battle of Hogwarts. The beloved photographer builds a harem of 37 witches after being bitten by a female Vampire by the name of Seras.
Romilda Vane. Serves as Hogwarts Potion Mistress for 72 years. On the sly she made a habit of seducing male students who just happen to have black hair and green eyes. Though she was clever to stay the hell away from any Potter, Weasley, Black, and Longbottom.
Draco Malfoy. After marrying Astoria Greengrass he mellowed the hell out and took up the new position at Hogwarts of Professor of "Magical Society and Law" for 88 years. After Scorpius he has a daughter who he names Lacerta.
Daphne Greengrass. Married her lover Tracey Davis and went to Draco to sire her son. Who she named Ozymandias Greengrass-Davis.
Pansy Parkinson. Was killed 2 months after the Battle of Hogwarts along with Theodore Nott, and Blaise Zabini when they failed to steal wild Lethifold's from a cave they found in Greece.
Su Li. Invents the "Production Penseive" introducing the Movie business to the magical world. Her 1st movie production "The Wizard of Destiny" a bio-pic of Harry's life is a massive success due to it's "Brutal Honesty" of Harry's Hogwarts life, and the battle of Hogwarts. Much to Harry's chagrin Su Li would also adapt all 17 books of the "Harry Potter Adventure" series for children. into movies. Each a success across the ICW nations.
Mega Jones. Like her older sister enjoys a career as a Holyhead Harpy in the beater position. She would marry Justin Finch-Fletchley.
Zacharias Smith. When it's revealed he fled the Battle of Hogwarts like a coward, he is never heard of again in Magical Britain.
Gregory Goyle. After Inheriting the Crabbe, Parkinson, and Zabini estates threw convoluted succession laws declares himself "The Final Bastion of Purity" and married Milicent Blustrode. Goyle's political moment never amounts to more than a minor annoyance. He has 1 daughter with Milicent.
Cormac Mclaggen. Is killed at 23 by a enraged Muggle Husband after finding him with his wife, and wives sister in bed mid-coitus.
Moaning Myrtle. Hook's up with Mclaggen's ghost and finally learns to enjoy being a ghost. This is short "Lived" however as she finds peace and moved on to the next great adventure.
Arthur Weasley. Upon retiring from the Ministry took up the position as Muggle Studies Professor. Till his death at age 209.
Rita Skeeter. Would publish a 7 book "Harry Potter Adventure" Adult series. the series would be rated MA:17+ the 3rd book "Harry Potter, and the Succubus twins quivering quim" is considered the best and raunchiest of the series.
AN 2: Pretty much something I wrote in all about 10minutes, with the idea the good guys didn't get curb stomped, None of that bitter-sweet victory from the cannon ending. I tried to include as many Witches and Wizards as I could remember from Harry's Sorting Cohort and a few others. Gave Nevile a better ending because I can't help but like the guy. Susan Bones-Longbottom became the new History of Magic Professor. Added this a second before posting.