A/N: … I have no idea where this came from. It just popped into my head, and wouldn't leave until I wrote it. So I did. I didn't have enough material to finish the song, but I think the lyrics being there are important, so I just kept them in. I'll talk more about this after. I hope you like it… It kind of annoyed me a little in some parts, but overall it's okay, I think. Please review and tell me what you think! No flames, please. Enjoy. ~DracoMalfoy456~
"Draco? I'm going out again, alright?" I say as I fix my hair, nerves in my stomach.
"Where are you going love?" He asks, walking into the bedroom right as I finish my hair, and start on the makeup.
"Oh, nowhere special, just going out with Gin and Luna." I lie smoothly. I turn, and see his face fall slightly, before he puts on a smile I know is fake. My heart twists.
"Oh, alright love, have fun." He says, his smile faltering slightly. I put on my own fake smile, and walk over to kiss him gently on the cheek.
"I will."
~~Story of my life~~
~~Searching for the right~~
~~But it keeps avoiding me~~
~~Sorrow in my soul~~
~~Cause it seems that wrong~~
~~Really loves my company~~
I give him one last small, sad smile, before I walk out of our bedroom. As I leave, I catch his face in the mirror, and see his face in pain, and it kills me to know I'm the cause of this. I push down my pain, as I apparate to the hotel where I would be staying in for the night.
"Hello Miss Granger, same room as usual?" I hear the desk attendant ask, as I cringe lightly.
"Yes Alex, is he already here?"
"Yes Miss Granger, here's a key just in case." Alex says, smirking lightly as he hands me my key.
"Thank you." I mumble, taking the key, before turning to leave.
"Oh, and Miss Granger?" He says just as I turn, so I turn back to face him. His smirk widens. "You look very nice this evening."
I cringe visibly, as I nod, and leave to go find my room. I get there quickly, and enter.
As I enter, I silently wonder why the hell I was doing this. I hadn't meant for it to last this long, it was only supposed to be a short fling, one night only. That's how it started, but after a while, it just escalated, and it hurts more now to continue, than it is to just quit.
So why don't I? … I honestly don't know anymore…
I see him there, his dark locks hiding his brown eyes, a small smirk on his face.
"You look beautiful Hermione." I hear him say, as he gets up, and examines me up close, running his hands over my hips, bringing me closer to him. I shiver slightly. So maybe I did know why I didn't stop. The way he made me feel was unlike anything, it was exhilarating.
I met him at a night club a year ago. I had been drunk, and it had been a mistake, and I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. We kept running into each other, and the way he made me feel made me feel wanted, something I hadn't felt in a while with Draco. At the time, we had been fighting, and I only met with Andrew to hurt Draco, even if he didn't know at the time what I was doing.
But we resolved everything months ago, so why did I keep returning?
~~He's more than a man~~
~~And this is more than love~~
~~The reason that the sky is blue~~
~~The clouds are rolling in~~
~~Because I'm gone again~~
~~And to him I just can't be true~~
I knew I loved Draco, he was everything I'd ever wanted in a guy, but somehow it just wasn't enough… I wanted more.
"You look quite dashing yourself." I reply, squashing my thoughts down as he kisses me heatedly. My heart races and I let out a quiet moan.
I used to feel this way when I was with Draco, but now all I feel when I'm with him, is guilt.
"Thank you" He says with a chuckle against my lips.
His hand then lowers to unzip my dress, and watches as it pools around my ankles, leaving me exposed in only my knickers and bra. I shudder as his hungry gaze rakes over me. He steps closer to me, and starts kissing my neck, as I moan.
~~And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful~~
~~And it kills him inside~~
~~To know that I am happy with some other guy~~
~~I can see him dying~~
A few hours later, I step out of bed, shame on my face, as I dress quickly. I see his gaze on me, as the guilt starts seeping back in, and my heart starts breaking again. I think this is what self-loathing feels like. And it bloody hurts.
"Leaving so soon?" I hear him purr, as I lean down to put on my shoes. I cringe lightly.
"You know I have to leave, so he doesn't get more suspicious." I reply, ashamed.
"You know he already knows, so why don't you just stay?"
I look back at him, and see him leaning on his arm, looking up at me with an almost twisted grin. I shiver lightly.
"I don't want to confirm it for him." I mumble, picking up my bag, and taking out my wand, turning from him to leave.
I hear him sigh, and hear the bed squeak slightly, telling me he's getting up. A moment later, I feel his arms around my stomach and his breath on my neck.
"Don't you think it would be kinder just to confirm it for him, and not just leave him wondering?" He asks, kissing my neck. I push him off me, disgusted, at both myself and him.
I give him one last look of disgust, before I leave, walking to use the public restroom to hide the hickeys he gave me. I never did it in the hotel room's bathroom, as I never wanted to linger there for too long after what we did.
After I successfully hide all the bruises, and lovebites I got, I quickly leave the hotel, but not before an almost cheerful Alex bids me goodbye, his stupid smirk on his stupid face. I flush, and almost run to the apparition spot, before collecting myself, and forcing a smile on my face, so Draco wouldn't get more suspicious. But it didn't really matter, I guess, as I'm almost positive he knows where I go once, maybe twice a week.
I look up at the hotel one last time, cringing again as I remember why we had to come here, to this lousy hotel at the edge of town. A, it's out of the way, so it's unlikely Draco would catch us, and B, because the attendants won't tell reporters, and is a safe place to go to meet for affairs, as long as we pay well.
I take one last deep breath, as I hold out my wand, and turn to apparate away, my smile still on my face.
~~I don't wanna do this anymore~~
~~I don't wanna be the reason why~~
~~Every time I walk out the door~~
~~I see him die a little more inside.~~
I stumble slightly on my landing, steadying myself on the wall. I hear Draco walk in the room, and smile at him. He smiles weakly back at me.
"Hey love, how was your night out?" He asks weakly, walking up to kiss me lightly on the lips. I smile wider, while on the inside my heart is bursting.
"Oh, it was good. Ginny got pretty drunk, so that's why I'm a bit later than usual, I had to get her home." I lie.
His smile falters, as he looks down, hurt obvious in his eyes, and I wonder what I said wrong. He laughs humorlessly.
"That-that's funny, as I have a letter here from Ginny asking when she could meet you next." He says softly. I freeze, and look up at him, my eyes wide.
"But, that must have been a late letter, yes? She probably sent it yesterday, not remembering that you were meeting today." He says in the same soft voice, his eyes still cast down.
"Y-yeah, that must have been it." I manage to get out, even though it feels like my throat is collapsing inward.
"Yeah." He repeats in a whisper, looking up at me with sad eyes, which break my heart more. "Let's go to bed love, huh? I-it's been a busy day." He says, a false smile back on his face, as he leads me to our room.
~~I don't wanna hurt him anymore~~
~~I don't wanna take away his life~~
~~I don't wanna be...~~
~~A murderer~~
It was a month later, and here I was, outside the same hotel door. What the hell is the matter with me? Why can't I stay away? I can see how much this is killing Draco. Today, he didn't even bother pretending, and just told me to have fun with my friend in a sad and dejected voice. I almost didn't want to leave, but I did, and I still have no idea why.
The sex wasn't the reason, as Draco was just as good as Andrew, and it definitely wasn't because of Andrew's looks. I'm not saying he's ugly, but he would never have anything on the man I call my boyfriend. I take another deep breath, and enter the hotel room, meeting Andrew's hungry gaze with my own guilty one.
~~I feel it in the air~~
~~As I'm doing my hair~~
~~Preparing for another date~~
~~A kiss upon my cheek~~
~~As he reluctantly~~
~~Asks if I'm gonna be out late~~
"Love, are you going out again?" I hear Draco call to me from the living room as I zip up yet another dress.
"Yes love, it won't be too long though, just an hour or two." I call back.
I hear him enter the room, and I turn to meet him.
"Oh, well, I thought maybe we could go out tonight? We haven't been out on a date in a while, and I got us reservations at the LeGavroche. I recall you saying you liked this place." (A/N: I looked up the best English restaurants, and this was Number one, so… Yeah. I live in the U.S. so I have no clue if this place is good or not, but it is a real restaurant (At least according to this web page) )
I freeze, and looked over at him, his face slightly hopeful.
"Oh… Well, could we postpone this to another day? I'm going out with friends tonight." I say eventually, subconsciously wondering what his reaction will be.
His face falls, and he gets this sad look in his eyes again.
"Oh… Yeah, maybe another day Love." He says with a shrug, his voice dejected. He turns and starts walking out of the room, but stops in the doorway, and hesitates a few seconds, before he starts speaking again.
"You know Hermione, whatever I did to hurt you… I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel you have to… to do whatever it is you're doing instead of being with me. I wish I was enough for you." He says in a soft voice, before leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I stare at the place he had been standing, frozen in shock, and shame. How the hell could I be so cruel to hurt him this way? Why couldn't I just be happy with what I have? I feel tears fall down my face, and I know what I have to do. I hold out my wand, and turn to apparate to the hotel.
~~I say I won't be long~~
~~Just hanging with the girls~~
~~A lie I didn't have to tell~~
~~Because we both know~~
~~Where I'm about to go~~
~~And we know it very well~~
I walk through the entrance, and walk up to Alex the desk assistant, ignoring his usual smirk.
"He's already in there, Miss Granger, but as usual, here's a key."
"Thank you Alex, but I'm here to tell you this will be the last time I'm coming here." I say as I take the key, and start rushing to the room, not waiting to hear his response. Once I reach the door, I enter quickly, a determined look on my face.
My quick entrance must have startled him, as I see him jump about a foot in the air from his spot on the couch.
"Well, you're in a hurry." He says in an amused voice, getting up. He frowns when he sees the look on my face. "What's wrong with you?"
"We have to stop seeing each other." I say, with false confidence in my voice. If I were being honest, I was a little scared of what his response would be. And a little scared about ending this thing. It's been going on for so long, how will things be without it? But I was a Gryffindor for a reason, and I must do this.
I see his face harden. "What?" He asks menacingly, taking a step towards me, while I take a step back.
I take a deep breath. "You heard me. We can't see each other anymore."
"What, did your little boyfriend finally decide he doesn't want you to be with someone else? Did he give you an ultimatum?" He snarls.
"No, I decided this on my own. It's gone on too long already, and now it must end."
He takes a step closer to me, and backs me into the wall. "No, you can't just do this to me. Not after all this time. You don't get to just end this."
"Yes, I do. We're done." I say, glaring at him, as he glares at me. He takes one more step closer to me, and we're practically nose to nose, except he's about a foot taller than me.
I hold my breath, and look at him defiantly. This was what I was afraid of. He did use to be a Slytherin, so I wouldn't put it passed him to hurt me. Even though I was great at spells, he was a lot bigger than I was, and he could easily overpower me.
He puts his hands on either side of my head, and leans in so he can look me in the eyes.
"If you stop seeing me, I'll tell the press. If you think the scandal that you being with Malfoy raised was bad, this would be worse. I can just see it know, 'Famous Mudblood, cheats on Death Eater boyfriend' The press would eat you alive. Now, do you want that?" He asks, his breath hot on my face. I close my eyes to regain my composure.
"It would be better than continuing to meet with you." I whisper angrily to him. He laughs bitterly.
"You think your pathetic boyfriend would stick around? You think you deserve him to? No. You're a two-timing b*tch. Why would he stick around?"
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a reason why he would. Honestly, I don't even know why he's stuck around this long. But I couldn't let Andrew have the last word.
"Even if he doesn't stick around, it's better than it is now. I can't keep living this way. It's killing both him, and me." And with that, I push him off of me, and hurriedly leave the room.
~~Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful~~
~~And it kills him inside~~
~~To know that I am happy with some other guy~~
~~I can see him dying~~
"Draco?" I call, as soon as I land in our flat. I can't hear him, so I call again. I hear movement in the kitchen, so I go walk over. I enter the room, and see him leaning against the counter, facing me, nursing a glass of Fire Whiskey.
"Hey." I whisper softly to him, as I see him look at me cautiously.
"Hey. I thought you were going out tonight?"
"I was, but I decided to cancel. I thought you were more important." I whisper, as I walk up to him with pleading eyes. Pleading him to forgive me.
His face softens as he watches me walk up to him, and when I get to arms distance, he wraps his arms around me, as I put my head on his chest.
"I'm sorry Draco. I'm so sorry." I whisper, closing my eyes. He doesn't ask me what I'm sorry for; he just pulls me closer, holding me as close as he can. We stay like this for a few moments, before I pull back slightly.
"Do you think the reservations are still good?"
~~I don't wanna do this anymore~~
~~I don't wanna be the reason why~~
~~Every time I walk out the door~~
~~I see him die a little more inside~~
~~I don't wanna hurt him anymore~~
~~I don't wanna take away his life~~
~~I don't wanna be...~~
~~A murderer~~
A/N: … I didn't have enough material to finish the song. .-. Well, since I already wrote this, I'll post it. If I get 5 comments asking me too, I'll finish the song with an epilogue of sorts. That was what I was going to do, but I realized it was a bit odd, since it had nothing to do with the song. But if you guys like it, and want me too, I'll write the epilogue. Warning: it will be sort of fluffy.
~~Our love, his trust~~
~~I might as well take a gun and put it to his head~~
~~Get it over with~~
~~I don't wanna do this~~
~~Anymore~~
~~Anymore (anymore) ~~
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)
No no no no
Yeah yeah yeah