There were once three-and-ten tin soldiers. They were all brothers, born of the same old tin spoon. They shouldered their muskets and looked straight ahead of them, splendid in their uniforms, all different, according to their person.
The very first thing in the world that they heard was, "Tin soldiers!" A small boy shouted it and clapped his hands as the lid was lifted off their blue box on his birthday. He immediately set them up on the table.
All the soldiers were alike except one. He was a little different as he had been cast last of all. The tin was short, so, while his brothers all had two splendid hearts beating bravely in their chests, he had only one. But there he stood, as loving and noble with one heart as any of the other soldiers with their two.
But just you see, he'll be the remarkable one.
The metacrisis Doctor stood quietly on the beach, watching as his TARDIS slowly faded away. No, not his TARDIS. Not anymore, and really never to begin with. He'd traded his past, but it was worth it for Rose Tyler's hand in his, as it was right now. He took a breath of Terran air. Time to get used to it.
Rose was numb. A million miles away, still in that blue box and holding the right hand instead of this stranger's on the beach. She turned to look at him, this man who looked like the Doctor, sounded like him, even smelled the way she remembered. Rose stared into those molten brown eyes and felt his skinny fingers knit in hers and couldn't breathe.
This was worse than regeneration- he wasn't the same, couldn't be, she had seen the Doctor leave. He wasn't the same man who looked different, it was worse. He was different, and yet looked painfully the same.
The ocean waves roared in Rose's ears, her chest heaving more and more quickly, and she yanked her fingers out of the man who had stolen the Doctor's face, staggering away to where the TARDIS had faded out of existence.
The Doctor's eyes widened at that, and he felt his hearts- no, no, his heart- seize a little. He took a single step after her, but stopped, knowing that it wasn't the time. He looked after her, his eyes tracing her familiar form, noting the shoulders, squared and strong, but there was a slight bend to them and he knew she was fighting just curling up on herself. He blinked slowly, wanting nothing more than to comfort her but knowing that that wouldn't be a possibility right now. Perhaps not ever.
Rose rubbed at her arms, swaying a little on her feet as a strange wave of vertigo overtook her. She was hyperventilating. Rubbing her hands over her face, she tried to breathe normally, had to wait until she got home, had to- but what was the point anymore, anyway?
She heard her mum yelling into her mobile, about being left in bloody Norway. Again! To Pete, probably. Rose got the sudden and unexplainable urge to slap her. How could she continue talking and complaining and using her mobile to get transport, when the entire world had clearly fallen apart?
She knew she was being irrational. Of course she was. Keep a clear head, Rose, shut up shut up shut up.
The Doctor rocked back and forth on his feet. He couldn't just stand there any longer. His gut was twisting painfully, watching her like this. He was afraid, though he wouldn't admit it. He was on this planet, a planet that he loved but that had never been his, in a universe where he didn't belong, and he had to stay there for the rest of his now mortal days. But Rose, his Rose, would help him, he knew. So he was afraid to see her so lost. Part of him nagged that she wouldn't accept him, but he knew she'd never do that, never leave him when he needed her. So he told himself as he walked forward slowly. Right now it was she who needed someone. Might as well be him. "Rose...?" he hesitated quietly, trying not to let his concern or nervousness show in his voice.
His voice set her off. She didn't know exactly what about it did- the fact it was not his originally, the fact it sounded like the man who had dumped her here again- but it caused her to shrink from him, hiss venomously, "Don't." Her voice hitched, she could hear him practically collapse from where he was standing behind her, could just picture that mouth hardening and the tension of his brows sinking until they nearly covered his eyes. But she wouldn't look at him, couldn't. Her breath hitched and she shuddered violently. Damn him. Damn him and this lookalike and the whole fucking universe. Hadn't she protected it enough times where it owed her one? But no, it just took and took.
He stopped dead in his tracks at her words. A strange, cold ache started in his throat, spreading slowly through the rest of him as he stayed rooted to his patch of sand. His expression slowly hardened as he refused to let his emotions hit the surface, though they threatened to overwhelm him. Hurt and betrayal, but mostly fear and confusion. What had he done? He knew she would be hurt, she had every right, he knew... But he was lost, and he needed her. She was his guiding star. It wasn't fair to her, he knew, though, so he kept his mouth shut in a firm, tight-pressed line, eyes straight ahead and empty.
"The wanker just- left us here! An' Rose- yes. She's still here Pete." A pause. Jackie lowered her voice. "Yes- well. It's complicated. Oh, jus- send over the Zeppelin, will you? We'll find a B an' B or somethin'. I'll talk to you, later, give Tony a kiss from Mummy, and for pity's sake, don't let him ice lollies before bed."
There was the beep of the phone hanging up, and a pause as she carefully observed her broken daughter and the frozen half-alien, or part-human, or whatever the hell he was now.
Rose felt her mother gently touch her shoulder. "Come on now, sweetheart. We gotta get to a hotel before it gets dark. I'm freezin' my bum off," she said softly.
The Doctor considered mentioning that it was the middle of July, and not really all that chilly, but it didn't seem appropriate, given the circumstances. Besides, Jackie would probably knock him sideways for 'acting smart'. Rose nodded, once, and let her mum guide her away from the naked cold sand. Jackie cast a sympathetic look to the Doctor, and beckoned him to come with.
He watched as Rose winced at some of what Jackie said, but couldn't find it in himself to be angry or object to Jackie's wording. He watched as she led Rose away, and for a heartbreaking second he thought he was going to be left here, alone on this beach. Then she motioned for him to follow, and while it still hurt that it wasn't Rose doing the motioning, he wasn't quite as shattered. He moved quickly after them, his hands clenched into fists, nails digging into palms in an attempted to keep himself grounded.
They hiked down the road a ways, for nearly half an hour, Jackie complaining the entire way about crossing two universes and almost got dissolved into atoms and blowing up bloody daleks and I'll be damned if I have to walk two miles just to get somewhere with plumbing. Most of what she said and chattered about seemed forced, though, like she was struggling to fill up the sticky silence.
He relished the walk, for what it was worth. Walking was almost like running, and he could almost pretend like Rose was happy with him, that she was beside him, not just next to him, (there was a big difference) and that they were off to save the world again. Almost. But not really.
Eventually they made it to a rural little town, most of the buildings from the 18th century. Rose vaguely remembered spending another cold, heartbreaking day in that town. The only hotel in the entire town was a stone three story house, and Jackie numbly ordered in broken Norwegian for three separate rooms.
He watched as Jackie spoke. He should have helped her, he knew. He spoke perfect Norwegian. Perfect everything. But talking was something he just wasn't up for at the moment, and he didn't want to see the look of disgust that had crossed Rose's face back at the beach again, so he kept his mouth tightly shut.
"Right, I'm gonna take a bath, here's your keys, the room number's on 'em." Jackie wanted to comfort her daughter, but knew from experience that Rose shut herself off, went into denial for a few hours before her arms could wrap around her little girl. Rose closed her cold dead fingers around the key that wasn't the TARDIS key. She could feel him behind her, saw the flicker of his hand close around his own key.
Hollowly, Rose entered the ancient lift to the third floor. The sound of his breathing was inescapable in the confined space of the lift. For the first time since held his hand on the beach, Rose accidentally looked at him. Stared. How many nights had she stayed up imagining that face? It wasn't fair.
He regretted his decision to take the lift as soon as he entered, wishing he'd taken the stairs instead. Rose's presence was palpable and painful, making his head throb. His throat felt swollen and achy from keeping his emotions in check, and he wanted nothing more than to be alone. Well, scratch that. He wanted to be with Rose. But she didn't want that, so alone was the next best thing.
He didn't seem to see how she stared. Maybe that was a good thing. Her eyes burned from looking at him, and her heart burned along with it, like a supernova that had been dwindled away to say goodbye. There wasn't even a goodbye this time- just those words rolling off someone else's tongue, just as she had imagined it would sound, his soft mouth against hers, just like the hazy memory of when she had been trapped in Cassandra's mind, or in ancient Rome, after she'd turned the Doctor back from marble to flesh- she had wanted it too much, not thought at all. And now her life was over because of her impulsiveness. She tore her gaze away as they stepped out of the lift, and jammed the key into the lock of her door. She jiggled it and kicked the door. Damn old locks. His presence was poisonous- needed to be away-
He saw her struggling with the lock, and didn't hesitate, taking a smooth step forward, hand covering hers on the handle and pulling it away, before he turned the key the opposite direction and twisted the doorknob sharply. It opened after a second's protest, and he turned away without so much as glancing at her, putting his own key in his lock and fiddling for a moment before it finally gave, letting him inside.
He closed the door behind him, before he turned to press his forehead against it, standing perfectly still. He counted breaths as he forced himself to take them, one hand still clutching the doorknob in an iron first, the other pressing against the wood, fingernails digging in a little. His eyes were clamped shut, just barely holding back tears, which sat in his eyelashes, waiting for the slightest movement to shake them free. He slowly realized that he was shaking, and that the doorknob in his hand was denting under his grip. He released it, shoving away from the door and moving to sit on the bed, putting his head in his hands as the tears finally escaped.
She froze, every muscle tensing as he touched her, and was then left standing alone in the hallway for a full forty-seven seconds (she counted). Letting herself into the dimly lit room, Rose ran her hand over a ceramic vase of tulips. The clock ticked loudly, anciently, like every twitch of the second hand would be its last. Her breaths became heaving again and somehow the ceramic broke in her grip. Clutching its remains, she threw it across the room, where it smashed into a million, trillion little pieces on the damn clock that didn't matter because it was all, all so tiny and insignificant in the universe.
"You said forever!" The words didn't even register as her own until she noticed the blood running ribbons down her palm, her hand sliced open by the shards of the vase. Rose sank to the floor, boneless, and for the first time in nearly two years, she cried, her sobs so powerful that they were silent.
Jackie came in and held her after an hour, like she used to on the worst nights all those years ago, after the first windy day on that fucking beach. She held Rose until the tears stopped and gently cleaned up and bandaged the cuts on her hand, tossing away the remains of the broken vase and tulips in the bin, writing out a check for damage. For once, she didn't say anything. And for the moment, that was just what Rose needed.