"Tom? Tom! Wake up Tom! You've got to wake up" I opened my eyes, as I did so, I saw Mark standing over me. He looked upset, I couldn't tell why though? But then I remembered. All of it. Every single detail.
It all started in high school, I was so cool, I was the stud of my grade, and no body would mess with me. I was always messing about with friends, going to parties, getting drunk. But then, my whole world came crumbling down. My best friend, Scott, we had no idea he was that bad. He killed himself. My whole life revolved around him, and he was gone. He was my instruction manual, my president, and my love. I never told anyone about that, me loving him. No one knew I was gay, not even Scott, how could I ever of told him, he would hate me. All the girls I went out with, I faked it all. I never loved them, any of them; I've never even found a girl attractive. Scott was so kind, gentle, good looking, but I caused this. Of coarse I knew he was depressed, but I never knew he was suicidal! He would tell me everything; his problems, worries, the person he'd shagged the night before, and we would tell each other everything. But he always said he'd be fine, he had to be, for Harriet, his girlfriend. He loved her so much; it's all he'd ever talk about, well, her and drumming. He loved drumming; it's all he ever did, as well as Harriet. He was telling me about how he was going to propose to her on the 5th June, their 4 year anniversary, but it never happened.
I got the call early in the morning, I can't really remember when but it was Harriet. She had come home from work (she worked nights) and just stopped. Froze. She saw it, Scott, lying there on the floor, in a pool of his own blood. I ran over right away, I didn't own a car and it was too log until the next bus. I ran. The whole 2 ½ miles. I nearly collapsed, I didn't care. I needed to get to Scott; I was still talking to Harriet on the phone, trying to keep her calm. Suddenly she panicked. He was still alive. He had let out a groan that I heard it on the other end of the line. At this point I ran as fast as I could, nothing would stop me, not even the car that nearly hit me. When I finally got there I burst in the door, Harriet was sobbing in the corner just pointing at Scott. He was trying to speak, I could only just make out his words, they were slurred.
"Tom? Tom? Is that you?" He managed to murmur.
"Yes, it's me Scott, I'm here. Why did you do this Scott? Why?" I said, nearly in tears.
"It's because I love you." He quickly said, but as if he didn't want anyone to hear.
"Scott? What do you mean?" I said in reply, did I hear him correctly? Did he really say that?
"I love you Tom. I always have, Harriet, I'm sorry, but you were only a friend to me. Tom, I love you, I could never tell you because I knew you'd hate me, we wouldn't talk the same, it would all be different, I couldn't live knowing I couldn't ever have you. Ever since I met you I have wanted you and only you. But you're not gay, so that never would have happened."
"Scott, listen, there is one thing I never told you, I am gay, I always have been, I could never tell anyone that though, they would take the piss and I just can't bare that right now. I couldn't even tell you because…" I could see he was fading, I quickly continued, "It's you. I want you!" I said, now with tears racing down my cheeks.
"What do you mean Tom? You're straight? You have had loads of girlfriends? You have… you are straight… you… you…" He was drifting out of consciousness, I quickly blurted out, "I love you Scott! I always have! Please hold on…" He had gone. It was too late. He was dead. He never even heard past "I", my only attempt to tell Scott how I feel for him and it was too late. I could barely talk. I could barely do anything. All I managed was a few words. "I'm sorry Scott. I love you." I looked over to Harriet, she was still sobbing. She just cried, and cried, for days on end, and kept repeating four words, "Love burns like fire" and that's all she would say.
After that I was never that same. For weeks I wouldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't, every time I tried I just burst into tears, thinking of Scott. If only I had told him and stopped being such a pathetic wimp. Just maybe, he would still be here. We would be together, happy. Both of us. We could've lived together, like a couple, and been happy. But I blew those chances didn't I. Just what I always do.
When Harriet could speak again, she had such a hatred for me. I had taken Scott from her, she wanted me gone. She told my parents. My 'We love God and therefore the bible is right and we hate gays' parents. They were furious, their own son, a gay! They kicked me out straight away, not even a lecture, just straight up front, they never wanted to see me ever again.
I moved in with my friend, Travis, the Barker family were all covered in tattoos, especially Travis. While his mother was on hr death bed, she asked him to do one thing, follow his dreams, continue in the music career. So he stuck to his word, he covered himself in tattoos so he could never get any other job other than in a band. While I was staying with Travis, he kept suggesting we start a band, as I was pretty good on a guitar and not too bad at singing. Travis was a drummer. He had always been interested in drums even as a small child and his love for the sticks had gone through with him for his entire life.