As he did everyday, Farmer Bob was munching on his morning tofu...Oh how he
munched, with a passion unrivaled by any man....At least any that the tofu
on Bob's Farm had known. The tofu had suffered far too long, and the others
hadn't fared much better. In the early days of the farm, Bob had been a
decent farmer, but as of late he had become a belligerent, idiotic
crackhead, and the foods suffered because of it. The foods groups were
growing restless, and silently and slowly, rebellion was brewing in
their.......hearts...(??) Well mostly the artichokes, because they were the
only ones who had hearts, but you get the idea. Anyway....one day the food
groups had had enough of Bob's foolish ways, and without hesitation (and for
that matter, without pre-planning) attacked him, with all the rage an
inanimate object can muster. Farmer Bob was soon crushed by the surprise
attack, and was driven out of the farm by early afternoon, thanks to the
inanimateibility of the tofu. Before they knew it, the farm was theirs, and
they realized they had no idea what to do. So right away, they set to work.
"Time for a dance party everyone!!" said Phil, who was more inanimate than
most of the foods, as was the natural way with tofu. So they danced! The
foods danced with the inanimatible beauty that can only be animated with
un-animated words. And their music spread all through Oklahoma, but
fortunately didn't disturb any neighbors, as the closest ones were two feet
from the farms perimeter, and inanimate objects don't sing too loud.
Finally, the dance party had ended, and everyone settled down to ponder
what tomorrow would bring. The tofu, being ever so inanimate, soon devised a
plan with which the kitchen would be governed, and planned to announce it
tomorrow morning. Word was spread quickly, and all the food was abuzz with
excitement by the time morning came around. Everyone gathered around the
pantry, gossiping about what might be said, and all the changes going on in
the farm. Everyone was excited that finally, after years of slavery, they
would finally be free from the clenching jaws of humans.
munched, with a passion unrivaled by any man....At least any that the tofu
on Bob's Farm had known. The tofu had suffered far too long, and the others
hadn't fared much better. In the early days of the farm, Bob had been a
decent farmer, but as of late he had become a belligerent, idiotic
crackhead, and the foods suffered because of it. The foods groups were
growing restless, and silently and slowly, rebellion was brewing in
their.......hearts...(??) Well mostly the artichokes, because they were the
only ones who had hearts, but you get the idea. Anyway....one day the food
groups had had enough of Bob's foolish ways, and without hesitation (and for
that matter, without pre-planning) attacked him, with all the rage an
inanimate object can muster. Farmer Bob was soon crushed by the surprise
attack, and was driven out of the farm by early afternoon, thanks to the
inanimateibility of the tofu. Before they knew it, the farm was theirs, and
they realized they had no idea what to do. So right away, they set to work.
"Time for a dance party everyone!!" said Phil, who was more inanimate than
most of the foods, as was the natural way with tofu. So they danced! The
foods danced with the inanimatible beauty that can only be animated with
un-animated words. And their music spread all through Oklahoma, but
fortunately didn't disturb any neighbors, as the closest ones were two feet
from the farms perimeter, and inanimate objects don't sing too loud.
Finally, the dance party had ended, and everyone settled down to ponder
what tomorrow would bring. The tofu, being ever so inanimate, soon devised a
plan with which the kitchen would be governed, and planned to announce it
tomorrow morning. Word was spread quickly, and all the food was abuzz with
excitement by the time morning came around. Everyone gathered around the
pantry, gossiping about what might be said, and all the changes going on in
the farm. Everyone was excited that finally, after years of slavery, they
would finally be free from the clenching jaws of humans.