Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and places belong to Rooster Teeth
A/N: Er. This was supposed to be a drabble, but it kind of ran away from me, so here, take 3K+ words of blacksun word vomit. RT can pry this pairing from my cold, dead hands.
Part I: Of Realizations, Revelations and a Much-Needed Talk (or, because the past will always come back to haunt you)
Blake's eyes narrow as she scans the crowd of battle-weary fighters, civilians and medics. Neptune and Scarlet are sitting on the steps of a run-down bakery, both sporting an assortment of wounds, but are otherwise alive and well. Ruby and Weiss look a little more worn out, but aren't too badly injured. Nora, Ren and Jaune are standing near the entrance of Haven Academy, clothes torn and bloodied. They look exhausted from the fight, but they're alive.
Panic starts to rise in her throat with each passing face; she doesn't realize that she's looking for Sun until he sees him sitting next to Sage. His usually golden hair is matted and dull, and he has an ugly blue-black bruise spreading across his cheek, a cut on his forehead (which she hopes is superficial), and a sloppily patched up wound in his shoulder. She breathes a soft sigh of relief – he's bloodied, bruised and tattered, but she thinks he might be the most beautiful thing she's seen all day.
"Blake!" He calls out to her to try to catch her attention. His expression slowly melts into relief when he sees that she is – well, not uninjured, but at least she's alive and not in critical condition. He lifts his hand to wave to her, but winces as pain shoots through his shoulder. He lets his arm fall limply back to his side and he settles for giving her a sheepish smile instead.
"Sun!" She pulls away from Yang and Ilia, and rushes over to him, ignoring the pain in her leg. She kneels down next to him and reaches over to brush her fingers lightly over the cut on his forehead. "I'm so sorry." She gently wipes some of the blood away. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have gotten you involved. Are you okay? That looks like a really nasty cut." She says all of this in a rush, as if she's trying to get everything out before it's too late.
He takes her hand and moves it away from his face. He gives her an even smile. "I said it before, and I'll say it again: it's not your fault. No matter how badly I get hurt, no matter how many hits I have to take, it'll have been worth it if it meant that you were safe. That hasn't changed, Blake."
Blake stares at him – this literal ray of sunshine whose kindness knows no bounds – and she wonders what on earth she did to deserve him. Her eyes prickle with tears as the emotions rush through her – relief, gratitude. Love.
Relief that he's safe, that he's still alive, and that, despite everything that happened, he didn't lose his smile. Gratitude that he never gave up on her, despite her flaws and her attempts to keep him at a distance, that he stayed with her through everything, that he never ran from the monster that she knows she is. Love, she thinks, caught off guard by the feeling. She hasn't loved anybody in a very long time, not in that way at least. But sitting here with Sun, both of them covered in blood and wounds, amidst the chaos left behind from the war, she knows it's true. I think I might love Sun.
She leans over and rests her forehead against his, her hand coming to a rest at the nape of his neck. She ignores the fact that there is still blood on his forehead, and the fact that they are still surrounded by their friends and family – she just needs the contact, the physical reassurance that he is alive, and he is here.
"Blake?" He asks, shock evident in his voice. "You…um, you okay?"
She closes her eyes and lets out a soft sigh. "Yes, Sun. I'm fine," she says, her voice trembling. She tightens her hold on his neck.
He gently cups her cheek and runs his thumb right under her eye, a feather-light touch. "Hey, I'm fine, okay? We did it – we won, and I'm not going anywhere."
The overwhelming need to tell him how much he means to her takes her by surprise. She's known for a long time now that he loves her – maybe not a conscious level, but subconsciously, somewhere buried inside her, she knows. Because he was never one for subtlety, and he had a tendency of wearing his heart on his sleeve. And again, she wonders how somebody so bright and warm and pure could ever love somebody as dark and twisted as her. Because he's like the morning sun, and she's the darkness of the night, staining everything good that she touches. She thinks a part of her has always known that she loves him too, on some level, but the thought of tainting him with the death and destruction that surrounds her makes her sick to her stomach.
She doesn't know exactly when her affections for him had turned into something more than friendship – it had been a culmination of events. Falling in love with him was a slow, quiet process of realizing that her respect for him, her constant fear for his safety, her desire to be around him, reached far beyond that of friendship. She thinks she might have started falling in love with him at the school dance, the one that seemed like it happened in another lifetime. Despite everything that had been going on then, he had made it his mission to make sure she laughed and enjoyed herself that night. Maybe, if things had been different, if things hadn't gotten so out of hand during the Vytal festival, she might have let herself believe that she could actually be with him then.
But Adam's return had been a painful reminder that she only brought darkness and sorrow wherever she went, only making the people she loved suffer. She had been more than willing to let her feelings die off if it meant keeping him safe, but he had made that impossible when he came crashing back into her life with his warm smile, unconditional, unwavering support, and his earnestness. She appreciates that he never let her detachment put him off, but she never lets herself wonder how much he really means to her – with the way things were with Adam, and all the unresolved conflict, loving him would mean he would never be safe, and he deserved so much more than a distant, closed off girl who was so broken that she couldn't pick herself back up.
It wasn't until the fight with Ilia, until she saw him bleeding out on the rooftop that night, that she realized that she was in love with him. Pure unadulterated fear, and desperation shot through her then, because he was going to die, and it would have been her fault. It was then that she knew that her feelings went far deeper than a simple crush, because she wouldn't know what to do if she lost him.
He moves back a little, and her eyes fly open, a panicked expression on her face, like she's afraid that if she lets go, he'll disappear.
"Hey," he murmurs quietly as he grabs her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere. But you do need to get to a medic." He gestures towards her mangled leg. "Your leg looks like –"
Without thinking of the consequences, without giving herself a chance to second guess herself, she surges forward and presses her lips against his in a desperate kiss, trying to pour all the months of pent-up feelings into it. She feels him stiffen in surprise, before relaxing against her. He lightly strokes the back of her hand with his thumb as he deepens the kiss. It's nothing like the kisses she's shared with Adam, rough and passionate, sometimes sorrowful and bittersweet; it isn't perfect – it's a little sloppy and a little rushed, because she still feels like everything can still disappear in a second – but to her, it just feels right, like finally, this is where I belong.
He's the first to pull away; he looks at her, a small smile on his face. He looks a little stunned, like he doesn't really believe that she just kissed him, and she thinks she understands. Because he loved her for so long, quietly hoping that she might one day actually return those feelings, he must have wondered if she would ever love him back. And she does – she loves him with an intensity that scares her.
"Sun, I –" she starts, but Sage's low, gravelly voice interrupts her – a reminder that they are still in the middle of what was a warzone not too long ago, and that people are probably watching. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment as she stares steadfastly at Sun's yellow sneakers, her gaze tracing the flecks of blood on them.
"The medics are here," Sage says. "Sun, you should let them take a look at the wound in your shoulder, and Blake… your leg has definitely seen better days. You should get it checked out too."
She looks desperately over to Sun. She wants so badly to tell him, in words, how she feels about him. Because if there is one thing that she's learned, it's that life is too short to hesitate, and she's already wasted too much time running away – running from his help, running from his feelings, running from her own feelings, because she's scared of what they mean, of what they might do to him. But she's so tired of running.
Sun presses a kiss to the side of her head and gives her a small smile. "Later, okay? We'll have all the time in the world to talk about things like feelings later. But right now, you need to get your leg patched up. I've waited this long – I don't think waiting a few more hours is going to kill me."
She freezes – later is a concept she isn't familiar with anymore. The last few months have been spent wondering whether or not they would get to see the sun rise again, whether or not they would live long enough to see later. And she realizes that it hasn't just been the past few months – she's spent most of her life wondering if she'll get tomorrow. During her time with Adam and Ilia, she was always fighting, always running. There was never a guarantee that they would make it out alive. Even at Beacon, where things had been peaceful, she'd always been looking behind her, searching the shadows for something that wasn't there – because she knew Adam would come back and haunt her. And she'd been right.
But all of that's gone now – Adam and Salem have been defeated. For once in her life, she doesn't have to worry about whether or not she'll get a chance to do something later, because she will. The imminent danger is gone. She knows this, but the fear that everything might suddenly be taken from her doesn't abate quite as easily, and she finds herself gripping Sun's hand.
"Hey," he says, his voice softening when he sees the terrified look on her face. He squeezes her hand soothingly. "I'll be right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." He releases her hand, but he lingers, always touching her in some way – supporting her as she limps to meet the nearest medic, holding her hand as the medic inspects her wound, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder when she hisses in pain, running his fingers through her hair – a constant reminder that he's here.
It's dark by the time they reach the hotel room that she shares with Weiss (who took off with Yang to get some hot chocolate before bed, although Blake suspects that they just wanted to leave her alone with Sun for a while).
"I told you I was okay to walk," she murmurs as he sets her down onto the bed.
"I know," he says, "but the doctor told you not to put too much pressure on it. Your aura can only do so much to heal your wounds." He sighs. "Get some rest – you're probably exhausted. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" He presses a lingering kiss to her forehead.
She grabs the hem of his shirt as he turns to leave.
He turns back to her and gives her a questioning look. "Blake? What's wrong?"
"Stay with me?" she asks quietly, her voice trembling slightly. "I – I don't want to be alone right now."
His gaze softens at the frightened look on her face and he turns to face her fully. "Of course." He takes a seat on the bed next to her, and she shifts to the side to give him more space. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head and curls into his side. Without the rush of adrenaline fueling her actions, she can feel her resolve from earlier fading into nothingness as the uncertainty starts to settle in its place. What does she know of love and relationships? All she knows is what she had with Adam.
Hesitantly, he wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her gently to him. "Okay, then," he says, "I'm here whenever you're comfortable enough to talk."
They sit in silence and listen to each other's breathing as the seconds tick by. She takes comfort in the rise and fall of chest, and the steady beating of his heart. Finally, she says, "Why… How can you – how are you so patient? With me? After everything, how can you still –? How could you possibly love somebody as broken and dark as me? You deserve so much more."
"Blake, you are one of the best people I know. Your entire life, you've been surrounded by hate and chaos and destruction, and you chose to leave that behind you. Even though it was all you knew, even though you knew it would mean being alone, you chose to leave because you couldn't bear to use your skills to hurt people. You might have done things that you're not proud of, but you chose to become a Huntress to try and make things right, to try and correct some of hatred and violence in the world. You chose to try and make the world a better place, and that's not something a lot of people have the courage to do – to leave behind everything and everyone they know to chase after something they believe in.
So don't try to tell me that you're a terrible person, or that you don't deserve something, because you do." He places a hand under her chin and gently tilts her face upwards so he can look her in the eyes. "You deserve all the happiness in the world, Blake."
His voice is so sincere, and his face is open and earnest, and she can't stop the tears from filling her eyes, because this boy – this boy who would follow her to the depths of hell and back if she asked him to, this boy who shines brighter than anybody she's ever known – is looking at her like she is the sun and the stars, like she makes the world turn, and she doesn't understand.
"I can't – I don't know how to – be in a relationship. The only relationship I've ever had was with Adam, and that wasn't – it wasn't healthy, but it's all I know." A shiver runs down her spine as she remembers how rough Adam could be when he was angry with her, how much harder he would push during their spars, how he didn't stop, even when she told him that she couldn't take anymore, that he might kill her. How he would apologize afterwards, how he would make her feel like she still loved him, because he had a way with words that made her feel like she was all that mattered to him. "How can I be with you when all I know about being in love is a stupid game of push and shove?"
He brushes her tears away with his thumb. "Blake, I don't expect you to be or do anything. Everybody loves differently, and it's okay if you feel unsure about it. If you aren't ready for a relationship, that's fine too – I can wait until you are ready. We don't have to rush into anything, you know that right? We can take things slowly, and we can learn to be with each other – we can figure out how to fit into each other's lives together. And while I can't promise that I'll never get angry with you, I swear that what we have will never be like what you had with Adam."
His words are fierce, and his eyes are like the ocean, soft, gentle ripples that can become the dangerous, violent waves of a storm, given the right motivation. "Whatever he said to you – whatever he did to you –" His jaw clenches with rage at the thought of somebody she trusts hurting her. "You are more than that, Blake. You are more than your past and your old relationship. Your relationship with him doesn't define you, and it doesn't make you any less deserving of do deserve to be loved. Not the kind of unhealthy love that he gave you, but real, unconditional love, whether it's from me or from somebody else."
She chokes back a sob, because she knows that's the kind of love he would give her if she let him – irrevocable, unconditional love. He would be content to love her quietly from a distance, and never push for her to love him back, and he would wait and wait and wait until she's ready, even if it took her the rest of their lives. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face into his shoulder, her tears soaking through his shirt. "I love you. I love you. I love you," she mumbles, repeating the mantra over and over, because she could say it a hundred times, a thousand times even, and it still wouldn't be enough to express how much he means to her, how grateful she is that he's so patient with her, that he never left.
"You know I've loved you for a long time," he murmurs quietly, "I've never been very good at keeping my feelings to myself."
"Being with me isn't going to be easy, Sun. I'm – I have a lot of baggage and I'm not good at opening up to people and –"
"I know," he says, hushing her. "There's a lot about your past that I don't know, and you'll tell me when you're ready, but I love you for all your flaws and your past mistakes, because they made you into the person that you are today. There isn't any part of you that I won't love."
"I'm sorry I can't be better for you."
"Hey, I don't want you be anything for me – I want you to heal and grow and change for yourself. And I'll be here to help you figure it out. That's what I want our relationship to be like – helping each other grow into the best versions of ourselves."
She stills, because being with Adam made her feel like she was moving backwards, like she was becoming less like the person she wanted to be, and more like what he wanted her to be, what he expected her to be. But Sun – Sun just wants her to be herself and to be happy, and she knows it's shouldn't be this way, but she doesn't know how to do that.
Sensing her distress, he pulls her onto his lap and cups her face with both his hands. "Little steps, remember? We'll work on it together."
She lets out a steady breath. She can do this – she can leave her relationship with Adam in the past, where it belongs, because Sun is not Adam. She can learn to not draw her weapon every time they have an argument, she can learn to talk about her issues instead of hiding them. She can learn to be in a healthy, stable relationship, because Sun will be there to help her.
She leans over and kisses him softly, slowly, and this kiss feels like coming home, like falling apart and falling back together all at once. And nothing else in the world matters, because he's here with her. She still doesn't understand what she did to deserve him, because her life is a mess and she's made terrible decisions in the past, but in this moment none of that matters, because he chose her. Of all the people in the world, he chose her.
He wipes the remainder of her tears away with his thumb and she leans into the comforting warmth of his hand.
She shifts off his lap and lays down on the bed, pulling him down with her. "Stay with me tonight?" she asks quietly.
He smiles at her and wraps his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. "Always."
She closes her eyes and smiles contentedly as she relaxes into Sun's embrace. This feels like starting over – this feels like a new beginning.
A/N: I'M SORRY I STILL SUCK AT ENDINGS. Next up is Weiss/Yang, but clinicals are starting again on Monday (and I also gotta make a real attempt at studying), so it might not be up for a few more weeks. As always, constructive criticism is much appreciated!