My knowledge of Star Trek is limited to the part I saw in my Wood class and fan fiction soooo…. Yeah but I just got the novelization

IF ANY ONE WANTS TO EXPAND ON SOME PART OF THIS TELL ME FIRST OR WHEN IT'S FINISHED I MAY WANT TO READ IT

This was suggested by CrimsonRose18, this is an expansion of "Child Care's" number 1, Jim's baby, so here you guys go. And CrimsonRose18 I didn't have an actual idea for this … but I thought it would be fun to write one, so here ya go.

Jim didn't care what people said, he didn't care that he himself felt he was so screwed up that he should never have a child, much less raise one, yet he couldn't help but love the baby that had been placed in his arms, he'd thought that after the nine months of carrying the child he would be able to hand the child over to the couple he hadn't told he was considering them to be his child's parents, but he couldn't, couldn't give away the little boy that Spock had given him by accident. Jim reached for the bottle that was on the bedside table and began to feed the baby, humming softly.

[Chapter one-12 year before]

Jim sat quietly in the captain's chair, for once.

Spock would glance over at his captain every now and again as would Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov, but Jim never seemed to notice.

Jim was thinking about their resent mission, the one that had ended up with him being attached by Bones with his hyposprays, and golly was Bones scarier then any alien they'd come in contact with, a Bones with a hypospray, though, that was scarier then Nero. Jim laughed in his head as a vision of Bones with a hypospray sent Nero running.

Which lead to Jim thinking space in general. How space was always open to him, how it had never lied. Jim thought about how space, well, looking at the stars had always brought him peace, a sense of calm that made him feel safe. Being in space made Jim feel closer to his parents. Jim suddenly felt sad so he pushed those thoughts away and glanced around the room.

Jim's eyes landed on Spock. The man reminded him so much of the Vulcans Jim had met before and at the same time Spock was unique, different in such a way that was uncommon in Vulcans, for Spock's emotions were all held in his eyes. Jim loved Spock's eyes, loved searching for the true reaction to someone's words or actions. Jim had noticed immediately that Spock's eyes were human, so easy to read. Jim also liked how strong Spock was, well at least when it wasn't used against him, Jim still remembered how fragile his neck felt to him under those iron like hands.

Jim suppressed a shiver as he remembered the feel of those hands, but Jim couldn't help but remember how often Spock's strength had come in handy with carrying Jim back to the Enterprise when he couldn't walk himself.

Jim sighed quietly, Spock was even pretty, Jim shook his head where'd that thought come from? Jim looked at his watch; his shift was over, thank the Stars. He was probably just tired, yeah tired.

Jim got up and went straight to his quarters. Jim went to sleep, hoping the nightmares would stay away not that they ever did.

[Chapter two-11 months before]

*'Mommy, where are you going?' a young blue eyed blond asked.

'I'm going into space, James.' His mother answered

'Can I go?' the little boy asked pleadingly.

'No.' the woman said shortly, turning to the door.

'Mommy, do you love me?' the child asked softly, the woman didn't answer as she picked up a suitcase and left.

The scene changed to a blond, blue eyed boy pleading with his older brother to stay and ended up with the boy almost dying and being dragged to the police station*

Jim woke up panting and sweating.

Jim wiped his forehead as he sat up.

"That's the fifth time this month and it's not even half way over." Jim muttered to himself as he prepared to get ready as he knew he would get no more sleep, he never did after that nightmare.

Now it was the end of the month and Jim was dreaming again. It had been a while since Jim had had this dream.

*Jim was four and he remembered hearing his father's voice and Jim was wondering why his father wasn't there.

'Mother, where's daddy?' he asked, looking over the dining table at his mother.

And the dream twisted her words for Jim knew his mother hadn't been so cruel.

'Your father didn't want you so he committed suicide.' The woman snapped, 'And I no one will ever want you, even I don't want you, so I'm leaving right now.'

The woman took a suitcase and walked out the door, Jim's older brother followed her.

'You're not worth staying for. See you.' He said

Young Jim felt a hand on his shoulder; he looked up to see his mother's husband, Frank.

'Don't worry, James,' the man who was mostly incased in shadows said, 'I want you.' The smile on the man's face told Jim that those words didn't mean well for him. Young Jim felt like screaming but he couldn't because strong Vulcan hands were wrapped tightly around his neck.*

"Captain, wake up." Spock spoke loudly to be heard over the screaming of the captain.

"Jim!" Spock yelled, causing the blond to jolt awake and to sit up, eyes snapping open.

"Spock? What's up?" Jim asked looking at Spock curiously.

"You were screaming, Captain, I assumed you were under attack,"

"Oh, sorry if I woke you Spock."

Spock nodded and left.

[Chapter three-10 months before]

Jim was firmly denying his feelings. So much that he was attempting actual relationships with the women he slept with. There was still a new woman every few days by the end of the month Jim sat alone in his captain's quarters with his head in his hands.

"Damn it… what the hell is wrong with me?" Jim muttered, "I do not have a crush on Spock." Jim told himself.

Jim laid on his back with his right arm over his face, Jim sighed, maybe he just wasn't cut out for relationships. Yeah that was it, it wasn't the fact that the only things he had to talk about seemed to always involve either Bones or Spock, more Spock then Bones as of late. The girls just couldn't handle that Jim was best friends with two men that played a large, irreplaceable part in his life, yeah, that was it, it wasn't Jim that was the problem, it was the women, they were so insecure with themselves and couldn't handle the competition, er… how close Jim was with his best friend and first officer. Yeah that was it , Jim thought as he drifted off to sleep, never mind that he always had that tone of voice when talking about Spock, the same one Chekov had when talking about Sulu. Jim did not love his first officer. Jim didn't love his first officer, but Jim never realized that he was falling in love with his first officer.

[Chapter four-9 months before]

After a week of denying it and finally accepting it after Uhura asked him who the lucky girl was. It was days like this that Jim wished he could get drunk. He'd told Uhura that he hadn't told the lucky person yet and she told him to let her know what they said, "because if they reject you they're stupid and I want to beat some sense into them." She'd said.

Jim didn't want to tell Spock that he'd fallen for him, didn't want to repeat the experience of being chocked by a Vulcan, the dark feeling he'd felt at that moment had nearly matched the one he'd felt during the Tarsus IV incident, Jim shivered, not something he wanted to repeat again. But damn himself to Hell, he'd promised Uhura he'd tell the person he was in love with that he was in love with them and James T. Kirk rarely broke a promise.

Some days Jim hated his list of rules. Jim shook away those thoughts, those rules made him who he was, had made Jim survive to the age he was now. The rules defined Jim as the man he was.

So Jim invited Spock to his quarters for a game of chess after their shift. Jim knew he shouldn't be so excited about Spock agreeing, they'd done this before as friends only.

Jim was fully prepared for Spock to reject him and he was hoping it would happen without injury. Jim also hoped that Spock would stay his friend if nothing else, the loss of Spock in his personal life would almost be as bad as Spock trying to kill him. Jim wasn't sure he could survive losing another person he considered family because of his own stupidity.

So Jim sat nervously on one side of the chess board across from Spock. Jim was trying to prolong the game as much as he could.

"Is there a reason you are prolonging the inevitable, Captain?" Spock asked.

"Yes, actually," Jim began, " I have something to tell you Spock," Jim paused to capture one of Spock's pawns, "I er… well I seem to like you a lot… What I mean to say is… I'm in love with you, Spock." Jim said, closing his eyes tightly, not wanting to see Spock's reaction.

Spock looked at his captain, curiously.

"In love?" Spock asked.

Jim opened his eyes to see Spock's eyes showing curiosity and confusion.

"I'm attracted to you Spock…"

Spock interrupted, "Show me."

Jim's eyes widened, "Seriously?" he asked.

Spock nodded, "As a scientist it is my job to explore everything, to understand through experimentation, which includes this Attraction you have, Captain."

Jim frowned, "So this is just an experiment to you?"

Spock nodded "Yes, and this Attraction you have for me may go away. Perhaps it's a disease." Spock pointed out.

*It's a disease alright.* Jim thought

"Uh… Okay, let's try that." Jim said.

[Insert lemon here (or not) I don't write them sorry]

Three weeks later Jim was puking in the toilet.

*What the hell, I don't get sick.* Jim thought.

Jim walked to Uhura's rooms, they'd begun to talk a lot. Jim had told her that the person he was in love with had rejected him, but he hadn't told her who it was only that they were still friends. The way Spock and Jim interacted hadn't changed at all.

The girl was changing when Jim entered. She didn't mind since the first time, Jim had told her that he was still in love with his mystery person and that didn't seem to be changing any time soon.

As soon as Jim entered the room, however, the nausea returned.

"May I use your bathroom?" Jim asked.

"Go ahead, Jim." Uhura answered.

Jim rushed to the bathroom and puked. As he washed out his mouth Jim noticed a pen like object, curious, Jim picked it up and moved to look at all angles.

Jim dropped it when it pricked his finger, "Ow!" he cried.

"Jim?" Uhura asked, opening the door to the bathroom. "What did you do now?"

Jim looked at Uhura, his pricked finger in his mouth.

"Your pen hurt me." Jim said.

Uhura picked up the object.

"Jim this is one of my pregnancy tests," she flipped it over to see the tiny screen. "and it's positive!" she said, surprised.

"What?" Jim cried looking at the screen too "Oh Shit." Jim said.

"Don't worry Jim…" Uhura began.

"I can't help but worry." Jim said biting his lip.

[Chapter five-8 months before]

Jim was writing up his resignation for Starfleet. If Jim stayed then someone would notice that he was acting funny, he couldn't depend on Uhura for the next eight months until the baby was born.

Of course Jim didn't understand how he was pregnant but five more tests and an ultrasound, preformed by Uhura, confirmed it.

Since the child would be at least part Vulcan, the Vulcans would probably want to take the child from him, after all it would be easy to declare him unfit to raise a child.

Jim walked off the Enterprise, as far as the crew, including Uhura, knew he was just on shore leave. Only Jim wouldn't be returning to the Enterprise.

Jim walked to Starfleet's main office and he handed his resignation to the person there and left the building.

Jim was suddenly glad that his late entrance to Starfleet had made him buy a house to stay at , well he rented it at first, then the old woman he who he'd been renting it from had willed it to him. She'd died before he'd captain. The woman had become almost like a mother to him. Always making sure he was home at a certain time, eating right, and even doing his homework. The woman had become his family.

[Chapter six-7 months before]

Jim went to the store and bought baby books, not just on humans but on Vulcans too and Jim read them cover to cover, repeatedly.

Jim bit his kip as he got rid of all the meat in his home and bought vegetables. He wouldn't poison his baby before it was born.

[Chapter seven-6 months before]

Jim began painting the nursery but as he painted he thought about Spock. How the Vulcan would have reacted to the knowledge, most likely panicking, inside at least.

Jim closed his eyes for a moment and a vision assaulted him of Spock handing Jim a bottle to feed their baby, Spock's eyes smiling as he watched Jim.

Jim blinked, then closed his eyes again and a different vision assaulted him, one of Spock watching him from the door way of the nursery as Jim swayed gently with the baby in his arms, Jim was singing softly.

A smile appeared on Jim's face as he opened his and continued painting the room, dancing a little bit while he hummed a Vulcan lullaby.

The nursery was painted in calming blues, greens, and purples with words in Vulcan scattered around the room. Jim had already furnished the room with a white painted crib, a rocking chair, a changing table, and a small play area. Jim had also gotten everything he might need for the baby, diapers, formula, a stroller, blankets, cloths for both a boy and a girl; he wanted the gender to be a surprise, and a car seat.

[Chapter eight-5 months before]

Jim began to hate being alone, it gave him way too much time to think.

By now Jim was beginning to show more, which meant his doctor, who'd been sworn to secrecy had told him stay inside, while continuing to rest and eat right.

Jim flinched as he felt movement from his stomach. Jim set his hand on his stomach and got to thinking about his own childhood.

Jim remembered watching his mother leave, his brother leave, everyone important to him leaving. Jim remembered learning to take care of himself, teaching himself everything a mother and father were suppose to teach their children. Jim remembered learning things the hard way, remembered learning to sew up ripped shirts, pants, socks , and jackets, he remembered learning to knit and crochet to make himself sweaters, socks, and gloves, sometimes even blankets.

Jim remembered running to parks and sleeping under the stars, not wanting to go home. He remembered begging for language lessons from random aliens that he met in order to keep out of trouble.

Jim remembered one of those teachers teaching him to dance, well, it was their species' mating dance and Jim remembered accidently doing it at a bar where one of the species had joined in.

That was one embarrassing conversation the next morning.

[Chapter nine-4 months before]

Jim sighed. How was he going to be a good father, or mother, as the case may be. His childhood sucked and really he had no role model on which to base his parenting on.

Except, well, that you love your child, but any person with half a brain cell could love a child. Heck, Jim had seen a lot of people have children that shouldn't have, he'd seen entire races that probably shouldn't even think about reproducing and Jim was doubting himself again.

Jim picked up his Padd and bit his lip as he searched for an adoption agency to go through to give up his baby.

A week later he told his doctor of his choice. The doctor nodded, suggested some agencies and handed Jim some files of couples who wanted to adopt, for him to look through. Jim thanked the doctor and left for home.

[Chapter ten-3 months before]

Jim was making his breakfast while humming. Jim jumped when he felt the baby kick. Jim sunk into the chair nearest to him and rested a hand on his stomach.

For a brief moment Jim wondered how Spock would react to the baby kicking, would Spock's eyes have a look of wonder in them. Then Jim shook his head. No use thinking about what couldn't be.

Jim looked at the files on his table and reached for one. After reading that one he read another, then another.

After reading all of them, Jim began to think about which one would be best for his child.

Jim immediately dismissed all non-humans because the baby would be mostly human.

Jim looked at the would-be mother Ella Ceal, she looked like she'd be a good mother, her eyes so hopeful. Jim smiled, he'd decided who he'd give his baby to.

But he didn't want to dash her hopes if he decided to keep the baby, so he decided to wait until he was sure he was going to give up his baby, because if he was in her position he would be devastated if he was told he would be getting a baby only to be told the mother had decided to keep the baby.

[Chapter eleven-2 months before]

The last couple months Jim got tired easy so he rested a lot.

Jim sang quietly to the baby as he made his dinner, as he danced around cleaning the living room, or he sang along with music he listened to.

It gave Jim an excuse to make noise, since he didn't want to get attached to the baby, especially since he was giving away the baby.

Jim shook away those thoughts as he stood and stretched, then went to get something to drink. Jim sighed as he felt the baby kick.

"You're as active as your father is," Jim smiled, softly "I hope you'll be just as smart." Jim stopped before he went on.

[Chapter twelve-final month]

The last month Jim was relaxing against his kitchen counter when his contractions began. They were rather far apart so Jim calmly walked around the house to gather the things he would need at the hospital, and Jim called his doctor.

Jim then drove to the hospital as his contractions grew closer and longer.

Hours later Jim was finishing having the baby, tears of pain were streaming down his face as his doctor calmly told him to push one more time.

Jim felt the baby slip out and start crying. All Jim could focus on was the cry as he fell back into a laying down position on the bed. He didn't hear the doctor cut the umbilical cord, didn't hear the nurses murmuring to themselves as they cleaned the baby, and Jim barely heard the doctor tell him he had a perfectly healthy part Vulcan boy as the doctor passed the child to the new mother.

Jim wrapped his arms around the blue blanketed bundle and counted fingers and toes. Then he traced his finger over pointed ears with a soft smile, he was in love again. Jim bit his lip as he was left alone with the child.

"How the hell am I gonna give you up, love?" he asked the baby, who looked up at him with beautiful blue eyes and gurgled happily. "I can't, can I, give you up? It would break my heart. It's not that I don't love you baby, but I haven't got anything to offer you."

The baby looked up at Jim and curled his hand around Jim's pointer finger, from the hand that had rested on where the baby's chest was under the blanket after tracing the baby's ear.

And looking at the baby Jim realized that he suddenly didn't care, he couldn't give up this little boy, he was Jim's, the only gift the man he was in love with had given him, even by accident. Jim hugged the little boy close.

"I'll make it work, okay, love?"

The baby began to whimper a little so Jim reached for the bottle he'd seen a nurse place on the bedside table before she left and began to feed the baby, humming softly, suddenly glad he had not told the couple he had chosen, he would have broken their hearts, or broken his own.

The baby finished the bottle and Jim patted his back to make him burp, after which the blue wrapped bundle drifted off to sleep.

"I love you, sunshine, but you need a name," Jim paused to consider the little boy's sleeping face. "I wanted to name one of my children after my father, but George doesn't really fit you, does it? If we shorten it to 'Joey', it could work, but I'm not going to keep your other father from you either, so what about George Serek, Serek after your father's father." Jim stopped. "My little Joey Serek." Jim smiled gently and began to hum again.

Jim was allowed to leave the next day with the baby. Jim went home and fell into a routine within a few days.

Jim held the baby against his chest so that Joey's head was against his left shoulder and Joey's feet were near his right hip as he was held diagonally across Jim's torso. Jim was swaying slightly as he fed the baby. Jim burped the baby as the doorbell rang. Jim set the baby in the basket he had in the living room for Joey's naps and went to answer the door.

Jim opened the door and was surprised to see his mother standing there.

"I heard you quit Starfleet." Was all she said.

Jim raised an eyebrow, "Oh?" Jim asked.

"I just want you to know I won't help you… and you are throwing your life away, you were finally doing good."

"If I wanted your help I would have asked for it, and I don't care what you think, don't come back Winona." Jim said, shutting the door on her face.

Jim walked to Joey, picked him up and held him close, feeling the tears fill his eyes.

Joey just looked at his mother quietly before snuggling into Jim's chest and going back to sleep.

"Don't worry, Joey, I'll never be as mean to you as my mother was to me," Jim glanced at Joey's sleeping face. "Even if you look like Spock, you're all I have left of him and that's all that matters and I'm sorry in advance if on some days it seems like I hate you, if on some days I yell at and cry for no reason, if on some days you know I'm sad and regretful, but know this, Joey, I will always love you, you will always come first…"

I have two contiuations on this, where Spock finds out, one when Joey is five and another when Joey is sixteen if you want me to post them i wil just let me know ^-^