*I do not own these characters of 30 Rock, The Vampire Diaries, and House M.D.*
At Princeton-Plainsboro, Dr. House who is a famous diagnostician. He was in the ER looking for a new patient. Dr. Cameron walks up to another patient.
"House, are you here for another patient?" Cameron asked.
"Isn't that what doctors are supposed to be here for?" House said.
"Okay…, his name is Kenneth and he complains of being insane and he has two bite marks on his neck." Cameron said.
"He complains of talking to a vampire?" House asked. "Wow, he is insane; sure I'll take him to go."
In his office, Thirteen and Dr. Foreman are sitting at the table. [Taub is missing since he handed in his resignation because he only wanted to practice medicine with House and no one has seen him.] House walks in.
"We got another case!" House said with sarcastic joy.
"What's the case?" Forman asked.
"A patient complaining of insanity; he thought he got bitten by a vampire." House said.
"Why do we have to diagnose and treat a patient who complains of insanity?" Thirteen asked.
"Because he has two bite marks on his neck, practically blue in the face, and he has black finger tips." House explained.
"That explains that he's an insane cocaine addict." Forman said.
"Well, maybe there are vampires lurking around." Thirteen concluded.
"You must be insane too then." House said.
"You're just saying that because she has Huntington disease." Forman said.
Then two men were at the door standing under the doorway.
"Where did you two come from?" Forman asked.
"I was waiting to talk to Dr. Gregory House." The man said.
"I'm him." House said bluntly.
"I'm Stefan Salvatore and this is my brother, Damon Salvatore, we're from Mystic Falls, Virginia." Stefan said.
"And you want….?" Thirteen asked.
"I wanted to discuss your 'No such thing as vampire's theory' and prove you guys wrong." Damon said.
"There are no such things as vampires, it's not logical." House explained sarcastically.
"Look at my mouth, usually vampires have fangs." Stefan explained.
Stefan opened his mouth and in his mouth were fangs.
"What the hell!" House said in shock.
Wilson, who was also standing in the doorway behind Stefan and Damon, was confused.
"Can't those fangs be made of rubber?" Wilson asked.
"Do you want me to bite you?" Damon said offering.
"Bite me." Thirteen said taking one for the team.
Damon the goes for Thirteen, but clearly he has no regret when he bites her no matter the consequences. Damon then bites her. Two seconds passed, Damon was finished biting thirteen. There were two little holes on her neck.
"That's impossible!" Wilson said with disbelief.
"That's it you bite her?" House asked.
House really wanted the biting to be more dramatic, like in the movies that have vampires in them such as: Dracula.
"Where was the dramatic effect?" House asked.
There usually is some dramatic effect, but… uh… this was a demonstration. Stefan said. "I told Damon not to actually suck blood out of her."
"I usually drink human blood, but with recent events, I've been drink animal blood." Damon said.
Then running around like a maniac, Kenneth was looking for Damon and Stefan.
"There he is, he's the one who bit me!" Kenneth screamed pointing at Stefan.
The nurses were grabbing Kenneth then House walked up.
"Let him go, he's with me." House said.
"Thank you." Kenneth said relived.
"It DOESN'T MEAN I BELIEVE IN VAMPIRES! House shouted to grab more attention.
"You know we can here you." Stefan said.
"Yeah, that kinda hurts our feelings, but I don't care…. You can believe what you want." Damon said.
"Yeah, I know you can hear me." House said.
"We have one of our doctors with the same condition, but she doesn't have the same symptoms you have." Forman explained.
"Like your black finger tips." House said. "That could explain that you were using cocaine or is there something else?"
"I don't use cocaine, that's like putting dirt in your system." Kenneth replied.
House then turns to everybody.
"Is he for real?" House replied. "You can't possibly say that with a straight face!"
"You would know House." Thirteen replied.
"Yes, I know!" House confirmed.
Wilson ignoring the irrational fight asks, "Where do you work?"
"I work at the NBC Studios at 30 Rockefeller St. in New York City. I work for Miss. Liz Lemon and Mr. Jack Donigee on TGS." Kenneth said.
"Wow, I love that show." Damon said.
Stefan just looked at Damon shocked and confused.
"What, do think I just sit there in the dark when I'm at home?" Damon asked.
"I love that show too!" Thirteen said.
"Okay, back to the fact that we might have a "Vampire" in the same room as we are!" House said sarcastically.
House said this putting "Vampires" in air quotes.
"You want more proof?" Damon said.
"Yes." House confirmed bluntly.
"Just take him to his room." Forman told the nurses who were standing near bye.
"Goodbye everyone!" Kenneth said waving his hand happily.
Back in Kenneth's room, Thirteen and Foreman were giving Kenneth more morphine. Liz Lemon came through the door with Tracy Jordan.
"Hi, Kenneth, how is my favorite buddy?" Tracy said.
"I'm going to be fine, Wait; I thought Dot-com was your best bud?" Kenneth asked.
"Not in New Jersey, he's not." Tracy said.
Liz walked up to Thirteen and Forman trying to explain them.
"What's up with them?" Forman asked.
"They're just friendly." Liz said walking out the door.
"Wow, you guys are weird." Thirteen said.
Back in House's office, Wilson, House and House's team are trying to figure out why Kenneth has black finger tips and keeps getting blood clots. Stefan and Damon try to convince them that there are such things as vampires.
"Actually, I have a picture of my fridge and a witness." Stefan said.
Stefan showed them the picture from the iPhone.
"So, I have one too, and it's fancy like that." House mocked.
Damon turned on his MacBook and it was on video chat with Elena Gilbert, Damon and Stefan's friend.
"Hey, guys." Elena said. "Everyone, especially Dr. House, I am a witness of seeing vampires, good and bad. I didn't believe them at first then certain events led me to my belief. Stefan and Damon are good, as I believe."
"That reminds me of that book, what is it? 'Twilight or something.'" House said, "With the sparkly vampire, how ridiculous." He said bluntly.
In Kenneth's room, the team found the diagnosis. Apparently someone slipped cocaine in Kenneth's food once.
"I'm sorry Kenneth; I did it, now I feel bad about it." Tracy said. "I won't bother you for a week."
"There is your source." House said. "Stupid, but there is your source."
"You are not insane; just don't tell anybody there are such things as vampires." Stefan said. "Sorry, for biting you, it was an accident."
Stefan turns to thirteen.
"And you (points to Thirteen) don't have the bite in the sunlight until tomorrow, it will get infected and inject yourself with Verlaine." Stefan said.
"Kenneth." Damon said.
Thirteen and Kenneth put their hand over their bites. Kenneth's bite is already infected.
"My bite is already infected, Mr. Damon Salvatore." Kenneth said. "What do I do?"
"Actually, I don't know, go ask a doctor." Damon said wanting to leave. "Or you could ask Doctor House."