I am Elizabeth Cordelia Midford.
I am a lady. Fiancé of the queen's watchdog.
My responsibility is to be delicate and pretty.
But how can I when I'm afraid of myself?
Of my own strength. How can I be so strong but couldn't even protect my fiancé?
I was betrothed to Ciel but he and his brother had managed to get kidnapped that fateful day.
For a month I heard no word of their survival.
Of Ciel's survival.
I was angry at myself for being so powerless.
But then one day he came back.
He was thinner and quieter but he was alive and that's all that mattered to me.
I felt sorry for his frailer brother who had died, but honestly I didn't know much about him. He was quiet. Shy even. We never talked. It helped me feel a bit less guilty at not feeling sorry for his death.
I hugged Ciel with all my might, pouring all of my love into that single touch.
He hugged me back, but if felt different; unsure.
I simply thought he had been under stress. That's why he was acting so abnormal. I wished I could have seen the signs sooner.
Three years had passed and the boy I once knew had changed. He became cold; distant.
He grew to hate the dark and often had nightmares he told no one about.
Strangely he cried out his own name in his sleep, crying quietly.
It made my heart break to see how badly he was suffering.
I tried my best to make him into his old self.
My efforts were in vain. Every push made him grow farther away from me. He would often lash out in anger if I ever mentioned his brother. I still thought of him on occasion, that poor timid boy being the only one to suffer alone.
But then I slowly started to put the pieces together. His distance. Memories between us he couldn't remember. The absolutely hatred of what we used to love doing. This boy wasn't Ciel. He was an imposter.
He was Astre.
For three years, I had been lied to.
The realization was devastating. I was angry. I was hurt. The love of my life had been long since departed from this earth. The boy who I loved, who I was destined to marry.
For the longest time, I hated Astre.
He was a painful reminder of what happened to my fiancé.
But I soon began to see more layers to him.
His wisdom.
His generosity.
His kindness.
His patience.
His determination.
All the qualities Ciel never had.
And slowly I fell for Astre.
I felt as if I were betraying Ciel somehow, but I couldn't help myself.
That's why I vowed to do anything to protect him.
I'd risk life and limb for him; for I was the wife on the queen's watchdog, and no-one would change that.