Disclaimer: Nothing familiar is of my doing, unfortunately :(
A/N: Happy Turkey Day once again everyone. So this is just another random Careese story. Yeah, what else is new :) Not exactly holiday themed but I hope that's fine with the rest of you ;D
A New Future
Just please think about it Joss
Joss began rubbing her temple in slow circles, hoping to alleviate the moderately growing headache. She just came home from dropping Taylor off with his father when Paul dropped a huge question on her. It had been on her mind the whole drive home and once she got cleaned up, Joss just dropped herself on the couch as she thought about everything.
Paul had changed, there was no doubt about that. He told her about all the meetings he'd go to and even introduced her to his sponsor who was a fellow vet also battling through PTSD. The effort was there and Joss was happy for him but to even consider getting back together, why was she struggling to figure out what to do. She and Paul separated ten years ago and although he finally got the help she wanted him to, they weren't the same people anymore.
Joss's only priority had been to protect Taylor and because of the separation, she closed her heart off and refused to let anyone in. If the person she took vows with broke her trust, then she would be alone so that she couldn't be hurt again.
And it worked. Even though her fellow officers thought of her as stuck up, Joss was able to focus on her career which shifted with her new life from pursuing law to enrolling in the police academy. Taylor was growing up to be a happy little boy and Joss constantly told herself that she was doing what she did for his sake.
Her heart didn't miss the presence of a man and she was perfectly fine, becoming the top homicide detective in her precinct. Things were going smoothly, until one night she chose to interrogate a bum who got into a fight on a subway car. Since that night, her life changed in ways she never expected.
Joss let a small smile snake its way to her lips as she thought about the vigilante John Reese and how their strange relationship blossomed into something that she couldn't see herself living without. There was some guilt as well because even though Taylor adored John, Joss wondered if it was fair to her son to deny the possibility of her and Paul getting back together. His feelings were too important and it was clear whenever she dropped him off that he was happy to hang out with Paul when they had a chance.
"But would it be fair to go back to something that I just don't want anymore for Taylor? All he wants for me is to be happy. He remembered how bad Paul hurt me." Joss muttered to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head against it, remembering the arguments and shattered lamps that lay across the hardwood floor.
A long sigh escaped her lips as her thoughts went back to John. He was so much different than Paul and that just didn't mean skin color. John understood her, managed to get past her defenses to worm his way into her heart after she had closed it off for so long. He even managed to surprise her sometimes because he tried so hard to do right. Most people, like Paul before they separated, felt like they weren't responsible for what happened. John, however, was willing to give up his own life to make amends for those he took while under orders from the CIA.
Joss wanted him. John was so beautiful but too hard on himself for something that wasn't his fault. It was amazing that when he gave himself over to someone, you became his everything. Jessica was a lucky woman to have that for however long he was with her.
Even with what happened, John still had the piece of mind to separate himself from the killer the CIA turned him into and managed to get Peter into that Mexican prison that a few years ago informed her that he had delivered Marshall Jennings to them. There was still that light behind those light blue eyes, even if he wanted to deny it.
Joss wondered what he would do if he had a second chance with Jessica after experiencing this life with Harold and Shaw while helping those people in need. She could say for sure that hanging out with the three of them along with Lionel have changed her outlook when it came to trusting others. She knew each one of them had her back as much as she had theirs. That's more than what she could say for officers at her own precinct that was possibly under the thumb of some corrupt organizations like HR.
A light rapping against her door shook Joss from her thoughts. Looking up briefly at an overhanging clock, it was a few minutes past ten. Suspecting who it was, she rolled her eyes before pushing herself off the couch and walked over to the door. Standing up on her tiptoes, Joss looked through the peephole and as suspected, the stunning vigilante was on the other side.
Shaking her head in disbelief, Joss lowered before undoing the locks and opened the door before leaning up against it. "So what brings you to my neck of the woods John?" she asked coyly, fully expecting John to ask for her help with a case. Instead, he held up a paper bag and a six-pack.
"I thought I'd stop by and we'd hang out Carter unless you're busy" John took a moment to take her in as she wore a pair of baby blue drawstring pants and a white spaghetti strap t-shirt while her hair sat on her head in a messy bun. To see her in such a relaxed stated left John in an enamored trance, thinking how beautiful she looked standing before him. Her posture relaxed and he could see the stunned look on her face. "Not what you were expecting?"
"Well, no. Normally, you need my help with a case." Joss realized that it'd been almost two weeks since they got to sat down and enjoy each other's presence without the company of their friends. Schedules made it pretty hard.
John's face lit up. "I wouldn't ask a beautiful lady to do a boring stakeout with me this late at night. I'd thought you knew me better than that."
Joss chuckled as she brushed off the compliment. "Uh huh. I still don't believe you but you might as well come on it." Once he stepped across the threshold, Joss secured the door behind him to keep the cold October air from her heated home. When she turned around, John had already made himself comfortable, removing and hanging his coat before having a seat on the couch next to where she had occupied only a few minutes before.
"So how's Taylor holding up?" John asked as she took her seat again.
Joss simply nodded her head. "He seems happy. It's still taking him some time to understand that his dad is back in his life but they are both willing to make the effort." John handed her a beer to which she thanked him for. "I'm glad that Paul finally found the help he needed. I just wish that it didn't take us getting divorced to do it" she voiced as she held the unopened can in her hands. Paul's offer sprung to mind again.
Seeing her beginning to remember bad times, John did his best to comfort her. "Sometimes it takes extremes for someone to take the hint. You clearly tried everything you could."
"Yeah, so what's in the bag?"
"Some pastrami sandwiches from a bodega near my place." John reached into the bag that sat on the table and pulled out two rolls wrapped in plastic before handing one to her. He then decided to continue on. "It doesn't make you a bad guy Joss. You were just a mother wanting to protect her son. That was the past and there's nothing you can do except remember how your life changed because of it." John's mind began to slip to Jessica and the regret that still lingered because he didn't choose her instead of relisting.
The silence stretched between them as Joss put her beer on the table to take a few bites of the sandwich. Her chewing was slow and deliberate as she looked over at the man next to her that was enjoying his food too. Joss knew how hard it was for John to believe that he didn't do anything wrong. His reassurance meant a lot to her but she felt that he was still too hard on himself.
Swallowing, Joss fidgeted with the plastic before speaking up. "Paul asked me to think about getting back together." She saw John's back grow rigid as something flashed across his face before it was quickly hidden behind his stoic mask.
"I'm happy for you Joss. You deserve to have that back and I'm sure Taylor will be glad for the good news." John's voice was cold and detached because his heart felt like it was tearing in two. Once again, he was too late because, in truth, he felt like he had fallen head over heels in love with Joss since they first met. He didn't deserve her anyway. His hands were stained with innocent blood while she tried to save people. Paul was a lucky man because the woman sitting before him was truly one of a kind. "I should go" he uttered suddenly, picking up the half-eaten sandwich and beer to throw away.
"I'm going to let him down" Joss announced, causing him to pause just behind her couch but she refused to look at him. "Maybe if this had been a few years ago, I would have said yes but things are different now. We're not the same people we were when we got married and had a son together. No…I have feelings for another who understands me in the here and now." Putting her own things down, she pushed herself up to walk around to stand in front of John. "You might think that no one should care about you but that's not true."
John continued to avoid her piercing gaze. "We're friends Joss. Of course, I care about you."
She mere scoffed. "Is that all there is between us? It seems like we have this thing that neither one of us know what to call it." Joss took a step closer. "We shouldn't even associate with each other because of where we stand when it comes to the law. Instead, it took that night. Even after you saved me from Bottlecap, I still…" Her mind went back to when Snow deceived her and John were led into the trap. She couldn't stop feeling sick to her stomach for a week. "How could you still find a reason to get involved with me after what I did?"
"Because you were doing what you thought was right. It's that moral compass of yours Joss. I needed that to help me find my way. You gave me that second chance." John let out a deep sigh before finally looking at Joss, taking her back with how stunning his blue eyes were. They were like a deep ocean boring into her soul and Joss's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. "If…If I had another chance with Jessica, I feel like I've changed too much to be able to go back to that. You understand who I am and why I do what I do. Joss…you're the one I want but I don't think…"
John didn't even get a chance to finish his sentence because Joss rushed forward, threw her hands around his neck, and pulled him down to press her lips to his in a soft kiss.
No matter how Joss thought about how kissing John Reese would be like, it was completely blown away by this reality. Her hands drifted, digging into his short salt and pepper hair as she did her best to eliminate the space between them.
John was momentarily distracted before he too threw his arms around Joss's smaller frame, his hands landing on her voluptuous rear that squeezed tenderly. His lips moved over hers lovingly before growling impatiently because he wanted entry into her warm mouth and John knew it was only a matter of time before she relented.
"John" Joss moaned breathlessly when she finally pulled her lips from his. John's nose inhaled her jasmine scent before tracing her cheek, jawline, and then her neck. Finally, John nipped the skin there lightly with his teeth. "Mmm," Joss purred as her body quivered under his ministrations.
The haze of lust lifted however as both realized that they had to stop this before it went too far and the two slowly pulled back to look at each other.
Subconsciously, Joss reached up and traced a finger to her lips. "Wow John, I always thought you were a good kisser."
He looked away embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't exactly thinking."
"Well, I was" she threw back. "And I know that you think I'm someone that you don't think you deserve but dammit it John, isn't that my call to make." Joss reached up and put her hand over his heart. "I want the man that I feel beating under my fingers. I want the person who selfishly puts his own well-being last because he gives more of a damn for complete strangers." Joss's voice dropped as her throat tightened at the memory she pulled for her next words. "I want the John Reese who kept his promise when he went to save my son."
John's body flinched as he remembered the fear in her voice when she wanted his promise like it was yesterday. Even though they had their fallout, he would never stop protecting her or Taylor. Any criminal that so much as harmed a hair on either of their heads would have to answer to him, plain and simple.
When their eyes finally connected, John cupped Joss's face in his hands. "And I want the Jocelyn Carter that looked at a bum and gave him kindness when he thought he had nothing left." His voice was raw with emotion.
"So why are we fighting this John? I don't want to know what it's like to be alone ever again."
John gave her lips a brief kiss. "You won't Joss because I'll be there for you."
The smile Joss gave him could have lit up the city as she hugged herself tightly to him with John returning the gesture. "Who knew that beer and sandwiches would end up with us finally moving our relationship forward?" She mumbled into his shift, causing him to laugh.
"Well Joss, if we're doing this, I gotta tell you that I've been sitting on my hands for all these years to keep me from dragging you to the first surface I see and having my way with you."
Her eyes peeked out to look at him, a wicked smile inching on her lips. "Really? Well, you're not the only one John. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You just ooze sex appeal. A normal woman like me only barely kept her hands to herself." Arms snaked up to the first button on his crisp, white shirt before slipping it through its hole.
John lifted an eyebrow. "I don't know. As much as I like the idea of making my fantasy a reality, shouldn't we take things slow, maybe try to have dinner or something."
"John," she said in a sing-song voice. "We've had three years of everything that could possibly happen. I think we've moved slow enough."
"I don't think that stakeouts with bitter coffee are my idea of a romantic date Joss."
She snickered before dancing out of his arms. "You may not think so but we're together when we do things like that. We talk about everything and nothing. That's better than any date in a romantic restaurant, especially with your unpredictable schedule."
The smile that graced John's face took her breath away. "That's why I fell for you, Joss. You aren't about trivial things. I have enough money to give you the world and yet all I need is to taste your lips to be a happy man." His mind got momentarily distracted as she reached up to undo the bun and allow her dark mane to fall free. "Uh, what are you doing?"
Joss's eyes sparkled with innocence. "What? I'm just getting comfortable. Don't tell me you're already getting hot under the collar." She could see those dark blue irises blazing but pretended she didn't notice as she slowly dragged her right hand up, slipped it underneath the left strap of her shirt before easing it down to rest off her shoulder.
John's nose flared as he squeezed his fist to keep from grabbing Joss and ravishing her. To be given a glimpse of her bare skin sent the blood rushing south in a hurry. "You're an evil woman Joss Carter" he hissed through clenched teeth.
"I know." With confidence, she turned around and headed up the stairs towards her bedroom, knowing he'd follow. Joss knew that Taylor would be happy with the change because he saw John as his role model. She was confident that she wouldn't regret her choice. In fact, she wanted to have everything with John and that included being together until they were old and gray. First things first though, she'd have to talk to him about living arrangements because there was no way she was going to wake up without this man in her bed every morning.
As John took the steps two at a time while finishing unbuttoning his shirt, he was thinking how fortunate he was to have this woman in his life. He wanted to make her his in each and every way. That would wait for the right time though as this was still a big step for both of them after trying their hand at love before and being hurt.
Even with all the trials and tribulations they'd encounter, John and Joss knew it would be worth it as long as they had each other.