Moving On
Spike watched as the light in the upstairs window flickered out. He blew out a plume of smoke and then dropped what was left of his cigarette drop to the ground. He rubbed it out with one black boot. There was already a small pile of cigarette butts at his feet. He contemplated lighting another one but dismissed the idea since she would be coming out soon.
He glanced to the kitchen window that still held a soft glow.
"Idiots," he muttered. They still believed that when she went upstairs to bed, that she'd stay up there. They didn't know that every night for the past week, she had snuck out of the house and wandered around Sunnydale. By herself. At night. And in a town like Sunnydale, wandering around alone at night could get a person killed.
Unless you were a Slayer.
He closed his eyes at the sudden memory. The smell of her hair, the tilt of her head, the fierce look in her eyes when she went into battle, it all caused a pain to his unbeating heart.
He might have stood there all night remembering except that he heard the telltale click of a window unlocking and then the rubbing sound as the window slid up. He opened his eyes to the upstairs window. There she was, invisible to human eyes on this moonless night, but to his enhanced eyes she was a stark silhouette. He watched as she carefully climbed out her window and swung her small body over the edge of the roof and then carefully drop to the ground. The first couple of times Dawn had done that she had narrowly avoided breaking her leg. But over the course of the week, she had mastered the art of sneaking out.
Spike faded into the shadows as she made her ways towards his spot by the tree. She passed within an inch of him and never knew he was there. Her older sister, Buffy, would have sensed his presence. There was this one time….he pushed the memory aside and followed the girl.
He kept his distance. Close enough so that should she run into trouble, he'd be near but far enough back so that she wouldn't hear him. The girl wasn't stupid. She knew what was out there. She wouldn't be able to defend herself but he didn't want her seeing him. He just wanted her safe.
Dawn always seemed to follow the same routine. A walk around town followed by a stop to her mom's grave, then to her sister's grave, followed by another walk around town. A couple of times some demon ugly would size her up for dinner. Spike took care of them. They wouldn't be hunting her every again.
This night was no different. But she stayed longer at her sister's grave. He could hear her talking to Buffy but he tuned it out. Not out of politeness because he was a demon after all, but because he wanted to talk to Buffy himself. He hopped up on a mausoleum and watched Dawn commune with her dead sister. His body stayed alert while his mind drifted off.
He didn't know how long he sat like that but then he felt the presence of something and he whipped his arm out to his right. His fist connected solidly with something and his heard turned to see what he had caught.
He sighed in absolute disgust when he realized it was Xander. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Following Dawn. What the hell are you doing here?" Xander rubbed his chin where Spike had hit him.
"Same. Sweet pea is talking to big sis. Figured she should have someone watching over her, since you blokes can't seem to do it."
"We are taking care of her! Someone is always at the house! We take her places, we cook for her, we…"
"Then why does she keep fooling you into believing she's sound asleep upstairs, when she's actually out here?"
Xander was silent.
"I'm the only one who can take care of her anyway. I'm the only one strong enough."
"Then take her to the park. Oh. Wait. Gee, you can't. I forgot." Xander shook his head in annoyance.
Spike glared at the boy. "Get lost. I can watch her. I've been doing it all bloody week."
Xander raised an eyebrow at the vampire. "All week? I thought tonight was the first."
"I rest my case. You idiots can't take care of her. Can't you see she's in pain? She has no family left."
Xander watched Spike carefully. "Of course she's in pain. Yeah, we know it. But do we know what to do about it? No. No one does. We're all in pain. All of us with souls anyways."
Spike didn't bother giving the last comment a response. "I can take care of her. Help ease her pain"
"Oh yeah? Then why are you way over here and she's way over there? You're just as clueless as the rest of us. And the pathetic part? You've been around for well over a century and you don't know what to do. I guess that comes from causing people's pain and not easing it."
Spike looked away from Xander and back to Dawn. She knelt on her sister's grave, very close to the tombstone. As if she could be closer to her sister. Xander watched Dawn as well.
"Why were you following Dawn all week?" Xander asked after a few minutes.
"So she wouldn't get hurt by some big nasty."
"Why?"
"I made a promise. I told Bu-….I told her sister that I'd protect her to the end of the world."
"I didn't think vampires would hold to a promise."
Spike didn't even glance at Xander. "Shows what you know."
Xander sighed. "I just don't get you. You're a vampire. You should be out killing, maiming, trying to end the world. And instead? You're following a young teenage girl into a graveyard to make sure nothing happens to her."
"World's a funny place," the vampire muttered.
Xander looked sad for a moment. "No. No, it's not. It's a very bad place if it allows people like Buffy to die to protect her own sister."
Spike mirrored Xander's expression. "Yeah."
"I better get her home," Xander said slowly.
"No. She has to do this. Whatever this is. She has to do it. On her own." Spike turned to look at the boy. "Take off. I'll make sure she gets home okay."
"Like I'm supposed to trust you."
"Didn't ask you to. Trust the Slayer. She asked me to protect her sister. She trusted me with that task."
"Why?"
Spike gave him an annoyed look. "'Why' what?"
"Why are you watching over Dawn like some evil, demonic guardian angel?"
"I told you. I made a promise to a lady."
"Nah. Not good enough. There has to be some ulterior motive. Is it because Dawn's the Key? You're thinking if you have possession of her you can use her to get that chip-"
Spike grabbed the front of Xander's shirt and pulled their faces close. "I love Buffy. Wholly. Completely. She's in my blood. She asked me to take care of the one person who meant more to her than her own life. The person she died for. I'm not going to let her sacrifice mean nothing. The kid will lead a long and full life thanks to her sister. And I plan on making sure nothing supernatural makes a meal out of the little nibblet. Got that?"
Xander calmly watched Spike's face. He could see the raw emotion on the vampire's face. "My God…" he breathed. "You really did love her."
Spike shoved Xander away from him. He didn't say a word. Xander watched Spike with great interest.
"I loved her too, once upon a time. She only saw me as a friend. And I grew to accept that. I still love her. But not like I used to." Xander gave a little laugh. "Or maybe I'm just fooling myself."
"Probably," Spike retorted. "But I understand. She was like none other. She had fire. She had strength. And she could look at you like…."
Xander nodded. "Yeah. Like you were the only person in the room. She never looked at me quite that way. I saw her look at Angel that way. And in that moment, I really hated that guy."
Spike glanced sidelong at the mortal sitting next to him. "One time she looked at me like I was something special. Something she had never encountered before. It confused her but she was grateful."
Xander frowned. "When was that?"
"Right after Glory cleaned my clock. I thought Buffy was my robot and told her that I could never betray her or the little nibblet. She looked at me that way. Surprised, confused, some emotion I could never, will never be able to describe. And then she kissed me."
Spike paused as he savored the memory.
"She was so warm. I knew right away she wasn't the robot. The robot could never have that fire, that warmth that Buffy had. I would've had myself beaten to a bloody pulp every sodding night, if I could just have that kiss one more time."
The vampire could feel the pain in his chest expand. If he wasn't careful he might start to sob. And he'd be un-damned if he'd let this boy see him upset.
"I really miss her," Xander said suddenly.
"Me too, mate, me too. I don't know what I can do for the girl. I can keep the uglies away but I can't make her stop missing her sister. I can't make myself stop missing her. But a guy's gotta try, you know?"
"Yeah," Xander said slowly. "I do know."
Vampire and human shared a knowing look.
After awhile, they both realized that Dawn had fallen asleep on her sister's grave. They hopped down from the mausoleum and cautiously approached the sleeping girl. She was curled up against her sister's tombstone. Spike bent down and carefully picked up the sleeping girl. It looked like this was the best sleep the girl had had in days.
Spike couldn't help wishing she looked something like her sister. But he'd take care of her. He had to. It was the closest he'd ever get to Buffy now.
Together he and Xander walked Dawn home. Back to the place that didn't feel like home to her anymore. If it did, she wouldn't be sleeping on her sister's grave in the most unsafe place in town.