AN: This comes from watching sleeping beauty at two in the morning and being sleep deprived. Don't ask... Just Don't ask.
Disclaimer: As evidenced by this travesty. I clearly don't own Harry Potter.
In a magical land called Hogwarts their lived a King called James and a Queen called Lily, who was throwing a grand ball in honour of their new born son Harry.
Now at this ball were all manner of people including the god parents of the new prince. The first godparent was the dashing Sirius Black, a powerful fairy... ("Fairy!" Sirius shouts at the author, "I am not some pretty fairy. I am the most powerful, good looking, daring, gorgeous looking, brave, handsome wizard in the world!" The author ignores him and goes on with the story. Sirius sulks). Sirius decided to gift young Harry with a powerful spell, mainly because he was too cheap to go out and buy him a proper gift.
Sirius strolled up to the cradle, shooting dashing smiles at the women who fluttered and fainted as he walked by. With a flutter of his wand, he said, "Harry, I give you the ability to charm any woman that you wish, just like me". Thus the spell was cast, although some would argue that since it didn't rhyme it was kind of cheating.
Then the next godmother strolled over. She, Minerva McGonagall was a stern witch who had just been in an argument over which House at school Harry would be in with a fellow professor. She had originally planned to gift him with song and beauty, but really those were rubbish gifts and she wanted to ensure that he would be in her House, seeing as she was the most Gryffindor of Gryffindors.
So she said to Harry, "Oh little baby, young with age. I give you courage to make you the most brave." And the people were much more satisfied with that, for it was a proper spell with rhyme and all.
Then the next godfather, a haggard man called Remus Lupin, walked up and he been a sensible sort kept it short and sweet, "Little Prince with eagerness to learn, I gift you the brains so knowledge you'll earn".
Finally the last godmother made her way to the cradle, but before she could speak there was a great commotion by the staircase and a woman with great, big, bug-eyed glasses, dressed like a hippie descended wagging her finger at the cradle.
"Death!" she cried, "Death, for the babe. By his 16th birthday he'll prick his finger on a spinning wheel and die"!!!!
But since this was Trelawney speaking, no one listened to her and instead she was bustled into the back of a carriage and taken to an insane asylum where she lived out the rest of her days happily making predictions of death for the other patience and not one of her predictions came true.
However the final godmother was a bit thick and gullible and had studied under Trelawney, and she was called Lavender Patil. She grew worried at her teachers' prediction and so gave a new gift to the prince.
"Sweet prince, if through truth or trick a
spindle should your finger prick, a ray of hope there
still may be in this, the gift I give at thee. Not in death
but just in sleep the fateful prophecy you'll keep, and
from this slumber you shall wake when true love's kiss
the spell shall break".
And so her gift was given, but instead of been happy at the spells change from death to sleep, the people were angry for she had made it certain that he would fall asleep if he pricked his finger.
So James and Lily ordered all spinning wheels in the land destroyed and just to make certain that the baby wouldn't die he ordered the Godparents to take the baby and raise him in seclusion far away from any spinning wheel.
So they left in the dead of night and many were sad that they left, but none was more sad then Sirius for he was leaving behind a harem of veela to raise a baby, which being the confirmed bachelor that he was, he was none to pleased about.
Sixteen years passed and Harry grew in isolation, not knowing of his heritage. He grew into a good looking boy with beautiful eyes but terrible sight so that he had to wear glasses, and though he had the ability to charm any woman he had never met any so that gift was a bit wasted. His love of learning made him incredibly smart, but his bravery made him long for an adventure and he would often leave his house to go into the woods where he lived.
It was in these woods that he heard a strange sound; it was that of a woman, humming off key. Now Harry had never met any woman other than his godmothers so thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He promptly, in the manner of teenagers fell in love with her.
"What is a fair maiden, like you doing in these woods?" Harry asked the girl.
"I'm hunting Snorkacks. What is a fair man like you doing in these woods?" She responded.
"Snorkacks! What a strange name, but isn't it only men who hunt?"
"Don't be silly. Snorkacks are like unicorns they won't go near men".
"Oh! Sorry. What is your name"?
"I'm Luna, what is yours"?
"Harry".
Then the two spent some time conversing. But little did Harry know that Luna was a princess and she had fallen in love with Harry although she was betrothed to a prince. For this Luna was very sad, but she was determined that she was going to marry Harry no matter what. If she had known that Harry was the prince it would have saved her a lot of bother. The two decided to meet later that night.
Harry went home and met his godparents.
"Why are you so happy?" asked Remus.
"I met a beautiful, blonde girl today." Harry answered.
"Really, did she have big b..." Sirius began to ask eagerly, but was elbowed by Minerva.
"Huge," Harry answered, "and I am in love with them... her"!
Harry was so happy but that quickly turned to dismay as he was for the first time told the truth of his heritage. He then proceeded to have a massive emo fit.
Later that day he was taken in secret back to the palace.
Meanwhile an evil wizard named Voldemort found out through his spy Wormtail, that Harry was returning to the palace and seeing as he was a very evil wizard, he decided to lay a trap for him. He hid a spinning wheel laced with the drought of living death in the princes' room and cackling with glee waited for the prince to come.
His plan worked and Harry fell asleep, and his godparents not wanting to own up to having failed at the last placed the waiting populace in an enchanted sleep.
Luna meanwhile had gone to the place where they had agreed to meet, and was captured by the evil Voldemort, but she was so crazy that she was driving Voldemort insane. He was so insane that instead of killing her, he let her go.
Luna went to Harry and kissed him and he woke up. The evil Voldemort, enraged tried to kill Harry, but because he had just been kissed with true love the spell backfired and Harry was unwittingly gifted a new gift. That of parseltongue.
Then they and everyone else were reunited and Luna and Harry married and lived happily ever after.
That is until Harry met a bushy haired bookworm.
But that's another story.