On the first day of Christmas Tom Collins gave to me, a textbook on philosophy.

On the second day of Christmas Angel gave to me, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the third day of Christmas Maureen gave to me, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the fourth day of Christmas Mimi gave to me, four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the fifth day of Christmas Mark gave to me, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the sixth day of Christmas Benny gave to me, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the seventh day of Christmas Roger gave to me, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the eighth day of Christmas Joanne gave to me, eight Doc Martins, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the ninth day of Christmas Jonathan Larson gave to me, nine songs of glory, eight Doc Martins, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the tenth day of Christmas the whole gang gave to me, ten "La Vie Boheme's!", nine songs of glory, eight Doc Martins, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the whole gang gave to me, eleven meatless balls, ten "La Vie Boheme's!" nine songs of glory, eight Doc Martins, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas the whole gang gave to meeee….

(deep breath)

Twelve seasons of love, eleven meatless balls, ten "La Vie Boheme's!", nine songs of glory, eight Doc Martins, seven pairs of plaid pants, six eviction notices, five "Mazel Tov's!", four lovely lap dances, three cow bells ringing, two plastic pickle tubs, and a textbook on philosophy!

A/N: Happy holidays, everyone!