Title: Virgin
Summary: It was no secret that Reno was not a virgin, but this was just ridiculous...
Pairings: Cloud/Reno, Vincent/Cid, mentions of Reeve/Tseng, mentions of Red/Cait Sith...
Warnings: Swearing, lewd comments, and mention of suicide.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Note: Just a short one-shot that has been haunting me since Sunday.
Groaning, the redhead sat himself down next to the blonde and ignored the stares that the members of Avalanche gave him as he batted his eyelashes at Tifa. "Scotch on the rocks, sweetheart."
Rolling her eyes, Tifa began to pour the drink, "You do realize that this is a private celebration, right?" Shrugging, the redhead paid for his drink before looking around the room, raising an eyebrow at all of the balloons, streamers, confetti, and the cake that was sitting on one of the booths' tables.
"Who turned twenty-four?" the Turk asked before downing his drink quickly.
"Cloud," she said before smiling at the sullen looking blonde seated right next to the chipper redhead.
"No, shit!" he replied before wrapping an arm around the swordsman. "So, get any birthday pussy, yo?"
"Reno!" Tifa snapped in embarrassment before smacking him in the back of the head. "You don't ask that kind of question!"
"Why not?" the redhead asked as he rubbed the back of his head. "Not like I asked him whether or not he actually wanted pussy or ass! Personally, I like a nice woman with big tits who can really blow my mind. Virgins just piss me off 'cause they go no idea what they're doin', yo!" Blinking at the awkward silence that filled the room, the redhead looked around. "What? Why did it go silent? Ain't like any of ya are virgins! Valentine sure as fuck ain't a virgin!"
"An Cidney is not either," gunner commented softly as he pulled the drunken blonde further onto his lap.
"Exactly! The Great Yuffers over there lost hers a while ago, Barret had to have lost his 'bout a decade ago, yo. Reeve just got fucked hours ago by Bossman an' with the way I saw Red humpin' Cait Sith-"
"You didn't!" Reeve shrieked before looking at the red-furred creature.
"...What? He asked for it..." the crimson creation replied.
"An' ya ain't, Big Tits," Reno added, ignoring the embarrassed looks of the members of Avalanche, "ain't no way in hell yer a virgin with tits that big!" He ducked when the bartender swung at his head. "Hey, I call it like I see it! Chocobo-Head over there has got more pussy thrown at him than he probably knows what to do with! So what's the big goddamn deal, yo?"
"...I think I'd like to go to bed now," Cloud muttered before reaching over the bar and grabbing a bottle of wine. "...I've got a rickety chair and a length of rope I would like to spend some time with..."
Watching as the blonde uncorked the bottle with his teeth as he headed upstairs, the redheaded Turk turned to look at Tifa. "What the fuck is goin' on, yo?"
He raised an eyebrow at the pointed look he got from her before his eyes widened in recognition. Shit. Cloud was the only one in the room who had the decency not to look embarrassed, or proud when it came to Vincent and Cid, when he was talking about the groups sexual exploits. He was a virgin! Fuck! "Goddammit!" he sighed before getting up from his seat and running after the blonde, knocking heavily on the door before waltzing in. "I ain't got a pussy, but I got more experience than anyone else here an' I come cheap, yo. Drop yer pants an' lets get this party started!"
Vincent chuckled as he rested his head against the top of the pilot's blonde locks, focusing on the scent of the pilot instead of the shrieking of the Wutaian ninja in the background as she tried to drown out the sounds coming from upstairs, "Do you remember what it was like to be young and in love, Chief?"
"If it's anythin' like what ya got pressed 'gainst my backside, yeah!" the pilot slurred before grinning at Tifa. "We're callin' it a night! Got a hotel room to make use of!"
"Good thinking," the gunner growled as he helped the pilot stand and walk steadily. "Now, please tell me that you did not leave our condoms in Cloud's room..."
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